Tuesday 28 September 2010

Easy Ryder

It’s the Ryder Cup! The only time of the year when golf matters. Or indeed two years.

Golf. What a bloody stupid game it is. I’ve had several gos at it, but I’ve never seen the benefits. Every so often a mate by the Blue Bell urges me to reconsider, promising me that I shall gain the following:

(a) A bit of exercise. Right, Your average amateur golfer looks like a Pringle-patterned weeble. If I want a bit of exercise, I’ll get a dog.

(b) It’s a challenge. It’s not a challenge. It’s a bloody trial. Tiny white ball into tiny unseeable hole. And hit it with this – a tiny parallelogram on the end of a stick!

(c) Nice to have the comradeship of your mates. It is indeed. Trouble is when I play golf I never fuckin’ see them. I’m always waist-deep in nettles and hawthorn cursing the Lord God on high. And mentally selecting a Labrador or a Jack Russell to go off with on me next aimless ramble. It starts off with you and your pals and ends up with me beating the hell out of the undergrowth with a 9-iron.


In fact, short of sticking pins in your eyes, golf has to be the most masochist thing anyone has ever invented. Apart from supporting Middlesbrough Football Club, and that’s enough self-harming for any man.

I think I could take the twitched putts, the burrowing into bunkers, the zigzagging across the fairways, if it wasn’t for the fact that once you get to the 19th the place is full of the most God-awful middle-class V-necked pillocks on God’s green earth.

It’s like a frigging Daily Mail Readers’ convention in there. If there’s owt worse than the combination of check trousers and right-wing cobblers I’d like to know. It’s little short of a Peter Alliss cloning laboratory.

And just in case you’ve forgotten where you are, there’s always a telly on in the corner showing Sky Sports 763 HD’s coverage of the Yankee Doodle Processed Meat Corporation Golf Tournament from Buttkissee County, Alabama. Yawn.

Golf is a sport that lends itself to those with a psychotic mentality. To be the very best at it, it helps if you are asocial, amoral, asexual and a loner. You look at your Faldos, your Woodses, your Nicklauses. Time may yet be kind to them but let’s face it in their pomp these blokes wouldn’t know a social life if it walked into their house with a crate of ale, a bucket of spicy chicken wings and a goalkeeping bloopers video. (Yes, I’m THAT easy to please).



But here’s where the Ryder Cup matters. Here, there is an importance to be attached to camaraderie, to fellowship, to team spirit. Which is, to my mind, why Faldo was such a lame captain. He still thought it was about him. And really the man’s never particularly empathised with the workings of another man’s brain.

(Incidentally this is why John McEnroe is the king of all sports summarisers. He’s harsh, he’s fairbut he always empathises.)

Inevitably most of the attention is going to be on a man whose capacity for self-absorption is unsurpassed in modern sport. Tiger. It’s a good name for him isn’t it? Solitary, often seen prowling late-night bars, and quite possible endangered and more than a bit frosty.

Who will Pavin get to play with him? And if she’s not silicon-enhanced and peroxided, will he be interested? (That’s still the quandary around Woods... utterly gorgeous wife, even by Sweden’s extremely high totty rating, rich as a three-year-old Christmas cake, and he goes after some of the most crumpled and rumpled looking jailbait imaginable. Who’d’ve thought it? World’s Greatest Golfer Likes His Bit of Rough.)

If I was Pavin I’d send him out for a single point on the last day. And leave it at that.

So at Celtic Manor – with, we trust, a Welsh rain blowing up the Americans’ waterproof trousers like wet ferrets – we will enjoy shouting that unique sporting refrain ‘Europe, Europe, Europe.’ I mean whenever else does your average Brit vow his support for the continent of which he’s barely a part? Weird isn’t it? Can you imagine watching Inter-Man United and shouting ‘Come on Premier League!’ (Or ‘anything other than ‘Avanti, Nerazzurri!.)

Home advantage is important in the Ryder Cup. This way, when Phil Mickelson plays out sideways from behind a mighty oak. we don’t have to put up with quite so many dickheads shouting ‘In The Hole’ -which is coincidentally exactly where I’d put my fist if I heard that coming from a bloke near me.

So this is the golf tournament I care about. It’s nice to see Americans beaten. They won’t mind that much – they just thank God for all his blessings and toddle off home.

I’m concerned that Monty’s already written a Loser’s Speech. But then his experiences in major golf tournaments have prepared him well for such an eventuality. I’m annoyed that Pavin’s banned tweeting by his players. Though most of ‘em probably wake up each morning and tap out summat to @God.

But you look forward to the pairings. Is it a circus or some pepperoni salesmen! No it’s that Molinari brothers! And who’s that wandering up the twelfth with a three-hole lead – it’s the return of the Macs. Rory and Graeme!

There’s only one bloke who looks like he shouldn’t be there. Peter Hansen.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/golf/8946525.stm

He’s 32 but he looks 72. He’s already getting the tag unsung. I’m hoping he’s the lumpen Swede that takes out Woods on the final day.



Do it for Elin, Peter, son. Can't see Europe losing.

193 comments:

  1. bloody hell Robbo

    thoguht I had missed a day

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  2. when did my wife pose for you

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  3. great blogs and as always 'golfs the winner' in all of this

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  4. I'd advise a labrador Robbo.

    Jack Russells are just yappy pains in the arse.

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  5. Uk and Europe to win by 4 points

    any other winning margins ?m as we will win

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  6. I like Sir Geoffrey as a summariser.Especially when he's in with Aggers.

    Why do those outlets covering football have such piss poor summarisers?The worst of all worlds is Alan Green working with Lawro.

    Dear old Jimmy Armfield must wonder who he's offended to end up with (bar Jon Murray) such a bunch of pillocks.

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  7. USA 14 1/2

    Europe 13 1/2

    Now if that doesn't get us winning the cup nothing else will.

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  8. Alan Smith ex Arsenal as one of worst summarisers and before him peter schmeichel

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  9. Strange to say I always thought Stan Collymore made a decent summariser.Don Goodman was all right at it as well.

    The list of poor ones would last for ever.Mark Bright gets on my wick as well.

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  10. Golf...

    That's that game that Trotts goes away to play sometimes, isn't it?

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  11. Trevor Francis... worst summariser ever. I'd shoot the twat if I in the ground when he was commentating.

    I put golf in the same bracket as cricket. I enjoy playing it, but cant be arsed watching it....

    I actually enjoy taking pot shots at anyone who is over the age of 50 and has the temerity to take more than 3 seconds to actually take his shot. Adds a bit of spice to the game... "what did you get on that last hole Geordie?". "I took 5 shots and killed a 70 year old in a yellow Lyle and Scott with a 9 iron from 130 yards". "Perfect. 2 points for the nett par and 10 points for the 70 year old"

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  12. keggie keegle is another piss poor summariser.Can't stand the buffoon.

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  13. Robbo saved the best part of the blog for the last.

    For a moment, I forgot I had to comment as well.

    Dont piss off Trotts by saying Golf is shit. Golf is Bolton's national game.

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  14. I though Tiger had already won the Ryder (and her, and her)

    I'm spending way too much time on here ..

    Plus Trotts is way too much fun to be one of the boring twats at 19th hole

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  15. I am also saying way too much, way too much

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  16. SS11,

    Are you saying that Bolton is a country?
    ---

    Nice one 'Bells, I was fluffing about with a hole in one joke, just couldn't get it to fit. (oo-er)

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  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  18. *From the previous blog.

    Glad you enjoyed that vid Blogidy, and the Sun are thieving bastards.

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  19. Liverpool in 16th place and even Robbo couldn't be arsed to write about footy. Dont worry folks, after our 3-3 draw with blackpool this week (and ManU hopefully on their way out of CL, sorry scholesy, just kidding) and chelsea well on their way to their 3rd consecutive loss before BHB saves the day with a fag, and we'll be back to footy on thursday (or whenever robbo chooses to serve up his next)..

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  20. H2H, just kiddin mate.
    Bolton is an universe.

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  21. May not have to wait that long AH.
    It looks like Flappyhandski will be in goal for the gunners tonight, this must mean that either

    a) Wenger has lost it.
    b) Wenger's mind has been taken over by aliens from the planet Shitiuskeepers in the Cantcatchfortoffee Nebula.
    or c) Flappy has incriminating photos of AW.

    Any of the above is feasible and a lot easier to believe then the picking of Flappy as a free choice. The tabloics and blogs will reveal all the sordid details tomorrow.

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  22. Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich is building a nightclub under Stamford Bridge, complete with a £150,000 waterfall at the entrance.
    Full story: Daily Star

    ----
    Is this so his players can play away at home?

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  23. Holloway2Holland said...
    Is this so his players can play away at home?
    -------------------------------------------

    H2, you are the Master of the Pun-iverse. as my american friends would say, AWESOME DUDE!

    Whatever on earth has happened to Vito Mannone?? I saw him a couple of games very early last season and he seemed quite competent. Has he been loaned out/sold then>

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  24. Sorry, they are all bad summarizers I agree but Fox Soccer (sic) Channel employ the wodrous Warren Baton as their summarizer. Taking dumb to a new level.

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  25. Summarizers! I knew I should've written about summat else other than Golf. Who is the worst second banana in football commentary history? I'll start with Keegan if only for:
    David Batty steps up to take a decisive penalty kick in a shoot-out.
    Brian Moore: You know him well Kevin. Is he going to score?
    KK: Yes!
    Both: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!

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  26. Holloway2Holland said...
    Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich is building a nightclub under Stamford Bridge, complete with a £150,000 waterfall at the entrance.
    Full story: Daily Star

    ----
    Is this so his players can play away at home?
    ____________

    Expensive! I expect teh waterfall is connected to the bogs so we can all watch em piss their money away.

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  27. Cheers AH, you're too kind

    Manone had a good game against Fulham away last year followed by a few so so performances and a few howlers (true Arsenal keeper form). He is still at the club ranked as the third choice keeper this season, #1 Fawlty Manuel #2 Flappyhandski #3 Don Vito Mannone.
    However, ranked at #4 is the dude with the scrable name, lets call him Chesney. He is out of contract at the end of the season and is rated as an excellent prospect (where have we heard that before?) he's been moaning a bit lately at his lack of chances, last year he was sent on loan to Brentford where he did really well, but this year he was kept at the club. I expect him to be on the bench tonight and he could be just a few howlers away from a first team debuet.

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  28. The Tees Mouth said...

    Summarizers! I knew I should've written about summat else other than Golf. Who is the worst second banana in football commentary history? I'll start with Keegan if only for:
    David Batty steps up to take a decisive penalty kick in a shoot-out.
    Brian Moore: You know him well Kevin. Is he going to score?
    KK: Yes!
    Both: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!
    _____________________________
    Keggie Keegle is a good start Robbo.

    I'd like to shoot the bloke that thought it was a good idea to tell Lawro he was funny.

    During the World Cup Jim Beglin(I think) was ill just before the start of a game and Clive Tyldsley had to do the commentary on his own.I thought it was a lot better that way.

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  29. Summarizers!?!

    Those ancient Chinese geezers with swords?

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  30. jacksofbuxton said...
    ew dew blogidy duck
    ---
    Is that a nursery rhyme Jacks?

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  31. team news for tonight's big game.

    TEAM NEWS

    League Two leaders Port Vale are set to be unchanged from the side that defeated Accrington on Saturday.

    That would mean midfielder Louis Dodds, who was left out to accommodate the returning Gary Roberts, will again have to settle for a place on the bench.

    Shrewsbury midfielder Sean McAllister is out after tweaking a hamstring in Saturday's draw at Wycombe.

    Defender Shane Cansdell-Sheriff (leg) and midfielder Craig Disley (foot) both face late fitness tests.

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  32. The Tees Mouth said...
    Holloway2Holland said...
    Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich is building a nightclub under Stamford Bridge, complete with a £150,000 waterfall at the entrance.
    Full story: Daily Star

    ----
    Is this so his players can play away at home?
    ____________

    Expensive! I expect teh waterfall is connected to the bogs so we can all watch em piss their money away.
    -----
    Sssssh, don't say that, you'll get all their twatty fans wanting to bath in it.

    A sort Lourdes for Chavs

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  33. mornin' lads and BHB,

    Fantastically funny Robbo but I love playing golf and walking the Labrador afterwards is good too, what's wrong with yer? Get some lessons and start enjoying it.

    The club I go to in the UK is not in anyway as depicted, you've been to all the wrong places.

    Worst analyst on our tele is Warren Barton. I'd rather listen to a yank watching his first ever game than that bloke.

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  34. it's potteries talk for hello H.

    After living in North Staffordshire for 6 years now I've finally got the hang of it.Although I can't stand being called "Shug" (as in short for sugar.Aaaargh)


    Tone....

    TEAM NEWS

    Rotherham manager Ronnie Moore could name the same side that defeated Chesterfield 1-0 on Saturday.

    On-loan striker Tom Elliott (hamstring) is doubtful, while fellow frontman Ryan Taylor remains on the sidelines with a metatarsal problem.

    Bradford defender Lewis Hunt is likely to miss out with a knee injury, with Zesh Rehman set to deputise.

    Veteran midfielder Lee Hendrie could make his first start, while Tom Adeyemi has recovered from a bruised toe.

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  35. Ipswich have started the season well, yet continue to start matches poorly. Boss Roy Keane was baffled by what he called a "shocking" first-half performance on Saturday at Scunthorpe, where Jaime Peters' second-half equaliser secured a point for Town.

    Keane's side are still yet to score in the first half of a Championship match this term and their earliest goal was scored in the 50th minute. Not that Ipswich fans have too much to grumble about, with their team fourth and only one point behind second-placed Cardiff.

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  36. Bloody hell, Anonymous, I just saw your comment. Whichever "Anonymous" you are, I agree with you entirely!

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  37. @arry Bassett did that Xmas party in July thing at Sheff Utd a few seasons back,so should K**ne try sending them out with a half time team talk?

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  38. Hello Jacks

    Did you Build Joe Nice or do you live in Kine Slice with outdoor Back Rd


    GO CHELSEA

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  39. sorry Jacks, they were the only words I found that I could put into a half sensible sentence!

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  40. Jacks
    thanks for the team news, saves me looking

    Didnt K**ne tek his dog for a walk after calling the BBM a cnut

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  41. Faldo has lightened up a lot as a summariser, but remember he always walked round with a fanny

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  42. tone1947 said...
    Faldo has lightened up a lot as a summariser, but remember he always walked round with a fanny
    ----

    Birdie, eagle, bogey, fanny, all this golf terminology is as confusing as that North Staffordshire language that Jacks speaks.

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  43. Time for a drinky.

    Good luck to all yor teams tonight.

    Boooiiinnnggg

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  44. I agree with Geordie

    Trevor Francis worst ever summariser

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  45. Trotter - Wazza is a great summariser!! You trying to tell me that Robbie Mustoe (on ESPN) is better?? Or what about that twat Tommy Smyth.... AAAARGGGHHHHH. Both make me want to kill.

    Jim Beglin... I;d totally forgotten about that idiot (probably because I used to turn the volume off when he was on).

    BTW Trotts... you ever played up at Ballyowen? Played there the other week. Nice course

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  46. Geordie, bugger off, I was up at Ballyowen three times this summer! The pro swapped me green fees for two for a hooded sweatshirt I won in the raffle. My mate won a cooler and got the same deal so we'll be back there soon. We were at The Architects Club on Sunday, check it out!

    Wazza is awful, Mustoe in the same category. Tommy Smith doesn't take himself seriously like the other two so I don't need to consider him.

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  47. and where's the Parsippany Blues fixture list?

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  48. Evening fellow blognauts.

    May the peace be with you.

    Tiger and Elin: did anyone ever consider the possibility that Tiger was not getting something at home that he had to go looking for? Not talking about the VDs only.

    I have seen couples split because one of the partner is unable to satisfy the other and instead of talking a solution or separating amicably the dissatisfied party thinks its ok to look elsewhere. Only for the truth to come out later and them separating anyway.

    Of course, there is a good chance the offender is just being a jerk which wouldnt be news if they were poor/ugly/not-famous.

    BOOOOOOING.

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  49. Here's an early stat to get stuck into thanks to Infostrada Sports: "Arsenal line-up with two English players in their starting XI. The Gunners have lost their last three Champions League matches in which they started with more than one player from England."

    ----------

    Fuck!

    Cant blame Arsene then, can we?

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  50. Leeds 4:6 Preston

    after leeds were 4:1 ahead.

    Must've been some game.


    Also, Boro lost. Again.
    FollowingBoroHurts, true that.

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  51. Port Vale opened up a four-point lead at the top of League Two with victory over Shrewsbury

    ***********************

    pinch me someone

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  52. Cue Fabianski, who superbly palmed away Cleo's spot-kick one-handed.

    **********************

    pinch me someone

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  53. Top of the league, Blog.

    Top o da league!!

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  54. Tommy Smyth with a Y. What a twat. Stick it in the auld onion bag. You twat. I feel sorry for Shaka Hislop, cos he's actually quite good on ESPN, but gets shouted down by old twat knackers all the time. We get ESPN in the Falklands, but you can also get Argentine radio coverage, so everyone turns the sound off so you can't hear Tommy and listens to the spanish radio instead. Don't understand a word, but it's worth it for the 'gggggooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllll' after each, er, goal.

    Why is Andrei Arshavin suddenly spelt Andrey Arshavin? Wasn't it with an 'i' last season?

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  55. Jonathon Legard is shit too on the Formula 1.

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  56. Hi Noel.

    His real name is Андрей, so I suppuse it doesn't really matter.

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  57. Oh yeah, congrats, once again, to Bloggy's Vale, a 4 point lead, wow.

    Also well done to my brave lads, going to Eastern Europe and comming away with all 3 points is no easy task. Flappy did well, even saved a penalty, but so did Almunia last weekend, so I'm not going to get too carried away.......


    Well maybe a litle.

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  58. I must have gotten out of the wrong side of the bed this morning - a little aggressive with my posts!

    I'm giving a 'shout out' to Phil Liggett as the best commentator. I would say Motson, but he's sort of going off the rails a bit. Like Bruce Forsyth.

    The thing I don't get about golf is a typical round takes, I don't know, three hours. Of that three hours, only about 3 minutes are spent playing the game. The rest of the time, you're chosing which bat to use, practicing swinging the bat, looking for the ball, walking to where you just hit the ball, waiting for the people in front to find their ball, and readjusting your pringle socks and plus-fours. What's the point? And the other thing that puts me off, is the people in my life who I know play golf all have 2 things in common; they play golf, and they're complete twats. My boss plays.

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  59. Does your boss use a bat when he plays?

    If so, he really is a twat.

    A twat with a bat.

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  60. Good win for your brave chaps last night H. Nice to see Arshavin and Chamakh scoring. Be nice if they could do that in the Premiership seeing as they're in my FFL. No doubt my brave chaps will be getting a win tonight against Twente. What do you reckon to their chances?

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  61. Bit short of proper sporting goods in the Falklands. Have to improvise. They use penguin eggs for balls too.

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  62. The only thing that irratates me about golf is the need some people feel to wear completly ridiculous clothes when participating in that sport.
    Why they find it necassary to wear plaid trousers that even Rupert the Bear wouldn't be caught dead in is beyond me and what the fucks up with those stupid hats with the bobble on top?

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  63. I saw Twente play against Ajax on Saturday (2-2) Noel, it was a good game, probably the best I've seen in the Ere Divisie this season, they didn't look too bad, so Spurs would be wise not to under estimate them.

    I got AA and Chamakh in my FFL team too, so you're doomed. :)

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  64. Noel said...
    Bit short of proper sporting goods in the Falklands. Have to improvise. They use penguin eggs for balls too.
    -----
    If you start using penguin's balls for eggs then Greenpeace will really be on your case.

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  65. Time to hit the hay.


    BOOOIIINNNGGGG!!

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  66. Laters Hman. I'm off to the beach. Touching 30 degrees here today.

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  67. Nice to see Blog make an appearance on Phil's Q & A, number 4.

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  68. Congrats BLOG, and the ex miller scores the winner, whereas we couldnt find the onion bag agst lowly Bradford(same as last year)

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  69. Good wins for Chavs, without getting out of 2nd gear, and the Gunners, who continue to play good entertaining footy, which makes last weekend result all the more baffling


    Oh yes I remember now it was a spanish wannabe english goalie playing.

    Reports yesterday Arsene cheking out another Spanish goalie,why not just cough up for Scwarzer or Given

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  70. Lge2: FT Torquay 0-1 Aldershot
    Lge2: RES Rotherham 0-0 Bradford
    Lge2: RES Port Vale 1-0 Shrewsbury
    Lge2: FT Gillingham 0-0 Southend

    Not too bad eh - I no longer follow boro :)

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  71. Strachan Out!!!

    or in the words of a Viz Comin character

    Tiits Out!?!?!

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  72. Tone
    Arsene and Scwatzer tried, but the olde sparky didin't wanna give up? But on the other hand, i think a goalie with an easier name to pronounce is what we need. Otherwise the more difficult the names, the more they tend to be twats between the sticks............my take

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  73. Hmm,in the football league only Blogidy got a decent result.How long until we all become Vale fans?

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  74. good start in the cycling world championships down under.Emma Pooley winning gold in the women's time trial.

    I'd like to offer Phil Lygett and Paul Sherwin as the best commentary double act,endorsing Noel's choice.

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  75. Jacks, At the rate it's all going Vale vs Aldershot......I'll choose between the 2

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  76. Morning all.

    Bloggy, your team is doing very Vale at the top.

    Tone, I would love the goalkeeper situation to be resolved very soon. If Wenger has to splash the cash, then I would prefer it being done on Given, or more so on Stekelenburg.

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  77. Monk,as a Staffordshire resident with 2 daughters that follow Stoke City it's a tricky one....

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  78. I used to play for Rugley Wanderers. Not exactly professional, but having also played for the Falkland Islands team, I consider myself an international footballer.

    Tone, City probably wouldn't sell Given to a rival, and Schwarzer isn't that much better than Almunia, in my opinion. But there's plenty more out there. He needs to pay for some quality that will be there for 10 years - Lloris, Stekelenburg, Akinfeev, De Gea. There's plenty of options.

    Good result in the ladies cycling eh Jacks? I've got the TV programmed to turn on to the men's tomorrow. I'd like to see Cancellara win it, but failing that, I'll go for Cav.

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  79. I can see Cancellara walking away with the time trial,with Tony Martin pushing him closest.As for the road race it's a tricky call.Cav only has Jeremy Hunt and David Millar with him and the course will not suit him.2 tough climbs on each circuit.I can see Cadel Evans being up there,as well as other one day specialists.Chavanel,Freire or Hushovd would be my tips.

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  80. Morning all, Jacks, I don't think my team's performance was all that bad, going to the might of the Millers and scoring nothing!. The only way is up!

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  81. I can't cheer for Cadel - he's got an chin arse.

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  82. fair point well made Bantam.not a bad point against your South Yorkshire rivals.

    Noel,I like Cadel.I think he's one of the few cyclists I could honestly say was 100% clean.

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  83. I like the guy too, he was unlucky in the Tour de France with crashes, and still put up an unbelievable effort. But he looks like a slightly chubby faced Paul Robinson from Neighbours.

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  84. Shame that RBA isn't here for this,but there is a piece in today's Independent about the next wave of US imports to hit our screens(as they say).

    Hawaii 5-0 has been remade.How cool is that?

    Please,please,please have the same theme tune.

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  85. I know what you mean Noel.I thought he'd be the one to push Contador all the way,but it's remarkable to think that the day he took the yellow jersey he broke his arm and yet still completed one of the hardest Tours in years.

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  86. Noel
    "There's plenty of options."

    But somehow this analysis jsut tells me once one of the options joins the Gunners he'll hit his rough patch.......... Think of Richard Wright and you'll know why i believe so. Bring on Buffon, and in no time he'll be a baboon (Rhyming like Busta Rhymes)

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  87. http://www.sport.co.uk/features/Football/974/A_complete_history_of_goalkeeping_at_Arsene_Wengers_Arsenal.aspx

    Check this out and tell me who was a better goalie at Arsenal than Seaman.........

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  88. If the remake is anything like the Knight Rider remake, then please don't bother doing it. They're ruining the good memories I had.

    It was a good course this year wasn't it Jacks? Twice up the Col du Tourmalet, over the cobblestones, high temperatures. I'm a big Contador fan, but he always seems to have to do things himself. He got some good help this year in some of the stages, but compare it to the help that Lance got when he was at Astana, or what Saxobank gave Andy Schleck. Teams don't seem to like riding for him as much as they do with other team leaders.

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  89. http://www.goalkeepersaredifferent.com/keeper/shirtframe.htm

    And then there's this that made me laugh!!! Some goalies are wierdos i tells ya...

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  90. Oh, in case you're wondering why I'm postin sites about goalies, I'm trying to look for a solutiion to our Almunia Fabianski situation

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  91. Monk, Gomes' first season at Spurs wasn't the greatest, but he's come through it a much better player, or maybe just the player he always was. Buffon seems to be injured a lot these days but there's no doubting his presence. I was thinking of him just for a few seasons to give his experience and settle the defence a little, they're still pretty inexperienced. Kind of like VDS at IOU. The other guys I mentioned are established keepers. They must have some talent.

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  92. In fairness to Contador,when he was at Astana with the doper,the team was set up for Armstrong so he had to do it on his own.Vinokourov was superb this year.The move to Saxobank should help Contador as well.I'm not sure about the Schlek's new team.We'll see who they bring in for the support team and chef de mission.The route this year was superb.I liked the way that it had something all the way through to keep the riders honest.

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  93. Keepers are an unlucky breed.They tend to mature later in their careers and are only as good as their team let them be.Mistakes are always highlighted more and are more costly.The important thing that Wenger should bear in mind if he's looking for a keeper is one with good levels of concentration.It's easier to be a good keeper for,say,West Brom)(pace Mike) as he has more to do.What makes eg VDS so good is that he may only have 1 or 2 things to do in a game but he does them.

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  94. The Tribal Monk® said...

    Oh, in case you're wondering why I'm postin sites about goalies, I'm trying to look for a solutiion to our Almunia Fabianski situation
    ___________________
    I'd suggest he goes against the grain of his usual transfer methods and buys a 30 year old keeper with top level experience.Even if it costs a lot.VDS has been one of Fergie's more astute recent signings.

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  95. The Saxobank team looked very good this year, but I get the feeling a lot of them will leave. A bit like a lot of riders left Astana to join Lance at Radioshack. They might not join the new Schleck Luxembourg team, but they may go elsewhere. Yeah I was a little surprised with Vino this year - not so much that he was 'up there', but that he did a lot of work and sacrificed himself for Contador. I didn't think he'd lower himself to being a domestique. Good on him.

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  96. We dont need a goalkeeper. For all our games, we are going to keep the goal facing the crowd.

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  97. I agree jacks. Arse Wemger seems to be not aware a 30 year old goalie is "young" and goalies age much better than outfield players

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  98. ha ha SS11. I think that's much better. Will we do that for the opposition as well?

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  99. SS11

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/other_international/india/9044008.stm

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  100. Monk, we could have done that, but we dont have Roberto Carlos playing for us who could have scored goals with scientific precision. So I rule out the possibilities.

    Jacks, that was bound to happen. Anyways, Modi has made enuff money, he can keep his next 5 generations happy. So I am not surprised.

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  101. how do chaps. Agree with Noel re golfing associates. If within the first five minutes of meeting someone he mentions his car and his golf handicap get your wife to call you and skedaddle.

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  102. Agreeed Robbo - after telling him to fuck off and get a life I should think :)

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  103. If someone talks about their golf handicap ask them if it has anything to do with them dressing like a retard.

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  104. I see Barsterdloanus had trouble against the Arabian Knights magician" again.

    OK, Spuds v 20, should be interesting.



    *from a previous Robbo blog

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  105. mornin' Lads and BHB


    The Tees Mouth said...
    how do chaps. Agree with Noel re golfing associates. If within the first five minutes of meeting someone he mentions his car and his golf handicap get your wife to call you and skedaddle.
    --------------------------------------------------
    MKII Cortina, deaf in right ear.

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  106. Spurs comeback!!! IOU struggling and Lpool getting beat.

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  107. What do I know - and one of them "footyfacts" may be 24 hours premature>???

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  108. Some people take being 'premature' to a whole new level.


    'evening.

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  109. Spurs did well, Arry did a top job in sharing one of his envelopes with the ref.

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  110. my mate text me during the spuds game. He said VDV had been sent off and they were up against it now 10 v twente...ha ha ha..no?....oh well i chuckled....

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  111. he said spuds had 3 pens but it should have been tw.....sorry almost forgot the same gag rule

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  112. Scholsey, tell ya mate that I chuckled when vdV was sent off too. ;p

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  113. great finish for us by chicha....chichr...chi....the boy hernandez

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  114. ha ha H, i bet you did. He could have been sent off earlier. 'arry has given him a "how to tackle" by Paul Scholes DVD

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  115. Huddlestone should of been off in the first half too, his elbow nearly took that guys head off.

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  116. So i went for an interview today. Part of the job is to bring in £200m of work, over 5 years.

    I was thinking of approaching man city. I figured i could sell them a photocopier or summat for £10m.

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  117. yeah, i saw that on the highlights.

    H, do Twente play like an english team? I spotted they did that "english style" kick off where they pass it back to the centre back and he hoof its diagonal. Thought that might be stevie mac's influence still there.

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  118. Local News Headlines on my BBC homepage

    Ban for animal cruelty pig farmer
    Death-lie paramedic is struck off
    Crimewatch appeal over sex attack

    Im wondering whether they are linked?

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  119. right, just a quick look at the watermelon clip on you tube (thanks again noel)

    right in the kisser....heh heh heh heh heh heh heh

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  120. They had Stchevie Mac as manager last year Scholsey, so I suppose they still have a bit of the "English" style of play in 'em.
    If I read in the papers next week that half their players are involved in sex/hooker scandels then I'll know for sure.

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  121. Scholesy, I watch it at least once a day! Just makes me giggle every time.

    Great game at the Lane lastnight, although I have to agree with H - Huddlestone should have gone for that elbow. I wouldn't like to get smacked round the head by him. He's a bit of a unit ain't he? Two games played now, and 6 goals scored. Looks like Rafa got Inter playing well lastnight too, so the next two games will be interesting. We'll miss VDV at the San Siro, pack the midfield and do a Fergie - play for a goal less draw. Nice penalties from Pav. He's obviously got some confidence so give him a run of games 'Arry. And Bale finding the net again too. Good news.

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  122. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  123. Noel, I had a few digs, (what else can you expect from an Arsenal supporter) but in all fairness the Spuds did well.

    At 2-1 up, when you lost vdV, it could of went pear shaped, but not only did you hang on, you managed to extend your lead.

    Enjoy the victory!!!! In the CL a win is like that is priceless.

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  124. My typing's gone to shit again (fbh, sign me up for one of your lessons)

    Boooooiiinnngggg!!

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  125. My mate in the Falkland Islands Commonwealth Games team has just put some photos from Dehli on facebook. The communal areas and sports areas actually look very good. His accommodation is horrendous though. The extractor fan in the bathroom is sat on the floor on a pile of broken tiles, with a long bit of flex going up through the hole in the roof where the fan should be, and the windows are all covered in what looks like shit. He said his taxi driver got lost when he took them to the shooting range though, and away from the athletes areas, the place is in a right mess. I guess he wasn't supposed to see those areas.

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  126. Morning all.

    Chelsea/Arsenal clash already hotting up... Check this out:-

    http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7236143/

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  127. David Beckham scores from 60 yards.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dF97BO75YcQ&feature=player_embedded

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  128. Can't say I care how we did it but we did it last night. The Dutch wanted a fight and we gave them one. 2 games, 4 points, I'm happy with that. We might yet qualify from the group lol.

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  129. I was just saying yesterday that I liked Contador - gone and proven positive for drugs during the Tour de France today! Although the BBC report misses half of what is being reported on the news here. The tour doping people reckon it was food poisoning also as he was tested days before and after the positive test and nothing was found. Not saying he's innocent, but he ain't quite as guilty as the BBC are saying.

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  130. Morning Star,Noel.

    Good win for Spurs last night.I should think you went through the full range of emotions Star.

    Now then,Contador.On a technical note the clembuterol found in his sample isn't massive but every sportsman is responsible for what he puts into his body.If it is on the banned substance list,even if it's for medical reasons,he should get a ban.Cycling has worked hard at improving it's testing routines and it's image.At best he's an idiot for taking it without checking with the UCI guidelines.

    During the Tour he didn't look as strong as usual,Schlek rode a poor tactical race against him,so maybe it was food poisoning.However he should still be banned.

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  131. Cancellara is a machine. What a time trial.

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  132. Superb effort by David Millar to pip Tony Martin to the silver,but Cancellara is in a class of his own.

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  133. Yeah, and Martin had a puncture halfway round as well. Awesome stuff. I didn't realise there was a time trial and the road race when I was talking to you yesterday Jacks. Just thought it was a road race. Look forward to that on the weekend.

    On Contador, everyone seems happy to believe that it was food poisoning and not an attempt at doping so I think the punishment (and there should be a punishment) should fit the crime. I'd hate to see him stripped of his title, or banned for a year when that is the same punishment handed down to people who knowingly take banned substances. As you say Jacks, he didn't look himself this year - didn't seem to have that acceleration in the mountains that would leave people for dead.

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  134. The problem is Noel that you can't have rules and then half arsed responses to them.Each sportsman is responsible for what they put into their own bodies.I'm afraid he should be banned for 2 years(the standard punishment).

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  135. And I say that as a big fan of Contador.

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  136. I didn't watch the game Jack ... better for my health and the TV set that way, and it means I'm not jinxing the poor buggers lol.

    So it's Inter next ...if Jose was in charge still I'd write the game off, but with Rafa .... hmm I'll have someone's arm off for a point away to them.

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  137. I'd hope so Star.Point away,3 at home.Easy does it.

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  138. Obviously, Aussie TV has taken the angle of 'This cheating bastard robbed Cadel of the Tour win 2 years ago'. I don't think they can call his whole career into disrepute just yet!

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  139. It was the 2nd closest tour victory ever.About 25 seconds(8 being the closest in 89)Nice to see Australian TV taking such a sensible,measured approach to this.

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  140. Contador having a press conference any minute now. He'll just say that he never knowingly took performance enhancing drugs etc etc. It was contaminated food and he's helping the UCI with their investigations. Then we'll just have to wait for the punishment.

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  141. Noel,this offers quite a balanced view...

    http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/alberto-contador-tests-positive-for-clenbuterol

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  142. http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/philmcnulty/2010/09/forget_merseyside_groundshare.html

    Excellent.A new catechism to look forward to....

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  143. India in peace. A victorious verdict.

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  144. you know what jacks im starting to like phil; his writing skills are laughably inadequate but his work ethic is beyond reproach

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  145. i sympathise with contador, noel, many of my exes have complained that i must be unknowingly taking performance enhancing drugs (thats why they all walk funny)

    but in fact i have found it all too easy to accidentally pick up the steroid bottle when im trying to salt my chips and why oh why do chinese take-aways keep leaving clenbuterol on the table next to the soy sauce?

    inevitably athletes like contador and myself are going to accidentally contaminate our own food with performance enhancers, in fact it could happen to ANYONE

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  146. ew dew blogidy duck.

    Phil "space McNulty.A one man blogging machine.

    Dodgy beef for our Alberto,did they buy it from John Gummer?

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  147. Plymouth Argyle captain Carl Fletcher has been told by a judge he is not famous enough to exempt himself from jury duty. The midfielder told the court he was unable to perform jury duty in June because of work commitments but was told by Judge Francis Gilbert QC this was "not a valid excuse" and that Fletcher was less famous than other previous jurors.
    ---
    The Judge also said that "Noone is exempt."
    Fletcer replied, "how's that fair? I'm the captain not him."

    Full story: swns.com

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  148. Comedian Mike Myers and actor Samuel L Jackson are rumoured to be involved in a protest film aimed at forcing Liverpool owners George Gillett and Tom Hicks to sell up.
    Full story: Daily Mirror

    -------

    Protest film?
    Sounds more like a comedy to me.

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  149. Just had a very brief phone call from FBH....

    FBH:"Now then..."

    JoB:"Hello FBH,how are you?"

    FBH:"Ah cobblers,cop car.Speak to you later."

    What was he doing?

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  150. I think he was just about to get a fine for watching a Northhampton Town game and making a phone call whilst driving.

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  151. ha ha.

    He was driving back from Sheffield,but I thought I'd try to add a little mystique to it.

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  152. I was in Sheffield a few times, driving back was the best bit.

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  153. It's a long way from Holloway2Sheffield

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  154. Lee Westwood said after his calf muscle strain :- "I think we've got a strong enough team that we can rest players. It is a tough course physically and maybe the plan would be to rest players."

    Don't get me wrong I can appreciate the skill of these guys but tonking a ball round a trimmed lawn hardly sounds physically demanding

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  155. It was indeed Jacks, but those were the days that semi-finals were played either at Hillsborough or Villa Park.

    The FA totally fucked up their cup format by playing the semi's at Wembley, kind of takes away some of the magic and the whole point of reaching the final.

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  156. It's all about the money H.

    Shame really,Wembley should just be for the final,but then where's the extra cash in that?

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  157. The last time my brave lads got as far as the semi final was 1981.Lost to Man City at Villa Park.25 yard free kick from Paul Power.

    Bastards.

    I'm not bitter.Nor am I bitter over losing to Boro(!)to mean that Villa won the league ahead of us that same season.

    Bastards.

    Still,we won the UEFA Cup that year.Beating AZ Alkmaar in a 2 legged final.

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  158. Good job it was a 2 legged final as well.Jake the Peg (diddle iddle iddle um) scored 37 goals that season in the Dutch league.

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  159. The street book team (AZ) is probably my "local" team now. They'll be playing away tonight in the Europless league against BATE, so I should have a few in who'll want to watch that, Uttrecht v Liverpooh kicks off within the hour too.

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  160. An old friend on the Dan Walker blog;

    2. At 09:31am on 30 Sep 2010, JoeDavisRoach wrote:
    These blogs are a real waste of time. The constant foods references are getting to be a little bit sad at this stage. It may have been vaguely funny the first time but its pretty depressing to see a partially publically funded organisation waste money away on these mundane trivialities.

    -----

    Takes you back eh?

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  161. H2, you just made me all whistful with that. What a very serious man good old JDR is.

    I'm not sure I dare watch the Reds match. Are the Utrecht fans confident over there?

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  162. Aye up Tommy, Utrecht aren't doing partically well in the Ere Divisie, but they do well in Europe.

    Van Wolfswinkel (tee hee) is a decent player and has scored quiet a few goals, including for the national team, already this season.

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  163. van Wolfswinkel should be prowling around up front with Hulk, quite a potent stike force they'd be.

    So Utrecht are like Fulham or mid-00's Boro?

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  164. I don't think we can put 'em up on that pedistal quite yet mate, lets see what happens tonight.

    Maybe Wenger needs to put in a bid for v Wolfswinkel, he's always looking for a fox in the box......
    Hang on!?!?

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  165. H,

    Wolvswinkel at Arse: the supply of puns cannot possibly run dry.

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  166. Any team would be lucky to have him.

    I'm off down to the Dungheap, good luck to all your teams tonight.

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  167. Someone tell old JDR to poke his head in here once in a while for old time's sake.

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  168. 'ello lads, sorry I'm late, how shall I putt this, I've been too busy golfing to chip in. 15-13 Europe!

    Well done Spuds, Gooners, Mancs and Chavs. That would have been a nice little Yankee.

    Good old JDR eh, hope he enjoys the Ryder Cup.

    Trotters to win away at WBA, you heard it here first. COME ON YE WHITES!

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  169. 'e up Trott,

    I am afraid, anything other than an Arsekicking for the Arsenal at bridge will be a massive shock.

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  170. rather insipid game ultimately at utrecth. sadly, liverpool seem to have mastered the art of being just about as good as whoever they happen to be playing. from trabzonspor to man u.

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  171. Its quite a long way from Sheffield2Yarm

    Hey chaps - sorry not been around much lately - its busy being out of work - and I think Ive got a peice of consultancy - 2 or 3 days a month at a daily rate so things looking up a little

    Moved a mates car from Shefflied - nice one Jacks mate - I lolled - ive never been called Mystique

    And Jinky scores for Coteh

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  172. I joined Linkedin last night!!!!Aint got a clue what it does!!!

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  173. LinkedIn: Facebook for those without a life.

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  174. *Just josching FBH.

    It helps to get connected to ppl.
    also, if you are connected with ppl of your branch or field of work, there are some links to relevant jobs too.

    Wish you all the best mate.

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  175. I havent been blogging around much myself.

    Just signed a new job contract today, an hour after quitting the last one.

    The previous boss was a category A Arschloch who over-estimated how much he could press me into foregoing the hard earned vacation and overtime.

    Result: I am taking the project that I have been working at since early this year along to the new employer ( a former colleague will be my new boss, he quit the company last year after being bullied by the above mentioned Arschloch).

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  176. Thanks Spits - Im still enjoying twitter - tho it is less spontaneous than this blogg - 142 charagher limit (calm down calm down)

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  177. Nice one Spits - there is a limit to how much one will tolerate when it comes to bullying bosses - my one was a total loony tune control freak!!!!

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  178. Plus my lap top is having battery charing prob - it may be something to do with the bare cable and wiring I can see as a result of fatigue of the sheath due to continued stressing - bloody hell sound s like I studied Mechanical Enginerring at some point a while back!?!?!/

    I didnt do electrical hence my lack of concern re the bare cable

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  179. The best bit of it all will be early morning tomorrow as he will receive the letter from the customer informing him of their 'wish' to terminate the contract with immediate effect.

    I wish I could be in the room to see his face, but, I'll be working.

    ;)

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  180. Wow Spits = class

    ANyway - gunna watch citeh - have fun!!! :)

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  181. fbh wrote,,

    ....bare cable and wiring I can see as a result of fatigue of the sheath due to continued stressing....

    _____

    we've all been there, havent we?

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  182. well done Spitster, onwards and upwards.

    New blog's up!

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  183. As FBH said, that is an great exit stategy, Spit

    BTW the locals down there did well, as did leverkusen at Madrid, Sami is still a class defender, better than Jamie

    Sorry AH, that was a pile of shite tonite, but I think you know it, couldnt think of one pool player who played well

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  184. "If there’s owt worse than the combination of check trousers and right-wing cobblers I’d like to know"

    Check trousers and left-wing cobblers. Your time at the far left BBC has clearly rubbed off on you.

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