Thursday, 9 September 2010

Houllier Than Thou

So a report says that the worst effects of the cutbacks will be felt in the North and round my way in particular. Meanwhile bears have announced they like to have a shit in the woods, the Pope has astounded us with the announcement that he is a Catholic, and John Higgins has said he’s pleased with the outcome of the inquiry into his alleged match-fixing.

John said ‘I’m racked off. I was framed. Deeply screwed if you like.’ He told reporters he’d baulked at the allegation but had taken a long rest, and was pleased to break off from Pat Mooney. It wasn’t the first time a tip off had bothered him but he’d chalk it up as a lesson learned.

Meanwhile the red-tops continue to serve up bile on Wazza’s ‘prowling’ behaviour. It’s just disgusting the way the Croxteth Creep whispers sordid comments into the ears of prostitutes and their friends. Apparently he offers them money for sex too! If I was a hooker I’d be bloody furious and I’d try to cash in as quick as possible.
"Thanks to professional footballers' inability to handle a drink, I can afford these lovely red velvet curtains"

I expect Phil Jagielka will be lining up alongside Sexy Suzy at the heart of Everton’s defence on Saturday. She’ll be pulling him all over the park no doubt.

Or we could stop all this crap and let him sort out his divorce papers with the lass who’s fronting the Littlewoods campaign for Nice Boots. Boots is of course well familiar to her hubby who has been buying 12-packs of featherlite from the Chemists for ages. The swine.

On the pitch, Wayne reminded us of his quality and England were, well, bloody good on Tuesday. Joe Hart had a few flaps – inevitable after Clive Tyldesley was giving him a near-masturbatory review during the Bulgaria game. We had Jermain Duffo upfront or it would’ve been 4-nothing at half-time. But it was good.

Switzerland barely got out of neutral save for the cracking goal their fella scored and a home win v Montenegro should see England into safe waters.

So confident is the gaffer that he’s jacking it in after 2012 by which time he might have realised that the Shaun Wright-Phillips is crap. Sometimes when he’s running with it he reminds me of a toddler following a football down a hill. Even if he reaches it he won’t know what to do with it. There’s Adam Johnson, Lennon, Walcott, Milner, Young, Allbrighton, Gary Neville, the regulars at your local nursery... all ahead of him surely.

Capello’s happy with them all though. Apparently it’s cos they’re not tired. We’ve heard that before. World Cups happen after our season. Always have done. We want our players playing competitive fixtures at top clubs. If they do they play too much and when they get to the big tournament the little loves are out of puff. If they don’t they are presumably too poor a set of players to have any impact on the World Cup any road.

A mid-season break might help but frankly it looks like an argument for saying we’ll never win a gong as a national team. Bleak isn’t it?

Of course another argument is that too much energy is being diverted by our national heroes into extra-curricular activities, not least the employment of shit-hot lawyers who know how slap out injunctions like Billingsgate tradesmen slap out flatfish.

Whatever. These last two games have certainly confirmed a couple of things in my mind. John Terry need not return. Not cos he’s a bit of a plank, cos by that reckoning you’d have no one bloody well left. I mean if the BBC used that rule of thumb then who’d be left to present their television programmes?

No we don’t need JT cos there are better players in his position. Rio, if fit, should return alongside Jagielka.

And can we finally admit that Gerrard is better when Lampard’s not there? It’s blindingly obvious. They go together like steak and custard, like wall-building and jelly, like Kate Moss and a bra.

I'm here cos Stevie G can't make it.

I like Frank. But he plays if Gerrard can’t. End of.

Meanwhile the Premier League has welcomed back one Gerard Houllier. Not quite sure why Villa fans should be so utterly underwhelmed. It could’ve been Grease fan Sven-Goran ‘Well-a, well-a, well-a , ooh!’ Eriksson or Alan ‘nice man but he’s never won nowt’ Curbishley.

Houllier’s remembered for some bloody awful signings at Liverpool. Bruno Cheyrou always springs to mind. He was the new Zidane, wasn’t he? Now he’s the old Eric Djemba-Djemba. But Houllier did win the poor man’s treble in 2001 in the days when Michael Owen had hamstrings.

Plus he inherited that team of right scallies in the white suits. Robbie Fowler’ll tell you that was David James’s idea. They were taking fashion tips from David James... I wonder if Calamity has taken property portfolio tips from the Scouse touchline tooter...

Thing is, Houllier’s won things, he’s always seemed like a decent bloke and at the end of the day that’s better than having an insincere populist with an absence of brain-cells due to the excesses of his lifestyle. Having said that I’d’ve loved Maradona to get the gig.

Villa fans are right up there with the Toon Army when it comes to the Misplaced Big Club Syndrome. And even the Geordies are reining it in now after a year at the back of the sock drawer.
The good old days

How do Villa break in to the top four without going bankrupt? Well they don’t without sending some Brummie elves to the end of the next rainbow to glow over Aston. If you don’t get your heads round that, then General Krulak – as in a ‘Cruel Lack of Alternatives’ – and what a great name for a Villain! - will sit you down and make you understand!

Reality. We get right used to it on Teesside. Only now they call it Austerity.

646 comments:

  1. Got wasted on the old one so....

    Adam,

    As you know I enjoy your company.Who could possibly forget that magical display of dancing you showed us all on the second Yarm night out.Plus your ability to get lovely ladies like Tracey to come over and speak to you.

    However,there is a place for you to discuss the music of the P*t S**p B**s to your hearts content.That being here at musicforsadpeople.com

    I'm sure you'd pull Ms Spears as well.After all,she is a big fan of plastic mancs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Robbo, quickly tell Adam that the inclusion of GNev was a joke, or it will be another year of him toating the twat for the England defence.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Robbo... Snooker Jokes, brilliant.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It would of been better for England if they were drawn in a group that offered a bit of competition. A few wins under the belt may be good for moral but if we're honest the opposing teams didn't exactly make it difficult for us. Some stiffer (oo-er) competition needed before we can access if we have made progress or we're just the same team as we were in S.A.

    Unfortunatly the Milner suspension for the next game may mean that Lampard will walk back into the team. If this happens then I think serious questions should be asked of Capello.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You must have been stone cold sober when you wrote this one...

    ReplyDelete
  6. who is anonymous. once he was nigerian. then he returned as an angry scouser. now youve revealed yourself as a breathyliser cop.

    who are you, anonymous?

    ReplyDelete
  7. fantastically witty, shame we cant give stars!

    by the way, was that a sideways at the BBC?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yes, Jacks, you could say I snooker myself on the other blog! Well played sir.

    Any way, now to read this one.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Where to start?

    Fantastic blog Robbo.A fine piece of work.

    Sean Wright Phillips is a bit like the other SWP,completely irrelevant.I wonder if the only reason he gets a game is to stop his Dad bouncing around like Tigger(how do you spot the difference?)at him not playing.

    I agree that we don't need John Terry.His best days are behing him and Jagielka and Dawson should play instead.I think Forgetmenand has too many injuries to worry about.

    ReplyDelete
  10. H2, Jacks - i think youre right. but if the countrywide concensus is that gerrard cant play with lamps and jagielka is better than terry then he'll play them both.

    id like to see bent given a run. duffo looks good when he scores but how many chances does he need? and he wont get them vs a top team.

    ReplyDelete
  11. i bet its 80s blue peter host Mark Curry

    ReplyDelete
  12. Good blog Robbo.

    The snooker puns were very much to the maximum.

    If Fat Frank does play Capello, please don't stick Gerrard on the wing eh? Put him in midfield and play just behind Rooney.

    ReplyDelete
  13. that mark curry thing should have followed blogs "anonymous" question... can you lot not post so much when i am tryign to do a crap jokea nd takign forever to press teh "post comment" button.... cheers guys.

    Anyway John Terry should retire, Lampard should retire, Rio should retire, SWP should be putdown, and Gary Neville shoud be paraded around the country beneath the words "neer forget".

    ReplyDelete
  14. the Scottish for never forget. "neer forget"

    och ai?

    ReplyDelete
  15. I think anonymous is more likely to be Simon Groom,horsing around like he does.

    ReplyDelete
  16. neer forget?

    Wasn't he the French tennis player?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Or is it what you want to do to Wozniaki Ngog?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Nail it, is the answer to the Wozniaki question Jacks.......

    ReplyDelete
  19. Not sure who the Russian number 4 is mind......

    ReplyDelete
  20. Yanikitoff.

    Bit like the Russian with all the lemonade bottles

    Odjanickyapopov

    ReplyDelete
  21. Mind you, Wozniaki would get all of the Monfils.......

    ReplyDelete
  22. Be a bit windy though.

    A bit of a full blown Gael...

    ReplyDelete
  23. Stop these tennis jokes, that last one was terrible clichy...

    ReplyDelete
  24. As long as it's not a Jo-Wilfried Tsunami....

    ReplyDelete
  25. Glad you could join us RBA, where you been?

    Pioline Onions?

    ReplyDelete
  26. We have a (sometimes) pretty terrible clichy at Arsenal.

    Come on Wenger, give Gibbs a chance.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Great blog Robbo.
    I'd still like to see Rooney up front, with Gerrard just in behind him(no pun intended). Then lets see if Lampard can play attacking centre mid behind the two of them.
    I'm pretty sure it's never been tried yet as England have always gone with two strikers. Then at least they would both be playing in their club positions (mostly). If Lampard has to come back, and I'm sure he will, then this has to be tried.
    If it still doesnt work, then bin Lampard.

    ReplyDelete
  28. "If it still doesnt work, then bin Lampard."

    Or worst case, bin laden.

    ReplyDelete
  29. "bin Lampard" - the chubby fundamentalist.

    keep lamps on teh bench, he is good enough, but we have to play the right system innit.

    ReplyDelete
  30. From the beeb footy page..

    Chick Young's view

    "I suspect there are people in this country with bigger gardens than Liechtenstein"

    Footballer really do have an unrealistic view of the world, even the shit scary loking scottish ones who write shit for the beeb.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Also everyone go to the beeb footy site and look at teh picture of Toshak, well bond villain!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Why Did You Ngog Rafa said...
    "If it still doesnt work, then bin Lampard."

    Or worst case, bin laden.

    9 September 2010 15:42
    RedBlueArmy92 said...
    "bin Lampard" - the chubby fundamentalist.

    _____________________________________


    Great minds Ngog.... great fucking minds!

    ReplyDelete
  33. stick to childrens tv, mark, footballs not your game

    my gardens bigger than Bond Street but only just

    (monopoly board, just the little green bit)

    ReplyDelete
  34. young chicks always have an unrealistic view of the...im boring myself now

    ReplyDelete
  35. I say! That chap Haye is being frightfully rude to that nice chap who looks like floella banjamin. Bad show!

    Chappel Beer Festival tonight! Harry toppers!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Is that the boxing fight that's being put on pay to not view blogidy?

    ReplyDelete
  37. From the Iranian President (probably not but still funny)



    I like to retaliate by burning a book that you Americans hold dear, but the only book you care about is Facebook

    ReplyDelete
  38. So Auds is in Wilkinsons getting his pick'n'mix and he goes up and he pays, then the bold crazy mean mother fucker wals back the shop and adds an extra sherbet suacer and 4 black jacks to his bag of sweets... Hayes is gwan down!

    ReplyDelete
  39. I remember when auds was 17 back in 1967 and he first said he was going to be the Heavy Weight World Champion... and people laughed. Now 43 years later people are still laughing, yet professional Comedien Patrick Kielty ain't never made no one laugh ever... you can mess with Auds mang... He might be old and he might be slow but when it comes to the fight he's ready to go... after teh 2nd round usualy.

    ReplyDelete
  40. You all login in with your New BBC IDs and posting on Phil Mcultys Blog... nah me neither.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Obama doesn't like the idea of burning the Koran.Well I think we should.I thought Alan was all right,but Giles is a right twat.

    ReplyDelete
  42. The Fondue
    Player of the Month D2(4)

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  43. I thought the Bog Trotting Twat might have had a shout for Championship MotM.Won both our cup games as well as joint top.

    ReplyDelete
  44. And for those that are interested(just me)Mark Cavendish has finally won a stage in this years Vuelta a Espana.

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  45. RBA
    No way. just read the drivel McCunty and 1 or 2 others write.
    Tho someone did ask where Robbo and CC had gone to.

    Fletch and the 2 other Phils sometimes wtire good stuff

    ReplyDelete
  46. I fell off a 50ft ladder yesterday









    ... luckily I was on the bottom step.

    ReplyDelete
  47. I wonder if Calamity has taken property portfolio tips from the Scouse touchline tooter
    ---------------

    I would think he'd be quite wealthy on top og his current earnings if he did - Fowler & McManaman make a fortune off rentals apprently

    H2H - I'll tout GNev anyway just to annoy Glenn Johnson cos Johnson's rubbish

    ReplyDelete
  48. CC just wrote a bit for the beeb about non league day... a good read, but no comments section...

    Phil McDullty is a joke. and a realy shit one.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Adam,I don't think Glen Johnson reads this blog.

    It also annoys the rest of us,is that the implication?

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  50. yeah but if johnson does ever read it he's in for a rude "synth style" awakening...



    Of course we all know hes a footballer and there fore cant read...

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  51. Great stuff Robbo.

    mornin' Lads, sorry I'm late. Had to go to hospital to have a lump removed from me knob, think her name was Alice.

    NFL season starts tonight, you all excited yet?

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  52. Agree with RBA about Toshack pic on the Beeb. Thought it was General Krulak for a mo.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Trott

    Favre v Saints at 2.30 am here in D land,might give it a miss, but nice to know, there will be alt viewing Sunday pm on ESPN

    ReplyDelete
  54. wow, even the geeermuns show it? I got Brady in our live draft last night, had a fuckin' car crash this morning! Shake it off Tom, shake it off.

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  55. Blimey Jacks, that's a bold prediction. Most of these teams will lose about 10 players with broken limbs, busted up knees etc. There seems to be about 8 teams in with a shout, of course Green Bay is one of them but it's a bit of a lotter once the carnage begins.

    ReplyDelete
  56. went to Lambeau Field once when Favre was young. Packers were the team then, and for me ,now

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  57. Tone, I have a GB sticker on the car but I'm mostly a Giants fan just based on proximity and attendance. I have a pal whose basement is like a Steelers museum, a true NFL nut. Sunday afternoons he has 4 tv's going!

    ReplyDelete
  58. we also have a Brett Favre snow globe and the dog has a Michael Vick chew toy. That's the extent of our memorabilia collection.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Coming soon, a must for all football players who have nearly everything. Alcohol flavourd condoms. Then he can do two things in one go.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Started watching in the 80s, when Theisman and Riggins were at the Redskins under Joe Gibbs. Their training facility was near the BAe office close to Dulles Spt

    Remember hearing Theisamans leg being broken by Taylor

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  61. When Channel 4 started covering NFL(1986ish) I started following Philadelphia Eagles.I've no idea why.Still,I enjoy the game.

    Of course now that the BBC cover it you'll be able to read all about it on the website.The minute it goes to someone else it'll disappear completely.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Bloody hell !!! Porn!!!!!!

    Back in 5 mins

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  63. Back sooner than I aniticipated - I scrolled down (now that sounds like one of them euphasiasim things) and saw the pic of Wank Lampard.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Will someone get me a job so I can spend more time on here!!! Doing me head in - but as Middlesbrough is the most vulnreable town in Eng in terms of the recession no sign of that yet - and the twats have stopped me dole.

    Coalition - fuck off twats

    Oh by the way - evening all

    Hey that Pope fella (places metal helmet on head)(

    ReplyDelete
  65. Im gunna (try) and read the blog and all the posts - you chaps eh?

    ReplyDelete
  66. hey does everyones arrow/hand icon sort of vibrate when on the edge of the pic of that chav lass witht he tattoo - hipe its not just me...

    ReplyDelete
  67. If Capello had any guts, or nuts, or brains, he would have gotten rid of Terry, lampard, Heskey and SWP long ago.

    he is a berk and I dont expect much from him other than some minnow bashing and premature ejaculation outta major tournies.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Robbo,

    the blogs are getting better since the break from the beeb.

    Get some like minded writers together and launch a sports blogs portal or summat.

    btw, hows the book coming?

    ReplyDelete
  69. Atletico Madrid are keeping tabs on Manchester City winger David Silva as the Spanish international tries to adjust to the Premier League.
    __________

    Ladies and Gentelmen, this is robonho no. 5

    ReplyDelete
  70. Portugal coach Carlos Queiroz has been sacked as Portugal coach with immediate effect, the Portuguese Football Federation (PFF) has confirmed.
    ___________

    Is it because he recommended Bebe?

    ReplyDelete
  71. Spitfire said...
    Portugal coach Carlos Queiroz has been sacked as Portugal coach with immediate effect, the Portuguese Football Federation (PFF) has confirmed.
    ___________

    Is it because he recommended Bebe?

    ------------

    heh heh heh

    ReplyDelete
  72. Spit, I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

    The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
    My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.”

    I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn’t in a taxi?

    I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

    Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

    I decided I was going to park my car next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my bonnet, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

    Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

    ReplyDelete
  73. stgp,

    you can try taking it to the dealer but driving all the way to Russia may be a bit steap. Just pack it back inthe mail box it came in and handle it over Mail, requesting a return to sender.

    Now we come to the serious matter of the valve cover. All you need is a soze 14 wranch and a replacement can be easily installed without pro help in under 5 minutes.

    ReplyDelete
  74. cheers spits, i knew with your background you would come up with a solution for me.

    im with you on the robbo blog thing. Most people are normally anti adverts on sites like this, but i want robbo to earn out of it.

    Robbo, Give FBH a job as yer advertising man. He will get some high quality porn on here....inc a pic of mourinho doing press ups for BHB

    ReplyDelete
  75. Im having the same issue as FBH. Out of work, but no time to post on here during the day. Job hunting is a full time job.

    I must have applied for a good 20 jobs today. Trouble is most people arent looking for a porn star with a tiny cock.....sigh..

    ReplyDelete
  76. RE: Advertising

    for anyone looking to buy a wooden toy / gift for a kids christening / birthday or christmas present.......go to

    http://www.inaroundaboutway.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
  77. Due to our office's internet security settings, i am unable to post from office but I do check up regularly on the chuckelsome ramblings of the day crew.

    it probably better that I dont meddle and ruin the fun.

    ReplyDelete
  78. bah...spit...you do yourself a disservice. I enjoy your one liners. Its a shame southern fairy didnt move across. His were good as well.

    ReplyDelete
  79. used to be good, once a pun a time.

    ReplyDelete
  80. here's another one liner, Walcott out for 6 weeks.

    What a joke.

    ReplyDelete
  81. stgp, think we are lucky to have a varied bunch of regulars here. some real funny and some blinkered to the point of laughable.

    It really is like a pub.

    ReplyDelete
  82. eh up night shift. Spit, can I be in the "blinkered to the point of laughable category" please?

    Scholesy, could you get a job advertising dick shrinking cream? I could certainly use some.

    ReplyDelete
  83. suffering from footy withdrawl here, all this MLS, tennis and golf just doesn't make up for English footy.

    ReplyDelete
  84. Trott,

    i am afraid, the blinkered ones dont show up that often.

    Except of course adamspsb in all matters manU, tories and G. neville.



    p.s. Robbo, a bag of blinkered and bonkers to spice things up please.

    ReplyDelete
  85. yeah i agree......20 mins later...but i still agree. It is a good mix.

    Trotts, you are in the regular bunch in the sense that you post every day.... :-). Im just waiting for you to admit that United are your second team! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  86. if the net result is a few laughs then it's all been sooo worthwhile

    ReplyDelete
  87. oh and i have the patent on the dick shrinking cream....it works really well, i was at one stage 3 inches long....sigh that seems a long time ago

    ReplyDelete
  88. stgp, at that rate, you might be the first human being to actually have a g-point.*



    First human coz female g-point is obviously a myth.

    ReplyDelete
  89. yeah whats that all about....and that "foreplay" thing. Urban myth i reckons.

    ReplyDelete
  90. fore play? thats lady name for Match Of The Day, innit?

    ReplyDelete
  91. scholesy, it's a fact, long since admitted. I have a soft spot for United, always have, if Bolton don't win the prem or the champs league I hope United do. It's all George Best's fault. I had Stylo Matchmaker George Best boots when I was still a size 5. If it weren't for my old man taking me to Burnden Park from the age of 2 I could be a United fan.

    ReplyDelete
  92. TrotterUSA said...

    scholesy, it's a fact, long since admitted. I have a soft spot for United, always have, if Bolton don't win the prem or the champs league I hope United do. It's all George Best's fault. I had Stylo Matchmaker George Best boots when I was still a size 5. If it weren't for my old man taking me to Burnden Park from the age of 2 I could be a United fan.
    9 September 2010 22:17

    ________________________

    Trott,

    you really do want that blinkered tag dont you?

    alright, its yours.

    ReplyDelete
  93. fore play? is that what they have in the Ryder Cup on days 1 and 2?

    ReplyDelete
  94. oi spits, leave him alone. Its perfectly natural for someone to have a soft spot for united....oh there i go, pass the blinkers trott.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Ride her cups is called motor-boating.

    ReplyDelete
  96. no Scholesy, I can appreciate good play wherever it happens and bad. If Glenn Johnson played for ManU, I'd still have to say all the hurtful disparaging things I've uttered. Just like I did with ElMandy before he turned his life around and became the top striker in the prem.

    ReplyDelete
  97. Trott, i probably wasnt around when you admitted that. I have gleaned it from the tone (not 1947) of your posts.

    ReplyDelete
  98. Fucking hell lads - Ive been away all day - looking for werk - psot a few - then leave it a while - like Alan Partridge in the romantic moment leaving the bathroom in the hotel with a lady on the bad (oooohhhh ladies) and I come back and ive got loads to catch up on

    Selfish that s what ya are

    Im not going to woerk tomorrow to catch up :)

    ReplyDelete
  99. Scholsey - start following a shit team -0 u too nice for that lot!!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  100. At school I spent half me time learning fractions - Actually not sure it was half me time.

    ReplyDelete
  101. heh heh heh....i was wondering when ElMandy was gonna turn you round...so to speak. He might just be coming good.

    So your Glen Johnson is Gaz's Gary Neville?

    ReplyDelete
  102. another long weekend eh FBH? Good luck with your ongoing search pal, keep at it.

    ReplyDelete
  103. haha, Neville was once competent and reliable albeit past his best now, I don't see much hope for GJ, he's had the footballing equivalent of a labotomy I reckon

    ReplyDelete
  104. ha ha FBH, was that the scene with the chocolate mousse and him talking about the pedestrianisation of norwich city centre?

    ReplyDelete
  105. Followingborohurts said...

    At school I spent half me time learning fractions - Actually not sure it was half me time.

    -----------

    i once wasted a week take a pasty to stoke bolton and scunthorpe. my maths teacher told me to take pie to 3 dismal places

    ReplyDelete
  106. whats the difference between jam and marmalade?








    you cant marmalade your cock up a womans arse

    ReplyDelete
  107. i once wasted a week take a pasty to stoke bolton and scunthorpe. my maths teacher told me to take pie to 3 dismal places

    -----------

    heh heh heh

    ReplyDelete
  108. coincidentally, 3.142 is Elmandy's career goals per season average

    ReplyDelete
  109. Have you ever looked at club badges?

    A lion, a sign of bravery on chelseas crest. A cannon, a strong, powerful image on Arsenals crest. West Ham - Iron Hammers, Man Utd - A devil.

    Spurs - A fucking chicken trying to balance on a beach ball.

    ReplyDelete
  110. josef fritzel is to be flown to chile for his invaluable experience in keeping minors alive underground....

    ReplyDelete
  111. yeah, we've done away with the noble pig's foot but even ours is better than a cock and one ball.

    ReplyDelete
  112. Trying to pitch your own reality show?



    Call it Midget Bareback Incest Barbershop.

    ReplyDelete
  113. stgp, in Buckingham palace, its a family quiz night. For the rest of the world its a reality show / snuff.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Scholeys - just tell them allto fuck off like I do - saves 20 inteviews

    And Blog - you just naughty - you like my best freind at schaool - he was called Eddie - hated him!?!?

    Why cant i fucking sleep - have you notivced Ive even started swearing proper like

    ReplyDelete
  115. Du ya know with the americanisantion (try typing that whn your unempploeyd ) of British Cultue I had to think is it 10 of the 9th - 12 of 31st or ghad Boro won world soccer supper drome Crown green outdoor cup fist er stuff - ------- we hasnt. Nifffsters

    I used the werd booyakashe to Emily today (fuck noes y - ) she laffed )

    ReplyDelete
  116. I bought a Parmo today from Newboulds in Thornaby - there was no Bechamel Suace or Cheese - thats not a Parmoe - thaats breaded chicken. Am I wrong.

    I dare you to say I'm wrong - only coz im bored - and lonely

    Whoooooo

    ReplyDelete
  117. FBH, I cant even get an interview at the moment. My CV must be fucking shite! :-)

    The jobcentre have put me in touch with some consultant who advises on CV's and interviews etc. If you are a jobseeker its free, everyone else pays him. So im thinking he must be on a good rate if he is willing to travel 25 miles to meet me.

    ReplyDelete
  118. Anyone wanna fight ????


    Boing or Bonk

    Anyhone got a boing on - thoguht not

    Anyoen got a bonk on? Robbo - over tio you you lazy smobby

    Hey watching the Eng game I noticed one of the links was Smoggytv - clcked on it and there was a ref to John (u wont save this pen you twat) Hickton - arrrhh Borotelly - the link didnt werk - fucking typical

    Hey Robbo Why is the Yorkshire Dragoon in Thronaby now not cllaed blah and the pub at Eaglescliffe no longer got a pic of John Hick outside it - if southern softies taking over im not happy :)

    Nite lads - Im boring yself :)

    xxx to BHB

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  119. Scholesy - u r a man on Band of Brothers tell the twat to fuck off and you can get all you need on heere mate - serioulsy its not you mate seriously!!!! :)

    Unless you r still an IOU fan in which case its u !!! Totally u !!!

    (Only joking )

    The thing is
    Im out of work - but thin fuck em - I wasnt killed in Haite ot dro9wned n pak - first rule of a dad - just be there - thats all they want in first instance you know :) Niote mate

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  120. FFS. Just woke up and checked the Beeb - Defoe out for 6 weeks, and 'Arry leaving at the end of next season, probably. Then we'll be back on the managerial merry-go-round. Arse.

    Great blog Robbo, btw. I think you set a new record for snooker puns so good work fella.

    Trotts, I had a Redskins sticker on my bedroom door back in 1987, so I kind of follow them, even though they have gone down hill seriously. What do you reckon to their chances now they've signed McNabb? His SAS training will come in handy no?

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  121. No I am not robbo - I am far better looking than him - have yoiu seen him..............

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  122. I remember when the Redskins were on The uTube on Ch4 - and they tunred off the mile - during miners strike - politics eh??????????????

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  123. Do you wanna hear my Miners strike story?

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  124. Noel, the Redskins are shite, but don't take my word for it!

    High expectations when Shanahan went there and then when McNabb signed everyone was getting hopeful but there's a problem now with their highest paid player, Haynesworth. He couldn't pass their basic fitness tests when he reported to camp and there's talk he might be trade bait. Then McNabb has come out and said they can't win without Haynesworth. Trouble at mill I reckon.

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  125. That's good to know Trotts! I can't really change my allegiance now though I suppose. I could just choose the Patriots or the Colts but I'll stick with the shit team. It worked with Spurs!

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  126. FBH
    If you ever get to sleep and then wake up from dreaming of your 3 dismal places, next time you have difficulty, start counting sheep,
    but Top Tip only count one sheep recurring, saves time
    ----------
    you must be talking about the Sporty, its been tarted up over the last 2 years, and never, EVR go in the Waitng Room restaurant, its pretentious vegetarian crap

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  127. Nice pun on the sports page.

    Parker pens new deal at West Ham.

    I like that one.

    FBH,I'd like to hear your miners strike story.

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  128. Blogidy,

    Tonight on BBC4 is a documentary about Mark E Smith and The Fall.9.25pm and repeated at 1.15am

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  129. Van Persie, Walcott and Nasri out against Bolton, not to forget the crap keeper still there and what does Lawro do?

    Predict 3:1 for Arsenal.

    Damn you Lawro. Damn you!!!!

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  130. Morning All.
    Welcoming long weekend and a PL weeked, hope festive weekend to be a great one!

    No RvP, Theo and Nasri. Hopefully full match returns for Cesc, Rosicky and Wilshere. But knowing Wenger to the fullest, he will play Eboue.

    CL T20 begins today. Mumbai Indians all the way!!!

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  131. Morning SS11.

    Shame the fixture list hasn't allowed the English t20 teams to take part.Poor planning I think.Still,the climax of the county championship is worth it.

    First of the 5 ODIs vs Pakistan today.Money means the series will take place,but does anyone really want to play with the current allegations hovering over everything?

    I wouldn't grumble too much about AW.The home crowd keep putting up the "Arsene knows" banner.

    The only grumbles I have with Wenger are his insistence on over elaboration(just shoot for goodness sake)and his inability to keep his thoughts to himself.He must know by now that the press over here will cherry pick the bits from his answers.

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  132. I am facing B.B.A.S this weekend. Had to change the team by dropping poor performers...

    1) Rory "Slinger" Delap goes out for incomeing ex-Gunner Aleksander Hleb
    2) Mikel"I am Spanglish" Arteta makes way for Antonio Valencia

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  133. Yes, I noticed the T20 World Champs donot have their county clubs representing in CL T20.

    Dominic Cork, 40, still plays T20 level who very recently destroyed Kieron Pollard's left eye.
    Seriously speaking, some of the county clubs like Somerset, Yorkshire, Essex have some big hitting players. much better than what IPL produces.

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  134. Hey SS11. I get quite a bit of the IPL over here in Oz. Great entertainment. I watched a lot of the 20/20 games last season with Australia playing Pakistan and the Windies. For someone who was brought up watching 5 day test matches it's amazing to see the difference the 20 over game brings.

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  135. I would like to see next T20 WC being hosted in Oz land. Bouncy pitch @ Perth, Long boundaries, Good crowd, Big money, Great Entertainment.

    Definition of T20!

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  136. Hey RBA, keep writing good blogs. I likes the 'untirement' one too.
    There's something in common b'ween us - we have'nt won a thing yet in FFL. Played 3 and Lost 3.

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  137. Yeah cricket is very, very big over here. We have a sports field next to our flat - it has a proper astroturf wicket and pavillion, and these are in every suburb. It was used every weekend of the summer, then when autumn arrived they laid turf over the wicket and put some 'soccer' goals up. It hasn't been used since, apart from by me drunkenly re-enacting some of the great goals of my career against my bewildered fiancée one evening. Sport is engrained into youngsters over here. England could learn a lot from it.

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  138. Noel,
    our youngsters over here are world beaters.You'll never beat them.How did Obi Wan describe Mos Eisley airport?That's our young uns.

    World beaters at teenage pregnancy,x-box and dwarf throwing.

    Mind you,we do excel in the art of pie making and dart flinging.

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  139. Haha, cheers SS11 i am hoping that slow and steady wins the race... although that tactic did naff all for my 100m career...

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  140. How did Obi Wan describe Mos Eisley airport?

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  141. As for dart flinging, after the initial awesomeness of my new taylor flights i have slowly fallen out of love with them and put my classics back on... happydarts.

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  142. You will never see a more retched hive of scum and villainy.

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  143. As for dwarf flinging,I'm not sure which colour to choose.Red(Bonnie Langford) or yellow(Lena Zavaroni)

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  144. I miss my darts RBA. One of the few sports I was good at. Fact, darts is the national sport of the Falkland Islands. Not sheep shagging, or penguin shagging as you may have previously thought. I used to play with 22gms and I opted for a simple Cross of St George flights. It was colour co-ordinated with my red stems innit.

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  145. Its a magic sport (well done for using the right word, haha) having kids i don't get in the pub much these days so about 4 months ago i bought a board and set it up in the flat and spend as much time as i can playing... which is about 10 minutes most days, but its the most relaxing theraputic part of my day... plus i am hoping to come out of reirement and back to the pub team as an absolute dominator... just started playing with 25g darts, about perfect i reckon...

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  146. I used to captain a team with me mates. We came mid table each year, but we won a trophy for that cos we were the cream of the crap. There were teams that took it too seriously, and we were sort of the best of the rest. We were called the Spearchuckers and had a huge zulu embroidered on our shirts holding a spear-sized dart. Happy days.

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  147. jacksofbuxton said...
    You will never see a more retched hive of scum and villainy.
    ______________________________________

    You dont fasncy a job on the Aldershot Tourist Board by anychance???

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  148. Morning all.

    Took me a while to read through the night shift comments for some reason.

    Maybe it's cos I cant keep my eyes open........fucking shattered.

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  149. It took me a while to read through last nights comments, but thats just coz i am thick.

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  150. Apparently it was a huge misunderstanding. Pastor Terry Jones was only going to burn the Koran onto DVD.


    Panic over lads...

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  151. Funnily enough RBA,the reasonm I was absent for a few months from here was I was finishing off my book.

    I'm a slow reader.

    Noel,25g is a bit big isn't it?Bit like back in the 70s when Leighton Rees used to throw those massive brass bombs at the board.

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  152. I had a miniature lemon cheesecake last night that was simply spectacular. Normally I am not a big fan of 'mini' anything when it comes to grub but this beauty was a six-bite culinary masterpiece.

    I had been painting our living room for a few hours and, just when I was considering downing brushes, the lemon 'hit' kept me going until the midnight hour.



    An extract from Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen's biography? Nope - taken from a football blog on the BBC website. This is what they replaced Robbo with?

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  153. did you flog him the best reader to use for the job RBA?

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  154. the misunderstanding with Pastor Jones reminds me of the misunderstanding of The Beatles saying they were bigger than God.What they actually said was they were bigger than Rod and the reporter was deaf.They were quite right as well,The Faces didn't make it until the 70s.

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  155. Yeah Jacks, I think 25g is way over the top. Have to have arms like Popeye to get them to the board. That's why I prefer the 22g. The 25g is the darts equivalent of Blackburn, whereas the 22g is more Arsenal. I don't know what I'm talking about.

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  156. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  157. NO way, 25gs aren't big at all... i used to play with 19g, but i am much more accurate with the 25s... which i only bought as they were cheap... but i know a lot of blokes that play with 32s... to think of the different bare in mind a 1p coin weighs 3.5g so thats all your adding... (also a useful tip to all aspiring weed dealers)... I promise you

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  158. I'd have thought RBA would use lighter darts as he can practise with all the needles knocking around in the town centre of Aldershot

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  159. size of your barrel not a bit too big RBA?

    (fnar fnar)

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  160. Oh and Phil Taylor plays with 26g... need i say more?

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  161. I used to get a lot of 100s with 25g, and my finishing was a bit off, but with 22g I get more 140s and 180s occasionally, and my finishing is better. But it's all related to the level of alcohol in your veins anyhow. Too little and you don't relax enough, too much and you hit the bloke doing the scoring. It can be plotted with an inverse square graph, with skill on the y axis, and blood alcohol level on the x axis.

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  162. you ever tried to put a flight on a hyperdermic needle... tricky stuff.

    As for me barrel, i've had no complaints...

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  163. haha, i'm the opposite noel... but will agree with the alchyhol level... thats the real science of the game... its all chemistry.


    and barny plays with 25g...

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  164. You should try putting flights on a dwarf RBA,that's much trickier.

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  165. you are listening to darts talk on radio 5 live extra.

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  166. and a big hello to all those truckers out there.

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  167. darts should be compulsory in schools. (im serious). Develops hand eye co-ordination and maths.

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  168. thats disgusting Ngog, not even Wazza did that with that hooker.

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  169. Robbie Keane will have to step up then I guess. Be ironic if he scores a few against Inter after it was Rafa who turned him from a 20 plus goal a season striker into Emile Heskey. That's if Rafa is still at Inter when we play them.

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