Thursday 23 September 2010

Commonwealth? It's Bad For Your Health!

Well here’s an opportunity if ever there was one. The sort of chance that even Fatty 'I've Got A Head Like A Bowling Ball' Yakubu could tap home.

The organisers in Delhi appear to have mucked up big time. And muck’s the right word. Collapsing bridges, dirty sinks, animals footprint everywhere – doesn’t India realise they are about to play host to the cream of world sport?

Well I say cream – it’s not even semi-skimmed, is it? Not one athlete worth his Bolt has bothered to incorporate this swollen appendix on the corpse of the British Empire into his busy schedule.

The Commonwealth Games is bloody pointless. The only reason it’s there is to flannel the egos of sportsmen and women who might otherwise only set foot on a podium as a stunt double. All we’ll have to look forward to is Sue Barker saying crap like ‘And more medal news – and it’s good news for Huyton as Phil No-Mark has just bagged the silver in the 20mm pistol summat or other. He was just pipped by a one-eyed narcoleptic Fijian fella.’

I hear some spokesmen for the England team assure us that these really are important Games – for example the top three netball teams in the world will be competing. Netball. That’s the game where you have to stand still when you’ve got the ball. Basketball but without the bouncing or running or fun (unless you’re the sort of bloke that gets moved on from the perimeter fences of school tennis courts all too frequently).
State of the art equipment as featured in many a British comprehensive school

And any road, for Chrissakes do we really need a massive substandard shindig just so so lanky birds can play pat-a-cake? Let ‘em have the World Netball Champs and have done with it.

The Commonwealth Games is to the Olympics as my grandson Wilf is to Usain Bolt. It’s like what the Olympics would be like if it was sponsored by Primark. It is the Pound Shop of major international sporting competitions.

And now Delhi have provided us all with the excuse we needed. Finish the damn thing.

My first reaction to hearing that the athletes’ village was a bit substandard was ‘Great’. British sportspeople are always telling us how shite our country’s facilities are so surely they’ll be used to it. Might even give them the edge over them pampered, over-sportified Aussies.

But now I’ve seen the pictures and they look like they’ve been sent in to Watchdog by some irate holidaymakers. I’ve got visions of Nicky Campbell staring into my lounge through my telly screen with his ‘concerned’ face on. Shudder.
He’s a kind of TV Blair. You suspect he means it, so you’re bewildered as to how he can come across so fake.
Why haven’t the Indian authorities got their shit together before now? (Unless the shit they’ve got together is being rammed down every available bog and plughole in the athletes village and that looks feasible).

One of the problems is that all the tiptop construction workers of India are working for tuppence a week for the wealthy lovelies of Dubai. These blokes could erect a skyscraper quicker than a teenager’s todger.

But in all seriousness I dunno why it’s such a bleeding mess. And judging by the emergency meetings convened by India’s leading politicians – neither do they.
It’s not a good time for the reputation of the Asian subcontinent – although I’ve never much rated that phrase. ‘Subcontinent’ makes it sound like it’s not quite up to the rest of the landmass. Pakistan’s cricketers have, I think, finally departed our shores although I wouldn’t bet on it.

Of course an unholy row has broken out now after the aptly named Ijaz Butt – given that most of his orations come out of his backside – responded to the pressure by saying England’s players were throwing matches, according to some bookies he’d spoken to.

Not sure you should be telling the world you've been chatting to bookies after what’s been going on, Ijaz, but y’know, as the laser-witted yoof of today might put it, ‘Whatever!’

Of course it’s nonsense and the England team have reacted with upper lips stiffened and jaws jutted. ‘What us? Cheating? How dare you!? Next you’ll be telling us we rub dirt on to the ball to affect its ability to swing! Tsk!’

Of course Butt was resorting to the first rule of playground debate which is to adopt the ‘So what, you’re just as bad’ argument which is silly cos (a) he has no evidence and (b) whatever you think of Pakistani cricket – and there are some bloody wonderful players of the game even in the latest batch – the fact is that when it comes to corruption and in-fighting they are without peers.

Some might argue that the Carling Cup is the Commonwealth Games to the FA Cup’s Olympian status. Especially if you live on Miseryside. But I warm to the competition more and more each year. Top teams don’t go all out to win it, and teams from lower divisions trot out on to the pitch with the mantra of ‘Just enjoy yourself, lads’ so you tend to get very open and decent games of footy.

It really looks like Moyes and Hodgson have got their work cut out, mind. The Toffees bought Beckford but can’t buy a goal – I think those two things are linked somehow. And if you want to know why Liverpool are going to win nowt this season just look at the rest of the squad on show v Northampton. There’s more depth in Wayne Rooney’s thought processes.

Whatever you do put October 17th in your diary. It’s the Merseyside derby and you will want to miss it. Oh and I think that’s the day that the Delhi plumber’s popping by to fix Tom Daley’s cistern.
'Probably going to take a coupla weeks mate, but don't worry, I know some eight-year-olds who could do it in a day'

397 comments:

  1. Aarrgh Nicky Campbell.

    What a twat that bloke is.How on earth he's made a career out of being an annoying tit I'll never know.Mind you,it hasn't stopped McNugget....

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  2. England cricketers don't use dirt Robbo.That's a terrible accusation to make.They suck mints instead.And occasionally use an orbital sander.

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  3. Dear old Woy has his work cut out.Not often I agree with Jim Lawton,but he's not far off with this piece.

    http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/news-and-comment/james-lawton-hodgson-must-be-given-time-to-clear-up-the-mess-left-by-benitez-2087967.html

    ReplyDelete
  4. Morning all.
    Robbo, I think now is the time we stop commenting on what has gone wrong into the prep work for Delhi Games, rather only focus should be on getting things corrected and atleast provide comfort to the visiting athletes.

    Meanwhile, http://suhasp-ss11.blogspot.com/2010/09/lets-wake-up.html

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  5. mwaurah van persie24 September 2010 at 10:59

    At least the world 800m world record holder will stay home......R U D I S H A

    ReplyDelete
  6. Baggie Mike poses a couple of quiz questions for you.

    4485. At 10:52am on 24 Sep 2010, BaggieMike wrote:

    Although talking about that, quick trivia question:

    1) Who scored the first ever prem goal using the Nike football, and who did the play for.
    2) How many goals have been scored in the prem with a Nike football.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Agreed SS11. The athletes are turning up today so it looks like it's all going to take place. But it's not the greatest competition in the world is it? Not least cos the world stars that would qualify are going to be tucked up in their own beds in a different corner of the world. I think someone once said these Games are about building bridges between members of the Commonwealth family. Let's hope the bridge holds out, eh?

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  8. I will take a wild guess at Mike's trivia

    1) Andy Cole
    2) 7585 goals

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  9. Man City v Chelsea........2-2
    Arsenal v West Brom......4-1
    Birmingham v Wigan..........2-0
    Blackpool v Blackburn.......1-1
    Fulham v Everton............2-1
    Liverpool v Sunderland......0-0
    West Ham v Tottenham........1-2
    Bolton v Man Utd............1-3
    Wolverhampton v Aston Villa.......2-2
    Newcastle v Stoke......1-2

    ReplyDelete
  10. Prediction time.....
    Man City v Chelsea......0-1
    Arsenal v West Brom.....4-0
    Birmingham v Wigan......2-0
    Blackpool v Blackburn...1-1
    Fulham v Everton........1-1
    Liverpool v Sunderland..1-0
    West Ham v Tottenham....0-1
    Bolton v Man Utd........1-2
    Wolverhampton v Aston Villa..1-1
    Newcastle v Stoke.......2-1
    Scunthorpe v Ipswich..............1-2
    Watford v Middlesbrough...........0-2
    Port Vale v Accrington Stanley....3-0
    Rotherham v Chesterfield..........1-1
    Stockport v Aldershot.............0-1

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  11. I would say it is subjective to countries. Some countries/players who dont get chance to win Golds in Olympics do take Commonwealth seriously; since the big stars dont play in commonwealth, its for smaller ones to come through ranks and prove themselves.

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  12. SS11.

    Nope.Your guesses are better than mine were anyway.

    Apparently Nike are going to sell 100 commemorative balls with the name of the player,his club and the fixture in which it was scored.

    ReplyDelete
  13. 4479. At 09:49am on 24 Sep 2010, BaggieMike wrote:

    Prediction time.....
    Man City v Chelsea........1-3
    Arsenal v West Brom......1-1 (optimistic I know)
    Birmingham v Wigan..........2-0
    Blackpool v Blackburn.......2-0
    Fulham v Everton............0-0
    Liverpool v Sunderland......1-1
    West Ham v Tottenham........0-3
    Bolton v Man Utd............0-1
    Wolverhampton v Aston Villa.......1-2
    Newcastle v Stoke......3-0

    ReplyDelete
  14. There will be a lot of draw games over the weekend.

    Man City v Chelsea........1-1
    Arsenal v West Brom......3-0
    Birmingham v Wigan..........1-1
    Blackpool v Blackburn.......1-1
    Fulham v Everton............1-1
    Liverpool v Sunderland......0-0 (A beach ball might score one)
    West Ham v Tottenham........1-1
    Bolton v Man Utd............1-2
    Wolverhampton v Aston Villa.......1-1
    Newcastle v Stoke......1-1

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  15. Blog - is that you first

    And Jacks pred a Boro win - erm.....

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  16. Morning FMcBH.

    Your brave lads are on a roll now(cheese and pickle)you should be able to win away at Watford.

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  17. Morn Mr Snips - you are correct BUT Watford havent won at home yet this season - watch the buggers get 1st against us - other than that..... (I am still optimistic - yoiu know - thats the stuff that kills ya - the optimism :)

    (Band on the RUn on radio - is it the 1970s - are we in fietnarrrm?)

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  18. I've got The Who on the shop stereo FMcBH.

    Maybe we are going back to the 70s.

    Meet the new boss/same as the old boss

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  19. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-11403674

    thoughts FBH?

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  20. from previous blog --
    BLUEHELLSBELLS said...
    it ended up with GTSP (Gerrard The Scouse Prick*)
    --------------------------------------------------
    a bit of a typo there BHB...as is common knowledge its Gerrard the Saintly Prince.

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  21. I shouldn't think he's known as that in his own house,never mind anywhere else.

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  22. The Arse is spanking some arse in the stock exchange. If all our clubs would do the same......

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-11380291

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  23. AH that's two apologies in one week, firstly me having audacity to offer my smoking help to Liverpool in Carling Cup and secondly for that outrageous & slanderous typo.

    Hello FMcBH - how's things with you? Is it an Emily weekend for you or is it a drinking lots and trying not to smoke one?

    ReplyDelete
  24. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-11380291

    The strategy includes finding TV and multi-media partners around the world, including the major markets of India, China and US - which most large football European clubs have been looking to crack.
    ---------
    I have been waiting. Man U has already established themselves here by having 2 MUFC Cafe's in Mumbai's biggest hangout zones.

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  25. The commonwealth games

    My sister-in-law is dead good at judo but she hadnt competed for about 10 years, but recently got back in to it at the seniors level. After 1 competition where she won gold (4 in category) she was selected for the commonwealth squad.

    The judo lot did their competition in January in singapore. My sister in law won a silver after having 3 bouts.

    Its like me representing England in the rolling the white pool ball in off 6 cushions competition. I would fancy making the semis on that*





    *if there were 3 entrants.

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  26. AnfieldHopeful said...
    from previous blog --
    BLUEHELLSBELLS said...
    it ended up with GTSP (Gerrard The Scouse Prick*)
    --------------------------------------------------
    a bit of a typo there BHB...as is common knowledge its Gerrard the Saintly Prince.
    __________________________________________

    Chuckles for both!

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  27. Noel's going to be busy at the commonwealth games.He's representing the Falkland Islands in the athletics,shooting,judo,swimming and penguin hurling.Should stand a good chance in that last one.

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  28. BHB, so how do i get it back now? I dont want to approach Alex as she has been tarnished by her marriage to GTSP (Gerrard The Southpaw Puncher).

    Any ideas?

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  29. Well SS11 that's tough love my bro. In downtown Johannesburg and Pretoria we have the Arsenal Joints and place rocks during game time. ANd the nicest thing, they show Arsenal TV, and all the games are broadcast live..........

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  30. jacksofbuxton said...
    Noel's going to be busy at the commonwealth games.He's representing the Falkland Islands in the athletics,shooting,judo,swimming and penguin hurling.Should stand a good chance in that last one.
    _____________________________

    i have done some penguin hurling before......i eat a multipack last month for a bet. Had to run for the toilet.....

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  31. Scholesy,my advice is to invite Mrs GTSP over,play GTSP(Games of Twister & Strip Poker)then you can pinch the garter off her GTSP(Great Thighs Spread Perpendicular) and then you've cracked it.GTSP(Great Take Scholesy Pal)

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  32. Jacks, i did waddle. Left, then right, then way over the bar (vague 1990 Italia 90 ref there)

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  33. jacksofbuxton said...
    Scholesy,my advice is to invite Mrs GTSP over,play GTSP(Games of Twister & Strip Poker)then you can pinch the garter off her GTSP(Great Thighs Spread Perpendicular) and then you've cracked it.GTSP(Great Take Scholesy Pal)
    __________________________________________

    heh heh heh

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  34. as long as you didn't end up getting pearce-d on the way that's ok.

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  35. i thought i was going to sPLATTer it all over the bathroom.

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  36. That's the problem when you have the shi(l)ts.I wouldn't want to walk(er)over and have a butcher's at the mess.I don't think you can lie about things like that no bull-shit.

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  37. i'll have you know that theres some excellent high-tempo competitive netball matches to be seen from the perimeter fence, robbo

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  38. fbh - no, i'd have been over-celebrating if i was first

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  39. agreed mate. my missus thought i was just pissed. She made me walk(er)* the line-ker and then shave off my beard-sley.


    *points deducted for repetition.

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  40. Hello blogidy.

    http://www.thisisstaffordshire.co.uk/portvale.html

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  41. weve got a weeks of the bbc in its state braodcaster function telling us how important the Poundland Olympics are

    when it goes delhi-belly up, they'll cut quickly away from the swirl of diarreoh as tom daley hits the pool to sue baker retching into a bucket

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  42. some of these references have me all at Sea-man.A tangled Webb you are making.Can't see the Woods for the trees.It's a real Hodge podge of names.Mind you,it's a wide target,like aimimg at a Barn(es) door.I'll make a note of the squad with my Parker pen,ask my 2 friends,both called Steven,if I've missed anyone out.The Stevens were reading the Robbo Robson blog.

    ReplyDelete
  43. ey-up, youth

    (non-staffycher residents - fyi, "youth" refers to anyone under the age of 76)

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  44. jacks, well done. That was the whole squad bar Gazza by my reckoning.

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  45. blogdignag said...

    weve got a weeks of the bbc in its state braodcaster function telling us how important the Poundland Olympics are

    when it goes delhi-belly up, they'll cut quickly away from the swirl of diarreoh as tom daley hits the pool to sue baker retching into a bucket
    __________________________
    Only because they are covering it.If it was on Sky/ITV we wouldn't hear a word about it.

    ew dew duck.

    ReplyDelete
  46. right, got to nip out and buy some birthday pressies for my nephew. He wants some "bionic putty". That sounds so good, i might get some for myself. Nobody would ever be able to remove my windows!

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  47. I thought it through whilst eating some crisps,knock off versions of a popular brand.They are called Dorigo's.

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  48. is this bionic putty shaped like Steve Austin or,more hopefully,Jaime Sommers?

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  49. Jacks - just read yr link (been to pick Em up as she is off schoolk with Tonsilitus) - really gutted that Oona didnt win - Ken is surely yesterday's man!!! Imo :)

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  50. Exactly FMcBH.The Tories have an open goal with that one.Even Boris should beat Ken.Shame really,Oona would be in with a better shout.Union backing for Ken was the key.

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  51. Wow Jacks, you're a genious, People are giving me odd looks here because I'm laughing like mad.

    Fucken hellll

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  52. jacksofbuxton said...

    Noel's going to be busy at the commonwealth games.He's representing the Falkland Islands in the athletics,shooting,judo,swimming and penguin hurling.Should stand a good chance in that last one.

    You forgot sheep shearing Jacks. And I also didn't see a Gary Lineker reference in your otherwise excellent Italia 90 bit.

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  53. Bit nervous about tomorrow as well Jacks - Im a Big Milly man = anyone else and we lose next election mate.

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  54. nicky campbell would be no use, you need that bloke on a motorbike from rogue traders to track down the rabid raccoon who shat on then walked over that athlete's bed

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  55. latest predictions from Paul the psychic octopus for the Poundland Olympics

    100m - dont give a shit molusc molusc

    10,000m - dont give a shit molusc molusc

    shot putt - Paul! Paul! he's escaped again!! aaaahhhh he's eaten me goldfish!!!!

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  56. Scholesy got the Lineker reference in Noel.Or as dear old Mick Shannon used to call him Line-Acher.As for the sheep shearing,I think the Kiwis should ram home there experience for a medal in that field.

    FMcBH,much as I don't like DM,smarmy get and didn't help before the GE this year,I think he's the only one to stop the rot.

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  57. Apologies Jacks, I overlooked Mr Scholes' comment. I'm in the doghouse tonight. Took me missus out for a meal as it's our anniversary, but the rugby league semi final was on the TV in the corner behind me, so I spent the whole meal watching the reflection in the window. Still, it was a good game. Roosters spanked the Titans 32-6.

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  58. Or did they lose 6-23? That's the trouble with watching a reflection.

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  59. latest predictions from Phil the psychotic journalist for the poundland olympics.

    100m - this answer is awaiting moderation. Explain

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  60. things are never good upon reflection Noel.Especially in a house of mirrors.

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  61. When's the other semi final Noel?

    Hamsters v Finches.

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  62. http://www.football-league.co.uk/page/ChrisCharlesBlog/0,,10794~2164032,00.html

    new cc blog

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  63. The Commonwealth (or Commonpoverty, as it's soon to be known) Games are just a reason to let athletes who'd usually win bugger all compete and win bugger all. The difference being they come in in 7th place instead of 65th. It's good for their egos.

    ReplyDelete
  64. "And so it's the men's 100 metres final.Johnson representing England here.There goes the gun and it's a great start by Johnson,really into his stride now as he powers down the course and crosses the line.Marvellous run there by the Englishman.He's finished 6th."

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  65. Last weeks predo's;

    Stoke v West Ham 3-0 (1-1)
    Aston Villa v Bolton 1-1 (1-1)
    Blackburn v Fulham 1-1 (1-1)
    Everton v Newcastle 2-1 (0-1)
    Tottenham v Wolverhampton 2-0 (3-1)
    West Brom v Birmingham 1-1 (1-1)
    Sunderland v Arsenal 1-3 (1-1)
    Man Utd v Liverpool 2-0 (3-2)
    Wigan v Man City 0-1 (0-2)
    Chelsea v Blackpool 5-0 (4-0)

    7 correct, 4 perfect scores. Lawro eat your heart out.

    ReplyDelete
  66. This weeks predo's;

    Man City v Chelsea........1-2
    Arsenal v West Brom......5-1
    Birmingham v Wigan..........2-1
    Blackpool v Blackburn.......2-2
    Fulham v Everton............2-1
    Liverpool v Sunderland......2-1
    West Ham v Tottenham........1-2
    Bolton v Man Utd............2-3
    Wolverhampton v Aston Villa.......1-1
    Newcastle v Stoke......2-2

    ReplyDelete
  67. How do H2H? You've not been about so much this week? Is business still doing well?

    Hopefully your predictions will be as good as last week, I think (and hope) Chelsea may just scrape a win tomorrow.

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  68. Hi Bells, I've had too many late nights this week, but I read all the comments over the last week but didn't want to get involved in some of the postings on the last blog.

    Anyways, a strange feeling for me, I actually want Chelsea to beat Citeh and I think they will, Citeh are a collection of players were as Chelsea are a team, the PL is their's to lose this season, I can't see anyone else comming close, except Arsenal of course*



    *Well what do ya expect?

    OR

    *Tries to keep straight face.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Well here's one less team to bother about;

    Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard has already written off his side's chances of winning the Premier League, saying the 18-time champions will be happy to settle for fourth place.
    Full story: Daily Mail
    --

    That's the spirit Stevie, throw the towel in after 5 games.

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  70. Crap, Mancini's said almost exactly the same thing; (except the Arsenal bit)

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/eng_prem/9031748.stm

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  71. Good to have you back either way H2

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  72. H - Im afraid its looking that way re the Chavs (and as an ABC that isnt nice to say) but they are playing some wonderful footy with some great players - but footy isnt about that - is it??? :)

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  73. C'mon H2..give the man some props (americanism, not sure what those props would be) for coming out and saying what we all feel. 5 games down, 10 points of the leaders, 16th position in the table, couldnt beat birmingham (who west brom thrashed 3-1 a week later, could manage one home goal against west brom...of course, we're not going to win the title this season. good to know the team aren't delusional.

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  74. Cheers Bells.

    Aye up fbh man.

    They are playing some good stuff, I saw them take apart B'pool in the first half of their game last week, pity they didn't bother coming out for the second 45mins though, but fair play to B'pool (and their excellent supporters) who never put their heads down and kept giving it their best.

    I appreaciate the footy from (some) teams in the PL more and more every week, I also have the Ere Divisie Live channel in the Dungheap and some, well actually most of the games are utter shite.

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  75. A pink cat.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-11407516

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  76. Re Gerrard - he never comes across as the most upbeat bloke does he? You've got your traditional chirpy Scouser - the Stan Boardmans of this world - and then you've got the whiny ones who ran amok all over Brookside back in the day. He's the latter.

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  77. I'd rather drink lukewarm vomit than put up with Stan Boardman and his bloody they bombed our chip shop routine.

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  78. Interesting analogy Robbo!!! :)

    ANd H - just been talking to a mate about blackpool - 7 points already is it - they still hihgly likely to go down - but im plaesed that their fans are able to enjoy things early doors - otherwise footy is just awful of one or tow teams win all the time - oh hang on :) (p.s. would love to see gooners do it thais year)

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  79. Sorry AH.

    Props to Stevie, for being the knowing captain of a sinking ship.

    Nah, seriously, I just read the rest of the article and must say that the headline was a bit misleading, he does go on to say that he'll fight to get L'pool as high as possible, that's the stuff you want to hear from your captain, not that he's giving up after only 5 games.

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  80. jacksofbuxton said...
    A pink cat.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-11407516
    _________________________________________________

    Pink panther!

    I see them that's found it have come up with a crackingly inventive name for it n all... Pink... as in Get the Purrty Started.

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  81. Jacks - it was our train Station not our chippy

    http://rememberwhen.gazettelive.co.uk/2010/04/middlesbrough-railway-station.html

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  82. Eh up you lot.

    Robbo, a question.

    Former England midfielder Nobby Stiles is selling a collection of memorabilia from his soccer career, including his 1966 World Cup winners medal, to benefit his family.

    The 68-year-old, who suffered a stroke in June, will sell 45 lots, including a 1966 World Cup cap, his 1968 European Cup winner's medal and the blue Manchester United shirt worn in that final against Benfica.

    The World Cup winners medal is expected to sell for between 100,000 ($153,900) and 150,000 pounds at the Edinburgh auction on October 27.
    __________

    Is it wishful thinking on my part that the current lot of multimillionaire footballers would join in to buy these medals and trophies off and lend them back to the winners till they live ? After their death, the medals could pass on to a national museum or summat.

    100,000 quid is less than what most of these numpties earn in a week.

    God knows, its the only way most fans would ever have a glimpse of something similar.

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  83. I suppose they could call the cat Floyd.

    What happened in the UK lately, why are cats being targeted for hate crimes, have you all been brainwashed by Tom's enemy Jerry?

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  84. That's not a bad idea Spit.

    It's the only way any of the Goldon Generation would get to own such a medal.
    It's pretty sad to think the guy can't pass the medal on to his kids.

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  85. Proposals to twin New Delhi Olympics village with Middlesbrough have been rejected,







    by New Delhi

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  86. H,

    I was reading up on Stiles and not surprisingly for his age of footballers, he is having a rough time financially and has decided to go through with this auction to sort some cash out.

    Sad really, but thats life.

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  87. Nobby Stiles played for Boro for a while I think.

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  88. Wake up little snoozy.

    http://twitpic.com/2qydmf

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  89. Bless him H - dreaming of the England job or the taxman - not sure which eh????

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  90. He looks quite peaceful so I'd say he's dreaming of a nice fat envelope being palmed into his inside pocket. Dreams of the taxman or the England job would probably have sent him into a twitching frenzy.

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  91. a mate who was at WHL on Teusday for the cup tie said, the chant, they most enjoyed was, "shall we make a DVD for you?"

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  92. http://alphadesigner.com/project-mapping-stereotypes.html

    Quite funny :)

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  93. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  94. I saw that on a few sites Spit, hilarious.

    Even better, these quotes taken off a Spuds site;

    “Im losing faith in Arry. We need to spank west sham without him going on about what a great club they are to restore any kind of respect. Not been this angry for a while. ”
    “Fucking bullshit. Disgrace. Don’t care about playing the kids or any of this bullshit.”
    “What was with the mass exodus?! Where’s the support through thick and thin? Thought that was a little disgraceful on our part.”
    “Personally I don’t feel guilty about leaving when the score hit 1-4 and I was getting bored of dodging coins. ”
    “What a bunch of suckers! What a bunch of idiots! What a shit of tactics! Players without personality, intelligence and will to win. A bunch of softies as well.”
    “I wish we had been knocked out by someone other than the Arse”
    “Can someone tell me when its safe to lurk in the tottenham forums again?”

    ReplyDelete
  95. “We really showed ‘em, didn’t VDV? You said before the match that we were the bigger club, like Keane before you, and Harry before him. We really proved you right, didn’t w….oh yes.”
    “They wanted it more. Which in its self is quite funny, if you want to laugh at anything. Not that anyone wants to be laughing.”
    “I don’t care what anyone says, a loss is a f-ing loss. We lost 4-1 to our fiercest rivals AT HOME.”
    “Look lets not all be cutting our wrists.”
    “That Jack Wilshere really is something special, did you see that “Xavi”-esque pass that put Gibbs through one-on-one with the GK that the linesman flagged offside wrongly? Phew! Good thing the ref gave us that goal, Robbie was a yard offside. We dodged a bullet there. It could’ve been 5-0 at home.”
    “We need to ask the Arsenal ex Captain Gallas to tell us why Arsenal all look skinny fall over so easy when tackled and run forever so they can keep passing for 90 mins”
    “”We haven’t won the league in 50 years and that’s not about to change with or without VDV. Maybe he should’ve gone to the scum instead of us. They probably didn’t want him because 18 year old Wilshere is better. Come to think of it, Jack is better than Kranjcar, Modric and any other foreigner other than Cesc of course. Its just a sad day”

    ReplyDelete
  96. Admitedly there may of been a few gooners in there stirring up the pot.

    ReplyDelete
  97. ah well,

    doesnt get old that spurs blow their own horns how they have overtaken Arsenal right up to th point they lose for the umpteenth time.

    Arsene has now a 32:4 record against spurs.

    it's always enough to bring a smile on the face, isnt it.

    ReplyDelete
  98. smiles aside,

    Wilshire is doing well. Along with Gibbs, Walcott, Lansbury, Frimpong, Cruise and Freeman,

    Arsenal's future is English.

    ReplyDelete
  99. I still have to laugh everytime I hear the "fiercest rivals" bit, they've been living in the shadows of our shadows for years, like cave dwelling light haters scroanging for crumbs.

    DVD anyone?

    ReplyDelete
  100. Now, if only they can stay injury free, we'd be invincible.

    Mwah ha ha ha ha. (evil laugh)


    OK, I'm getting carried away now.

    ReplyDelete
  101. Well it's that time of the week again, I just took a look at my FFL team and they look in worse shape then ever. SS11 jinxed a few players last week, cheers mate ;), so I'll have to make at least 3 or changes, but as I have to start Dungheap duty in a few minutes, I haven't got time to tinker with it now.

    Maybe I'll do it tomorrow morning*





    * low flying pigs on the rader alert.

    ReplyDelete
  102. H2H, I have removed them all from my team now. Guess what I bought Nani & O Shea in my team now ;)

    ReplyDelete
  103. is it a sign of madness to be listening to ogdens flake gone nut all the time?

    ReplyDelete
  104. yes blog.

    specially if its not on.

    ReplyDelete
  105. Blogmark - Ive just spent 20mins googling the small faces - wow - hippy days eh!?!? :)

    ReplyDelete
  106. Top form, Robbo. This nearly gave me a hernia, I laughed so loud:

    "And if you want to know why Liverpool are going to win nowt this season just look at the rest of the squad on show v Northampton. There’s more depth in Wayne Rooney’s thought processes."

    NB: I'm the Anonymous who hasn't bothered setting up any sort of profile.

    ReplyDelete
  107. Looks like Ed Miliband has won the leadership race for Labour - bit gutted meself .....

    ReplyDelete
  108. "He has joined the nutters, you know. In fact, he is one of the key nutters. It just shows you what happens in football."

    harry on arsene.

    ReplyDelete
  109. you must have insider info, fbh, the papers are saying too close to call. i thought andy burnham seemed like a real human being (footy fan, coaches his sons team).

    i know he looks like a tunderbird puppet, but the millibands....they represent everything - posh dynastic privilege - that i want labour to destroy. balls is brownlite and old smug eye-rolling abbott is the token non white bloke in suit

    ReplyDelete
  110. Morning/Evening you's lot.

    Jacks, you were close with your prediction for the other semifinal, it's the Dragons vs the Tigers. Should be a very good game. I'll be watching that tonight, hopefully without the use of a window, unless the missus kicks me out and I have to watch it from the garden.

    I'm not too fussed about not being as good as the Arsenal - they've benefitted from having the same manager for 10 years or whatever, years of Champions League experience and money. But we're heading in the right direction, which is more than can be said for Liverpool and IOU.

    ReplyDelete
  111. This line the best ever I read on Arsenal.com

    "If Wenger’s men beat Chelsea they could be champions. If they don’t beat West Brom they certainly won’t be."

    ReplyDelete
  112. Ogden's Nut Gone Flake is a fine album.
    How's your birds lumbago?

    4.30 today to see which of the brothers take charge of the labour party.can't get excited about it really.whichever one wins means all 3 major parties will be run by interchangeable nobodies.

    ReplyDelete
  113. West Ham goalkeeper Robert Green has turned to club chaplain the Reverend Alan Bolding for help and guidance as he struggles to rediscover his form and confidence after his World Cup nightmare with England.


    ___________________________

    Reverend answered, "Son, its not all your fault. I am not sure Jesus could save many if he had Upson defending in front of Him."

    ReplyDelete
  114. I hate it when, out of habit, I am awake early on a Saturday morning.

    Getting old.

    ReplyDelete
  115. Morning Spits.

    Best part of the day early in the morning.

    Getting old as well.....

    ReplyDelete
  116. Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp claims Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger has been transformed from "like a professor" into "one of the key nutters" by the intense pressure of 14 years in the English game.
    Full story: Daily Mail

    ________________________________________
    Funny that,the same quotes are in today's Independent and you can see that 'arry is joking about it.Yet the Beeb and the Hate Mail seem to think it's some sort of attack on Wenger.

    Appalling media we have in this country.

    ReplyDelete
  117. Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson says that defender Gary Neville tires himself out by talking too much. "Gary is an emotional guy which can cost him energy," said Ferguson.
    Full story: The Sun

    ______________________________________________

    I'm sure that Fergie is misquoted there as well.He meant to say "Gary is a twat,and all that talking costs us energy."

    ReplyDelete
  118. Morning Jacks, Spits, SS, if you're up that is. And morning all you other sods.

    ReplyDelete
  119. Howdo fellas. Read an interesting article in the local paper here written by some sports psychologist type from the University of Warwick where she(!) rates managers in terms of games played, games won, trophies won, but compares that with money available during their reigns. The idea being that you can see who wins most with the least amount of resources. Who came first and second?

    ReplyDelete
  120. 'ello Noel,

    when did the 'Who' start with football management?

    ReplyDelete
  121. Spitfire said...

    'ello Noel,

    when did the 'Who' start with football management?
    _____________________________
    Clues are in the lyrics Spits.

    Meet the new boss/Same as the old boss.

    ReplyDelete
  122. Whoda thunk it indeed Jacks. Old brolly man himself in there at number two. I don't know what was more surprising really - the top two, or the fact that there was an article on 'soccer' in the local paper.

    ReplyDelete
  123. I was going to make a Pete Townsend joke but thought it was a little too bad taste. It's still early for you fellas in Blighty.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Must admit the some of The Kids Are Alright.

    Looks like the Managers are good at working with Teenage Wasteland and sometimes do succeed in parking the Magic bus, buying them all up at a Bargain. They dont always have a Substitute.

    My generation is Happy Jack, and We Wont Get Fooled Again.

    ReplyDelete
  125. Noel said...

    I was going to make a Pete Townsend joke but thought it was a little too bad taste. It's still early for you fellas in Blighty.

    ___________

    O,....

    ReplyDelete
  126. Can't go wrong with a bit of The Who Spits.

    Might put them on the stereo again.

    Who are you.Who,who,who,who......

    ReplyDelete
  127. Big drama in the AFL final this arvo Jacks.

    ReplyDelete
  128. St Kilda v Collingwood.

    Even the PM said noone(Plymouth/BHB)likes Collingwood.Bo and I have decided therefore to cheer for St Kilda.

    Which will obviously mean a Collingwood win.

    ReplyDelete
  129. Collingwood stormed into an early lead, but St Kilda fought back after the break, taking the lead for the first time towards the end, only for Collingwood to snatch a draw. Replay next bloody week. The PM also said pre-match that the match will be similar to the recent election, but she hoped it wouldn't end in a draw as the election did. She's like Paul the octopus.

    ReplyDelete
  130. I know she's Welsh Noel,but she hasn't got 8 arms has she?

    ReplyDelete
  131. Don't know - some of her clothes are suspiciously baggy.

    ReplyDelete
  132. Well it's VB o'clock over here, so I'm going to crack open a cold one and watch the rugby. Laters Jacks.

    ReplyDelete
  133. Noel said...

    I'm not too fussed about not being as good as the Arsenal - they've benefitted from having the same manager for 10 years or whatever, years of Champions League experience and money. But we're heading in the right direction, which is more than can be said for Liverpool and IOU.
    ________________________________________

    Liverpool's current situation wont last. They have too many fans around the world. Someone will buy them when the price is right and they will be back up challenging.

    I think we kinda fall in to the same boat, but we are hardly struggling at the moment. I would still say we our squad is up there with the best but i still feel we lack a player or two. Berbatov has had a great start and if that continues for the season, it may just be the difference for us. We were poor many times last year but came within a point of winning it.

    ReplyDelete
  134. Also re spuds

    I would agree you are going in the right direction but how long that lasts will depend on a couple of things:-

    1) Money - Financial restraints after the stadium has been built. Whatever has been said AW about having money to spend, i have always thought that wasnt quite true. I do think they have it now, especially with the latest figures. If you have to buy in quality rather than develop then it gets more expensive the higher you want to challenge, that money isnt there then perhaps your progress is going to be slower. So i would say you need to bring more players through.

    2) 'Arry - I dont think he has a great record for bringing players through. He did it at West 'Am but i think that was more down to the bloke (whos name escapes me) who has been in charge of the academy for god knows how long. He brought through Cole, Lampard, Ferdinand etc not 'Arry.

    ReplyDelete
  135. so a long term successor to 'Arry needs to be chosen carefully.

    We will have the same issue, but with SAF saying he will stay on as an advisor, i think we will be alright. (famous last words?)

    ReplyDelete
  136. jacksofbuxton said...
    Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson says that defender Gary Neville tires himself out by talking too much. "Gary is an emotional guy which can cost him energy," said Ferguson.
    Full story: The Sun

    ______________________________________________

    I'm sure that Fergie is misquoted there as well.He meant to say "Gary is a twat,and all that talking costs us energy."
    ==============================================
    Correction:
    "GNev is a twat,and all that talking costs us money."

    ReplyDelete
  137. Ipswich v Northampton in the Mickey Mouse Cup! And c'mon the chavs!!

    ReplyDelete
  138. It's not a mickey mouse cup Noel.

    And I'm pleased (at the moment) with the draw.

    ReplyDelete
  139. from the bbc....

    1231: There you go - a few tasty ties in amongst that lot. I'm sure Northampton fans would have preferred a trip to Old Trafford or the Emirates but, if they can win at Anfield, then the Cobblers must fancy their chances at Portman Road. Those ties will be played in the week beginning 25 October.

    Cheeky sods.

    Although they might have a point....

    ReplyDelete
  140. Today will see the 10,000th prem goal scored with a nike ball.The first goal is to be commemorated in the sale of 100 balls bearing the names of team and scorer.

    Mark Venus for Ipswich against Spurs.

    ReplyDelete
  141. Haha. Yeah I know Jacks - it's the only silverware we've won recently. It's only cos we're out that I say that.

    I notice McNulty has gone to the City game as I predicted last week. All the other BBC reporters must fucking hate him, picking all the top games for himself.

    Damn you Scholesy. I want to hate you cos you support IOU, but you talk sense, instead of the usual IOU biased crap, so I can't.

    ReplyDelete
  142. Another PL team handed to us in Carling Cup.

    Fourth round draw:
    Newcastle v Arsenal
    Birmingham v Brentford
    Wigan v Swansea
    Aston Villa v Burnley
    Leicester v West Brom
    Man Utd v Wolves
    West Ham v Stoke
    Ipswich v Northampton

    ReplyDelete
  143. Noel you must remember he is the chief football writer.His erudite,concise commentary is loved by himself...

    ReplyDelete
  144. Today is also FA Cup day.

    Buxton away at Bracknell and New Mills home to Harrogate.

    Go Derbyshire.

    ReplyDelete
  145. Still looks like a Iou v Gooner fiunal to me tho

    Aftnoon chaps!!! And BHB of course sweetie :)

    ReplyDelete
  146. G'day Jacks. Hows weekend going along?

    Looks like draw written all over the Citeh-Chavs clash...

    ReplyDelete
  147. Some of the passing on Citeh Chavs has been shit - (my lodger got Nazi Sports put in - I like my lodger)

    ReplyDelete
  148. Arnoldmoon FBH! thats RBA style of saying things...

    Facing him in head2head this week, hope the best team wins.

    ReplyDelete
  149. Hi SS11 - I miss RBA and his Arniemoon stuff :(

    ReplyDelete
  150. We all do. :(
    I hope he finds new employers soon. OR he may well write a book comprising short stories from Aldershot Woes.

    ReplyDelete
  151. G'day lads.

    Week end is pretty good thanks SS11.

    Away at Scunthorpe today.Could do with 3 points.

    ReplyDelete
  152. Aftnoon Spits - the is it pronounced Boro or Boro debate hey???? They cant even decide on Teesside - tho in Middlesbrough its Boro :)

    ReplyDelete
  153. fbh,

    you call it however you want to call it mate. No one should raise a brow.

    ReplyDelete
  154. Meet the new Chavs. Same as the old Chavs.



    anyone remember Mourinho's first couple of years?
    In case you missed it, you can follow the slightly less effective version at eastlands.

    ReplyDelete
  155. Afternoon peeps.

    Maladonna? ;

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqBvNYnAXBw&feature=player_embedded#!

    ReplyDelete
  156. fbh.

    I pronounce it burrow, like wot a rabbit lives in.

    ReplyDelete
  157. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPvumCsl8fI

    ANd these lads arent even in the first team - just how good must Boyd be???

    H - me 2 - its teh stockton lot that say borra - I say bura - tomato tomato?

    lets call the whole thing off

    This is a poor game but at least Citeh are winning

    ReplyDelete
  158. Well, no invincible season for Chelsea.

    I'm off back down to da Dungheap for a good drinky and the Arse v WBA game.

    Good luck to all your teams, except Baggie Mike's. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  159. Wilshere starts on the bench. Good luck Arsenal :)

    ReplyDelete
  160. EIO EIO EI oh - we are already 1 0 down - sloppy backpass from Wheater pounced upon by Danny Garham (ex Boro)

    ReplyDelete
  161. 2 0 now Jacks - anyone for cricket!!?? :)

    ReplyDelete
  162. spit Id say Go Borrow.....



    lend us a £5 for a "cup of tea" guv

    ReplyDelete
  163. (turns radio off and puts Arse v Baggies game on laptop)

    ReplyDelete
  164. The way Boro are playing I'd say, STOP Boro!

    Turn around and go the other way!

    ReplyDelete
  165. plenty of time yet FBH.

    (Is there an echo in here?)

    ReplyDelete
  166. (loses signal, turns on Arse v Baggies game on radio)

    ReplyDelete
  167. http://www.myp2p.eu/broadcast.php?matchid=87087&part=sports

    one of these shall work.

    Surely

    ReplyDelete
  168. ey up youth satdee football great innereet?

    ReplyDelete
  169. Im actually not surprised we are getting beat at Watford - they havent won at home yet this season (typical Boro) (or more pertinent : strachan hasnt a clue) :)

    ReplyDelete
  170. west ham spurs is good on

    http://www.epl442.com/channel-3.php

    but i thought that about the arsenl match a minute ago before the stream died on me

    ReplyDelete
  171. still has a foreign lnguage commentary but its scots so i can make out 2 words in 3

    ReplyDelete
  172. GOAL: Liverpool 1-1 Sunderland : Bent (25 pen)

    ReplyDelete
  173. good stream of arse at

    http://www.tvoo.eu/ch1.html

    ReplyDelete
  174. One for RBA - Aldershot 1 0 up at Stockport!!!

    ReplyDelete
  175. Followingborohurts said...

    OMG 3 0 now - aaarrrgggghhhhh!!!!!
    ___________________________
    plenty of......who am I trying to kid.It's going to be a cricket score....

    ReplyDelete
  176. wasnt mancini saying chelsea would wi the league easily? nice wind up son

    ReplyDelete
  177. mcnumptys starvin me of ammo. in the 10 days up to the first Mcnumptys Cat. he wrote 7 blogs.

    in the 10 days since then, only 2.

    ReplyDelete
  178. Mancini could do with saying Un**ed will always be the bigger club as well then.Followed by Arsenal play the best football and he's cracked it.

    Just hope he doesn't tip Ipswich/Vale/Boro/Shots/Millers

    ReplyDelete
  179. Is McNuggets cat any relation to Nosferatu?

    ReplyDelete
  180. Think you might have cracked it jacks.

    the reason for Boro's woes is that City chose to improve their squad by buying from Boro.

    He holds Boro in the highest of regards and thinks all their players are as good as or better than Adam Johnson.

    If only he knew....

    ReplyDelete

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