Monday, 16 August 2010

Cole Bunkered

Joe Cole’s been called a few things following his debut red card. Unfortunate, clumsy... but if I had to describe it I’d call it Scholesian. The shaven-headed urchin must’ve been looking forward to a bit of regular action – and I don’t mean in the off-season late-night post-club back-of-a-cab sort of way. Now he looks likely to be warming a sofa somewhere for a couple of weeks. The numpty.

Liverpool-Arsenal was one of them games you call ‘incident-packed’. In other words, lots of stuff went on but not much of it was particularly good footy. Liverpool looked half-decent and well-organised, as you’d expect from Woy, and it looks spookily like Hodgy has Bobby Zamorified Ngog into a goalscorer. That’s not grey flecks in the gaffer’s barnet, that there’s blinking fairy dust.

Talking of fairies, Arsenal still looked like a bunch of delicate sprites busily building a passing movement out of gossamer thread, and wilting as the likes of Carragher pulled it down. Shorn of the Joy of Cesc, and Hobblin Van Persie, the Wenger boys continue to be a tad powder-puff.

Ahhh!! A playful moment during Arsenal's pre-season training

Meanwhile West Brom returned to the Premier League and the Throstle was throttled by a brutal Chelsea team. When Chelsea play like this I just hear that Mr. Blond from Reservoir Dogs muttering ‘Torture you... that’s good... that’s a good idea...’

The Baggies defending of free kicks was abject. Pink Floyd fan Scott Carson was left fuming about the need for Another Prick in the Wall.

It wasn’t a great start for goalies generally.

Tim Howard’s clanger at Ewood Park was top of the drops – even in slow motion it’s hard to see how his sturdy Yank arms transformed from bank vault to basketball hoop in the blink of an eye. Reina’s was more glaring after his team had battled so hard. And of course the thank you cards have been winging their way across Lancashire for Chris Kirkland who looked so wooden every time he’d dived for another Harewood piledriver I shouted ‘Timber!’

But well done little old Blackpool and their charming yokel manager Jethro Holloway! Ah bless ‘em. And they only met each other this morning. And how funny they look in their Tango tops!! Charming! If I could sidestep the stream of patronising pap that’s been sent their way, it was an utterly brilliant result. My favourite man on the pitch was Gary Taylor-Fletcher who may well be a vibrant young lad but looks like your generic bloke-down-the-pub somehow.

Actually, the only downside of Blackpool’s thumping of Wigan was the post-match interview by Olly in which he did his best to look like a decision had been made to cull the Pleasure Beach donkeys. He made Avram Grant look like Timmy Mallet.

This donkey has been saved by Wigan Athletic, who see him as the natural replacement for Titus Bramble

Come on, Olly, play the game! Apart from anything else all this straight faced sobriety doesn’t fool anyone. It’s like when Gazza tried becoming a serious football pundit. You were just waiting for him to shout ‘Nah, only kidding!’ and get the plastic tits oot for the lads. Holloway knows what’s expected of him and he better start delivering.

‘Course we can’t talk keepers without mentioning Joe Hart, who saved Mancini’s bacon at WHL with some tip-top stops. Otherwise Citeh played like unthinking one-paced strangers, which when you think about it is what they are.

There’s this new film out starring Stallone, Schwarzenegger n all. It’s about a bunch of mercenaries on a steroid/botox diet. (In fact I saw Mickey Rourke on Wossy’s last Beeb show and if that bloke wanted to rob a bank he could do worse that hide his plastic mask beneath a real face.) Any road this film is called The Expendables. And I think Craig Bellamy’s in it. Just a bit part, but that’s more than Mancini’s ever really given him.

Now I know Bellamy’s a narky little toerag at times, but frankly he was the best thing at Eastlands last year if we ignore Tevez. So maybe, just this once, he has cause to be hacked off. Shay Given was the next best thing in sky blue and you can’t see him sticking being one of the expensive scatter-cushions in the Citeh dug-out for long. Although maybe Steve Harper will be texting him to tell to bloody well put up with it like he did.

I tell you Mancini's got his hands full there.

In the meantime at the comically-named Whistling Straits - just up the road from Screaming Queens I think - golf continues to throw up examples of why it’s such a bloody absurd game. Today’s question for you check-trousered chumps is ‘When is a bunker not a bunker?’ Dustin...?

‘Well, sir, when it’s a patch of sand that’s been trampled under the weight of many thousands of the weightiest creatures in Middle America since dinosaurs strode the earth?’
‘No Dustin, didn’t you read the quirky rulebook we gave ya?’
‘No sir. Like most golfers I don’t actually read.’

Now while it’s true to say that the poor sap had to have two shots deducted, you have to ask why a course would be so quirkily set up. Then again, golf is bloody mental. When Bubba – and for Christ’s sake man get a proper name you sound like some monstrous friendly fur-covered C-Beebies troll – Watson hit into water on the last play-off hole 5Live’s Jay ‘Hindsight is 20-20’ Townsend revealed he had five options as to what to do with the ball. FIVE!!!

Surprisingly one of them wasn’t bending down and putting your head on a tee-peg while people who had money on him took turns to see if they could chip the dozy lunk’s snitch onto the putting surface. (Harsh maybe but Bubba cost me twenty fucking quid). Golf makes about as much sense as a pink away kit.

Still, looking forward to the return of Newcastle to the top flight tonight. And I reckon they’ll do allreet. Don’t be surprised at a 1-1, especially if Man U’s ginger ninja is preaching what his little East End disciple is practising.

'And this is Tackle No.6 - the De Jong'

Up the Boro and - pretend you never read this - Ha'way the lads!

275 comments:

  1. Cracking mate, except it were Mr Blond who said that...

    good to have footy back ain't it!

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  2. Argghhh. Mr. Blond!! Quick edit on the way. No one will ever know. And yes. Footy. Grand.

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  3. Fixed. Just between ye and me... right?

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  4. I'll not tell a soul robbo man...

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  5. Fixed. Just between ye and me... right?
    ========================================
    And me!!

    Yup, good to have footy back hey......

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  6. Am I missing something here? Surely Mr. Blonde?

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  7. Up the Mcboro... I agree.. and no - I didn't see the comment... hahah

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  8. Cant wait for tonight. Hope Man U crush Newcastle so we stay right up there with Chelsea

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  9. Yeah it should be blondE... sorry robbo my typo has led to your typo... didn't know you could catsh discleckseeya???

    Sorry...

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  10. Bobby Zamorified Ngog
    ==========================
    Classic......... I just wonder what'll happen if Nando is fit and at the rate Ngog is going we're in for some nice footie hey

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  11. Up the Mcboro...
    ===================
    Make it a extra large there mate

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  12. FA: Next manager will be English
    ===============================
    Personally I don't really give a fuck who the next manager is gonna be. As long as the bugger wins us something! And that something has got to be between 2 fucking cups. EURO and the WC.

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  13. 'And this is Tackle No.6 - the De Jong'

    Up the Boro and - pretend you never read this - Ha'way the lads!

    --------------------------

    Nothing wrong with that tackle at all you're just a bunch of northern softies.

    Boro are going back to mid-table where they belong and newcastle haven't won a game at OT in my lifetime and they won't be starting tonight either

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  14. read this or dont, up to you, i dont want to pressure anyone in to anything, i'm no peter crouch...

    http://aldershotwoes.blogspot.com/2010/08/lameheroes.html

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  15. United to win 3 nil and Drogba to leave Chelsea this month or in January.

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  16. Gary Taylor-Fletcher.... I'll be kind and call him "barrel chested"!

    Personally I think all football clubs need to have at least one double barrelled player (and by that I mean names not bellies) in their team. Blackpool are ahead of the game here, its just a shame Alex dropped the John from John-Baptise..... I'll be having a word with the young lad to have it reinstated !

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  17. Performance with a lot of heart yesterday, shame about the end result from my point of view but not going to cry about it. It was the atmosphere in the pub that really got me yesterday though. The boozer behind my house has an outdoor tv, sun was shining, lager and cider flowing. It will be one of those days I remember when I'm old, grumpy and incontinent and whining about bygone days of yore. Welcome back, proper footy, and thank you.

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  18. Top blog Robbo,

    Bobby Zamorafied, another prick in the wall, Scholesian, Classics the lot.

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  19. Oh, btw, those who did see Hart in action are fortunate to see his life best performance. ITs all down hill once Robbo praises a keeper.


    Dont believe me, ask Almunia.

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  20. 1545: Republic of Ireland and Manchester City goalkeeper Shay Given is in talks with Arsenal about a possible move to the Emirates Stadium.
    Full story: Sport.co.uk

    __________________________

    My dear god, Jesus, Allah, Budha, and the spaghetti monster (T owhom it may concern)

    Please let it happen.

    Thank you. That is all.

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  21. That would be a tremendously unfair of you to sign Che. The rest of the league always been able to rely on getting a few points because of one of Andrew Sachs' gross misjudgements. He might just be the missing link, though I'm sure Peter Reid has a previous claim on that particular title.

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  22. Easy there Tommy,

    we have suffered enough, like.

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  23. Super blog Robbo man!
    Feels gr8 to have proper footie back and without the disturbing noise. So even ESPN coverage was neat.

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  24. haahaa..the arsenal pre-season training pic had me in splits.

    joe cole can't really complain about much..unfortunate for him, but not unfair. The good part is since he wont be playing PL for the next 3 weeks, he can play the you're-hopeless league and help us avoid embarassment against Tabsonpo..Trabszonor..er..the Turkish team. And maybe Aquilani, the 20-million-man can earn some of that money back for us in the PL. Always a silver lining.

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  25. Evening all. I'm sure you'll all join me in hoping for a Rooney hat-trick tonight to turn my fair to middling start in the FFL into a cracking week.

    Even without that I should still have enough to see off Sh1t Shooters 11 team of donkeys.

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  26. Aye Colch, I am being gracious in defeat. Dont call my team donkeys. It's just that they forgot to perform.

    I'll hit back next week. ;)

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  27. SS11 said...

    Aye Colch, I am being gracious in defeat. Dont call my team donkeys. It's just that they forgot to perform.

    I'll hit back next week. ;)
    _________

    Hit back or kick back?

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  28. I dont have any plans to draft in de Jong or Scholes in my team. So no kickbax, Spit!

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  29. It's a good fighting team put out by Newcastle. Joey Barton in there!

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  30. I'm quite happy for you to hit back next week SS11. You won't be playing my team so you can score as many points as you like. I've got Tommy B's lot next week so I'll be hoping he has a shocker especially as I'm going offshore for 2 weeks with no internet access so if I get any injuries I'm screwed.

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  31. We'll see, Colch. Didn't realise I had Bellamy and the injured Cuellar in my team till earlier today so there's not as much skill in there as I'd wish you all to believe. Come on ya Real Ale!

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  32. Speaking of Bellamy, he is now being allowed to train with Cardiff City. A wretched time with Citeh could be coming to an end. But Marradona coming to Villa, he he he he!!!!! Shane Given going to Arsenal? The season has just started, and already the gossip columns are busy.

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  33. Tommy B said...
    We'll see, Colch. Didn't realise I had Bellamy and the injured Cuellar in my team
    -----------------------------------------

    Leave them in there Tommy. I'd also recommend that you drop Drogba and bring in Michael Owen instead.

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  34. It's a great idea, Colch, the young lad Owen's got bags of potential and when he finishes his SATs and grows hairs on his chin he could be just as good as that little fella Solskjaer. But unfortunately it wouldn't be profitable for me points-wise, and for that reason I'm out

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  35. Always enjoy the blog Robbo. Started one myself this week.....would really appreciate knowing what anybody thinks (although it's a long way off Robbo's standard just yet)...

    http://jonstottsportingopinion.blogspot.com/

    Cheers, Jon

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  36. Ive just been replying to Rodders on the old blogg!!! Not worth a read really. I love rodders -= even tho he is a "rude" twat :)

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  37. What have Rooney and Newacstke got in common - they were both shit tonight!!!! Hahahahaha

    2.3 million for Boro's worst ever keeper - heeeee heee hhee hahahah

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  38. I come on here looking for a virtual conversation - I cud have stayed woth Emily's mam for this level of blog - raise yr game shitters - oh did I win ffl?

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  39. Good stuff Robbo. Why did Wigan take the second best keeper in the world on loan and not play him? Very strange.

    Rodders, spot on with his 3-0 prediction and he followed it with a Drogba departure predo...Colch that could have been a double worth a quid or two.

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  40. My post on the last blog about Ozil signing with Real was slightly premature. A bit like I was. My source was so trustworthy too - facebook fantasy footie! Bremen are holding out for more money, so it will happen probably. So maybe I wasn't talking shite Rod.

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  41. Fucking hell, just checked out my ffl, and I went from 17th to 3rd lastnight.

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  42. Jon Stott, I started reading your blog and your Saturdays sound perfect but I had to stop reading. You talk about your girlfriend and then you go on about visiting the in-laws. Can you explain this before I go back and finish your blog?

    p.s. Don't tell your girlfriend or your wife about your new blog until this matter is cleared up.

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  43. Tottenham's former England international midfielder Jermaine Jenas is set to sign for Juventus on loan for the season with a view to a full-time £10 million switch.

    10 million for Jenas?! Take it!

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  44. "I didn't see Cole's challenge on Laurent Koscielny at first because it was completely in the corner. He is usually a fair player, he is not someone who tries to hurt people, it is not his style." Arsene on Wenger's View - The Official Manager's Email - 16 August 2010
    I think AW is slowly getting to his senses, by "not seeing" an opposition player's tackle on one of his own

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  45. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

    Brilliant blog Robbo.

    I actually have N'Gog in my FFL team. I have just scalped the demon barber of Cheadle. Jacks, if you are lurking this, then commiserations. Next up is Baggy Mike Yarwood.

    Lol at TrotterUSA who got pwned by TommyB whilst scoring a very respectable 61.

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  46. KenDoddsDadsDogsDead. Genius.

    Although I prefer the Welsh version. DaiDoddsDadsDogsDead. FBH, try saying that one after a couple of Cleggerons.

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  47. Robbo

    How do you do it?

    I was trying to explain Arsenal's style of play to a footy ignorant friend but I could not come up with a decent enough analogy. Then I read your blog and the fairy connotations caused me to nearly piss myself.

    Spiffing.

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  48. Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger wants to tie up a £2.5m deal for Fulham goalkeeper Mark Schwarzer in time for the visit of Blackpool on Saturday and it could pave the way for the Cottagers to move for Given as his replacement.
    Full story: Daily Mirror
    ---------------
    WTF? I mean what is Wenger doing... Even my 2 year old niece knows Given is a better bet than Schwarzer if one is looking for a goalkeeper for the team.

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  49. Cheers Trotter USA, point taken mate. No more mention of them will be made - scene-setting is not required, I understand now!
    Any other comments welcome (or criticism).
    Ta.

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  50. Oi Darth, did you get to register for FFL (Robbo and H2H?)
    Morning lads

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  51. SS11 said...
    Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger wants to tie up a £2.5m deal for Fulham goalkeeper Mark Schwarzer in time for the visit of Blackpool on Saturday and it could pave the way for the Cottagers to move for Given as his replacement.
    Full story: Daily Mirror
    ---------------
    WTF? I mean what is Wenger doing... Even my 2 year old niece knows Given is a better bet than Schwarzer if one is looking for a goalkeeper for the team.
    =====================================
    SS..... mate, for me reading this was one of the most fuckfull experiences i ever had as an Arsenal fan..... ok, well, there's been more shit loads of nerves wrecked but this is just swipe

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  52. Well that turned my night around ... 4th in the FFL ... I'm getting giddy up here not to mention the 23 point victory in the head to head ...the Chairman's been appeased, though he's suggesting i make a transfer or two before the window closes.

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  53. Oi Tribal monk.

    FFS, did you read my posts?

    I binned the Cheadle boys(aka JacksofBuxton).

    So, yes, I registered for FFL, both Robbo and Holloway2Holland.

    No disrespect intended mate, but .............................hahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaah ye tube.

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  54. I've just made a wholesale of transfers and binned a few useless players. Well, it's not yet confirmed, i still need approval from the Sheikh then we'll be raring to go

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  55. 3-0 hmm? I'll take that.

    Though I hope in future they might actually try and score a goal.

    Ha'way!

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  56. I've got two issues right now ... strikers. Keep Rooney or go with Drogba?

    The second is what to do with N'Zogbia ... a damn fine and cheap midfielder last year but the little fuck was left out of Wigan's team because he's had an argument or something. Might need to hurl a shoe at his head or something ...

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  57. Star get rid of him til he gets a new club then sign him up as he won't be playing for Wigan again.

    Geordie boys lost at OT last night and Boro's goalie has gone to scouseland double hit for FBH and Robbo.

    My views on the Geordies upcoming season can be seen intheir usual place

    http://adampsb.blogspot.com/2010/08/up-against-it.html

    and there is a Sesame Street type poll based around the letter W.

    Afr more uplifting than that depresseing Aldershot stuff (also can I get more follwers please even if you don't post a comment it makes me feel better)

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  58. "Afr more uplifting than that depresseing Aldershot stuff (also can I get more follwers please even if you don't post a comment it makes me feel better)"

    Cheeky bastard!

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  59. True though. The very name WOE means it's depressing. I mean the phrase Woe is me doesn't mean look at how bloody cheerful I am today

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  60. SOD IT!

    I was going to replace Rooney with Drogba and leave N'Zogbia on the bench, but that fucking Ivorian has not only cost me a buttload of points with scoring a hat-trick but his price crept up by .1 meaning I had to make a double transfer to get him in.

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  61. Hmm, to say the chairman wasn't that impressed with that dip into the transfer market was an understatement ... I ain't getting a penny out of the tight sod after that now.

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  62. Noel, settle petal. Its only the internet. The internet is not real so don't take things so personally.

    FBH, I am STILL in Landonderry as you put it unfortunately. The pic was a party a couple of years ago where I delivered a couple of man-babies.

    I was impressed with United last night, thought they played better than Chelski so not worried at all. In fact 3 of Chelskis goals were either gifted or deflected so you could say United got the same result against a better side. United to win the league by next week!!!!

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  63. Dammit..lost to tone by a single measly point..fuck joe cole and fuck me for not making drogba the captain... Next up..aldershot scumbags...oh dear...looking like a poor start to the season..

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  64. mornin' lads, it's a golf day here, Ballyowen, more bunkers than Whistling Straits but I'll not be in any of them of course. There'll be a bagpiper blowing as we arrive, makes it feel almost like home.

    Darth, I lost the final to Spit last season thanks to a Drogba hat-trick and open up the new season with more of the same. The FFSL would be a better place for me if Kevin Davies scored hat-tricks.

    Dream On!

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  65. dont worry about the Scumbags, they may be handsome, handsome bastards, but you can beat them i am sure...

    look forward to it sir... good luck...

    Oh and well done BHB, spanked me by a country mile m'lady...

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  66. Trotts mate, on your golf day can you assist me in introducing DARF to the yanks? At each hole I need you to hang a dartboard from the flag. This game incorporates the long distance throw of the javelin, the precision of darts and the silly trousers of golf. You start from the Tee (och-tee) and luzz your long distance darts as far as you can (LD Darts ultra long 100g tungstuns) then once on the green, you have to putt… but in order to “putt” you have to score above 90 in three darts form where ever your LD lands (obviously for the putt you use regular arrers – 19g unicorn t-90s for myself…).

    I honestly think DARF is the future of sport…

    Cheers fella...

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  67. well, I'll do that RBA but to make the game more available to the masses, can you develop a 5 inch long golf tee with splits at the top end to accomodate a pair of flights?

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  68. Trotts, for you... anything! (providing it is DARF related)

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  69. Afternoon youse lot.

    I've sent my ffl team off to North Korea for attitude adjustment treatment.

    Congrats to NYC Tynehoven (whoever you maybe) and watch out Dances with Wiskey (again ???) my boys will be out for blood next game.

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  70. Nice piece Robbo.

    Although I think L'arse look a bit tougher then last term, (not difficult, I admit) Diaby seems bigger, Rosciky clashed with Stevie Me and didn't shed a tear, young Jack looked like he learned a thing or two up at the Reeboc and one of our new lads , Kos' took a badly timed tackle and his leg didn't break in two. We're wee 'ard!!!
    Can't see why anyone is expecting the Barcodes to do sod all (or is it reverse curseology on your part?) Thinking that they could come away with anything but an arkicking from Old Toilet was beyond wishful thinking, even Woy doesn't pocess enough fairy dust to pull that one off.

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  71. SS11 said...
    Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger wants to tie up a £2.5m deal for Fulham goalkeeper Mark Schwarzer in time for the visit of Blackpool on Saturday and it could pave the way for the Cottagers to move for Given as his replacement.
    Full story: Daily Mirror
    ---------------
    WTF? I mean what is Wenger doing... Even my 2 year old niece knows Given is a better bet than Schwarzer if one is looking for a goalkeeper for the team.
    =============
    SS11, do you really think that Citeh would let Given join one of it's (supposedly) closist rivals? They'd much prefer to loan him to Fulham. They could string us along 'til the final day of the transfer window and then tell us to sod off, leaving us up shit creek and the paddle shop has been once again closed for the season.
    I'd prefer Given too, well Hart actually, but that won't happen either, but Schwartzer will suffice, whatever we do, we need to do it quickly, all the speculation can't be doing the already fragile confidence of what we already have much good.

    ReplyDelete
  72. FFL players...you're part of the Robbo league so obviously you're reading all of this..mind joining in the fun and at least letting the rest of us know who you are, which team you support etc... adds a bit of spice if you know sumthin about your H2H opponent (not you H2..well until you're my opponent, then it is you..or whatever)..wheres the fun in reading the blog, playing the league but not saying nothing.

    i liked the timing of the brad jones signing..just a day after poor old pepe makes a blunder..obviously unrelated but nice timing nevertheless..

    FBH sorry about buying jones (in case he was a key player for you lot).. personally i didnt think cavalieri was a bad back-up GK.. beats me why we're buying every position except a striker.

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  73. wow..Indian dude supposedly buying blackburn is going to give 100 mil to Big Sam to play the transfer market..this after wiping out their debt..nice...never a fan of throwing money around, but somehow seems ok for a club like the rovers and big sam...with a 100 mil they could easily be competing for a CL spot as well...this is fun..the Big 4 soon to become the Big 10 where every club spends about 100 mil a transfer season..should probably use some of the money to improve the spectator experience, reduce ticket prices etc...nothing to be gained by making every footy player a mercenary billionaire.

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  74. Real Madrid confirm signing of Germany star Mesut Ozil.

    Noel .. you were just ahead of your time thats all.

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  75. AH.

    Didn't Blackburn "buy" the PL before? We all know how that ended up.
    Give Big Sam 100mill and he'll probably go out and purchase a bunch of longball killer cyborgs.

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  76. who is this Darth vader predos person - I bet it's that Irish fella again

    Anyway for nonsense and humour read this or that Aldershot chappy

    For a blog writing off teh Barcodes already this season read

    http://adampsb.blogspot.com/2010/08/up-against-it.html

    And yes Given is far better than Schwarzer

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  77. I've just read the Woes and it was a blockbuster!!

    OK Adam, I'm off to read yours now, coz I don't believe in the Geoardie fairytale either.

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  78. H2 - dead right about BR buying the PL some years ago(was it '95?)..they are however, one of the 'smaller' teams now and it just seems a little fair that they get something of a windfall as well..that being said, if the new owner has a 100 mil to splash, some of that is gonna be for a Hiddink or O'Neill..no ones really going to give big sam a 100 mil i think.

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  79. Anfield - 'tis I should be apologising to you mate - he is the worst keeper I have ever seen play for the Boro - though Gary Walsh and Alan Miller run him close - we need a winger (oh we had one - he now plays for citeh)

    And Criag Bellamy gone to Cardiff

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  80. AH, Hiddink will probably not return to club footy, he enjoys the international challenge, or so he has stated in numerous interviews on dutch tv.
    I'd be pretty wary of giving Jumpedup O'Neill that kind of dough, he'd probably invest it in bionic technology to rebuild Emile Heskey.

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  81. Dont think 100 mil is enough to rebuild heskey into a goal scorer. what the money could do is start another bidding was for Kaka, who would probably not accept anything involving so much money anwyay, what with it all being so un-christian .

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  82. Never understood what all the fuss was about the little Brazilian.
    How can you put your faith in a guy who knowingly allows himself to be called Kaka?

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  83. "especially if Man U’s ginger ninja is preaching what his little East End disciple is practising" Take that Robbo!!! The "ginger ninja" was the best man out there last night

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  84. Big sam will take 100mil and buy pies and rugby players... or what is more likely, he will buy a shed load of discount City cast-offs as the 25 man rule sees sheik rattlenroll waste more of his money... anyone else think he made the same mistake as ribenaeeore?

    100mil though, what would you buy 2 teams of toprate foreign players or 4 mediocre-at-best english players??? I just hope he leaves MArvin Morgan alone...

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  85. Yeah Robbo have it, the best man on the pitch, the best player at the club...

    I'll let united fans decide if thats a good or bad thing?

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  86. I had 100mill to spend last week and my FFL team still sucked.

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  87. if its any consolation H2..you did much better than me...i might have screwed myself again though..used my wildcard already and made 9 changes to the team..hopefully give RBA a run for his money next gameweek

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  88. I jut peeped Garth Crooks "team of the week"...

    no blackpool players?

    is it coz they is black(pool)?

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  89. I'm sure you will AH, i have managed to break the code for the FFL website and have put together a team of 11 Titus Brambles...

    footyfact: titus' middle name is "wah wah waaaah"

    ReplyDelete
  90. Ha ha RBA.

    But A Baptiste plays for Blackpool, sorry mate.

    ReplyDelete
  91. AH, wild card already? oooohhhh.

    My team's not that bad really, I was unlucky cos Cesc and Given didn't play and I swapped Drogba for Rooney cos the basterd site said that Drogs was unlikely to start.

    I had A Baptiste as an unused sub, damn it!!!

    ReplyDelete
  92. Oh shit... Curse you H2 and your FACTS gettin in the way of my comedy!

    Ok load the BBC team of the week player selecter, select a team with no blackpool players, email it to your freinds, and re-use my joke...

    ReplyDelete
  93. AH

    Sorry about that 41-40. A bit crap really, having ditched DD Sat am
    Next weekend the German connection, me against Spit

    ReplyDelete
  94. Wild cards are for rookies, i certainly wont be using mine at any point. Although i will be playing the race card through out the season.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Anelka banned from French national team for 18 matches. Un merde il ne peut pas donner.

    ReplyDelete
  96. Moi, je ne peux pas donner un merde

    ReplyDelete
  97. RBA, Adam
    caught up with both reads, Div 2 better than Prem

    ReplyDelete
  98. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  99. Or as they say here

    das ist mir scheissegal


    BTW, Ruud scored a hattrick at the w/e in the german cup for HSV, OK it was against a 4th div team from somewhere I've never heard of

    ReplyDelete
  100. A bit silly that, 18 matches, that's like until the next WC, he's 31 already, why not just say he won't be picked anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  101. The Tees Mouth said...
    Anelka banned from French national team for 18 matches.
    ================================================
    Let's assume he's gonna do the suspension:
    10 matches for Euro qualifiers, plus 6 friendlies. Well, sort of. That let's him off till May 2012, then 2 pre-Euro warm ups. Then does that mean if the 19th match is the opening game of EURO 12 he'll be there.......... DAFT!!

    ReplyDelete
  102. RedBlueArmy92 said...
    Big sam will take 100mil and buy pies and rugby players... or what is more likely, he will buy a shed load of discount City cast-offs as the 25 man rule sees sheik rattlenroll waste more of his money... anyone else think he made the same mistake as ribenaeeore?

    ------------------------------

    I think in Balotelli he has got someone just as troublesome as Bellamy and I guess Tevez and Adebayor aren't going to be overjoyed either

    ReplyDelete
  103. AH,
    Woy signed the Boro keeper cos he counts as a home-grown player, thus freeing up a space in the outfield for our Foreign legion. Smart boy that Woy! :)

    ReplyDelete
  104. Hes shit anyway who gives a fuck?

    ReplyDelete
  105. FBH as Boro now need a keeper (I guess there is a Scottish one out there somewhere)

    ReplyDelete
  106. ay up rod lad... i do enjoy your analysys of the modern game. United look good as long as you can keep Paul Scholes fit and you play Nexcastle eery week you'll walk it son!

    Good to see Fergy publicly backing the glazers and calling an end to the norwich scarf parades, i think thats a sign of teh strength of the club, and not at all a sign that the financial situation has is at breaking point.

    Boooooooing.







    Viva le shots...

    ReplyDelete
  107. So Ozil goes to Madrid for about 12 million quid yet City have has bids of 20 mill plus for Milner rejected by Villa.

    England players overrated?

    ReplyDelete
  108. At least they don't dive or cheat. Oh wait a minute...

    ReplyDelete
  109. Just to underline FBH's opinion on Brad Jones. I don't doubt Woy's pedigree but me no understandy why he want dozy ex-Boro keeper on the books? And what is it about smoggy keepers any road? Jones, Turnbull, Schwarzer - and really only the last one left you with anything close to a feeling of security. Here's hoping the teenage new boy keeper comes good - Steele showed plenty of industry at Leicester - heh, heh... perfect name for a Teessider...

    ReplyDelete
  110. Yeah RBA I don;t think the situation has ever been as dire as everyones been making out. Its like the current economy, The Conservatives kept saying how much debt the country was in (a hundred million billion trillion squillion or whatever it is)but the country is gonna be ok in the end, its just gonna take time to repay the debt. The country is too much of a money spinner to go down. Which is precisely the same thing a United.

    Disappointed Ozil has gone to Real Wankfaces, to be honest I think hes made a big mistake. Hes gone to a club where Kaka plays in his position. Stupid stupid-looking, googly-eyed fuckin freak!! I hope we play them and Scholes breaks his face into place.

    ReplyDelete
  111. Adam,

    most of the gks with the old firm are Polish

    ReplyDelete
  112. Robbo,
    He counts as home-grown unlike our other backup keepers. At least I think thats what Woy was thinking.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Has anyone ever mixed Baileys and Lucozade? It produces interesting results....

    ReplyDelete
  114. FBH said "Who's Dog's Dead?"

    If your referring to the FFL, KenDoddsDadsDogsDead that would be me. If you are genuinely concerned for anyone on heres canine then I don't know FBH!

    Whose hamster plays dominoes?

    ReplyDelete
  115. Oi Rod, are you drunk already?

    And oh...I'm spreading my own rumour on the GK saga...............

    "Almunia will join Boro after passing medicals. He's been seen at the River's side flapping his windmill trying to part the waters." Monks Daily Crap

    ReplyDelete
  116. I dare someone to drink Baileys and Lucozade. It fuckin rules!!!

    ReplyDelete
  117. And no Monk, I'm never drunk, jut progressively more attainable.

    ReplyDelete
  118. What's with Adolf Barton?

    And an 18 match ban for Anelka? Not sure he deserved that after they had a coach who consulted Mystic Meg and discarded all Scorpios on the basis of their disruptive nature.

    ReplyDelete
  119. Rod: Then I'll try the Baileys and Lucozade concoction.

    Tommy: With the 18 match game for Anelka, it beats me really, Is it only him that gets the ban, I bet Henry should also be banned from the national team forever, because if it were not for his handball, they'd never have embarrased in RSA.

    And do you know that their national team is the FFF - French Fucking Fornicators

    ReplyDelete
  120. Özil is better than Kaka.

    Well better than an unjured and out of form Kaka for sure.

    Plus, in going to play for Morinho, the lads done the best thing he could have to improve his game.

    Plus, i am sure Jose gives wonderful head thats why all his ex-players get all misty eyed as soon as they hear his name.

    ReplyDelete
  121. Ah come now, Monky boy! Not the premise, I'm fine with that, but surely the fornication aspect superfluates (word? I hope so) the fucking? How about Fusty French Fornicators?

    Spits, I've been saying the very same and think Barca will have their work cut out this season, but does anyone reckon the Ultras Sur accept Jose's style of play? I have my doubts.

    ReplyDelete
  122. I've just noticed, I'm 86th out of 1,874,263 total players in the fantasy league. I feel like Blackpool!

    ReplyDelete
  123. Tommy - I think after the past couple of seasons, the Ultras (like every other Madrid supporter) will settle for winning the league (or at any rate, just winning against barcelona). Then they will start their shouting for the beautiful game to return to Madrid, at which point Jose takes over from SAF who retires.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Real have had enough of the gloating catalans.

    I reckon, they will take a couple of 1:0s against barca (hell, draws even, given their recent record) as long as they win summat. which they will. For god's sake, they finished 3 points behind Barca the last time round with a hastily assembled bunch of players and a good but not Morinhoesquely shrewd tactician at helm.

    Look out for a team built around Xabi Alonso that will be thrashing the lesser mortals out of park and hitting the Barca's of this world right where it hurts them most, in the guts.

    ReplyDelete
  125. way to go Tommy..hope the rest of your season isnt going to mimic Blackpools (apologies in advance MR, you should know I've been wrong about almost everything so far).

    I was surprised to see those numbers for a bit - nearly 2 million people with enough free time to goof off at work and play fantasy football. Now you know why the worlds economy is in a slump.

    ReplyDelete
  126. Oh, you've done it now, AH, don't give him ideas. You know Jose reads this blog. I want Mike Walker to take over at Man U when Fergie chokes on a Wrigleys on the touchline, or would maybe Cristian Gross be too much to hope for?

    ReplyDelete
  127. Now you've mentioned my lost love, Spits. Oh, Xabi, why did you have to leave us for the soulless ones?

    ReplyDelete
  128. O, and I forgot, they have also got Khadeira.

    Anybody remember how he nipped Messi and that tackle to take the ball off of tevez feet?

    Xabi Alonso, khadeira, Özil, Ronaldo...

    I am sure Jose can make summat out of it.

    ReplyDelete
  129. Hei(Finnish for hello) TommyB

    I want your perm and tache. Am I gay? No. But i still crave your perm/tache combo. I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo jealous. I want to be a real man. Can I lick your brogues?

    Will you marry me?

    ReplyDelete
  130. Darth, I'm already betrothed to my reincarntaion as Andriy Voronin's ponytail, the wig n tache is just a cunning subterfuge. Burn me at Benares and send me spinning willy nilly and disengage me from the cycle if it's not so. But good luck, my friend. It's a hard world out there and if you can find a little solace then I wish you all the best.

    ReplyDelete
  131. TommyB, the more you reject me the more I want you.

    Pluck me, the perm/tache combo is the sexiest thing I have ever seen on the interweb/net thingy.

    Good luck to one and all but I'm off to therapy.

    ReplyDelete
  132. Lets go Spurs.

    Time to shove one up Platini and get the max 4 teams into the CL.

    Then you may crash out, if you must.

    ReplyDelete
  133. AH said
    way to go Tommy..hope the rest of your season isnt going to mimic Blackpools (apologies in advance MR, you should know I've been wrong about almost everything so far).

    3 points AH and managed to finish the game with 11 players. People in glass houses and all that.
    Bring on the Gooners!

    ReplyDelete
  134. MR..Cheers to that mate and full credit to your team. long may Blackpool's sojourn be in the PL...but the season is more than just a couple of games my friend..too early for anyone to be throwing stones and all that.

    ReplyDelete
  135. I need to milk it while I can AH!!!!

    Seems odd hearing the commentator saying 'Young boys' every two minutes

    ReplyDelete
  136. WTF..not 15 mins and Young Boys up by 2 goals..dammit..i was counting on Spurs being distracted by the CL this season

    ReplyDelete
  137. WTF

    Do we not have slow English centre backs ?

    Dawson slow as fuck

    ReplyDelete
  138. Fuck now Star, wherever you are it's 3-0.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Real Madrid are slowly building Galacticos II.
    But they still have'nt added any stellar name in defence which has been there weak link for last 3 seasons.

    La Liga will also run close till last day like Premiership, but outcome would depend only on head2head results of El Classico!

    ReplyDelete
  140. ha ha ha AH, did you just say 2. It's almost 4 now dude

    ReplyDelete
  141. Why did Harry play 4-3-3?

    They were outstanding against Man City when they played 4-4-2.

    ReplyDelete
  142. Huddlestone's just been on for 10 minutes and it already looks so assuring for the back-line.

    ReplyDelete
  143. ommy B said...
    What's with Adolf Barton?

    I thought he looked more like the keyboard player out of Sparks - except without the mobile eyebrow?

    FFS spuirs were 3 0 down after half hour!!!

    ReplyDelete
  144. Oi - any lurkers got a job vacancy for a manager and maker of money >???? Call me

    ReplyDelete
  145. What a GOAL, Pava you lazy sod!!

    WHAT A GOAL.

    ReplyDelete
  146. From what I saw Spurs lucky to still be in this.

    ReplyDelete
  147. I think, its all even.

    YB have a goal advantage but Spurs have 2 away goals.

    win at home and they are through.

    Fancy a good game next week.

    ReplyDelete
  148. Striker Mario Balotelli has started life at Manchester City by persuading a team-mate to give up his own shirt.
    ------------------------------------

    Nice bunch of lads Citeh have gotten themselves. Exactly the sort of team spirit they seemed to have been missing.
    Cant understand why he wanted the same number he had at Inter. Not exactly the most loved or most successful player there was he.

    ReplyDelete
  149. TOP TIP for SPURS: Ensure you beat Young Boys in the second leg by moving the kick off time to 10pm, when it's past their bedtime

    ReplyDelete
  150. Balotelli was hated in Italy - even by his own fans - horrible!!!

    ReplyDelete
  151. HEAVY METAL FANS. Turn your sister's Girls Aloud poster into a Def Leppard one by simply drawing moustaches on the girls.

    Same source as Spits :) Twitter Viz Tips!!

    ReplyDelete
  152. Morning all. So if Brad Jones cost 2.4m and Ozil cost 12.4m, can we conclude that Ozil is only 5 times better than the greasy haired bloke, whereas Milner is at least 10 times better?

    ReplyDelete
  153. Evening all. What's the deal with Robbo's blogtopsites rating? It's up and down more than a bride's nightie.

    I'm away offshore again from tomorrow for 2 weeks with no internet access so I'm hoping for no injuries in my FFL team otherwise I'll be gifting Tommy B and Trott the 3 points. And all this after realising my team was rubbish and playing a transfer wildcard in the first week. School boy error.

    ReplyDelete
  154. fbh,

    twitter is not all daft. Some funny ppl about.

    Night all.

    ReplyDelete
  155. And right on cue!! :)

    Guten nacht Spit

    ReplyDelete
  156. Followingborohurts said...
    Sausage wallet #vaginanicknames
    --------------------------------

    Skin chimney?

    ReplyDelete
  157. An interesting argument to be considered
    Read here - http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/wenger-a-rule-could-spark-court-cases

    Well said, Monsieur Wenger!

    ReplyDelete
  158. Holloway2Holland said...
    SS11 said...
    SS11, do you really think that Citeh would let Given join one of it's (supposedly) closist rivals? They'd much prefer to loan him to Fulham. They could string us along 'til the final day of the transfer window and then tell us to sod off, leaving us up shit creek and the paddle shop has been once again closed for the season.
    I'd prefer Given too, well Hart actually, but that won't happen either, but Schwartzer will suffice, whatever we do, we need to do it quickly, all the speculation can't be doing the already fragile confidence of what we already have much good.
    -------------
    Time to bully Citeh and force them to loan out Given to us!

    ReplyDelete
  159. FBH, just for you

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1303800/Mido-upsets-Turkish-club-rocking-invitation.html

    So boro are still paying his wages?

    ReplyDelete
  160. Fucking hell they like doing things the hard way don't they? I'm amazed it got pulled back to 3-2 ... I though we were going to get the shit kicked out of us.

    Oh well, bring on the second leg at Fortress WHL ... I've had a suspicion all summer that the lack of any players with Champs league experience would likely come back and bite us.

    ReplyDelete
  161. star all is not lost all you need to do is win 1-0 or 2-1 in fact just win

    ReplyDelete
  162. adampsb said...
    star all is not lost all you need to do is win 1-0 or 2-1 in fact just win

    ================================
    3-2

    ReplyDelete
  163. SS11 said...
    Well said, Monsieur Wenger!
    ==========================================
    Fooking hell Wenger is a genius i tell ya!!

    ReplyDelete
  164. Anelka seems really bothered by his ban ...

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/8893705.stm

    ReplyDelete
  165. Anelka is French, what did you expect

    ReplyDelete
  166. ColchesterFC said...
    And all this after realising my team was rubbish and playing a transfer wildcard in the first week. School boy error.
    ------------------------------------------
    No schoolboy error that colch, mostly because i did the same thing. if wholesale changes are to be made, now is the time. no point in changing shit halfway through the season when there's too many points to make up.i hope so.

    ReplyDelete
  167. Nowt wrong with my defence ... I've got that down to a fine art ... all kept clean sheets except Ridgewell, but he made up for that by scoring a goal.

    Nah, my tweaks I've made ought to give me a settled team in stead of the constant revolving door policy I had last time round.

    ReplyDelete
  168. Tone - yes we are still paying that fat twats wages grrrrr

    ReplyDelete
  169. I had the same reasoning as well AH, change it while it still can. If it doesn't move it's butt, then remove it. No point sacrificing 4 points by sticking to a looser who will earn you 2 points anyways.

    ReplyDelete
  170. read this with your eyes!

    http://aldershotwoes.blogspot.com/2010/08/cakeprentice-factor.html

    or you know... dont, whatever.

    But it does have a paul merton satire rating of 8.3...

    ReplyDelete
  171. Gets better for Cole ... he's just been busted for speeding over 100mph apparently ...

    ReplyDelete
  172. Morning all. Well I'm away for another trip offshore with no internet access so I won't be able to keep up with the arguements between fans of the Big 4 (or glory hunting trophy whores as I like to call them) on here or make changes to my FFL team. Good luck to Tommy B and Trott who I'll be playing in the 2 matches while I'm away. Keep up the good work on here while I'm away.

    ReplyDelete
  173. Nasri out for a month after knee surgery. That boy doesn't seem to have much luck with injuries.

    ReplyDelete
  174. mornin lads, tara colch, bon voyage

    ReplyDelete
  175. Cheers Trott. Can I suggest that you drop all of the decent players in your FFL team for the week you play my team. Bring in defenders from Wolves, West Brom and Wigan for that week. You know you want to.

    ReplyDelete
  176. you can suggest whatever you like Colch but don't you worry, I'll find a way to fck it up.

    ReplyDelete
  177. in fact, if you give us you log-in and password, we'll look after your team while you're away.

    ReplyDelete
  178. Nasri out. Poor old Wenger and his Porcelain Posse.

    ReplyDelete
  179. Why does wenger only buy players with glass bones and paper skin?

    ReplyDelete
  180. Its H2's fault. Just yday he was waxing eloquent about the new 'hard as nails' Arsenal. Beware the curse of the H2.

    ReplyDelete
  181. FBH, How many more Scots could you buy for 1.4M?

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/eng_div_1/8924210.stm

    ReplyDelete
  182. Ask Gordon Strachan.... I think he ca buy a shit load of them

    ReplyDelete
  183. AnfieldHopeful said...
    Its H2's fault. Just yday he was waxing eloquent about the new 'hard as nails' Arsenal. Beware the curse of the H2.
    ---
    Damn me and my special powers!!!

    OK, admit it Spurs fans, how messy were your underwear last night after the first 30 minutes of that game?
    Not as easy as you thought, eh, this CL lark? And you're not even in the first round proper yet.

    ReplyDelete
  184. Never thought it would be H, I didn't realise it would put grey in my hair though!

    ReplyDelete
  185. That's one crocked defender off the books ...

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/t/tottenham_hotspur/8925343.stm

    ReplyDelete
  186. Liverpool are to make a fresh bid for West Ham midfielder Scott Parker.
    ---------------
    Aargh Woy..how many midfielders do we need..Poulsen,Gerrard,Kuyt,Aqua,Lucas,Cole,Spearing,Amoo,Masch might even stay and now Parker?? Buy a forward before Aug-31 for the lord's sake..one of these guys maybe -

    CSKA Moscow forward Keisuke Honda has issued a come-and-get-me-plea to Premier League clubs interested in signing him.
    ----------------
    Ajax financial director Jeroen Slop has admitted that the club may have to sell stars such as striker Luis Suarez

    ReplyDelete
  187. "Ajax financial director Jeroen Slop has admitted that the club may have to sell stars such as striker Luis Suarez"
    ---
    Only problem is, who the fu*k want's him?

    ReplyDelete
  188. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  189. You should take a leaf out of Blackpool's book Star and get some CL players in. They are already planning for next year's CL, by signing Keinnan from Macabbi.

    ReplyDelete
  190. Holloway2Holland said...
    "Ajax financial director Jeroen Slop has admitted that the club may have to sell stars such as striker Luis Suarez"
    ---
    Only problem is, who the fu*k want's him?
    =============================================
    Ghana......... send him to Ghana and they'll make use of him

    ReplyDelete
  191. H2/Monk..mates..we'll take him..at this rate before the window closes we'll be depending on Ngog and a dodgy torres to get us back in the CL..we'll take suarez or anyone else who can kick a ball at this point..we're not exactly spoilt for choice at the mo

    ReplyDelete