Thursday, 19 August 2010

Bit-eh, grit-eh, and just not pret-eh!

It’s over. £150million quid later – approximately £2m a day – Manchester City, unleashed on the market like a bunch of greedy no-marks on Supermarket Sweep, have returned with their trolleys full and a bewildered look on their faces.

All it needs now is Dale Winton to loom all Blackpool-shirt-faced over the spendthrifts and say ‘Well done, sweethearts but it looks to me like you’ve got an awful lot of the same thing.’

I mean I’m sure Blackburn fans are dreaming of summat similar at Ewood Park, although Allardyce put on his usual Bulldog Licking Piss Off A Nettle face when he suggested that coming to Blackburn was a bit less of a draw than, well, anywhere really.


Why wouldn't people want to join me?

Chins up Sam! Juninho came to Middlesbrough – twice!

And of course you’ll be able to waft rolls of wonga under their noses and nowt peaks a professional footballer’s interest more than that (except the waft of mascara-lacquered eyelashes across a Mediterranean bar in August).

Manchester City’s elite squad – cash-hungry ragbag to us plain speakers – have been doing their best to spout the party line. They’re here to get Chumps League footy... erm, next year... ahem , maybe. In Yaya Toure’s case (and he must be the Sloaney brother in the Toure household ) he’s already won 200k a week and d’you know I’m not sure a trophy can top that. Hasn’t he won the Champs League anyway? Ya-Yawn Toure more like.

Milner arrives with the wrong-headed assumption that he’ll be wide right most of the time given that Citeh already have central midfield more clogged than a docker’s arteries. Barry, de Jong, Yaya, Vieira, and Michael Johnson (English, home-grown, doesn’t really count) are all jostling for a bit of space and Mancini reckons on Milner being in there too.

If he is moved to the flanks he’ll have to compete with the likes of Shaun Wright-Phillips, Adam Johnson and new boy David Silva. At least Weiss is popping up in Glasgow for a bit so he can spend the year putting things on a plate for James Beattie – who’s never made a habit of finishing an easy meal. In fact if you want a benchmark for the quality of Scottish club football look no further than Rangers signing of a great 32-year-old lunk with the first touch of a concrete block whose biggest impact in football has been on the side of William Gallas’s head.

In the meantime, players that have served Citeh well are scowling along touchlines in a state of apoplexy. It’s unclear as to what Given and Bellamy have done to deserve being ignored – although if Craig opened his gob, then it’s understandable.
There are other players who are starting to look like last week’s under-5’s Chrissie presents. Wayne Bridge can get back to his pre-summer sulk-fest as the one-footed wally will be on his way elsewhere. (Blackburn? I expect Sam’ll be checking how far he can hoof it as we speak).

Lescott may start tonight in that vibrant outpost of FC Timisoara but he has Zabaleta and Kolarov ahead of him now. Still, City’s bench-warmers can always enjoy the cultural bounty that Timisoara offers: choose from Timişoara Orthodox Cathedral or St. George's Cathedral (presumably the unorthodox one).


Robinho and Jo are still around like a special offer at a beauty salon – 2 free Brazilians, lady? - and the Ecuadorian Caicedo is around too. I wonder if he knows how or why.

And here’s the thing. Any club with unlimited funds is bound to get a little carried away but Citeh’s problem seems to be that they’re getting the players first and assembling a team second. A touch of the Capellos maybe.

Of course, Ferguson can’t resist one of his lateral digs - ‘kamikaze spending’ he called it.

Well, no, Fergie. Kamikaze spending would be forking out money you don’t really have cos the people owning your club are using it to offset the huge debts they have elsewhere and if they forked off tomorrow you’d be selling the Big Issue and looking nervously at the team-sheet for Wythenshawe Wanderers.

I mean I expect you to get a little cranky, my human Stop Light, but it’s not like this Fand-Abu-Dhabi fund is going to run out soon.

The side Mancini put out at White Hart Lane on Saturday was an odd one with Tevez playing the lone striker role and inevitably scuttling back into the midfield three to find out what had happened to the ball for the first half-hour. Answer: Spurs had it.

Mancini betrayed a negative mindset last year and with Rafa out of the frame he is free and clear to claim the mantle of Most Miserable Deployer of Incredibly Expensive Footballers in the Premier League. Three holding midfielders tonight n all! Who have these Romanians got in the middle of the park? Platini, Zidane and Mara-bloody-dona?

I mean the least you could try to be was a bit enter-bloody-taining for 150 million quid plus last year’s convoy of cash. When you think how hilariously playful Sparky’s Citeh were before the chairman sent out the managerial seagulls to crap on him. And now this outfit.

'If only the team had been duller...'

It’s early days for the Italian and it would take a right pillock not to put at least one good side together from the equipment he has available, but no, I will not be wishing the moneybags well and neither should the Citeh fans expect it.

Most of us cling on the misguided belief that money isn’t everything – if it is, we’ve got too much nothing – and a well average Citeh season would happily underline this.

523 comments:

  1. Money isn't everything... but it get's the fans going... I'm boro through and through... I'd have Juninho back at 40 year old!!

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  2. like watching a car crash. wait till the Sheik gets bored.

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  3. Does it matter if you spend 150 mil in one year or over 4 years?

    No it does not.

    so Sir Fergie, is hardly a person to advise people against high spending.

    Of course you can buy a winning team.

    All that matters is, who's buying. And what.

    City should have started with a top class manager and given him 2 years (4 transfer windows) to get a team together.

    They are doing it all wrong.

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  4. did anyone ever tell you that you look like Gary Sinise?

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  5. Just seen Brad Jones sat in stands talking to Gerrard - and Gerrard was listening - strange things - he is still the worst ever keeper for Boro - and Brad Jones isnt much better :)

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  6. Hey do you know wot - I never read the last blog - but I will read this one - tomorrow - too tired now

    And dont forget the big game of W/E is Boro v Sheff U - and its on telly so no excuses.

    BUT - they have a new manager which means...............

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  7. Name check in the blog.. must be a first

    Expect Wed Woy's team to beat Citeh on Monday.I did hear that Liverpool having missed out on Balotelli have signed an Italian called Robatelli and a Japanese striker called Nikamota

    The old ones are the best

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  8. good stuff Robbo. The most interesting and closely fought match might be City v City Reserves. How many "superstars" will get pissed off each week is the question. So far this week, the count is 3. Doesn't bode well and the pressure will build faster than the patience lasts in terms of Mancini's longevity as manager. Bring back Tony Book.

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  9. Forget about Citeh's spending power. What I cannot digest is the fact that have players gone blind, dumb and deaf to not understand that they might actually end up playing less football for ManC than with their earlier clubs.

    Trophies & Champs League!?!?! (in their dreams)

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  10. Joe Cole's contribution to L'pool so far...
    A red card in opening PL game and a missed penalty in Europa League qualifier.

    On his way to greatness, mark my words!

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  11. Joe Cole's start is not a fairy tale, but i reckon the lad's gonna crack it and we'll all be in trouble. I think Woy is gonna "Zamorify" him. (To steal a word from the Robbo Dictionary)

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  12. Sometimes its just too difficult to go against the Martin Samuel "poor Mark Hughes" slighly jingist grain isn't it Robbo. Forget a long dissing of the footy parts of your piece, simple beer bet, 10 pints says City finish top 2 this season (and Mancini shows more dignity than Hughes, Bruce and Allardyce can muster in a lifetime) due to the coaching ability of the manager. Yeh or nay?

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  13. Ah so this is where you're all hiding this morning.

    I think Roy's already Zamorafied Ngog Monk. Still City are giving us plenty of merriment to go with all that cash. All that fire power and they got out of wherever the hell they were last night with a solitary goal.

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  14. Star: So you telling me that Woy has Konchelskied Joe Cole. Oh dear.............

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  15. Is that cos of your holiday or the dale winton reference blogs mate... welcome back sir.

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  16. "Dimitar Berbatov has painted himself as Manchester United's modern-day Eric Cantona. "Football is like art and my aim is to create beautiful things on the pitch to help the team be successful," said the Bulgarian, who has also drawn caricatures of team-mates Wayne Rooney and Nemanja Vidic."

    Isn't any picture of rooney and vidic a caricature?

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  17. Rooney and Vidic don't need caricatures RBA? You got it right.

    Welcome back BLOG. And because you've not been arnd for a while let me bring you up to speed. We've done and said nothing. Now you're up to speed

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  18. Starfire said...(From Cole Bunkered)
    Thinking about it a bit more, is Gallas in fact a 'hand me down' player, much like the toys youu got from your older siblings when they're fed up with them?

    I mean, he's gone from Chelsea, down to Arsenal and then likely onto us. Is Fulham his next port of call in a couple years' time?
    =====================================
    West Ham, Fulham, then Liverpool

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  19. Hey, good blog.

    I agree with giving a manager a few years but money brings impatience... It annoys me as a City fan that they seem to have no idea what's going to happen week in week out. The players being sidelined are mostly the players that Hughes brought in, City would be in a better position if he was still manager. It also grinds that the problem last year was the defence, no problem scoring goals so they spend the whole summer courting new forwards? Why?!?!

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  20. By the way, is this the worst case of business ever carried out?

    'Liverpool boss Roy Hodgson has confirmed he is considering the possibility of sending midfielder Alberto Aquilani out on loan in an effort to help him play first-team football.'

    £20M player to just send out on loan...

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  21. Manchester United's owners the Glazer family have been hit with a steep rise in their annual debt payments after the club exceeded a limit on their overall borrowings which form part of their controversial PIK loans agreement.

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Ha.

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  22. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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  23. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    HAHAHHA



    HA....

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  24. Heh... Utd are on borrowed time before the whole debt collapses on top of them. Good times.

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  25. Wait... forgot HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA *Deep Breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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  26. Heee...Hee....he..ha...Haaaahahahahahahahah....HEHAHEHAHEHAHEHHEEEEEE......Bleeeurrgghhh.....parp

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  27. i love how footy brings people together...

    chuckle guffaw snicker snigger snarf fnarrr tee-hee titter hoho haha hehe yak yak giggle snear snort... woooooop.

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  28. Can I join in?

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

    And one for Citeh too

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

    Manchester, eh, one side not got a pot to piss in and the other's got too many windows to throw it out of.

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  29. Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!!!!!!!"111!!

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  30. I'll take that bet Clarkeonenil, in fact, I'd be surprised if Citeh finished the season with Mancini.

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  31. I would make a wager about eating all my hats if City finished in the top 2, but Gallas looks like he's already going to force me to break out the condiments (subtly sidestepping the ketchup/brown sauce wars here) and eat them.

    All right, I'll eat all my shoes if City finish in the top 2.

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  32. What kind of footwear are we talking? A nice appetiser like a sandal, or an all day breakfast type doc martin?

    And it's HP sauce with bacon butties or pies every time.

    And did I mention, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I think I pee'ed a little.

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  33. Doc Martins, hiking boots, trainers and a couple of pairs of smart shoes for suits and smart clobber.

    Hope it doesn't come to that though, I love me boots.

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  34. Hahahahahaha from me as well then.

    Well poor Joe Cole not having the dreamiest of starts is he? I think the lad is trying a tad too hard. I still think he will do just fine for us, once he settles down in a couple weeks. The Manchester clubs' progress on and off the field is going to be mighty interesting this season.

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  35. mornin Lads, welcome back Blog. Did it rain? Did the earwigs get in the tent? Did the bloke on the next plot keep you awake with his snoring? Has everybody got lumbago?

    It'll never happen but hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

    City top 2? hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

    Like D&C said, we haven't laughed so much since Aunty Mabel caught her left tit in the mangle.

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  36. My mate took his 7 year old son to Anfield for the first time last night. When Cole missed the penalty his boy turned to him and said 'I can see why he was free now.' Looks like Robbie Keane's problem is repeating itself - trying to hard, like you said AH. Kuyt might be off to Inter by the looks of it, and Aquilani to Juve. Liverpool starting to look a little light if all these rumours come off.

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  37. Light perhaps Noel, but they'll be rid of most of the shit at least.

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  38. At least Lucas will still be there to pull the strings. What do you reckon to Gallas then Star? A bit of experience for the Champs League and a good player, but can't help but think that he'll disrupt the squad. Harry was linked with Lasanna Diarra too, but looks like he's staying at Real. He would have been good - I don't really rate Palacios.

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  39. Gallas is a good player, just needs an attitude adjustment.

    Juventus, Panathanaikos, Roma, PSG, Celtic and Hamburg were all interested in signing him (on a Bosman) but none could strike a deal. The seasons already started and he's still out sans club. Coincidence?

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  40. Gallas will cost me my remaining hats Noel ... some pillock swore he'd eat them all if an ex Gunner fetched up at WHL before the transfer window closed.

    Joking aside though, I've been saying we need people who've been in the Champions league and it'll be good to have a central defender who doesn't have a bust knee or groin.

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  41. Gallas missed chunks of every season he played for us, I think you'll find he's a pretty busted player too. (nowhere in the region of your CB's though)

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  42. How desperate for "news" are we?

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/8931368.stm

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  43. Ah well, hopefully we'll get a season's games out of the three of them.

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  44. I'm sure if you chopped them all up, you could use all the good bits to make a decent player.

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  45. Hmm, Frankenstein in defence ... he'll be as slow as JT but you can't argue he doesn't have presence.

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  46. Plus the locals will have someone other then Peter Crouch to chase with torches and pitch forks.

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  47. away to shrewsbury... think we'll nick a win... Little and Small with a brace to win...

    Gallas, best defender in teh workd at chelsea, great back 4 then weren't it, and gallas could play anywhere along it... cunt though aint he.

    United debts are rising.... hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.




    ha.


    City.... well shit in't they!

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  48. PEDANT ALERT!!

    Starfire said
    Hmm, Frankenstein in defence ... he'll be as slow as JT but you can't argue he doesn't have presence.

    I think you'll find Frankenstein was the name of the doctor and not his creation actually

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  49. THe problems of Citeh can be summed up with the use of the old proverb;

    "Too many chefs spoil the brew"

    But not only do they have too many chefs, they also have a Cook and he's a complete twat.

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  50. Oh shit, you're right MR .... I bloody well know that as well, I learned that from QI many moons ago.

    Sigh, it's not been a good day here ...two hats left and I'm still trying to figure out if red or brown sauce would help them go down better ...

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  51. They must have the wrong Cook H ...England have a Cook, and he's scored a ton.

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  52. Mary Shelley would of been proud of ya M.R.

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  53. Cheers H2H

    I learnt that from that Alan Partridge episode where he dresses up a zombie in the travel tavern, actually this scene

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ol4C_eNWdwM

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  54. Gosh you can't help some people, I offer beer, they want garments....

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  55. Oh come on lads - Glazers' debt suddenly shooting up isn't that funny for Chrissake.

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  56. cough! splutter! it's this kamikaze spending that's to blame!Hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*

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  57. Anyone got any idea's who the latest footballer to get a gaggin order is? Heard it's Stevie G...

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  58. hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*

    ergh ergh ergh ergh

    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*
    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*

    ergh ergh ergh ergh

    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*
    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*

    ergh ergh ergh ergh

    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*
    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*

    ergh ergh ergh ergh

    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*
    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*

    ergh ergh ergh ergh

    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*
    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*

    ergh ergh ergh ergh

    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*
    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*

    ergh ergh ergh ergh

    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*
    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*

    ergh ergh ergh ergh

    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*
    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*

    ergh ergh ergh ergh

    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*
    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*

    ergh ergh ergh ergh

    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*
    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*

    ergh ergh ergh ergh

    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*
    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*

    ergh ergh ergh ergh

    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*
    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*

    ergh ergh ergh ergh

    hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhahahaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa...*sigh*

    cough splutter vomit

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  59. gawd ive got 4 gazillion aldershot woes to catch up on.

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  60. how do, H? how the dungheap?

    thanks for the update, TM.....figures.

    i also hope the gnomes of man city do a midas

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  61. the old joke has never been truer: Name three English clubs with swear-words in their names.

    ans : Scunthorpe, Arsenal, and Manchester Fucking City.

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  62. The Dungheap's good blogs, hope you enjoyed your hol's (even though you seem not to like camping)
    I was just down at the bar and some of the regulars said that they heard on dutch radio that Kuyt had signed for Inter. (nothing on the beeb yet) Anyways, back to the bar dear friends!!

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  63. smh.....i doubt all you chaps will be laughing come the end of the season. Our debts dont affect our football on the field....as can be seen from recent results

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  64. Howdy blogidy? Welcome back!

    H2H, I heard Wenger bid for Schwarzer was just a 2 and a half million which has been turned down. Why on Earth is he so conservative on buying a goal keeper, I mean 2 and half million should be a weekend's revenue for entire Arsenal PLC. Why be conservative? I read the article about Arsenal FanShare to raise money for future of Arsenal Club and thats at a decent price £95 to buy 1 share of Arsenal Holdings. Inc. So assuming there are 1 million Arsenal fans who decide to buy 1 share each, they should be able to buy not only Schwarzer but even the likes of Iker Casillas.

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  65. The best transfer news of the day has been that of Edgar Davids, that goggle-eyed star from Juventus, has signed up with Crystal Palace.

    Crystal Palace for Championship Winners!!!

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  66. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  67. M R

    you got a point but fortunately we have a top manager who knows how to nurture youngsters which is why the club has been very successful over the past 2 decades. And remember Scholes and Giggs are bit players, they dont play every game, hence the reason for their longevity

    As for the club, dont be so pessimistic, if Man U really gets filled up in debt that the revenue cant cover (which wont happen anytime soon) the name of the club itself is enough to attract buyers, unlike some of the other EPL clubs

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  68. it was ok thanks H. holidays arent what theyre cracked up to be in my experience particularly ones in a tent in the rain

    personally id spend the money going to a big footie match but that might be a bit tough on the kids "where are we going on oliday mum?" " well dadys going to watch barca vs real madrid in the nou camp".....

    cheers, SS11

    Trini - you sound like ozymandias - look on my results, ye mighty, and despair. fergie cant rely on mermaidman and barnacle boy (scholes and giggs) for ever. and when their elderly legs give out we'll be here...laughing

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  69. "Scholes and Giggs are bit players"

    controversial!

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  70. blog,

    you giving me a laugh. When I refer to the special geezers as bit players, they dont play as regularly as Evra or Rooney. If they were being played so often, they would have retired a few seasons ago. Dont worry, Fletcher will take Scholes place and Nani will take Giggs place.

    See, problem solved

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  71. H u made a big difference to the gramatical meaning of my post - respek

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  72. MUFC

    I managed to delete my previous comment some how?

    Your right Ferguson brought through an incredible batch of young players in the last two decades but the biscuit barrel is nearly empty now just Scholes and Giggs. Let's face it Ferguson has been a bit crap in the transfer market in recent times, and they can't carpet bomb transfers like Citeh. I think their on a dip......unlike the Tangerine Army!! move over ther ain't room for the two of us

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  73. blogdignag said...

    " well dadys going to watch barca vs real madrid in the nou camp".....
    -------------
    OR Dad's going to watch Port Vale vs Aldershot at Vale Park.

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  74. Well that's one would be buyer pissed off with Liverpool ...

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/l/liverpool/8933128.stm

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  75. "Fletcher will take Scholes place and Nani will take Giggs place."

    i can sense the embarrssed grin as you typed this, trini - i guess you also predict that fergie will be replaced by Big Sam and the chairman will trade in his Bentley for a skoda

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  76. " well dadys going to watch barca vs real madrid in the nou camp".....
    -------------
    OR Dad's going to watch Port Vale vs Aldershot at Vale Park.


    SS11 - better pies i suppose

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  77. United haven't been afraid to splash the cash when it's suited them, but it's usually on one or two players, as and when Fergie needs replacements in the team to freshen things up.

    He's always had a nucleus of a team which has changed and evolved over the years as old stars retire and youth take over, and has bought as and when needed to keep the team at the top of the game.

    City on the other hand don't have that. They've got three dozen overpriced misfits (and Hart, what a fucking bargain) and Mancini has to somehow work out the best line up out of all that lot, and has precisely eight minutes in which to do so before getting the axe.

    That's why they've been described as having been on a kamikaze spree.

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  78. Blog - nice to see you back - I dont feel so ugly or thick when you are about!!!!

    And put Robbo in the mix and I am [insert name of fave star]

    Rhubarb - nice - with crumble and custard - mouth watery - think its a norterhn thing

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  79. "Fletcher will take Scholes place and Nani will take Giggs place."

    I thought Kleberson was taking Scholes' place? Oh no, hang on. I thought Anderson was taking Scholes' place? Oh no, hang on. I thought Hargreaves was taking Scholes' place? Oh no, hang on. I thought Eric Djemba-Djemba was taking Scholes' place? Oh no, hang on. I thought..........

    Alan Partridge is my hero. It's where I got my fantasy team name from.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evTaN8Qvwr8
    Smell my cheese you mother!

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  80. FBH,

    Rhubarb crumble is not restricted to those of you from the North. Especially if it got brown sauce on it.

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  81. Would you like a wafer thin mint?

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  82. Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends,we're so glad you could attend,come inside come inside.

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  83. So, is everyone set up for the FFL?

    I've got my usual 3-4-3 set up to play, all my strikers raring to go and the troublemakers booted out on loan to some other poor sucker.

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  84. YAAY! Jacks! Welcome back, even if its just a drop in. its not the same without you, sniff

    im ony sorry that you arrived just after a trail of such abject rhubarb crumble condiment drivel, but i blame Grit for that

    Go Ipswich!

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  85. Fucking hell, catch him quick and ply him with drink so he can't run away again!

    Welcome back Jack :)

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  86. Hey Jacks, good to hear from you again. Missed you all summer...

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  87. Well, I made just 1 transfer to my squad by bringing in Knight in place of Figueroa and changed the formation to 3-5-2 with Arshavin as my captain instead of Rooney.

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  88. I've been exceedingly busy.The Government have been taking on board my advice for cuts.After much negotiation they have agreed with me.Number 2 back and sides with a rough cut on top.Bit of Sweet Georgia Brown(other pomades are available)to finish it off.

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  89. Rhubarb crumble.Lots of oats in the crumble(when you've been married as long as I have that's the only oats you get)served with custard.

    Thank you for your kind welcome back.How have you all been?

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  90. Just plugging along nicely, though a few have parted their ways. Hope to see them back as well.

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  91. From a sun drenched Prague, just logged in to welcome Jacks back.

    We missed ya mate.

    Now dont go missing again.




    OR Sisko pays for it. As requested/promised/threatened.

    Up the gunnerz, the shots, the millers, the tractor boys, the boro

    Fuck everzbody else.
    Including all teams from Stoke on Trent.

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  92. i half agree with you there, spit, but you need to show more respect for the vale which existed long before the Arsenal Ladies were formed

    we're just on the wrong side of history. if the vale had opportunistically moved to north london then we'd be the rich club and woolwich arsenal would be the team struggling in an economic wasteland

    ive been on the phone to robbie and he's considering my suggestion to move the vale ground to new york.

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  93. No need to bother with that Blogidy,every time we drive through Burslem I'm always reminded of Manhatten.

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  94. Welcome backs Jacks, where have you been all summer long, reminds of a song

    The rehab treatment went well then?

    Good luck to all, esp Div 2, you know who you are,

    and SPIT, good luck in the Prem, lets see how it pans out in the HtoH, FFL, everythings all set, last minute adjustments done

    and lastly, fucking Bayern scored in the last minute to beat the wally with the brolly

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  95. Ah Germany ... that reminds me. Go St Pauli! :)

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  96. Thank you to the German contingent for your welcome back.I've actually been off to find the source of the Nile.After 3 months trekking,climbing,swimming and hiking I discovered that it was Lea and Perrins.

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  97. Hey Jacks wazzup geezer!!!

    Also a sneaky welcome to the man based in NYC with the IOU tinted specs, how u doing Trini?
    ---
    I hate the FFL, unless I win of course, which is extreamly unlikely due to the fact that I didn't change up my team.
    I thought I'd be a smartars and wait 'til the last minute to tinker with it, but it was a bit buy in the Dungheap and I drunk way too much, (nothing new there)) so was in no state to do it last night (6:30am) and ofcourse missed the deadline by the time I arose from my slumber/alcohol induced coma.

    Ah well, as the Mickey Mousers rightfully point out; there's always next year.

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  98. ah yes the pyramids of worcestershire

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  99. Hello H2.I've been a busy man this summer in Italy.I was asked to help with the infrastructure at Venice.What a mess!All the streets were flooded.

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  100. Quite right Blogidy,Cairo is often referred to in Egypt as the Pershore of Egypt.

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  101. SS11, 95 quid get's you 1/100th of a share.

    And yeah, you're right, AW should stop fannying about and get a keeper in. Another season with Fawlty Manuel and Flappyhandski would be suicide.
    ----
    fbh, Rhubarb crumble is not a Narfern thing, it's a British thing. Mine with custard please.

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  102. Hmm, Leeds vs Milwall ... what the chances a football match will break out during that punch up?

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  103. Italy eh Jacks?

    While your at it, see if you can straighten out that tower, that by the way is not made of pizza at all! What a rip off.

    Suppose you were busy in the hols with the missus and your two lovely lasses, hope all is well.

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  104. Everything has been ok H2 apart from my brother.

    He went into the Apple store in Birmingham and stole an ipod touch,an ipad and an Apple Mac.

    Police have charged him with scrumping.

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  105. I see I haven't missed a great deal.Arsenal still need a keeper H2?I've read that Schwazer and possibly Given have been looked at.I can't see either going(or being allowed to go).Time to send the scouts over to France again?

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  106. "If we go to Southend and lose it's only an average start" so says micky adams in his latest inspirational churchilian call-to-arms for the lads

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  107. You'd think that keepers are as rare as pixie rainbow dust the amount of time we've been bollixing about trying to get one, it's pretty embarassing really.

    I think Citeh are gonna string us along until the close of the transfer window and then say; We're not Given you our keeper.
    Plus the chances of signing Schwartzer decreased dramatically when that f*ckbucket Sparky Hughes joined Fulham.

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  108. I still don't get why Arsene didn't make an offer for Kasper Schmichael ... competent, cheap.

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  109. Lol, the cricketers are off for lunch ... wouldn't have been easier to say nuts to that and keep them out for another five overs to score the 30 runs they need to beat England?

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  110. We had an England international on our books last season.You could have taken him H2.

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  111. I like Mickey Adams.The only trouble with him is the constant barrage of one liners and jokes he makes.That and his loquaciousness.

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  112. If you mean Richard (not all) Wright, then I think we'll pass. Been there, done that.

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  113. You don't think another £6 million would have been well spent then H2?

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  114. mornin' Lads, and a huge beer spilling welcome back to Jacks. I couldn't wait any longer, the lovely Kelly at our new local supercuts gave me a trim yesterday.

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  115. Thanks Trotts.I've been away at a college for comedians.I graduated and so I'm now a fully qualified comic.My wife laughed at me for doing it,well she's not laughing now.

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  116. Spitfire said...
    Up the gunnerz, the shots, the millers, the tractor boys, the boro

    Fuck everzbody else.
    Including all teams from Stoke on Trent.
    -------------------------------------------
    Oh yeah? Well fuck the gooners too, may the curse of the Blackpool donkey surround you.

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  117. ello trot.

    i was just reading that redknapp says he's signed gallas and "not the yorkshire ripper". he'd make a hell of a centre back though wouldnt he? no striker with long hair would want to take him on. imagine that you shimmy around the defender and THE YORKSHIRE RIPPER IS CHASING AFTER YOU!!!

    redknapps other ringing endorsements of his new signings have included "at least he's not josef fritzel" and "it would really put the cat amongst the pigeons if i sign adolf hitler"

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  118. wassup Blog. Listen, I'm all in favour of Vale moving to New York. There's a lot of fierce debate about the building of a mosque at ground zero, I think putting Vale's new ground there could be the answer. Either there or Central Park.

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  119. Blogs, H2 and I were speculating yesterday about taking the working parts of Gallas, Woody and King to give us a working defender and the merits of having such a Frankenstein exuding his presence in the back line.

    We have that lot in our lineup and no bugger would dare try and beat us, though it would be something of an irony having Adolf in the team ...

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  120. I'm sure the Vale wouldn't mind where they end up,as long as they can get an oatcake or a wrights pie with a pint of Titanic to wash it down they'd be happy.

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  121. Adolf is more of a golfer Star,although his technique at getting out of the bunker is suspect.

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  122. COTW : Sutcliffe for Tottenham

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  123. There's only one Peter Sutcliffe

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  124. I thought Peter Sutcliffe was more of a rugby man?Although he didn't like playing in the front row.Couldn't stand hooking.

    (are you sure you want me back?I've got about 4 months of other crap to get off my chest)

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  125. i saw that about the mosque, trott. why wouldnt you want one there? they wouldnt target it again, would they? iran nearly has nukes now lets remember.

    id want mosques everywhere. if i was american id rebrand mickey mouse as mickey mosque. if i was osama bin obama id convert and rename the country united states of mosqueland. eat macmosqualds burgers. give osama bin laden masks to all troops in afghanistan and rediesign tanks with minaret turrets. or - maybe id leave them alone to fuck their countries up in their own way? naive i know because theyd sell all their oil to china..

    star - nice plan but theyve only got one good knee between them

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  126. bring it on, jacks, we've got thick skins after all those aldershot woes

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  127. not as if anyone else makes much sense on here, is it?

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  128. sutcliffe is in two minds whether to follow footie or rugby

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  129. Apparently Blogidy,a recent survey found that 20 of people polled in America believe Barack Obama to be a muslim.I don't quite see it myself.I think he'd have been tempted to get the soldiers out of Afghanistan and Iraq pretty toot suite.Do these people not study history?Nobody comes out of Afghanistan with a smile on their face.

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  130. Gulp, this from Wikipedia :

    Peter David Sutcliffe (born 25 January 1957) is a former English footballer.

    Playing career
    Sutcliffe played for Manchester United and Stockport County before he joined Port Vale for £3,000 in March 1977 (after his infamous namesake had just claimed his third victim). He became a regular in the side but lost his place in March 1978 and was sold on to Chester for £15,000 in December 1978. He later played for Bangor City before making a return at old clubs Chester and Stockport County, later playing for Scarborough.[1]

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  131. that should read 20% in the above nonsense.I knew I shouldn't have spent the last 3 months on that typing course that FBH had organised.

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  132. i understand the ripper supported the hammers

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  133. Wasn't that the lad that kept belting them in from 25 yards like Peter Lorimer?

    I believe his nickname was "The Hammer".

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  134. no not the hammers, the blades, apparently

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  135. wasnt that Edward the First, Jack? beat scotland away.

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  136. just a thought. what if gallas actually WAS the yorkshire ripper and an innocent man languishes in Broadmoor?

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  137. I agree, nothing against the mosques at all, in fact, in a friendly, brotherly gesture of peace and acceptance, the muslim nations are going to build cathedrals at the centres of all their major cities and allow worshippers to come and go persecution free.

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  138. you'll have to rename your team Port Veil, and the lasses will have to wear one which might make the public eating of pies a punishable offence

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  139. Didn't Lady Gaga originally want to dedicate her big single to Edward I's son?Shame she had to change the title to Poker Face.

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  140. Trotts,have you seen the women of Burslem?Some of the most attractive,educated,wealthy women you could ever wish to see.

    Oh,hang on.That's Cheltenham.

    Sorry.

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  141. funnily enough, trott i jihad a pie for my lunch or dinner as its properly called in non-medieval circles

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  142. Poker Arse would have been a better title jack

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  143. some good looking birds in stoke. the spell is broken though when they open their fucking stupid gobs.

    any islamic feminists out there feeling doubly offended?

    probably not.

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  144. That was what I was hinting at Blogidy.Wasn't another of the Edwards drowned in a butt of Marmery wine?

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  145. i think redknapp is right, william gallas is definitely a "better player than the Yorkshire Ripper"

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  146. I've bin to New York, New Jersey and New Brighton but I've never been to Burslem. I'll put it on the bucket list.

    What's your pie blog? If I was home I'd be having a steak and kidney and a pork, possibly some chips.

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  147. Blogidy,I bet he only says that because Peter Sutcliffe's agent didn't offer him a brown envelope.

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  148. hope so, jacks. and we've got another one i'd like to see assassinated in a comical manner.

    any royalist islamic feminists out there?

    phew.

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  149. bollocks, we've got the Spurs, Arsenal and Everton games live. Bolton 5 hours later. we always were a bit behind the times

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  150. Trotts,I mentioned this to RBA in an e-mail a while back as he is the pie connoisseur,Wrights Pies now offer a burger pie.Burger,cheese,tomato relish and all encased in a puff pastry.
    Marco Pierre White is interested in acquiring the rights to wrights as it were.

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  151. fray bentos steak and kidney pie in a tin, eaten from the tin, trott. absolutely delicious. i might have another.

    any royalist islamic feminist gourmands out there?

    if so, fuck you.

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  152. ahhhhh Jacks 14,000 calories of goodness

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  153. The current Edward serves a purpose Blogidy.Whenever I feel down I look atr him and think thank christ I'm not you,you inbred,idiot,balding,stuck up monkey boy.

    Any Prince Edwards out there?


    Any Prince Albert's out there?

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  154. they're off, come on Blackpool, another 4-0. Good luck to all your teams unless they're playing mine.

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  155. WRIGHTS PIE ARE MAKING A NEW KIND OF PIE!!!

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  156. In fairness Trotts,the wrapper was the nicest part.

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  157. Fray Bentos, you bastard, did you have chips too?

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  158. I'd like to echo Trotts good luck to Bolton wish.

    I've got Kevin Davies up front.

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  159. good luck to ipswich bolton and all teams not named southend this afternoon. fulham have a difficlut couple of games. man u today, vale on wednes.

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  160. trott - no i couldnt be bothered. just peas and a nice cup of earl grey, just to prove im not a complete heathen.

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  161. I dropped KD for this week, El Mandy'll get all the goals

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  162. Spurs v Stoke is going to be one ugly game. Only striker we've got is Crouch and I see 'Arry's chucked on bruisers like Hudd and Khaboul.

    Oh well, it forces him to use something other than 4-4-2. We've shown we can play well and pretty, we need to show we can roll up the sleeves, scrap and play ugly to win if needs be.

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  163. if Vale get a win will it be the end of Sparky!

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  164. Jacks Backs and Sides!!!!! WHEY HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  165. I'm not sure if I still have the "magic" touch in prediction.I'll cover my bets.

    Good luck to Port Vale,Bolton,Spurs,Ipswich,Arsenal,Aldershot,Rotherham.

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  166. Trott, can you clear something up for me?

    I've picked Taylor from Bolton on the basis he got a decent amount of points from midfield last season, yet both games this season he's not started.

    Have I picked a duffer here?

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  167. Good luck to the opponents of Port Vale,Bolton,Spurs,Ipswich,Arsenal,Aldershot,Rotherham.

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  168. yes good to have you back, jack, the jack-lack was cack

    Coat! (or should i say Mac!)

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  169. Sorted.

    Respect due.

    (who let Stuffer in?)

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  170. Hello FBH.I've run out of comedy reasons for my absence.Sorry.

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  171. Now look what you have done

    KD is in my team an'all

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  172. Thanks Blogidy,the NASDAQ which had a lack of crack in the sack should get less flack from the pack.

    I really am rambling here.Mind you I had 4 "e"'s last night.

    Man that was a tough scrabble hand.

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  173. So then I changed Walcott for Kranjar, and what happens?

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  174. 1: Sorensen
    2: Shawcross
    3: Cole A
    4: Samba
    5: Gerrard
    6: Bale
    7: Kuyt
    8: Arshavin (C)
    9: Gutierrez
    10: Carroll
    11: Davies
    12: Robinson
    13: Hangeland
    14: Dawson
    15: Defoe

    If you have any of the following,please sell immediately.

    Although as I type Bale has scored.

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  175. SWo Peter Sutcliffe played for Bangher City, creepy.

    Gallas is definetly not the Yorkshire Ripper, but after he pays his his first pay check 'arry will realise he is the French Ripoff.

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  176. Of course he wouldn't have scored if I actually had him in my team.

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  177. Star, Taylor was crap last season and he played a bit part as Wilshere was in the second half, then they discovered that taylor had been suffering from some terrible illness that had been sapping his strength. Glandular fever or malaria or black plague or somat. Anyway, towards the end of the season he looked as if he had a new lease of life and had got his legs back. So, in answer to your questions, have you picked a duffer...probably. He won't play every game with Petrov and Blake around.

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