Thursday 8 July 2010

No Spain No Gain


Ooo, aren't they marvellous that Spain?

You just can't get the ball off them and they ping it around like some very elegant pinball machine. Every touch is a beautiful caress, every swivel and shimmy leaves the lumbering defender squinting in disbelief. Tis not footy. Tis poetry. Dribble, slurp, slaver...

Yes, yes, yes. Agreed, up to a point. But why can't the faffing beggars score more than one bloody goal! Eh?! It used to be a standing joke amongst football fans that your team could thrash the opposition 1-0. With Spain it's bloody well true.

It seems to me they're far too content being a kind of blissed-out Arsene Wenger wet dream and not too bothered about getting the job done. Germany should have been tonked. The team that put four past Argentina and England couldn't muster more than a sidefoot scuffer from the sub Toni Kroos (if that is his name. Strikes me that more and more international footballers sound like hairdressers - Artuto Vidal, Maxi Pereira...)

Now I'm not doubting the quality of the Spaniards and to be honest I can get a little bedazzled by the way they pass it about. Iniesta genuinely has a cloak of invisibility hidden under his shirt. Xabi Alonso's one-man campaign to make Rafa Benitez look the dimmest coach in club football is working perfectly. And Xavi Hernandez, who can make space for himself by raising an eyebrow, threads a pass with all the clairvoyance of a psychic octopus.

Why then, was I left hoping that Klose or someone might just blunder in a German winner?

I think it's this: Spain are the bunch of kids you come across on the playing fields and who challenge you to a kickabout and then spend the next hour turning you inside out more times than the half-price jumpers at TK Maxx. Not only that but they can't quite bring themselves to put the ball between the Adidas bags. If they can't score with a backheel or a scissor kick they just can't be arsed.

In other words, it's a bit bloody smug and although they're ostensibly goodies you can't help rooting for the ugly baddy to get a victory once. I mean I've been on the daleks' side during this season of Dr Who for the same reason. Rooting for Germany last night was like praying for Roadrunner to get squished by a boulder flung from an Acme Catapult.

Of course the acme of Spanish pissing about was Pedro's twist, turn and tumble when Torres just needed a little sidefoot across the box to record his latest glaring miss of the tournament. Just shoot, you little twat.


Dos patatas bravas per favor, Vicente. e muy than uno goal!

Still, you wondered why Del Bosque, still looking for all the world like the proud owner of a damn fine little tapas bar in downtown Salamanca that serves cracking Torres (the brandy), has taken so long to put the little Barca winger on at the start when Torres (the soon to be former Liverpool footballer) has been so abject.

Perhaps less noted but of more value has been Spain's really solid back two. I've always liked Puyol, niggly little Def Leppard reject though he is. Ramos is still a little wayward at the back but great going forward and a little more Red Hot Chili Peppers, I reckon. Capdevila is very dependable. And Fergie must still have a fit of Pique every time Gerard steps out from the back a la Lucio.

And, Capello, McClaren and every other numpty who's tried to make it work, please note that Fabregas doesn't start because Sr Del Bosque has a balanced midfield already - plus he has the nuts to leave out a good quality player rather than play him at left back just so he's on the bloody pitch!!!!

So it's Spain (ooh, aren't they just tippety-tappety tickety boo!) against Holland. Or the Netherlands. Why do they need two names for Christ's sake? Is there a difference? Anyway the Dutch have got there with a Dunga model, really. Two holding midfielders, and de Jong and Van Bommel seem to leave the pitch unsatisfied unless the studs on their vampire boots have tasted human blood, and an inventive front three in Sneijder, Van Persie and Robben. And Dirk Kuyt.


"Xavi... oh yes... I shall mark Xavi, boss... don't you vorry!"

And with the aid of the odd deflection, it's worked. Without being sparkling, or remotely Total Football, they've got the results. And in Robben and Sneijder they have the polar opposite of the shot-shy Spaniards. They may not be fit to light Cruyff's fags for him, but they've retained a bit of that shoot-on-sight tradition made glorious by the likes of Haan, Krol and Rep.

So it may well be that the Netherholls make the most of what little possession they have. But I doubt the ball will be more than a passing mayfly that glimmers and dies even as it appears. Spain will reign, I'm sure of it. Villa will confirm his golden-bootedness.

I just hope it's more than one-bloody-nil, that's all.

449 comments:

  1. Bearing in mind Holland have won every single game throughout the World Cup, including qualifiers, I just can't see them falling at the last hurdle.

    Spain were average at best in all group games and against Paraguay, but sure, they turned it back on against Germany when perhaps they needed too - but this Holland side have that bit more resiliance than the Germans and I can see a 1-0 win for Origami (with Sneijder nicking the golden boot off Villa) ;-)

    Oh, btw - listenined to the first podcast last night and thought you'd (not) like to know that my girlfriend asked if I was listening to - and I quote - "Vic Reeves talking football?!"

    Keep up the grand blogs dude!

    ReplyDelete
  2. So Holland for the WC it is then if you're throwing your weight behind the other lot Robbo.

    I swear you do this on purpose, operating on the principle of reverse psychology.

    If that's the case and it actually works then may I offer my sincerest hope that Middlesbrough get relegated this year. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good read Robbo. You took ya time mind fella!

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  4. "the soon to be former Liverpool footballer"

    _______


    Haha, lol, etc.

    Let's hope that tempts back some Scousers. Have they all gone from the blog because they think it's only for good teams?

    I hardly think Alonso is waging a one man campaign though Robbo. Benitez himself must get some credit!!

    Meanwhile...

    http://matureishstudent.blogspot.com/ :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh yes, and....


    CONGRATULATIONS HOLLAND ON BEING WORLD CHAMPIONS!


    (Robbo picked Spain, so you're certainties. Now if only they can get that octopus to write he'll have The Tees one's old job at the Beeb before you can say Phil McOtopussy)

    ReplyDelete
  6. "Not only that but they can't quite bring themselves to put the ball between the Adidas bags."
    ---------------------

    I must've grown up in a better area Robbo cos we used goal posts!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Manchester United have shown an interest in Netherlands midfielder Wesley Sneijder, according to Inter Milan president Massimo Moratti.
    Full story: Daily Mirror
    United are apparently willing to pay £29m for Inter playmaker Sneijder and the Premier League club are also ready to compete with Manchester City for Inter's £30m-rated striker Mario Balotelli.
    Full story: Daily Mail
    =========================

    Why do people write this shit? I mean we all know Man Utd are FUCKING SKINT!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Good stuff Robbo and cheers for not backing the Dutch, mate, I think my take on Sunday just went up about 35%.

    Hup Holland Hup.

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  9. WORLD CUP:Fifa's Jerome Valcke tells BBC Sport refereeing system will change for future World Cups.
    ==========================
    Really?
    How?
    5 officials?
    Video technology?
    Or by sacking Sepp Blatter?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Robbo, so Spain's your prediction this time? I don't trust is because almost always, Paul the Octo-pussy has beaten you on predos.

    ReplyDelete
  11. "We've been texting each other. I've got a decent relationship with Steven and he's been sending me his holiday pictures." Everton defender Leighton Baines on his close relationship with team-mate Steven Pienaar.
    =============================
    Now that's proper man-love.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Goalposts?

    Adidas bags?

    La-di-fucking-da!

    We used pieces of rubble from the last bomb that went off!!


    Not really. But does anyone else smell a sponsorship deal with Adidas for Robbo?

    And that new pic he has at the top of the blog, please someone tells me who he looks like, it's doing my head in trying to figure it out.

    ReplyDelete
  13. £30m-rated striker Mario Balotelli?!?!?!? Oh please, gimme a break

    ReplyDelete
  14. Did he even make the Italian world cup squad?
    No!!
    And how shit are the Italians?
    Very!!

    So how is he worth 30 quid nevermind £30m?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Surely it would've been quicker to see if she can get preganant?

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/athletics/8800671.stm

    ReplyDelete
  16. I am not anonymous I am rastafairy5

    muy = very

    más= more (as in: más que un club =barca)

    Pedantisms aside, I do think that Spain last night was one of the best team performances I've ever seen. Consider that Germany were going to blow them away according to just about EVERY pundit going then never even got a sniff shows that the Spain team were in total command. ANy chance of a bomb threat before the final to delay it about 2 hours -I'm on a flight at the same time.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Robbo said

    "........Holland. Or the Netherlands. Why do they need two names for Christ's sake? Is there a difference?"

    Yes there is, quite a large one in fact, Holland is split into two provinces, North Holland, which includes the City's Amsterdam, Alkmaar, Hoorn. And South Holland which includes The Hague and Rotterdam.

    The two Holland provinces are joined by ten other provinces; Groningen, Friesland, Drenthe, Overijssel, Flevoland, Gelderland, Utrecht, Zeeland, North-Brabant and Limberg. These 12 provinces make up The Netherlands.

    So now you know.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Re GazUtd

    Does Robbo look like Phil Cornwell?

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm not sure if that's insulting Robbo or Phil Cornwell.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Next you'll be telling us you lot used a lump of shrapnel for the football Gaz.

    Mind, even that would be preferable to that useless excuse of a ball they're using now.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Shrapnel for a ball, debris for goalposts and bullets for yellow and red cards!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. So the yellow cards are unused bullets, while the red ones ...

    ReplyDelete
  23. Maybe bullets for yellow and red cards could be implemented by FIFA as part of their "Fair Play" and "Respect" campaigns.

    Should cut out the number of diving and cynical fouls. Argueing with the ref would happen less frequently too.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I fear we'd need to use many bullets to sweep away FIFA in order to implement that ...

    ReplyDelete
  25. Not sure who Robbo looks like in the new photo but he does look a bit constipated to me

    ReplyDelete
  26. From the gossip pages;

    "United are apparently willing to pay £29m for Inter playmaker Sneijder"
    ---
    "Manchester City will make Aston Villa an improved offer of £24m for midfielder James Milner"
    ---
    A (speculated) 5mil difference for a player who propelled his club to win the domestic league and cup and the Champions League and also in the WC has won numerous MOTM awards and scored 5 times en route to the final.....Or..... A no mark that lifted his club to the dizzy heights of a You'reHopeless League place



    English players over rated?
    Nah, what on earth would give you that idea?

    ReplyDelete
  27. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/world_cup_2010/8801981.stm

    Hmm ... no mention of our bullets disciplinary system though ...

    ReplyDelete
  28. H2 - I read the Milner for more that £24 million story yesterday.

    I'm just back from the hospital having my cracked ribs reset.

    ReplyDelete
  29. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  30. From Stars link:

    Valcke said: "We are talking about a single goal not seen by the referee which is why we are talking about new technology. But, again let's see if this system will help or whether giving the referee an additional four eyes will give him the comfort and make duty easier to perform, then why not?"
    ----
    Four extra eye's?

    Mutant referees. Briliant idea, well done FIFA, moving footy into the 23rd century.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I think I said it in my WC blog... Spain are like Miley Cyrus.... pretty but naive when it matters (I could come up with some pun about not spending enough time around Miley's box, but I am at work and supposed to be doing something for a change).

    Holland on the other hand are more Danni Minogue... pretty good to look at, not adverse to getting the tackle in, and with a good thrust up top.

    I know which one I'd rather tied me to the bed post!

    ReplyDelete
  32. 1st time poster but long time reader, lads.

    GazUtd, I think it might be Jack Dee that Robbo looks like,

    ReplyDelete
  33. Holloway... Thanks for clearing up the big Oranje confusion

    I dont think the bullets idea will work however. I've a far simpler solution... bring in referees who actually spend their "normal" saturday's officiating games rather than dullards from Mali, Azerbaijan and Seychelles who spend their typical week goat herding!!

    I mean even some of the second rate numpties seen at SJP in championship games were better than the muppets dragged up by FIFA

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  34. H2H
    thanks for geog lesson?

    Now wheres that fucking cephalopod? Screwed up a good party last night, but it wasnt bad either

    ReplyDelete
  35. You're welcom, mates.

    Gordie, excellent blogging from SA. I bet you had the time of your life.

    Tone, how was it at work today, a lot of pissed off Krauts or pride that they made it so far.
    They were doing great untill the British media tipped them.
    What will happen to Paul, SNH8, (cheers BHBells) the Octopuss? Hall of fame or Calamares for two?

    ReplyDelete
  36. Disappointed upset, but proud of how far they got,

    also headlines in Morgenpost "hold you heads up high, boys"

    ReplyDelete
  37. I will no doubt be lurking tomorrow but if I don't post, all the best for Sunday to Holland and H2H - hope bars is very busy and whatever result you are not suffering too much the next day.

    ReplyDelete
  38. please let Holland win it

    Spain are smug little toerags who deserve a good kicking (just like Barca who amusingly couldn't pay their wage bill this month)

    ReplyDelete
  39. Holloway... Thanks for clearing up the big Oranje confusion

    I dont think the bullets idea will work however. I've a far simpler solution... bring in referees who actually spend their "normal" saturday's officiating games rather than dullards from Mali, Azerbaijan and Seychelles who spend their typical week goat herding!!

    I mean even some of the second rate numpties seen at SJP in championship games were better than the muppets dragged up by FIFA

    ------------

    true indeed

    ReplyDelete
  40. Will miss most of the final, might see a bit in the KLM lounge in AMS on the way back, and maybe get a running commentary from the KLM pilot en route to HAM, instead of talking gibberish to ATC

    ReplyDelete
  41. On the FIFa site is says Webb in charge for Final

    http://www.fifa.com/worldcup/matches/round=249721/match=300061509/index.html

    ReplyDelete
  42. Cheers (again) BHBells.

    No matter what happens, I'll have a lot busier Sunday then usual, the weather forcaster has predicted it will be up to 35 degrees, Beer weather!! So I'll be suffering for sure. ;)

    Tone, that doesn't surprise me, magmanimous in defeat, well done Jerry. Shame you'll miss the final. If you ever have a stay over in AMS pop up to the Dungheap (you too Geordie) It's only a 45 min drive from Schipol.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Yesterday in middle of the match, once Podolski went upto Iniesta and said... Let me also have some ball; it seems your team is playing all by yourself. If I dont get ball in next 3 minutes, I will play with my own ball.

    So, who are the bunch of kids? I think Germans.

    ReplyDelete
  44. tone1947 said...
    On the FIFa site is says Webb in charge for Final

    http://www.fifa.com/worldcup/matches/round=249721/match=300061509/index.html

    -------

    Told you dont write off England yet!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Tone, it's the only way an English man was going to get anywhere near the field for the final. (streakers and pitch invaders withstanding)

    ReplyDelete
  46. Rotherham's hall of Fame, here he comes to join the Chuckle Bros

    ReplyDelete
  47. I thought he was from Weymouth.

    They'll have to build a hall of fame especially for him.

    ReplyDelete
  48. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Howard_Webb

    he's ours!!!!!!!!!

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  49. Cheers mate

    I suppose I could watch tour de france in french, or russian, chinese,arabic etc

    ReplyDelete
  50. Well anything's better then ITV, Tone.

    ReplyDelete
  51. tone1947 said...
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Howard_Webb

    he's ours!!!!!!!!!
    ------
    I was talking about Paul the Octopuss. (Weymouth)
    You can keep Horward Webb and the Chuckle Brothers, in fact PLEASE keep............

    ReplyDelete
  52. Well he was born in Weymouth, but once he got his passport sorted out, chose a better life in Oberhausen

    ReplyDelete
  53. tone1947 said...

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Howard_Webb

    he's ours!!!!!!!!!

    -----------------------

    Oi, stop tampering with his page on there Tone. :P

    ReplyDelete
  54. Well the Germans are out but at least they gave their all up till the final whistle ... more than we can say about our shower of shit at least.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Oberhausen, eh?

    That's where the old Warner Bros Atraction park was, wasn't it?

    Maybe he thought he could join the likes of Jaws, Flipper and Willy in being an on screen aquaction hero.

    ReplyDelete
  56. The name you're looking for as a Robbo looky-likey is Elvis. A young Elvis.
    Pleased for Howard Webb. He's like a Yorkshire Collina minus the unearthly, unblinking eyes

    ReplyDelete
  57. So Autonomy are going to be one of the sponsors on the new Spurs shirts next season ... pretty apt given Crouch and his Robot dance goal celebrations.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Star.

    Blogidy said the other day that Germany had the team that he wished England had.

    You've gotta agree with him, ze Germans showed everything that is good about football, passion, pride, team spirit, togetherness in adversity, a team that was better then the sum of it's parts. All this with a young "inexperienced" team who didn't resort to cheating, diving or dirty tactics, all with a never say die attitude.

    We had a "team" who dropped their keeper like a bad habbit after one (albeit gigantic) mistake. Not one of them went to console him after that slip up, something that irked me more then the horrendous performances against the so called minnows of the US and Algeria. We had a star player (who wasn't really there) shouting at the cameras, berating the fans for letting their feelings be known after what has to be the worst England showing in recent memory. Bored players languishing in their hotel rooms,(wtf was that about?) inteam squabaling about who was banging who, a captain who said about as much as a trappiste monk who had taken a vow of silence, on and off the field, and a former captain who was determined to undermine everything.

    FA please take a leaf out of the German manual, (Spit, Tone or I will translate if necasary) rip up the exsisting system (if there is one?) and start to build up the game from grass roots or it will be another 444 years of hurt for the 3 lions (drunk kittens more like)

    ReplyDelete
  59. The Tees Mouth said...
    Listen I do not look like anyone in particular, apart from a young Elvis. Pleased for Howard Webb. He's sort of a Yorkshire Collina minus the deathly unblinking eyes.
    ----
    And the refereeing skills.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Holloway2Holland said...

    Tone, it's the only way an English man was going to get anywhere near the field for the final. (streakers and pitch invaders withstanding)

    ______________

    I would rather English WOMEN fulfill the streaking and pitch invasion than your typical English footy fan.

    That is, if others dont have objections to my suggestions and they are not satisfied with the right to listen to Minogue and Ga Ga....

    ReplyDelete
  61. pedro's failure to pass to torres there was the height of embarrassment, but to the kid's credit, friedrich hooked his foot as he was about to get another touch. it was the lightest of fouls, and would have been regarded as the softest penalty ever, but it was a foul nonetheless. that is, of course, playing devil's advocate... torres was just in too much space for him to keep the ball.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Spit.

    Be careful what you wish for;

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_fw7iF68JR8k/R6UWsxWWT9I/AAAAAAAAKgE/kraO50xcjCw/s400/fat_woman_in_bikinis.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  63. Robbo being Elvis and being constipated are not mutually exclusive.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1273950/Elvis-killed-chronic-constipation-reveals-doctor.html

    Watch out Robbo, it kills ya!

    ReplyDelete
  64. MY EYES: MY EYES:!!!!!


    H2,

    man, you may have your tastes and wish you all the best with it, but give a brother some warning where you lead!!!!!

    The HORROR. The HORROR

    ReplyDelete
  65. Sorry about that Spit, it was just a warning, as I said, to be careful what you wish for.

    Not my taste at all mate, believe me, it hurt me just as much looking for that pic, (there were a lot worse ones then that too)

    Damn google images.

    ReplyDelete
  66. To be fair to Robbo, he did say a YOUNG Elvis;

    http://www.costumesupercenter.com/csc_inc/images/items/170x214/50852.jpg

    Can't see it myself though.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Intersesting article Spit.

    After reading we can conclude that,

    Elvis was full of shit.
    He should of been nicknamed Elvis the Colan (doesn't have the same ring to it as Pelvis, though)
    If you're treated by a guy called Dr Nick, Hello Everybody, (Simpsons) then you're in real trouble.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Chaps
    My wife asked if the picture referred to above is legit "are they real women then"?

    Back to topic -- Robbo, Your blogs have cheered me up many a time since you were on the BBC. In fact I would suggest that the standard of punditry/comment has in fact improved since your enforced transfer to Blogland Utd.

    Anonymous of Newcassel

    ReplyDelete
  69. Is anonymous from Newcassel that Raoul Moat guy??

    Call the cops!!

    ReplyDelete
  70. Anonymous.

    You can tell the missus that they are real women, real(ly) fat women.
    -----
    God I miss the football, I'll be in real Barney once the the WC is over.
    Tuesday's party seemed to have wiped out all the locals and it's quiter then a churh mouse with slippers that are wrapped in cotten wool at the moment here in the Dungheap.
    Nevermind though, due to the wonders of modern technology (a really long cable from my modem and an exstension chord) I'm sitting outside the bar with my trusty labtop and a nice cold one keeping me company, waiting for a story to break, something along the lines of JT being the father/mother of Ronaldo's kid would do nicely.

    ReplyDelete
  71. From Twitter, Unedited:

    Robbo_Robson Boro looking for a shit sponsor each month. Only a matter of time before they knock on me door with a sponsorship form. 10p a goal, I reckon.

    ___________

    dare I say, Elvis will be a perfect sponsor.

    He was so full of it, he died.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Fell asleep woke to find something on my screen with 8 feet, oh me god it was Paul with 4 heads

    ReplyDelete
  73. Failing that, Boro could just go around with the name of one of the England 23 on their shirts for a couple of weeks at a time if they're into that business these days ...

    ReplyDelete
  74. Well at 10p a goal a few quid for a season is not a bad deal.

    Conspiricy theory time.

    We all know that the Auld firm want to play their footy in England. Do 'Boro want to make the move in the opposite direction?

    Here are the Fakhts;


    They obviously didn't enjoy the PL, they got relagated in the year that Hull stayed up, ffs.

    When the chairman realised that Southgate might bring them straight back up (they were in fifth place or there abouts) he was duley sacked and replaced by WGS.

    Why have WGS as manager? Obvious choice really, very experienced in the SPL.

    This from today's gossip columns;

    Middlesbrough striker Kris Boyd turned down wages of £50,000 per week at Turkish club Kayserispor when he left Rangers.
    Full story: Daily Mirror

    Middlesbrough want Rangers midfielder Kevin Thomson and have offered the Glasgow club former Aberdeen striker Lee Miller as a makeweight in a £2.7m deal.
    Full story: Daily Record
    -----
    They've got rid of all the sassanachs and replaced them with Scots, even some of the Scots are being ousted to be replaced by, yes you guessed it other Scots, better Scots, not the ex Aberdeen riff raff, no, the cream de la cream of Scots, the Auld firm players.

    So all you Smoggies beware, you'll be wearing kilts soon.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Owen hargereaves is injured again, apparently.

    I wonder sometimes if the boffins could have scavanged one or the other of the two glass Owens to make one Super Owen.

    A world class, lethal striker that could command the midfield and break opposition play at will and having two hearts, could outrun and outlast any other mere mortal.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Anyone wondering why we havent heard from Colch since they announced Paul the Octupus is in hiding?

    Getting all these predictions right-

    Coincidence?

    May be.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Right then - which tartan belongs to the Hurts clan!!!???

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  78. Scotland is one of the most beautiful countries in the world - with some of the ugliest small towns - Teesside!!!!! Welcome home wee jimmy!!!

    ReplyDelete
  79. A man walks into Rothbury police station and says "I hear you're looking for a nutter from Newcastle, I wanna hand myself in, like."

    The desk sergeant looks up and says "Fuck off, Gazza."

    ReplyDelete
  80. Lads I played footy tonight!!!! I'm dyeing or is it dieing!?!?

    ReplyDelete
  81. Robbo - we were a man short tonight - fancy a game next week - Soccer Sensations in Stockton!!! Go on you lazy sod!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  82. Police are looking for a fat ugly thick twat with a gordy accent - they have had to bring in reinforcements from the Met North Ireland and surrounding forces - the line of suspects is just too long!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  83. I can imagine why they involved the irish.

    Its the ginger, innit?

    ReplyDelete
  84. It's dying FBH!

    And they only brought in the PSNI help because of the guns.

    My cuz who lives in Newcastle now says he's felt like being at home for the last few days.

    ReplyDelete
  85. just back from brussels. watched the footie in kitty o'sheas with a couple of dutch mates (yes i know brussles isnt in holland). i was displeased with the result.

    but now im really fucked off because the fucking journey back was a fucking nightmare. eurostar? dont fucking bother i'll WALK back next time. fire in the cunting tunnel outside ebbsfleet? my arse. and then some fucking imaginery leprachaun set an imaginary fucking fire in sniffing distanc of liverpool street station. i bet it burnt to the ground didnt it? bollox.

    excuse my belgian accented french. not happy.

    but well done cav and thomas; they still havent found cancellera's hidden motor

    who does robo look like? homer's dimwit pal Lenny

    http://simpsons.ugo.com/images/homers-buddies/lenny.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  86. Vamos Nederland!
    Vamos Naranja!

    ReplyDelete
  87. A fire near Ebbsfleet Blog? Well that makes a change from the usual chav way of buggering up the railway, which is to shove a shopping trolley over a bridge in a way so it lands on the third rails, shorts them out and weld said trolley to the tracks in the process.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Ebbsfleet - internet football experiment gone wrong. Didn't realise people actually went there even if only to pass through.

    ReplyDelete
  89. I live about ten miles away from that dump unfortunately ... that place makes Chatham look posh.

    ReplyDelete
  90. "West Ham boss Avram Grant has made it a priority to keep 31-year-old defender Matthew Upson at Upton Park" that shouldn't be too difficult - who the fuck would want him?

    ReplyDelete
  91. Goalkeeper's lover 'fed to dogs'


    "Mr Fernandes has expressed regret that the allegations could damage his chances of playing for Brazil in the 2014 FIFA World Cup finals".

    Sounds like a guy who has his priorities all sorted.> Strangle the missus, feed her to the dogs and then wonder whether it's going to affect your chances of selection.

    ReplyDelete
  92. 'av a good weegend!

    Booooiiiinnnngggg.

    ReplyDelete
  93. so has this site fucked up again or is it a) i need to turn the page or b) i am the only one here...

    ReplyDelete
  94. Morning!!

    So H2 likes the fat lasses.
    FBH is no fitter than the fat lasses.
    And Robbo looks like the fat lasses cousin Elvis.

    Have I missed anything?

    ReplyDelete
  95. Random question, if Holland is split into North and South, should the South be known as the Nether-regions?

    Morning to all

    ReplyDelete
  96. well i have had a look at the robbo pic, and i reckon he looks like that bloke who was sometimes on "whose line is it anyway", whats his name? you know the one... Ryan Styles.

    Also i think i much prefered the last blog where i got a ganders at that german birds tits, i mean jugs, i mean glass everytime the page refreshed.

    ReplyDelete
  97. Excellent blog robbo. Im loving the photos with witty captions.

    Adam, i agree about spain (to an extent). I really wanted the germans to win because they played the tournament in the right spirit, they worked their socks of for each other, were gracious in victory and defeat. Spain play lovely intricate football, but i find them boring.

    ReplyDelete
  98. RBA, did they make you want to play with your Glockenspeil?

    ReplyDelete
  99. so i have now joined FBH and mostly redundant (and those layabouts Gaz and Rod) in that i was made redundant yesterday. Hurrah

    Well, im actually "at risk" (mentally?) of being made redundant, which is a business term for go away for a week on full pay and come back and plead for a job. Yes folks in a company that doesnt have any work at the moment, im supposed to come up with a role for which i am suitable. I then suggest that role (or roles) to them next friday so they can say no.

    My mindframe is to come up with job roles in the same manner as Alan Partridge used to come up with ideas for tv shows. i.e. Monkey Tennis, Arm wrestling with chas and dave or youth hostelling with chris eubank.

    suggestions please

    ReplyDelete
  100. H2H - the evidence is mounting up... Boro are looking North for players for a more obvious reason. None of the jessies south of Teesside want to come up North, whereas your Scots fancy getting themselves a nice tan on Seaton Carew beach. Which makes you think. That Juninho - marvellous player but what was he thinking?

    ReplyDelete
  101. Serious suggestions or piss taking ones?

    ReplyDelete
  102. i think piss taking would be more appropriate

    ReplyDelete
  103. Ngog, i suppose its fair to say that i was tempted to get out my wienerschnitzel and have a tinkle on my glockenspeil...

    Welkommen.


    Is their a more sexually suggestive language than german? Probably... but not one as funny.

    ReplyDelete
  104. sorry forgot to include you on that list robbo.

    Isnt it about time you got some bloody advertising on here to give you some wedge?

    i mean we are all gullable fools on here (apart from Gaz, he hates them) and we will buy anything. Perhaps contact Ginsters as a starting point

    ReplyDelete
  105. Well RBA, a good case can be put forward.

    I mean most woman like a good bratwurst now and again etc.....

    ReplyDelete
  106. Oh i forgot you already have the deal with adidas....

    ReplyDelete
  107. Sholesy, thats shit mate... err, what industry are you in man, let me know and i'll do me best to give you some suggestions. I'm usualy good at this sort if thing, i was the one who got phil mcnulty in to blogging...

    ReplyDelete
  108. Good blog Robbo. Holland/Netherlands deserve to win not only for this year but for '74 and '78 too. So Spain (talented but dull) will probably prevail.

    ReplyDelete
  109. Its ok actually RBA, i wanted to leave anyway so, to get paid is even better.

    I was an electrical project engineer....now probably going to have a career change. Obviously comedy writer wont be one of them.

    ReplyDelete
  110. Scholesy,

    Gynecologist?
    "Back Door" Engineer?

    ReplyDelete
  111. Scholesy,

    A football predicting Octopuss?
    Chief Football Writer?

    ReplyDelete
  112. So by that logic, he'll either be working with a bunch of McNulties, becoming a McNulty, or being deep fried and served with chips for predicting the national team to lose ....

    ReplyDelete
  113. I tried to keep them all in the same field of work Star.

    ReplyDelete
  114. a lot of people would say im a mcnulty already star.

    Ngog, ha ha, gynacologist sounds like a goodun. Mind you i would be seeing mcnulties every day then

    ReplyDelete
  115. Scholesy, what about this job?

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/world_cup_2010/8766242.stm

    ReplyDelete
  116. Scholesy,

    Another list of jobs for you.....

    http://www.vitaminq.blogspot.com/2005_07_01_vitaminq_archive.html#112139196055027659

    ReplyDelete
  117. ha ha yeah that would be good mate, although dealing with terry and co wouldnt be that different to being a gynacologist or indeed working on the bbc website.

    ReplyDelete
  118. Scholesy,

    Or try this list......

    http://www.worst-jobs.com/top-20-worst-jobs-for-men.htm

    ReplyDelete
  119. ha ha brilliant!

    I was an A-hole driller before i met my missus - boom boom toosh

    Coat?

    ReplyDelete
  120. i was also a farmyard masturbator - well until i got caught anyway......





    where is that damn coat?

    ReplyDelete
  121. Scholesy, I think your coat is in the taxi parked outside mate!!

    ReplyDelete
  122. Why Did You Ngog Rafa said...

    Scholesy,

    Or try this list......

    http://www.worst-jobs.com/top-20-worst-jobs-for-men.htm

    --------------------------

    Worth viewing just for the cartoon captions that go with them.

    ReplyDelete
  123. ah yes...thanks mate

    ooh taxi driver, that sounds like a stressless job. I bet you dont lose your rag much doing that job.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Unless you live in London I doubt it is too stressful.

    ReplyDelete
  125. Hehe!!

    What about Long Distance Lorry Driver?

    ReplyDelete
  126. Get your money on Spain ... Paul's made his choice lads.

    Shit, does this mean Robbo's actually got another prediction right?

    ReplyDelete
  127. Paul's first game without Germany in it. So I reckon he will be wrong.

    He was wrong 30% of the time during Euro 08.

    ReplyDelete
  128. ha ha yeah, ive heard ipswich is good for that kind of thing.

    ReplyDelete
  129. Lorry driving ... too much like hard work, what with the four million gear changes ...

    ReplyDelete
  130. Paul is full of shite. And for the first time Paul agrees with the Tees Mouth..... interesting!! Apparently the Germans want to make sushi outa him!! blagh

    ReplyDelete
  131. Star, are those gear changes like bondage or S&M or whatever?

    ReplyDelete
  132. Scholesy - feckers eh!!!

    Great links Ngog - for some reason Violin String Maker made me chuckle

    ReplyDelete
  133. He was wrong 30% of the time during Euro 08.
    =============================================
    Well, he's kinda gained "experience". But personally I wouldn't mind him being made into calamary

    ReplyDelete
  134. I was paraphrasing Jezza, Ngog, namely his take on lorry driving that landed him in trouble with Ofcom.

    ReplyDelete
  135. FBH, yes mate...but hopefully a blessing in disguise. I have been trying to get a business going since before christmas which has been doing ok in patches, but not enough to survive on....but can now give it my full attention, so fingers crossed.

    They were great links. Ive been chuckling all morning at some of them.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Is Hargreaves still on full pay? Nearly 2 years without playing! That's why we are skint.

    ReplyDelete
  137. We as in Utd.

    Inly joking, I'm sure his £50k a week isn't the cause of the £700m debt.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Ngog - nope mate cant blame Hargreaves for IOU financial plight - selling the clubs soul to the devil may have sumat to do with it .... mind you Hargreaves is on megabucks so u maybe right

    ReplyDelete
  139. any connection between the massive amount of time we all waste on here and the fact that we're all being made reduntant one by one?

    its persecution i tell ya. mcnulty, consumed with vengeance and more powerful than we thought is excating revenge for all the insults he gets for his blogwriting skills.

    phil, mate, if youre reading this, i think the criticism of you is unfair and youre brill so can i keep my job please. ta.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Nobody likes an arse licker Bloggy!!

    ReplyDelete
  141. Ngog wrote: Nobody likes an arse licker

    I think you may find you are wrong, particularly if you live in Brighton

    ReplyDelete
  142. Whatever does it for you Hels!! Each to there own.

    ReplyDelete
  143. RBA - I think Kevin Myers has been stealing your ideas...

    http://www.independent.ie/opinion/columnists/kevin-myers/kevin-myers-itll-get-worse-unless-children-are-not-allowed-back-inside-until-theyve-broken-a-leg-or-two-2252058.html


    You should sue!

    ReplyDelete
  144. The Revenge of McNumpty.

    A Man more sinned against than Sinning.

    Clad only in a bandana and bullet belt, fuelled with hatred for the bloggers who had ruined his reputation, he werent standing for it NO MORE!

    There was nowhere for them to Ngog now. They paid with their jobs.....

    ....and then their Lives.


    "You stop me killing ya and I'll kill ya!"

    ReplyDelete
  145. Scholesy - job idea - replace David Bond - what a stuck up twat he seems - he was on telly last night talking to some bloke about refs and rules and stuff

    ReplyDelete
  146. GazUtd said...
    RBA - I think Kevin Myers has been stealing your ideas...

    http://www.independent.ie/opinion/columnists/kevin-myers/kevin-myers-itll-get-worse-unless-children-are-not-allowed-back-inside-until-theyve-broken-a-leg-or-two-2252058.html


    You should sue!


    Gaz - cant be cetrtain but Im pretty sure RBA isnt called Sue

    ReplyDelete
  147. Why Did You Ngog Rafa said...

    Nobody likes an arse licker Bloggy!!

    ________________________


    I've seen websites that prove this wrong!

    ReplyDelete
  148. RBA likes to be called Sue at certain times.

    Or so I'm told.

    ReplyDelete
  149. Gaz, if you enjoy looking at those websites, please don't put any links on this site mate.

    Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  150. Just seen Blatter on the news.

    He said "for football" and pointed to himself. He honestly thinks he is football.

    Bastard. Cunt. Etc.

    ReplyDelete
  151. Right, I'm outa here. I will be back in a hour or so.

    Gaz speak to Hels about that website, she seemed quite keen.

    ReplyDelete
  152. Just seen Blatter on the news.

    He said "for football" and pointed to himself. He honestly thinks he is football.

    Bastard. Cunt. Etc.
    ------------------------------------
    If i were nearby i'd give him a good kick. I reckon he will take a straight flight, seeing he's heavier than a Jabulani

    ReplyDelete
  153. and de Jong and Van Bommel seem to leave the pitch unsatisfied unless the studs on their vampire boots have tasted human blood

    hehe good one

    stupid squid chose spanish clam, but anyways
    HUP HOLLAND HUP

    ReplyDelete
  154. Man City have officially bid £45 million for Raoul Moat. They've no idea who he is, but have heard everyone is after him!

    ReplyDelete
  155. See Ngog, you have now frightened everyone off with suggested images of men named Sue living in Brighton and their sexual preferences

    ReplyDelete
  156. Sue, ay... Surely you can't be serious!



    (Airplane fans help me out here...)

    ReplyDelete
  157. Can you all believe this. More than a month since Robbo was axed by the beeb, the post still alive?

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/robborobson/2010/05/the_last_post.html?page=2#comments

    I think Robbo is also Sue

    ReplyDelete
  158. Robbo must Sue the Beeb for hits

    ReplyDelete
  159. i am serious and don't call mme shirley...



    come on guys!

    ReplyDelete
  160. RBA, i just want to say, we are all counting on you.......

    ReplyDelete
  161. He needs a hospital

    What is it

    It's a big building with beds but that's not important right now

    ReplyDelete
  162. I had a bet on what Paul would choose. Quids in.
    Don't all rush to add the 's' will you

    ReplyDelete
  163. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  164. A hospital is a place where the nuyse give you a shot so you get well. Like this one worked for me.... Medicine shot

    ReplyDelete
  165. Horse Pitle eh?

    That's piss poor...........


    Where is my damn coat hiding?

    ReplyDelete
  166. Looks like my coat is the same place as everyone else.....................

    Looking at Gaz's website for arse licking!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  167. Just to make some things clear...


    It's NOT my website

    It's NOT my arse

    It's NOT my tongue







    But go ahead and fantasise all you want

    ReplyDelete
  168. There does seem to be a lot of people missing lately


    The terrorists have won

    ReplyDelete
  169. I think McDulty is trying to get rid of everyone. One by one.....

    ReplyDelete
  170. It could be you next Gaz.............

    ReplyDelete
  171. The lotto?

    Or McNulty is coming for me?

    ReplyDelete
  172. He's coming on you Gaz.............














    EEEWWWWWWWW!!!! Sorry mate, I didn't mean that!!!

    ReplyDelete
  173. I better put the lotto on actually.

    There's Millionaires, then there is Euro Millionaires...........apparently.

    ReplyDelete
  174. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  175. Nah, the only things doing me in are the heat and hayfever ... it's 32 fucking degrees now and I'm due back at work in an hour ...

    ReplyDelete
  176. Afternoon chaps, ladies.

    Hot one today, phew, I just got back from the beach, My girlfriends little lass wanted me to take her swimming, we waded into the sea and all of a sudden she started screaming, she run out of the water in tears (bless) I couldn't understand why, untill I looked closer and saw that there was a plague of jellyfish, hundreds of the buggers.
    To calm her down, I suggested we go for an ice cream, so off to the boulavard we popped. On arriving a few yards away from the ice cream parlor I noticed that there was a line longer then the NHS waiting list, and they all seamed to be angry with each other. As I got closer I realsed that it was a bunch of holidaymaking Krauts. Jerrys "invade" the dutch coastline this time of year, and I've got nothing against them, it just sounds like they're fighting when they chatter. (this is not the case..... mostly)

    Walking back to the beach, half melted ice cream in hand, I tried to think back about the last time I'd encountered Germans and invertabrates at the same time.........
    Damn second round WC....

    ReplyDelete
  177. Howz all doing? Been a slow day on blog...

    SO, Hargreaves injured again... he plays less and is injured most of the time. He would soon be called Har'grave'

    ReplyDelete
  178. Btw, If anyone's interested can read my BLOG!

    ReplyDelete
  179. So H2, there is a load of spineless gets in the Dutch water?

    ReplyDelete
  180. Yeah Ngog, bloody jellyfish too.

    ReplyDelete
  181. Ze Germans have their towels on the ice-cream truck then.

    It's fecking raining here. It has rained now for at least 2 weeks straight.

    It may only be a few spits but it's enough to prevent me oiling the balcony.

    That's not a euphemism

    ReplyDelete
  182. GazUtd said:
    It may only be a few spits but it's enough to prevent me oiling the balcony.

    That's not a euphemism
    =========================

    There are few people in my office chatting and I got some funny looks when I read this and laughed out loud!!

    ReplyDelete

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