Thursday, 15 July 2010

Bad Weather and Terrible Trousers

First of all, here's wishing Howard Webb a nice break somewhere before the onset of the Premier League 2010-11. Amsterdam's a great place to chill out. Mind the coffee shop cookies though, Howie, too many of them and you can get a right bad persecution complex.

Which suggest that maybe the Orange boys had some laced biccies at half-time in Jo'burg. It's amazing how they're bleating on about how Webb cost them the game and yet he saved them from annihilation by keeping the midfield assault troops on the pitch. Just exactly how much of a twat do you need to be before you seriously start to blame Webb for the defeat?



Answer: This much of a twat.

But that's done with now. As is the British Grand Prix. Motor racing is just a repository of testosterone for men who think a sleek speed machine is akin to a priddy lady. From the pit-lane totty to the post-race prattle I find myself wanting to stick every sodding one of them into a Nissan Micra and push em down Sutton Bank.

Apart from Mark Webber, who is refusing to play the Barrichello with the toy-tossing pramster Vettel. I always picture Rubens toddling into the Ferrari garage for his first day and Schumacher striding over, sticking out his lantern jaw another couple of feet and muttering 'Gutten tag mofo. Velcome to Ferrari. You is my bitch now. I own your Goddam ass.' (Although somehow I can't see Ving Rhames playing Schumi).

Webber's 'Not bad for a number 2 driver' is definitely my quote of the sporting year. I hope he's wins the Championship. Yes very unpatriotic of me not to back the Brits. Erm, that'll be the pocket-lining, popstar-banging, tax-dodging Brits. Dunno what I've got against them.


Vettel: 'That's right you traitorous Aussie shit, your new car vill be made out of sand!'

But today sports fans turn their attention to that four day festival of bad weather and terrible trousers that is the Open Golf Championship.

I enjoy this sport despite myself. First of all the sport itself is just downright weird. Legend has it that it was originated by Scottish shepherds who couldn't farm the land that lay between their pasture and the sea. So they picked up their crooks and started tonking the odd ram's testicle up and down the dunes.

This may explain the origins of the name 'golf' - it may be an acronym for 'grizzled old lamb-fuckers'.

Advocates of the game will tell you lots of stuff about how superior it is to other sports. I heard Ian Carter on 5Live saying that it allows the spectator to get closer to the pros than in any other event. Garbage. Tour de France?

There's also this etiquette that demands utter decency from all the protagonists. Which is fair enough, except I know for a fact that I've tapped a ball or six round a course with some cheating little shysters in my time, by Christ.

Plus there are plenty of greats of the game who have spent their latter days pouring their time and effort into converting more perfectly decent stretches of the countryside into manicured playgrounds for appallingly moneyed tosspots to thwack about in. And though Jack Nicklaus will forever be hailed in golfing circles he apparently couldn't get to the Old Course this week cos there wasn't enough moolah being dangled beside his Golden Bear-faced cheeks.

And as we all know, golf clubs are great bastions of Mail-reading middle-class muppets who think a Pringle logo is the height of sartorial elegance. The success of Peter Alliss is simple: there's a Peter Alliss on the nineteenth hole of every course in this country, gin in hand, muttering lightly about this n that and getting grimmer and more ungenerous by the putt.

I'd forcibly retire the bloke meself, but he is as unfireable as a standard issue British Army revolver.

And yet despite all this I do enjoy your Open Golf. St. Andrews always throws up that magnificent Seve celebration on the 17th all them years ago - a kind of hugely indulgent hand shandy of a gesture.

And last year, when kindly old Tortoise Tom almost waddled off with the prize, was wonderful drama. Though Cink winning it was as anticlimactic as an inflatable woman with a puncture. I pray - ironically - that some God-fearing Yank doesn't lift the jug this year. When I hear a sportsman thanking God for his achievements, there's a bit of me that hears him saying 'Yep, that's right, He chose me and not you... LOSER!'

Plus I hope Tiger has a wretched tournament cos I for one don't buy this whole 'oo, I need a new putter claptrap'. I can't quite remember the name of his new blade but I think it's called summat like the Nike CashCow. Woods's main job this week will be to stay out of the bits of rough and those perilous man-traps that line the fairways.

And I hope the pre-tournament chutzpah regarding the inevitability of a British winner doesn't founder on the last nine holes as one by one the young guns wilt like a pack of witless... invertebrate... erm... for want of a better word... FOOTBALLERS.

So here goes - as my predictions are going relatively well at the mo.



I'm opting for one of these two camp young men, even if they do look like they've entered themselves for the Weetabix Women's Open in these outfits.

Poulter, in fact. If he can keep his gob shut. Although I fear the great galumpher that is Mickelson.

643 comments:

  1. Star is first - bloody typical

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bloody hell Robbo... no footie. But then there is the fact that Wee Gordon seems to be hell bent on moving you smoggies north of the border!! Mid table mediocrity here you come!

    I do enjoy a bit of Golf.. good to see Tiger going for his 15th Major, and then afterwards, his 25th minor !

    ReplyDelete
  3. WCG - good to see you - do you have to change your name to eurochampgeordie now?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well, at the end of the day, there is a Y.

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  5. Mickleson has good odds - 11/10 to be in the top ten!! - but his Open record is woeful.

    Always thought GOLF stood for Gents Only, Ladies Forbidden. You're right - not a bad sport but such a shame that it's generally sexist and etiquette abiding idiots that play it.

    This bit of your blog had me in stiches btw... ohhh, the Beeb don't know what they're missing!!

    "I pray - ironically - that some God-fearing Yank doesn't lift the jug this year. When I hear a sportsman thankng God for his achievements, there's a bit of me that hears him saying 'Yep, that's right, He chose me and not you... LOSER!' "

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yep I know Mickelson's got a bad Open record but I just think if he puts his mind to it he can do it and he did describe St. A's as being 'real neat' which I think is high praise in Hicksville.

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  7. So today, Citeh have signed Silva, Rangers have just about signed Eagles and Fiorentina have signed Boruc.

    In other news, some massive fart is gonna wipe out all of man kind.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Haha, thankfully not Robbo.

    This is something that adam posted on other blog......

    http://www.helium.com/items/1882339-doomsday-how-bp-gulf-disaster-may-have-triggered-a-world-killing-event

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hahaha ... nice one Robbo ... I've called Bush many things but a giant guff hasn't been one of them ... yet.

    ReplyDelete
  10. YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/8825280.stm


    Thank fuck for that.

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  11. WWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Golf eh? Isn't that a car from VW?

    ReplyDelete
  13. well what ive noticed about golf is.........snore.............

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  14. Star.

    from your link;

    "Striker Heskey retires from international football".
    ---
    I must of missed something,(as he often did) I thought he done that ages ago.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Wouldn't be the first time I've taken a metal bar to a Golf ...

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  16. who does heskey think he's kidding "announcing his international retirement" ?

    bit like that other midget of the international stage, napoleon, announcing his retirement to Elba

    7 goals in 62 wtf??? napoleon would have scored more times than that even after he lost his eye at trafalgar

    ReplyDelete
  17. Los Angeles Galaxy midfielder David Beckham says if he was not a football player he would like to build Lego for a living.
    Full story: Daily Star
    ----
    Has he got bored of Duplo already?

    http://duplo.lego.com/en-us/Default.aspx

    ReplyDelete
  18. Argentina to offer Diego Maradona new deal

    3 grams of cocaine for the price of 2 - allegedly


    I know I don't post very often Robbo but a genuine thank you for keeping this blog up and running to help waste several office hours where otherwise I would have died of boredom

    ReplyDelete
  19. Thanks for the methane link, chums. Right cheery stuff. I say wrap a giant duvet around the world and hold the giant boff in for as long as we damn well can.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Shiiiittttt - we're all doomed!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Bluehellsbells good to seeyou post

    Can you take a look at this and give your thoughts

    http://adampsb.blogspot.com/2010/07/patience-of-saint.html

    ReplyDelete
  22. I wouldn't worry too much about the methane link - it's just a load of hot air blown up out of all proportion...

    I'll get me coat now.

    (BTW cracking blog as usual Robbo!)

    ReplyDelete
  23. So then, the old golf, ay... i err, erm, yeah... (oh no, mus t do research on golf so i can make jokes about it... damn!)


    Anyway peep this, its the best one ever...

    http://aldershotwoes.blogspot.com/2010/07/doesnotcompute.html

    ReplyDelete
  24. so then, the old world is going to be engulfed in an enourmous trump... i think the world will be fine, providing we can find a dog big enough to blame?

    ReplyDelete
  25. I am ashamed to admit I let rip a mammoth methane bubble in a shop today - so bad I had to quickly go to a different aisle so noone (plymouth) knew it was me

    ReplyDelete
  26. Was that you Hels? Fucking hell (aherm).

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  27. blogdignag said...

    well what ive noticed about golf is.........snore.............

    _______________________________



    Hahahahahah

    This from the man who finds cycling exciting!!

    I suppose there isn't the snore factor in cycling. All those drugs cause insomnia.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anyway young Rory is showing them all how it's done.

    Well apart from this South African lad, Oooooosterwhatsit. Has anyone checked that his caddie is getting paid?

    ReplyDelete
  29. golf is a good walk spoiled... true. but it also inspored Caddyshack, the greatest fil ever made, so it aint all bad?

    ReplyDelete
  30. For the Star Wars lovers...

    http://egotvonline.com/2010/07/13/the-empire-strikes-back-in-ms-paint-gif/


    For the non-Star Wars lovers - you are fucking weird, watch it and see what you're missing.

    ReplyDelete
  31. By the way, does anyone know how to get a job in the field of international data copying devices?

    It seems to be the kind of thing I would like. Paid for full time but only do 5 mins of actual work per day.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Another trest for starwars fans...

    starwars in dos...

    Start-> Run->telnet towel.blinkenlights.nl

    ReplyDelete
  33. Well, yes Ngog. But I'm thinking of getting rid of it as I can't get any subscribers.

    ReplyDelete
  34. At least it's a bit more mainstream than your last website........

    ReplyDelete
  35. Right, I'm off now.

    As Gaz knows as he is still watching.

    Ciao.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Good stuff Gaz, reminded me of an Atari game.

    Couldn't get your link to work RBA, technology sux, innit!

    ReplyDelete
  37. You are probably using Windows 7 H2H.

    Which RBA neglected to mention that what he said wouldn't work in Windows 7. (There's a way around it but I'm too lazy to explain).

    RBA is still using DOS.

    Lucky bastard.

    ReplyDelete
  38. RBA DOS's fullstop judging by the amount he posts on here and on his blog

    ReplyDelete
  39. Apparently on his first day in the international world of data duplication he discovered how to duplicate himself.

    It's that clone which does all his work and leaves him free to post.

    He forgot to put anti-piracy software in the clone though and as a result he's banging his wife!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Bels... that a harsh thing to er,, ah fair enough i suppose...

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  41. http://aldershotwoes.blogspot.com/2010/07/doesnotcompute.html

    i wish i had clones, actually it is me that works all day parents all night and blogs at every free moment in between... and i never forget anti-piracy, though i wish i had anti-gypo and anti-squaddie software...

    ReplyDelete
  42. there are no pirates in aldershot, but lots of gypos and squaddies...

    ReplyDelete
  43. what's that parrot doing on your shoulder?

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  44. Greetings to all and sundry. On second thoughts, just sundry. I'm in England again and actually living in Liverpool for the first time since I was a teenage roustabout (if staying at my mum's counts?). So hello again from a bona fide doleite Scouse indigent.

    One question... what's golf?

    ReplyDelete
  45. "You are probably using Windows 7 H2H"
    ---
    Indeed Gaz, damn, I'm impressed.

    Unless you got a camera here too?????

    In which case, I'm even more impressed.

    ReplyDelete
  46. You can't be anti-gyppo as that's racist.

    And you can't be anti-squaddie as that's anti-British.

    And you can't be female as that's auntie Eileen

    ReplyDelete
  47. I have eyes everywhere H2H.

    As can be seen here...

    http://www.funny-games.biz/images/pictures/1724-how-many-eyes.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  48. then call me old billy mcracistandhatesbritain,

    as i fucking hate gypos (laziness aint a race) and i hate squaddies (before any help for heroes types pipe up, yeah yeah blah blah heroes good stuff, they still fuck my town up royaly every fucking night).....

    ReplyDelete
  49. Aye up our Tommy.

    Good to have you back mate.

    Did you enjoy India? and did you lose much weightb when you was there? I ask because a mate of mine went there as a real fat twat and came back as a slightly overweight twat, shame he gotta rid of the fattyness but kept the twattyness.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Great pic Gaz,

    Hope those gals don't cover their eyes when they get frightened.

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  51. H2, I lost weight and all sense of reason at times. At least I'm aware of my limits. Those rages RBA talks about on his blog. I done a few of them like. Indians either look bemused or think smiling and staring en masse will sort it all out.

    ReplyDelete
  52. I would also like to qualify that by saying that it was amazing. Does anyone else think that if there's a crisis occurring, they'd like to see a Sikh nearby? They have an aura of being in the know, and look like they should be able to sort it all out with aplomb.

    ReplyDelete
  53. One of my best mates is a Sikh, and he is the last person i would want to see in a crisis, but in usualy the first!!!

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  54. You know what they say

    Sikh and ye shall find

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  55. Aaahh, smiling and staring.

    Briliant defence tactic, I heard Bush was toying with the idea to use it in his war against terrorism.
    Problem was of course that GW didn't make the majority of yanks happy or smiley, ironic, cos he had the rest of the world in stitches most of the time.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Schizophrenic Indian?

    Jeckel and Hyde and Sikh.

    ReplyDelete
  57. The club has recently released several of its higher paid players in a bid to balance the books, but now has only nine registered players available to play in the Football League.

    The Blues are currently under a transfer embargo but the Professional Footballers Association has told BBC Essex that if the club can produce evidence to the Football League that they are dealing with their financial problems, they could be given special dispensation to register players.

    --------------

    How is it fair that Portsmouth can sign players while in administration and Southend can't and Bournemouth were stopped from doing so last season.

    One rule for ex-Premier Leaguie sides and another for everyone else its eems

    ReplyDelete
  58. There's still time for HMRC to finally drag that club into the toilet Adam ....

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  59. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/8826244.stm


    YESSSSSSS!!!!! The thieving cheating - oh wait, the President of the League of Cheating Weasels is retiring from international footie.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Damn ... that means we'll have to elect a new president ... who's going to run against Terry for that honour chaps?

    ReplyDelete
  61. This may explain the origins of the name 'golf' - it may be an acronym for 'grizzled old lamb-fuckers'.
    ___________

    So golfers are basically Welsh pedophiles?

    ReplyDelete
  62. Everton manager David Moyes says the cash-strapped club are unlikely to sign any more new players before the end of the transfer window.
    ___________

    Well, Mo, how are you gonna sign any once it ends?

    ReplyDelete
  63. I think you'll find that they were scottish Spit, although they've probably all moved to Middlesbrough now.

    ReplyDelete
  64. BREAKING NEWs:

    Boro have signed William Wallace.

    Strachan said, "We are pleased to sign a big name star who is always ready to put up a fight and he has got a proven history. Also, he is amongst the tiny number of Scotsmen to win a battle against an English side."

    ReplyDelete
  65. As long as they haven't signed Mel Gibson (WW's body double) then I think everything should stay normal south of Hadrians Wall.

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  66. Next they'll tell us they've managed to reanimate Robert the Bruce and announce he's going to be their new centre forward Spit.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Why not Star?

    It worked for Sunderland, they brought Steve the Bruce, back from the third ring of hell (B'ham) via Wigan.

    ReplyDelete
  68. 'ello lads, did I miss owt?

    Welcome back TommyB.

    I love golf me. I love playing and I love watching, especially this current crop on the US LPGA, some crackers in there.

    I'm upset that Seve isn't there. We need more Spanish non-footy heroes encouraging their youth away from the game. Rafa Nadal is doing his part and there's a good few turning to bull fighting. You know how many thousand bull fighting coaches they have in Spain? No wonder England is falling behind.

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  69. STILL going on about those Dutch meanies, Robbo? crimeny - isn't 3 times unlucky in the Final punishment enough without the likes of you piling on?
    OK, Webb wasn't the worst ever, but he did screw them on some key decisions, however much you want to be look only at the De Jong challenge like the rest of the Spanish Armada (Armada means bandwagon, by the way;)
    Spain won, so enjoy your Cava and Shuh-Tit!

    agree about Tigger, though... total Nike marketing shiite.
    seems he did OK today, mind you - but i wonder how he'll fare tonight with the local sea-hags around St. Andy's?

    ReplyDelete
  70. Hey Trott.

    Welcome back, are you still in Blighty or back in the good ol U.S of Hey?

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  71. Just read the Linekar analysis on how England shall move forward:

    He say Wiltshire has to be involved at some stage in the Euro Qualifiers.

    Hold your horses Garry!!

    jack is a brilliant and talented player but please keeps him out of any plans of yours for the next two years at least. Only once he's played about 100 games in 2 season at top level and been consistent, sure.

    For fuck sake let them learn something before chucking them out to the boulevard press.

    Seriously, people ought to know when to start and when to end their careers.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Ey' Trott,

    how goes?

    When it comes to Bull fighting, falling behind is A OK.
    Its falling in front of the damn bull that gets you mauled and trampled.

    ReplyDelete
  73. H2, back yesterday. Tried to sample a Jubilani ball in the Adidas shop at Manchester airport but they only had "replicas". How are you? Did you do good numbers the last few weeks?

    ReplyDelete
  74. Aye Spit, fall behind and all you get is bullshit.

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  75. Trotsky - get yer Thierry Hen-Red Bulls season tix yet? ;)

    how far the mighty have fallen!

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  76. Trott,

    true.

    Fall infront and this awaits you

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2GDwrQ3XO0

    ReplyDelete
  77. Trott, I didn't do too bad mate :), although the final wasn't that busy (too many street party's etc) but all in all I can't complain.
    ---
    Spit, that's always the problem in the UK, any kids who show talent are immeadiatly dubbed the new world wonder and saviour of us all, the media overhype them and the expectation can hardly ever be met. A few years ago it was Theo Walcott (didn't make the WC squad) and of course Wayne Rooney (didn't play during the WC)

    They'll never learn.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Yo Denis, no firkin chance. I got season tix for the Metro Stars when MLS first started, never again.

    I thought TH was off to the Harlem Globetrotters?

    ReplyDelete
  79. Remember, this is the new FFL details for all who are interested (From Jacks).

    http://www.premierleague.com

    robbo blog league. pin 41384-28795

    robbo head to head league. pin 41384-28803

    ReplyDelete
  80. Sign up Trott, me and Spit need some competition.

    Only joking lads. ;p

    ReplyDelete
  81. "I thought TH was off to the Harlem Globetrotters."
    ----
    He probably thought he was signing fot the Chicago Bulls.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Hey ...thems fightin' words H. :P

    ReplyDelete
  83. H2. I'm in, signed up this morning. Mind you, focusing on that for a full season won't be easy, hope we don't have fantasy Euro matches and a world cup next summer.

    ReplyDelete
  84. FBH
    I see the boro dont have a shirt sponsor.
    is that a case of losing their Garmin and cant find their way to getting another

    ReplyDelete
  85. I signed up yesterday, but I couldn't be bothered to choose a team properly so I just pressed the random fill option. I ended up with Hernandez, as captain, partnering Owen up front. Also got Fabregas and A Cole who both may or may not even be in the PL this comming season.

    I'm DOOOOMMMMED, I tells ya.

    If I remember rightly you can change your team as much as you want before the start of the season? Is that right or do I have to go into administration already?

    ReplyDelete
  86. Rangers have turned down Eagles from Burnley as he wanted too much money - gud on them

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  87. So what your saying FBH is a piddling little team from Lancashire (I think) can afford better wages than the Scottish champions .... boy is their league fucked.

    ReplyDelete
  88. And who the hell does Hernandez play for?

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  89. Trotter... I dont blame you! I conned an american friend of mine into getting 4 season tickets, so I can blag them free when I feel like it..... I wouldnt pay to watch Juan Pablo Angel....EVER ! Still Harrison (and I dont mean George) is better than watching at Giants Stadium.

    And yes, I'll be there on Thursday to watch Henry and throw Pork Pies at the nearest spurs player. Just need to decide Hollands or Melton Mowbray

    Oh... and Golf is just Flog backwards

    ReplyDelete
  90. THats how we got so many Star :)Ther midfielder Thomson is due to sign tomorrow - sounds a gud un

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  91. Hey, the Scots arent the only ones who'll be playing their 'home' games in England.

    Apparently, Pakistan Cricket are playing their 'home' series against Australia, in England right now.

    I would say, the Pakistanis are just taking the mickey out of BNP.

    Highly Chucklesome.

    ReplyDelete
  92. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  93. Star.

    Hernandez is a new signing for Man IOUtd.

    I'm off down to the bar. There's drinking to be done!!!

    ReplyDelete
  94. Didnt we want to keep one of the two leagues exclusive to regulars?

    I know it dont make any diffo, but I wanna through a condescending look to all the lurkers who only get to play in the open for all league.

    Thats how class system works, right?

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  95. trott, tommy welcome back, (non-pikey) travellers.

    i mentioned you both on the last blog and I now feel like paul the psychic octopus

    JDR i can sense your presence......

    And this week's lottery bonus ball will be......13

    ReplyDelete
  96. tommy i went out witha sikh for a while back in the day.

    i know youre all imagining me witha big hairy bearded bloke with his head bandaged and a hidden knife but amazingly not all sikhs are male! no i didnt know either!

    but research has shown that around half of all sikhs are women. she was beautiful but ultimately a bit confused that i had two other girlfriends heheheheh.

    ReplyDelete
  97. GazUtd said...
    blogdignag said...

    well what ive noticed about golf is.........snore.............
    _______________________________
    Hahahahahah
    This from the man who finds cycling exciting!!
    I suppose there isn't the snore factor in cycling. All those drugs cause insomnia.

    ---------------

    cant let you get away with that gazzautd.

    J'ACCUSSEZ!!

    i cant believe the indifference on here to the sport we actually excel at beyond all others. england is shit at football but fucking ace at cycling.

    AND its a sport with use. can you use a football to get you to the offie?

    no. unless you are a clown from the cirque du soleil.

    have you ever tried to get to work playing golf?

    no. not a great way of getting around is it, golf? slow, frustrating and i find the tiny holes in angry motorists windscreens tend to preclude it as a mode of transport, in my experience.

    comapre and contrast my one-man work-bound peloton.

    having said that i am a bit bored with the tour de france. on the other hand again its one of the worlds great sporting events, instituted in support of Dreyfus, the 19th C persecuted french Jew, not richard dreyfus the shit american actor.

    i will one day dress up as Osama bin Laden and stand by the roadside as the Frances de la Tour's peloton passes, pointing and shouting "YOUR BACK WHEELS GOING ROUND"

    in the meantime, to all you cycling insouciants (the fench dont have a word for insouciant) i say:

    J'ACCUSEZ!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  98. having said that its st swithins day today and it pissed it down so maybe i should take up swimming for the summer.

    st swithin - what a selfish bastard!

    ReplyDelete
  99. im blaming that twat st swithin that my PoundLand gazebo ended up in next doors garden

    ReplyDelete
  100. WCG, when I went to the watch the Metro Stars (Metro fuckin Stars, I ask you what kind of a fuckin name for a footy team is that anyway)our Central and South American friends starting chucking missiles two games into the new season. I thought, eh up, this is all a bit pointless, we can get this at Luton and the footy's better too (not to mention the pies).

    Bloga, SNH5.
    FBH, nice to see you again.

    Did I mention I love golf? Just watching the slow motion replay DVD of Paula Creamer's putting stroke. Takes three hours to analyze one putt. I'll watch it again later.

    ReplyDelete
  101. and Robbo, forget manboobs Mickleson, he hits it too high and yaps too much. You're dead right about Tiger's putter though. It's called 'the method' - lets hope he finds some Smogger Rhythm and uses it to stay out of trouble.

    ReplyDelete
  102. goign back to the cycling did noone (plymouth)see stage 11?

    renshaw disqualified for headbutting, cavendish destroying the field. sport at its best.

    ReplyDelete
  103. ayyyyyy trotsky - good to ahve you back old son and fellow evangelist

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  104. stage 11 blog? Is that when your teeth fall out?

    ReplyDelete
  105. evangelist? You mean the bit about having seen the future, the promised land of 2014?

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  106. trot do you agree with the concensus on here that england were unlucky not to win the WC and were robbed by some diabolical referreeing decisions?

    ReplyDelete
  107. for me theres one crucial missing element that golf sufferes from - physical violence.

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  108. shearer as next england coach?

    ReplyDelete
  109. England were totally robbed, there should be a hanging or two. Obviously we were better than Switzerland and they beat Spain so if the Spaniards had any class, they'd give us the trophy.

    I was on the golf course once when a bloke swung his driver in anger after a crappy tee shot. Just as he swung, the next guy to hit was walking onto the tee, head down, he got caught flush in the face. Cheek bone, eye socket and nose all smashed. The ambulance made a terrible mess of the fairway.

    Saw two other lads get into a fight and I've seen lots of trees attacked with clubs. Always good for a laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  110. A Brian Clough impersonator would get my vote.

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  111. none of that is strictly part of the game, tho, trott (is it? how wud i no)

    hey you wont believe this but ive got a literary agent interested in mandraxe and the nazi werewolves from mars.

    significantly, however, she hasnt read it yet....

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  112. now then young man, were you around when Bo stormed out forever?

    gaz's fault. all that hate.

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  113. Bloody hell - Question Time was good tonight - thought the erection campaign was over

    Hi Trott - nice to see ya back mate :)

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  114. no, what happened? Where do I read it?

    ReplyDelete
  115. a real live literary agent? Brilliant. You didn't write much, just enough to secure a 4 million pound advance I reckon.

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  116. never mind the millions though, is she fit?

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  117. Hope Konnolsky's alright......

    Hugh Collins
    Contributor

    AOL News (July 15) – A combination of booze and scorching weather has led to more than 1,000 Russians drowning in recent months.

    Russians are heading to lakes and rivers in droves to escape temperatures as high as 104 degrees Fahrenheit, CNN reported. Unfortunately, they usually do so with some beer or vodka in tow.

    The results are darkly predictable.

    Russian men swim in the Neva river in central St. Petersburg on July 6
    Over 1,000 drownings in Russia have been attributed to people trying to cool off in searing temperatures by swimming after consuming alcohol. Here, Russian men take a dip in the Neva river in central St. Petersburg on July 6.
    "The majority of those drowned were drunk," Vadim Seryogin of Russia's Emergencies Ministry said, according to CNN. "The children died because adults simply did not look after them."

    At one summer camp, six schoolchildren drowned because the camp employees who were meant to be looking after them were drunk, the BBC said.

    Alcohol is a way of life in Russia, with the average Russian consuming 18 liters (18 quarts) of booze a year. That's more than twice the level that the World Health Organization rates as safe. About 70 percent of the alcohol is consumed as hard liquor such as vodka.

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  118. 3 or 4 blogs ago, trott. pity really, didnt make any sense to me.

    my agent (ha!) scarey 6ft irish woman, so no she's not fit.

    ReplyDelete
  119. (the fench dont have a word for insouciant)

    G W Bush was correct - no not about farting - but about the fact that the frenchies dont have a word for Entreprenuer - in their world it has a different context - now who feels daft eh???

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  120. she sounds lovely! Is her name Darren?

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  121. Im fine Big Trott mate - clough info

    http://rememberwhen.gazettelive.co.uk/2010/07/clough-on-his-bike.html

    Hey just read Cloughy went to same school as me - well he would he was brought up round corner from me - but he was older

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  122. No Irish women are scarey! You just have to know how to treat em.

    Usually with Ronseal.


    And as for not being able to get to work with golf!!??


    ALL the world's great business deals are done on the golf course. I bet even you could hire a hitman on a golf course. To kill John Terry. For free more than likely.

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  123. yes gaz, but you cant use golf as a form of transportation, was my point. except for golf buggies.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Gaz, wassup, how's the Mrs progressing? What's happened with Bo?

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  125. all irish women are scarey they have piercing goggle-eyed stares, farm-developed biceps and withering put-downs for poor performance in bed. so im told.

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  126. Mrs is fine Trotts. 17th week now.


    Bo fell out with me. Dunno why really. Said I was full of hate and he wasn't coming back.

    Think it was something to do with all the insisting that England were utter shite.

    Which they were.

    And still are.

    But they're 7th

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  127. its better than coronation street on here aint it?

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  128. I wouldn't know about the withering put-downs.

    The rest seems about right.

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  129. Good, tell her to put her feet up and get yerself busy.

    ohhh, it was something important then? Shame that, us all getting worked up over something so irrelevant.

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  130. So finally after all this time Bloggggy has revealed himself to actually be Lord Dave.

    No wonder he's been suspiciously quiet since entering Number 10, he's too busy on here.

    Can you get Nicky the slave to makes us some tea

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  131. Bloggggy. Sorry I mean Dave. What's all this about being good at cycling? Who was the last Brit to win the Tour de Farce?

    I'll think you'll find an Irishman did it more recently. Which just keeps proving our superiority. Not that I care about nationalism or anything.

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  132. I say, Gaz, you outed me at larst. Normally I prefer my constituents not to know that I support Port Vale and talk shit. Doncha know.

    Nicky ! Get the fookin teas in ye wee cunt!

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  133. Who was the last Brit to win the Tour de Farce?

    ------

    Winning the whole thing would be vulgar, Gaz. I've tried to ensure with my recent policy review that we're excellent in parts like the curates egg. I have phoned Cav to recognise his win in the Tour de France TODAY but expressed my concern that any further progress towards the green jersey would be un-English.

    Nicky! I say get the beers in you twat.

    (note to gaz ; who's Nicky???)

    ReplyDelete
  134. I'll think you'll find an Irishman did it more recently. Which just keeps proving our superiority. Not that I care about nationalism or anything.

    ----------

    the mask slips....

    ReplyDelete
  135. who's Nicky???

    _____________


    Um you know, whatshisface

    The tall chap

    Was in that debate thingy

    Think he's married to a foreign bird

    Likes the poor people

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  136. I suppose the Tour de Farce does take place in a foreign country.

    And France no less. Which is just not cricket.

    That's why England have refused to win the World Cup for all these years.

    Must wait till it gets back to Blighty eh?

    ReplyDelete
  137. Ah you mean Cocksucking Fig-Leaf Stoogefag!

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  138. I am determined to address the policy isues you identify, Gaz.

    The post-colonial disengagement with Europe and all things foreign is to be addressed and reversed in my forthcoming policy document "The Wogs begin in Calais"

    in a long-overdue move to right a historical wrong, the USA is re-claimed for the Crown and to satisfy the demands of Home Rule, Ireland is re-classified as a Home County, ruled directly from my Gazebo.

    Hope this clarifies matters, old chap.

    Dave.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Yes. Thank you.

    Which one of the home counties will we be?

    As long as you don't put us under the same umbrella as Birmingham then all will be ok.

    ReplyDelete
  140. I'm orf now to give Samantha one up the jacksi

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  141. I'm off to have a wank at the thought of Samantha getting one up the jacksi

    ReplyDelete
  142. blogdignag said...
    yes gaz, but you cant use golf as a form of transportation, was my point. except for golf buggies.
    -----------
    Volkswagon Golf???

    ReplyDelete
  143. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  144. Spit.

    Good call on the FFL, the head to head league should just be for the regulars, we'll have to get in touch with Jacks (RBA get him on your Ouija/weegey Board) to sort it out, he is the keymaster and has the power to turf out the riff raff.

    ReplyDelete
  145. Hey people! Nice to see a lot of traffic on blog from yesterday. And also wonderful to know that there's been India chat in afternoon.

    But honestly with no offence meant to Sikh's they are often considered as joke items. (Sardar/tubelight/late current) all mean the same.

    ReplyDelete
  146. Spit, I was a bit surprised to see Pakistan/Australia test series bein played in England.

    Again, after England beat Aussies in ODI series, I thought it would have been perfect summer to straight away begin with the Ashes.

    ReplyDelete
  147. "Beckham rules out managing England" - who the fuck was ruling him in? He couldn't manage a wank in the shower!

    ReplyDelete
  148. Not seen many lurkers on here;
    So far, 17 in robbo FFL League & 14 is robbo FFL head2head league. Atleast manageable this time, unlike what we had last season end.

    ReplyDelete
  149. Morning Zeb mate! Are you joined in the league yet?

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  150. Not as yet as I have to do that from home and I never get a look in (or the time) on the computer there.

    ReplyDelete
  151. Never mind, it should just be a 15 minute job on a weekend. Give it a try!

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  152. The ball used in the World Cup final between the Netherlands and Spain has sparked a bidding frenzy on eBay. By Thursday night the price had soared from £99 to £52,100, with the auction ending at 1700 BST on Friday. (the Sun)

    ----------------------------------

    I wouldn't have paid 99p for that piece of crap, let alone bid enough to buy myself a Porsche Boxter instead.

    Not that I would buy a Porsche ... their cars are shit.

    ReplyDelete
  153. Burnley winger Chris Eagles has rejected the chance to join Scottish champions Rangers.

    The clubs agreed a transfer fee for the 24-year-old but the player was unable to agree personal terms with the debt-plagued Glasgow outfit.
    -----------------------------

    Championship instead of Champions League

    Clown!!!!

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  154. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10611973

    Bo - nooooooooooooooooooo!

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  155. Crocodile DunBo ?

    mornin' Lads

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  156. Burnley winger Chris Eagles has rejected the chance to join Scottish champions Rangers.
    -----------------------------
    Championship instead of Champions League

    Clown!!!!
    ==================================
    No wonder our clubs go out and find a similar player in Botswana, Bosnia or Jamaica for a fee less than 10 times what the moron wants. British greed will kill our football!!

    ReplyDelete
  157. Morning Trots

    That crocodile stunt is very much what Bo could do......... or so i think. Well, Aussies and their die hard drunk attitudes. typical

    ReplyDelete
  158. Morning Monk. Football is dead, long live football.

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  159. Tommy B said...
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10611973

    Bo - nooooooooooooooooooo!
    ----------------------------------

    What the guy from U2???

    mawning yous lot..

    ReplyDelete
  160. we all are adam thats why there is ngog one fcuking here...

    Quieter Steven Hawking suring a power cut around here today!

    ReplyDelete
  161. during not suring... obviously...

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  162. Is it because of the golf? Bloggy said it puts people to sleep!

    Fuck me, Dredge just putted off the path through the rough, hit the pin and ended up 20 feet away. That was after landing over the road on th 17th.

    HOW IS THAT BORING?!?!?!

    ReplyDelete
  163. well i am enthralled by that gaz... tell me more.

    Has anyone bogeyed over a 9 par eagle foot, using a dimplewedge from the trap of an offshore stremer putt?

    ReplyDelete
  164. Yes.

    Peter Allis did it.

    But he blamed it on one of those dark skinned fellows.

    ReplyDelete
  165. i thought the "darkies" as colin montgommery called them, were banished now that a half vietnamess half black had scientifically proven that they were up to no good in the first place, and should bever be allowed back on the greens again...?

    I just started watchign the golf, some man in bright trousers swung a stck an dthe camera panned in to the nothignness of the sky... i neary shat my pants with excitement...

    ReplyDelete
  166. i should be clear i am not saying that colin montgomery is a racist, but i am not saying that he isn't one either.



    the big fecking racist.

    ReplyDelete
  167. Also, i have a new keyboad with rubbish "springy" keys, so my typing is even more haphazard than usual.... i dont apologise for this though, i just thought i should let you know....

    ReplyDelete
  168. well, it is quiet today, is everyone busy adding there support to the re cently condemmed Raoul Moat facebook page???

    ReplyDelete
  169. apologies, that was in bad taste...

    and noe even Raoul Moatly funny...

    ReplyDelete
  170. You know why i write so many blogs... cos no one is here your all watching golf or cycling, which make you a traitor to footy...

    ReplyDelete
  171. and too your class...

    (all except poshdignag of course...)

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  172. Sorry. I was eating breakfast. Yes, at 12 O'clock. I am a student, remember.


    It's difficult to keep food down though as Hazel Irvine has just appeared on the tellyvisiual thingy.

    It's not that she's ugly, it's her sycophantic musings that make me sick.

    She is ugly as well though.

    ReplyDelete
  173. my money is on Ty Webb to win the golf with his caddy Danny Noonan... as for the cycling, my money is on.... that kid from belleville rendezvous (the only thing i know about le tour...)

    ReplyDelete
  174. Hazel Irvine has the face of an aryan child drawn on a 1930s german biscuit tin...

    ReplyDelete
  175. She's a woman too, apparently.

    ReplyDelete
  176. Though it's difficult to tell.

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  177. RedBlueArmy92 said...
    You know why i write so many blogs... cos no one is here your all watching golf or cycling, which make you a traitor to footy...
    -----
    Indeed, traitors!!!

    There should be a law that the only other sports you can follow are ones that you can do on the way to watch footy, i.e pool, snooker darts, drinking etc or ones you do on the way back like swimming (if you drunk to much?). In the late 70's till the mid 80's it was perfectly acceptable to follow fight/contact sports, but nowadays a stadium ban awaits those that participate.
    --
    So, it's Fiday eh?

    ReplyDelete
  178. GazUtd said...
    Sorry. I was eating breakfast. Yes, at 12 O'clock. I am a student, remember.
    ------
    Breakfast at 12?
    Much to early for me, mate.
    My body doesn't start to work untill at least 2.
    Over 25 minutes I should be able to feel my legs.

    ReplyDelete
  179. Listen! The golf is on TV for something like over 10 hours today. As a student it is the law that I lie on the couch and watch it.

    I would never break the law.

    ReplyDelete
  180. 10 hours of golf?

    You can watch paint dry in a lot less time then that.

    ReplyDelete
  181. Aha yes but as a student you are required to sniff the paint fumes instead.

    ReplyDelete
  182. That's gotta be more fun then golf?

    ReplyDelete