Sunday, 30 May 2010

Cole Comfort

Well I’m feeling very confident. England have been downright cobblers in their two friendlies and that all points to a promising tournament ahead if you ask me.

Mexico made us look like we’ve had one two many San Miguels with our chimichangas and Japan left us looking, appropriately enough, fishy and undercooked.

But who wants us to be playing well now, eh?

If I was prone to pre-match nausea and doom-mongering I might be worried that there’s talk of Fabio trying to unravel the Gordian knot of English football. It’s like a riddle of quantum physics: the Gerpard Conundrum.

Is it possible that two identical particles can appear in exactly the same space and co-exist or will they inevitably cancel each other out?

All previous experiments suggest the latter and yet Townsend and Southgate (a more unfeasible pair of pundits it’d be hard to imagine but then again that is the Townsgate Conundrum or the Southend Enigma) are suggesting the Gerpard midfield for the first game of the WC. No!

I might also note that Lamps as penalty-taker is a bit of a lottery at the mo. I think most keepers will have worked out by now that he always scuffs it to the right. I’d prefer Wazza to be lining it up.

Capello called for ‘English spirit’ – which I think is Italian for ‘For fook’s sake get stuck in!’ - but we had the usual stand-off-and-admire stuff by a team that was less anxious to please and more anxious to avoid getting crocked.

There was a petty little clog from Rooney, just to remind you that he still has the capacity to do the predictable. Yep he scares the opposition all right... he’s a genius with the ball and a bloody hooligan without it.

And the defence still has its bovine moments, typified by Rio’s occasional dithering and Johnson’s failure to stay tight at a corner.

I might also add that I’ve never heard the phrase ‘impact substitute’ used quite so often in the pubs of Teesside. Leading candidates for the David Fairclough award are: Peter ‘something different’ Crouch; Jermain ‘can always nick you a goal’ Defoe; Theo ‘pace to burn’ Walcott; Adam ‘Unknown Quantity’ Johnson and increasingly Joe ‘Probably the Best Keeper in the Squad but after Scott Carson Only a Fucking Idiot Would Risk It’ Hart.

Of course it’d be nice to think that the first eleven players Cap puts out would make an impact off the bench unnecessary. It’s like someone coming round to fix your bog, taking his tool-kit out and saying ‘Don’t worry – if none of these work I’ve a right special gadget in the van.’ Well I tell you what, mate, leave that box of crap in the van and bring out your super-gizmo now and we can be all done in 10 minutes can’t we?

What gives you confidence is Capello telling you straight after the game that he knows who his 23 are. Given that the regulars of the Blue Bell have had more changes of mind than a series of Worzel Gummidge, I’m glad he’s in charge.

Plus, two raggedy first halves have been transformed into far better second halves. Clearly the Gaffer has a well accurate rocket launcher for the laziest backsides in the interval dressing-room. What a change from Stevie Mac, who you felt would’ve been covering them self-same arses with tender kisses.


The Artful Dodger hisself - Consider yourself our mate!

Of the possibles on show only one has made himself indispensable. Joe Cole. He’s got bags of nous, quick feet and when confronted with a bit of open space he doesn’t develop instant agoraphobia. Fully fit he’s as good a midfielder as we’ve got.

I think it’s pretty clear-cut otherwise now. Wallowing in abject misery but consoled by a dishy wag and a purpose-built swimming pool or two will be: Parker, Warnock, Wright-Phillips and Bent.

The three outstanding decisions for Fabio are: Dawson or Upson; Walcott or A.Johnson; Carrick or Huddlestone. Me, I’d go for Dawson, Johnson and Huddlestone. I think Cap’ll opt for Theo and Upson and take Hud too.

English sport isn’t looking too shabby at the mo either. Hamilton and Button had a one-two after a Red Bull bust up. Too much bleeding Red Bull if you ask me. Vettel walked off the track indicating that Webber was a nutjob. Ahem. Psycho, heal thyself. Still a bit of in-house needle can’t do a dull sport any harm.

Our cricketers are toiling away at Lord’s – and that Tamim sure puts the bang in Bangladesh. Terrific twatting of a cricket ball that was. But they’ll win.

But the main source of joy and optimism is the Euro triumph of England’s Under 17 side with THREE Boro lads involved. Count ‘em. More than any other club. That Bruno Pilatos is cracking I tell yer. Give that lot eight years and we’ll be getting over-excited again – and hopefully they’ll be looking at playing the tournament on their home turf if the Mail on Sunday can stop stomping over the bid with their twotty right-wing size nines.

But arrgghhhh!
There are still TWELVE days to go till the first flaming game!


So it’s holiday time for Robbo. The wife’s brother is tying the knot in Italy – I think it’s either Umbria or Tuscany which probably means I’ll spend me whole time out there trying to avoid middle-class liberal drips banging on about Fay Weldon and hybrid cars and balsamic vinegar.

I’ll be singing this (some mates have put together the vid and I think it’s a right grand tune):





I’ve packed ketchup, teabags and a large dollop of cynicism. I’m on strict orders to keep me foot out of me mouth and bite me tongue when Simeon and Georgina start banging on about coalitions and inheritance tax. I mean there’s only so much mental muesli a man of my mindset can take.

But the blog will be dry for a week while I invest heavily in Peroni. Cheers! And come on England!

1,613 comments:

  1. gerpard must be split aparticles

    gerrard and rooney look like mates who are sharing a good bit of cric and this slightly posh kid keeps keeps blunderin in with his tennis stories

    classic instance was a bautiful intercange between rooney and gerrard in the box, gerrards through and aaargh! whats lapms doing there! it didnt matter n that occasion but it was symptomiatic of two players who instinctvely occupy the same prime attcking midfielders position. aftr all these yers either they dont talk to each other or theyre a bit thick

    pity

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  2. Great blog Robbo - funny as :)

    Towngate - dont mind Southgate - Townsend talk bo laxs
    Gerpard - it wont work!!!! Never has - never will!!!
    and 3 Boro lads wining for England - the first thing to lift me spirits in years!!!

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  3. fbh, sounds like you lifted and shifted plenty of spirits last night mae.

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  4. sixth...a new PB

    and still nowt interesting or funny to say....maybe next time

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  5. Robbo.

    Maybe Cappello should take that dog in the video (it already has a shirt, bless) It's bound to have four good legs, to replace King's dodgy two and it wouldn't be afraid to put a bit of bite into its tackles.
    Plus it could keep Ashley and John company if there aren't any other "bitches" about.It's common knowledge that they like a dog on the side (alegedlly)

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  6. ooh biting remarks H2H..!

    still, good to see those two being put down...

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  7. Robbo, you do know you cursed in the middle of that don't you? And after us all agreeing to lay off the effs and blinds!!

    Why not just split Gerrard? In half, with a rusty scythe.

    I got married in Italy by the way. Best thing I ever did. The Italy bit, obviously, not the getting married bit.

    (C'mon its not like she reads this)

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  8. i thought capello was risking it a bit shouting at takeshi okada. they all know kung fu, dont they.

    i think an inscrutable japanese manager would be a good match for the england team if capello jumps ship for inter milan.

    any trouble in the dressin room and they get the (karate) chop.

    and failure would be a tv spectacular. he'd either

    a) commit har-kiri in the centre circle at wembley with a Hattori Hanso samurai blade
    or
    b) jump off the wembley arch shouting "i have failed. i am in disgrace aaaaaarrrrghhhh!!!"

    but bst of all we'd be able to phone in and vote for or prefered option

    and the final score

    gok - 1
    laurence llewellyn-bowen - 2

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  9. If only they could get "put down" 59th!!

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  10. gaz i too enjoy welded blitz with my awful wedded wife and she dont read robbos blog neither haha

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  11. if not put down then at least castrated. in the medieval manner - with 2 bricks

    does it hurt?

    only if yu get your thumbs caught

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  12. Not first.......

    But still close. In number terms, I'm like 13th, but attendance wise, I'm 6th. quite an improvement hey.

    good afternoon guys

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  13. That new pic of Robbo in the middle either deserves an Oscar for "Best acting in a blog related pic" or he was well and truly bladdered

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  14. hm..i'm putting shelves up at the mo..my drill seems to have a mind of its own...

    anyhoo i reckon crazy paving on a bedroom wall looks simply devine....yup

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  15. I'm going for the "bladdered" option Gaz...

    Even Olivier couldn't act that good.

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  16. If your drill is a Black & Decker 59th then maybe it has two minds of its own.

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  17. i dunno gaz, but it has the words EXTREME on the box...wonder why.......

    and i hope robbo is right about optimism re england's chances cos i ain't feelin that myself...i think we'll scrape thru and lose to the 1st decent team we play...for a change

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  18. Englnd have looked dire in their last two games, ok, there has been a lot of chopping and changing, but as mentioned above, Mexico and Japan are not the world's greatest teams.
    I watched Holland destroy Mexico in the 1st half of their friendly last week and that was without Robben, Sneijder and Van Bommel.
    I'm not gonna get all doom and gloom on the back of those performances, because in the end, even playing badly, the lads still managed two wins. If you can still manage to win without really shining then that is the stuff of Champions. (Italy and Germany have been doing it for years)

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  19. i guess you're right H,

    perhaps we brits just want a little more...if we lose we want to win...if we win we want to win in style.....

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  20. I'll take a win anyway it comes for England mate.

    I've already got the win nothing in style with Arsenal. ;p

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  21. lol..as a toon fan i know exactly what you mean...only without the style these days..

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  22. Didn't you just win promotion and the Championship?

    You are hard to please.

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  23. i am hard to please..but the toon won promotion and were on telly loads of times and each time they were functional and rarely entertaining...i'm a purist i guess.

    but you're right H, i think england winning would be enough however we do it

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  24. Hey blogdignag - were you wanking off when you typed your 'second' comment? Please do the world a favour by jumping under a train.

    Decent blog Robbo - but so what if Boro have 3 bairns in the England U17 team? You'll flog 'em all to a bigger club a la Downing & Johnson so as to not ruin their careers, and Boro will still be crap.

    Get used to the nPower League, I fear you may be there for some time (Strachen will get the boot/resign by October).

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  25. Well a distinct lack of style has worked well for Rafa in recent years.

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  26. Bloggy you seem to be ruffling a few feathers!!

    Is it that what makes you horny? :)

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  27. "Please do the world a favour by jumping under a train."
    charmless - unless this is the new olympic sport of EXTREME TRAIN-SPOTTING...new to London 2012

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  28. Boys do it in South Africa for fun.......
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvRk-0DFvAU
    And mind that's a fucking high speed do. . . . .

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  29. I'd like to see them doing that train surfing on the Picadilly Line in London.

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  30. gaz wouldnt be the first time. envy does terrible things to people. in a way its nice to see the dim window lickers with their simple minded viciousness still make it onto the new blog very brave behind a web identity

    at least the absence of a profanity filter enables me to tell dickless pieces of shit like We-are-the-wankers what gormless cunts i think they are. it lowers the tone i know

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  31. We Are The Mags said...

    Hey blogdignag - were you wanking off when you typed your 'second' comment? Please do the world a favour by jumping under a train.

    ----------------

    prick

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  32. We Are The Mags said...
    Hey blogdignag - were you wanking off when you typed your 'second' comment? Please do the world a favour by jumping under a train.

    Decent blog Robbo - but so what if Boro have 3 bairns in the England U17 team? You'll flog 'em all to a bigger club a la Downing & Johnson so as to not ruin their careers, and Boro will still be crap.

    Get used to the nPower League, I fear you may be there for some time (Strachen will get the boot/resign by October).

    ________________________________________________

    You might be right but we are a selfless club who just have the health of the national team in mind, rather than our own self-centred world where everything is black and white.

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  33. Oi!!!

    leave blog alone or he will sign in as his form his other login-name i.e. Cowslepe and no one would like that.

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  34. Mags eh - promotion and they get all uppity!!!

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  35. Re the Gerpard Conundrum,

    leave Gerrard on the bench in case Lamps decide its finally a good time to get injured (does he ever?)

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  36. You might be right

    --------------

    robbo - oi!!!!!
    ----------------------

    or he will sign in as his form his other login-name i.e. Cowslepe
    ---------------

    spit - thnks i think i mean OI !!!!!!!!

    ---------

    we attended an incident about 6 months ago when someone jumped in front of a train. disturbing.
    nasty children like We_are_the_wankers need to come out of their bedrooms

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  37. Blog,
    sory bout thet.

    I think I should control meself and refrain from blogging till i get home to a full sized keyboard, not this mobile phone.

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  38. Just read someone's potential starting eleven on McNulty's blog....

    Thus:

    -----------------------------Hart----------------------------

    G. Johnson-----R. Ferdinand----------J.Terry--------- A. Cole

    -------------------- G. Barry/S. Parker-----------------

    A. Lennon --- S. Gerrard --- J.Cole --- Lampard ---- A. Johnson

    ----------------------W. Rooney ----------------------

    Nice team. That extra man should really count.

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  39. Robbo,

    re your trip to Italy.

    Not sure what you are packing but dont forget the beer. No way you are getting a beer at a posh wedding.

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  40. Thats 7 in midfield!!! Surpirsed teh moderators let it through - hey robbo where were ya last night - started off in the Pot then down to the George - I was minging!!!! But a good laugh - Adam is quite a mover!!!

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  41. Hang on Robbo - the lad included Jinky so he cant be totally daft!!

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  42. Hey all...lets not assume that 'we are the mags' represents the rest of the toon supporters on here (both of us)...all he was doing was having an attention-seeking pop at blog.

    i sat in my dentists chair and said to him "how come this goes back and forward rather than up and down"
    he said "oi, get out of my filing cabinet"

    badum ksshhhhh

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  43. Fabio Capello has said that he knows the side he wants to take to the World Cup .............................








    Spain?

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  44. Nice one 59th- and dont worry - it is recognised that charmless nerk is in a group on his own - a jordy who doesnt think they will win the league .... :)

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  45. as always, this could be our year...

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  46. Followingborohurts said...
    Thats 7 in midfield!!! Surpirsed teh moderators let it through - hey robbo where were ya last night - started off in the Pot then down to the George - I was minging!!!! But a good laugh - Adam is quite a mover!!!

    _________________________________________________

    7 in midfield - perhaps it was D Moyes who put that team up.
    Adam must be a fine mover if you got him down that hill to the George after a few in the P&G.

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  47. Here are the seven I players I think will not make England's 23 tomorrow: Dawson, Warnock, Parker, King, Huddlestone, Carrick and Walcott.

    Motty's words of wisdom!

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  48. the 23 man squad has been announced, some interesting choices i'm sure you'll agree...6 forwards too..wow


    Goalkeepers -
    Vincent Enyeama - Hapoel Tel Aviv (ISR)
    Dele Ayenugba - Beni Yehuda (ISR)
    Austin Ejide - Hapoel Petah Tikvah (ISR)

    Defenders -
    Taye Taiwo - Marseille (FRA)
    Joseph Yobo - Everton (ENG)
    Danny Shittu - Bolton Wanderers (ENG)
    Elderson Echiejile - Rennes (FRA)
    Ayodele Adeleye - Sparta Rotterdam (NED)
    Chidi Odiah - CSKA Moscow (RUS)
    Rabiu Afolabi - SV Salzburg (AUS)

    Midfielders -
    Nwankwo Kanu - Portsmouth (ENG)
    Dickson Etuhu - Fulham (ENG)
    Mikel John Obi - Chelsea (ENG)
    Sani Kaita - Alanya (RUS)
    Yusuf Ayila - Dynamo Kiev (UKR)
    Kalu Uche - Almeria (SPA)
    Haruna Lukman - Monaco (FRA)

    Forwards -
    Yakubu Ayegbeni - Everton (ENG)
    Chinedu Obasi - Hoffenheim (GER)
    Obafemi Martins - Wolfsburg (GER)
    Obinna Nsofor - Malaga (SPA)
    John Utaka - Portsmouth (ENG)
    Osaze Odemwingie - Lokomotiv (RUS)

    and they could even afford to leave out Shola Ameobi!!!

    C'MON SUPER EAGLES

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  49. Greetings FBH!

    My seven to stay at home similar to yours. I would leave Upson at home and take King. Would also take Carrick and leave Bent at home.

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  50. Hi Preach - that was Motty's prediction - I just keep changing me mind mate :) Just want the bloody thning to get started!!!

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  51. Should have read the post properly Shouldn't I? Ah well, it won't be long now and at least you have a mind. My poor brain cells seem to have gone walkabout!

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  52. My poor brain cells seem to have gone walkabout!

    _________

    think they term it, Active Imagination.

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  53. I think Robbo's right in not wanting Walcott to go (I don't think he deserves it either, if you haven't been paying attention) but Fab will probably pick him.

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  54. Hello Robbo and regulars

    Liked the blog, especially the quantum physics analogy. Forget Lampard and Gerrard. The ideal midfield partnership for England would be Higgs and Boson; the GOD par(ticle)tnership. With Aaron Lepton and Michael Quarkick taking the other places. Up front I would have E=mc2mille Heskey and Wayne Rooranium 235. Ok, I'll get me Kenny (Jackett).

    p.s. C'mon USA, Algeria and errrrm the other team. Enough is enough already.

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  55. I have actually tried tor ead a book on String Theory. I've read Chapters 1 and 2 forty times I reckon and I'm still scratching me poor half-educated brain. Bloody bonkers, all of it.

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  56. FBH
    "morning" blog - yeah just a few - 7.30 til late session - but it was good fun and lads were on form - we even had Adam dancing with Mel whilst Mel's freind Claire was trying to do a pole dance in the George & Dragon - and Jacks got the whiskeys in - Tone kept us all civilised and Ngog ate all the pies (actuaaly it was burgers but work with me)!!!
    --------------

    Just a few recollections from last night, also finished up with sore head, due to Jacks changing everybody's drink to Whisky.
    Jacks trying to make up cos he got his first forecast of the season right so we are still in Div 2 with RBA and Blog.
    The strictly come dancing comp was won by Adam, but only because, after Ngog had chatted all the burds up with the opening line "have yer gotta a ciggie luv" then entered the Dance floor(ok it was 2sqm of carpet)Jack told Mel & Claire, Ngog was gay.
    No sign of Paula, but Trace was spotted by FBH, but then he knew everybody
    Great night all

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  57. Spitfire said...
    Fabio Capello has said that he knows the side he wants to take to the World Cup .............................

    Spain?

    ---------------------------------

    Spit, that had me chuckling. You and Southern Fairy are very good with the one liners!

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  58. Robbo, if it's any consolation nobody can possibly understand string theory, even the stringy eggheads that came up with it. It deals with, like, 12 dimensions or something. It's all a load of Ed (Balls).

    It's comparable with the size of the universe. No human brain can conceive it. We can spew numbers and parsecs and the like but it still remains totally, irrefutably outside of our concsious abilities (although Bill Bryson gave it the best shot in "A Short History of Nearly Everything").

    I suggest you begin with Carl Sagan (Cosmos), then Stephen Hawking (A Brief History of Time),combined with Richard Dawkings' (The Selfish Gene)and Matt Ridley's Genome because it's important to merge Quantum Theory with human evolution and bio-chemistry. Then string theory, vest theory and finally, Compo theory.

    Just my opinion.

    Again, good blog Robbo and enjoy your Italian excursion and I look forward to your next blog that hopefully will concentrate on said Italian adventure and NOT England's exploits in SA.

    Cheers

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  59. 59th street, im hearing good things about Obinna Nsofor. Is he likely to start?

    In no way am i trying to get information to pick my FF team....no siree...

    H2H, Is Heitinga likely to start? Is Dirk Kuyt related to ian dowie?

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  60. ha ha good one pete. Did you learn your punnery on the same course as Quantum Physics?

    Keep posting1

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  61. My input to the who gets the ET mwessage

    Warnock
    Wright Phillips
    Bent
    Dawson
    Walcott
    Carrick
    and
    either Gerrard or Lampard

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  62. 'ello Lads, did I miss owt?

    Good stuff Robbo. Another fantastic jammy win. 7 more is all we need, come on England! It's in the bag.

    Enjoy your Italian job Robbo!

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  63. Hi Peter, now I know why my branes gone walk about, its suffering from a leakage of gravitons and it hurts.

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  64. Spitfire said...
    Robbo,

    re your trip to Italy.

    Not sure what you are packing but dont forget the beer. No way you are getting a beer at a posh wedding.

    ____________

    OI!!!

    We had our wedding in Italy and I provided beer for anyone who wanted it. Free bar which was surprisingly inexpensive, what with everyone being Irish and all.

    They do know how to serve you the Italians though. They even went as far as bringing Red Bull in specially for me!!

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  65. G'day all... Red Bull... is that like McDonalds?

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  66. I've managed to bring things to a standstill again I see... well done me.

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  67. Robbo - that picture of you above the video... what a state to be in.

    I've never seen a bloke try to pick his nose and miss by quite so much.

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  68. Zoot. Actually the shot was taking at the end of a particularly accurate flick (subbuteo style) of a straggly greeny just procured from the right nostril. At least that's what they tell us. Like I can remember!

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  69. Zoot, an alternative theory to the one Robbo has just put forth...he's half way through the int that he started in the main picture up top and is calling for another!

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  70. There is still life in the blog.

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  71. Being in a car crash - Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender. Pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.

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  72. Still is Bo - and even getting visits from our leader - sorted

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  73. Putting up a tent - Putting up a tent is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Unzip the door, put up your pole and slip in to the old bag.

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  74. What's it coming to FBH... nice to see ya mate... how are you doing the the tabs... I think I read one of your comments earlier thanking someone for supplying you for the evening... does that mean you are back on them full time?

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  75. OK I am off to the coalface (only kidding blog)... type to y'all later.

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  76. No Bo - doing ok - Tone was good enuf to let me cadge a few of him last night - but none today - and the best thing is when you actually dont want one - not 100% off but getting there mate!!!

    Giving up fags is like making love to a beautiful woman. The urge doesnt go away and when you end up buying you just feel disgusting afterwards.

    (That was a joke by the way - Ive never paid for sex - Ive begged for it a few times mind)

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  77. How much money do some people want - just watched John Barnes doing an advert on telly - and its for a Mars bar - ah well maybe thats how he got so fat???

    And them Redknapps are even worse!!

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  78. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XR6fGeIAOQ4

    Spit, might like this one - see 2min 39 (ish).

    Also its in Blogs home town.

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  79. Nice one STGP,

    Although, at the moment I am only thinking about just one person in the whole of England, my wife.

    Incidently, was wondering if the video was made by the English Defence League. If it was shot in Stoke, it may well be.

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  80. Comedy Store line up

    Sun 27th June

    Lee Simpson
    Neil Mullarkey
    Andy Smart
    Steve Edis
    Ian Coppinger
    Niall Ashdown

    Hey Robbo - what time you due on - england could be playing at 4pm if they come 2nd in the group!!! And the 8.30pm game could be France v Maradona? Still, gotta make a living eh???

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  81. Has Swiss Toni arrived on me pic?

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  82. fbh haha nice pic mate

    my favourite was the vampyre that broke into sleeping virgins bedrooms to give them racing tips monster monster

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  83. I had forgottenjust how good the Fast sHOW was - nice!!!

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  84. Morning all.I've got several more blogs to read through yet.Hard work keeping on top of it all.

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  85. G'day all... fbh, you remind me of someone.

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  86. Where has everyone gone... I'll change me deodorant if it'll help.

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  87. G'day Bo.I've been reading through the 728 blogs people have posted over the weekend.I enjoyed yours.How did the Mighty Eagles get on this weekend?

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  88. I am embarrassed to tell you that I still haven't found seen the result as yet Jack... I missed the game, had the replay set to watch and the daughter came down and buggered that one up... and I have been looking for the next replay on fox but it doesn't appear to be forthcoming. If It isn't shown within the next day or two I'll have to go check the scores online.

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  89. You had another good night the other night Jack... or so it would seem anyway judging by fbh's reaction to it.

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  90. Called it a day too soon last night, and missed out on an opportunity to reminisce with Robbo about Subutteo.

    My first table football set up was Newfooty, which invented table football in 1929. And, no, that's not when I bought it.

    When Subbuteo came along and pinched the market, Newfooty tried to survive, marketing itself in the 1950s as "the original game". But it bit the dust.

    We used to play on an old 4x2 billiards table, with a real slate base. Too much pace on the ball, but otherwise ideal.

    I do remember that players regularly got flattened under hands, and I used to repair them in large batches using great blobs of Bostik. The sun was shining and the temperature was soaring outside of the small, airtight room.

    But I was deliriously happy by the time me mum came in and picked me up from the floor.

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  91. And a word of warning about Peroni, Robbo. That stuff is lethal in a hot climate when a bloke is dehydrated and has a real thirst. It sinks like fizzy pop, but its comfortably in excess of 5%, and can floor you in spectacular fashion.

    I'd hate to think of you drooling over the table, flicking snot at the bridesmaids, and demanding spaghetti hoops from a waiter you insist on calling Pedro.

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  92. That last comment could be applied to any Aussie holiday maker in Bali (the aussies Benidorm)

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  93. Was Benidorm created to keep the english holiday maker away from the rest of Spain?

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  94. Siena is the Tuscan gem of a city, to my mind, and if you haven't been there before, you should try and drop in.

    That's assuming that they've repaired all of the roofs after Daniel Craig smashed them up during past year's Palio.

    Right. That's enough improving advice for the moment. Time to earn a crust, alas...

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  95. It's a country too far for me Zoot... I won't have enough time to go to Italy... France and Holland are my limit next year... not sure if I'll get over that way again.

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  96. Benidorm was created so that the English could experience Blackpool with sunshine.

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  97. G'day adam... showing off your moves the other night I hear.

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  98. mawning...

    So then England ay... yeah...???

    Still, went to an aquariam on sunday, so it wasn't a total waste of a day... Sharks, wicked!

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  99. G'day RBA... come on mate they were playing Japan... the best team in asia... yeah so did you see any porpoise?

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  100. Benidorm is a dump Bo.Whenever you think of the stereotyped Brit abroad,that's where you find him.
    Adam enjoyed his dancing time.Ngog and I worried about our lift home,but thankfully Adam was just enjoying himself.Whereas the young lady in question may have been looking for some nocturnal company...

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  101. Bo,the Eagles took a hiding from Carlton.Save you the trouble of watching the highlights..

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  102. "NORM"

    How do fella... So how was eaglescliff or where ever it was it was... Hope you fellas had a blinder, someone write a blog about it, lol... so whens the next one, August bank holiday?

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  103. I have no moves at all and anything they tell you is an illusion created by whisky

    August bak holiday is my wedding anniversary so could be in trouble if I try going out then (can't we do the Saturday instead)

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  104. Was she a birdwatcher then Jack?

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  105. G'day RBA.How's Mrs RBA doing.Closer and closer....

    Egglescliffe was great.We started in tone's local where we all offered tone our commiserations.Had a chat to see how we all were.Moved into Yarm(Ngog and I hadn't eaten)Into the George and Dragon where there was a bbq.Ngog had lots of burgers,plus a couple of women betting their eyes at him.That soon altered when I said he was gay.
    Adam got dragged onto a dance floor by some local lady.Her labrador could really boogie...

    Great night out.No idea when the next one will be,we'll make some arrangements no doubt.

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  106. BojanglesOfOz said...

    Was she a birdwatcher then Jack?
    _______________________
    She was certainly hoping to see a cockatoo....

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  107. We should be a comedy team Jack... I'll be your straight man

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  108. So we took another hammering eh mate... never mind there is always next year.

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  109. haha, sounds quality man... beer, barbeques and boogying... cant beat that formula. I hope this becomes a long running thing, as one day when the kids are older i may be alowed to play out again... maybe...

    The Mrs is doing grand mate, thanks for asking, little lad is due with us on saturday... time is moving slower and s l o w e r by the second... Still he'll be hear in time to see us embarrased by the yanks...

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  110. I guess so.I'm sorry I've dragged them down to my level.

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  111. Not you mate, they have been at this level the past year or two... every team goes through it Jack... it's the way it is set up here.

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  112. RBA,Kathryn was born during the 2002 WC.Watching Mrs Jack out of one eye and England v Denmark out the other.Not easy...

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  113. BojanglesOfOz said...

    Not you mate, they have been at this level the past year or two... every team goes through it Jack... it's the way it is set up here.
    ____________________________
    Ipswich and the Eagles....am I an albatross?

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  114. haha, thats class man... when mel was born last year, we had a home birth and whilst mrs rba was going through contractions, topgear was on dave... she f**king hates topgear as well... (in my defence i didn't really notice it was on... she certainly did!)

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  115. Jacks, Good morning, you made it back OK.

    I did a summary 20.46 last night, with FBH earlier comments

    Just waiting to see what Ngog thought of it all

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  116. Tone...

    I hate them lousy stinking daggers! bastards every last one of them...

    See you next year mate!

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  117. Morning tone.Got back late last night.Enjoyed the summary you gave.Today is Ngog's birthday,he's 29,young get.
    Pot and Glass is a fantastic pub.

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  118. If y7ou can believe the rumours, Walcott is at the airport with his girlfriend, they are off to the Caribbean.

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  119. haha Ngog, i am younger than you!!!!! na na na nana, ha ha ha ha haha...

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  120. Ngog still counts in months RBA

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  121. i mean yeah he is more handome and has all his own teeth, and due to my numerous drug and alcohol addictions and poor standard of living he'll almost certainly live longer than me... but still..... younger!

    Back of the net!

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  122. gor blimey, guvna an we thort terry henry was a wrong un:

    "Alex Villaplane, France's captain at the 1930 WC finals, was imprisoned in 1935 for fixing horse races and later became a gold smuggler. He joined the French Gestapo during the Nazi occupation and, after the liberation, was shot as a traitor."

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  123. Depends which way I am counting.. if it is the past I count in years... if in the future I count in hours

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  124. Henry is more a handy man to have around though blog.

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  125. rba - none of the 3 of us made it into th Big League (Div1) after all! at least this time i was never really expecting vale to do it.

    i bloody well am expecting them to do it next time tho

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  126. some interesting wc facts in the daily mirror, bo like india pulling out in 1930 because they werent allowed to play in bare feet

    http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/

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  127. i played in bear feet once, the claws kept popping the ball...

    im here all week...

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  128. From Spofforth on Twitter: "Emile Heskey, striker, 58 caps 7 goals. Rene Higuita, keeper, 68 caps 8 goals. Jose Luis Chilavert, keeper, 74 caps 8 goals..."

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  129. tone thanks for posting the wc song filmed in stoke. nice shot of the D-road. i like robbos song n'all

    heres the official WC song

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxmEd9lcn0k

    i like!

    i understand they have changed the original lyrics which describe SA like this:

    Born to a throne, stronger than Rome
    But Violent prone, poor people zone
    But it’s my home, all I have known

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  130. nice stat, jacks. i think capello i sperstitous and sees him as a lucky charm

    rba i played in beer feet. dont remember the final whistle. i was woken up in the centre circle by some guy walking his dog. threw up on his loafers

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  131. Blog, RBA c u all next season, good luck to the daggers, but we should have got automatic promo, before going into meltdown

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  132. Heskey will go and play, he does a specific job that FC likes

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  133. wife just texted, she might be in labour... if you dont here from me for a couple of weeks...

    thats why!



    Might be in labour... women ay!

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  134. Altogether now

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY NGOG

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  135. It seems only you and I agree tone.I'm glad we touched on it in the P&G before the ale sank in....
    I'd like to see the stats show Heskey's assists.

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  136. wow! fantastic news! good luck mate!

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  137. go for it and good luck, and enjoy

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  138. good luck to all of you RBA.If you get the chance,let us know how things go....

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  139. thats true dedication to the blog from rba. you heard it here first.

    mind you them braxton-hicks bosons can be elusive and puzzling tremours from the true earthwoman origin of all confusion

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  140. Jacks, thats the problem with stats, perhaps we dont do enough of them.
    We know the Yanks and quasi yanks have them all in their sports
    So how would you compare Greztky with Pele or Charlton
    The greta one was great, I ve seen him and his points tally goals and assists is immense, but then gocompare Charlton, we dont know his assists

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  141. tone1947 said...

    Heskey will go and play, he does a specific job that FC likes

    ---------------

    are you implying that heskey is cap's chicky stud, tone?

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  142. tone have you read Moneyball - i havent by the way - but its often cited as the most influential sports book ever because of the way it uses statistics to provide empirical evidence of sporing achievement - in baseball but i came across it when ady boothroyd mentioned it

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  143. ...and i just read that brad pitt is about to start shooting the film of the book

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  144. happy birthday ngog!

    three in a boing!

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  145. from twitter..
    STWuk

    Why William Hague has two heads and #flotilla attack is apartheid #Israel's Soweto: http://bit.ly/dCj8Hd

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  146. Teams chances of winning the WC:

    1. Brazil - 23.8%
    2. Spain - 15.9%
    3. England - 10.2%
    4. Netherlands - 10.0%
    5. Argentina - 7.4%
    6. Germany - 5.5%
    7. Italy - 3.7%
    8. France - 3.2%
    9. Uruguay - 2.7%
    10. USA - 2.4%

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  147. Jacks I agree that Heskey does a good diversionary job but still worry about the fact that he can't score and has the first touch and responsiveness of the Titanic

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  148. I mean maybe if the Titanci had a better first touch it could have cushioned the iceberg, brought it down and sidefooted into the corner

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  149. Baseball stats blew my head off, nhl more interesting which is why I mention #99.
    I do not who is a better sportsman gretzky or charlton or beckenbauer or messi or messier(back to NHL!). Sounds an interesting book, must look out for it

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  150. Happy Birthday Ngog.

    Good Luck SNH5 RBA, DNH5 for the missus.
    ----
    SF where did you get those stats?

    England third favourites? Really?

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  151. Simple math H2H?

    England's chances of reaching each round:

    2R - 90.0%
    QF - 58.6%
    SF - 36.9%
    F - 18.8%

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  152. Rooney's last 10 England games with Heskey - 9 goals. Rooney's last 10 England games without Heskey - 2 goals.

    Apparently anyway....i cant be arsed to check it out.

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  153. Happy Birthday Ngog

    Good Luck RBA....i just want to say we are all counting on you....

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  154. How did the Egglesclife meeting go?

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  155. SS11,it went fairly drunkenly.Ask Adam about how he pulled again...

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  156. 31 May 2010 23:45
    Followingborohurts said...
    Comedy Store line up

    Sun 27th June

    Lee Simpson
    Neil Mullarkey
    Andy Smart
    Steve Edis
    Ian Coppinger
    Niall Ashdown

    Hey Robbo - what time you due on - england could be playing at 4pm if they come 2nd in the group!!! And the 8.30pm game could be France v Maradona? Still, gotta make a living eh??

    ------------------------------------------

    FBH, about the same time you posted this last night i was watching a clip on youtube of Robbo on Whose line is it anyway.

    I was on a different pc, so googled Robbo to get the blogspot link and up came a site suggesting that niall is robbo.......then found a link to youtube.......felt like a bit like a stalker.

    he is a funny man though!

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  157. Poor old Walcott, should have practiced his crossing more than his sprinting...

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  158. So RBA's Mrs is up against the Millibands then?


    RBA jnr is on the way! Of course in his case it stands for Red & Black as he'll surely have the sense to support United!!

    Good luck RBA!

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  159. So they reckon Walcott, Bent, Johnson, Baines, Dawson, Parker and Huddlestone arent in the 23.

    I heard Johnson was on fire in training. He plays without fear, has a trick, can put a decent ball in and is an unknown quantity for the opposition......i would have him as an impact sub anytime!

    So that means Upson and Warnock who didnt even feature in the mexico and japan games are in.

    bah!

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  160. SouthernFairy said...
    Poor old Walcott, should have practiced his crossing more than his sprinting...
    ---------------------------------------
    Somebody said Usain Bolt will not feature in this weeks diamond meet or something. I reckon Walcott should try his luck...........

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  161. Upson has always been FC's first choice back up(sense?) to Terry and Ferdinand.
    Walcott has done beggar all since Zagreb,so that's no surprise.

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  162. BBC sports news correspondent Dan Roan: "People close to Theo Walcott are in shock. He was so excited about the prospect of going to South Africa."

    -------------------------------------------

    Didnt his mum and dad watch the mexico and japan games?

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  163. BBC sports news correspondent Dan Roan: "People close to Theo Walcott are in shock. He was so excited about the prospect of going to South Africa."

    -------------------------------------------

    Didnt his mum and dad watch the mexico and japan games?
    ------------------------------------------
    He can still come to South Africa.... as a hooligan

    ReplyDelete
  164. The Tribal Monk said...
    BBC sports news correspondent Dan Roan: "People close to Theo Walcott are in shock. He was so excited about the prospect of going to South Africa."

    -------------------------------------------

    Didnt his mum and dad watch the mexico and japan games?
    ------------------------------------------
    He can still come to South Africa.... as a hooligan

    -------------------------------------------

    He would be good at running away...

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  165. Walcott not going isn't much of a surprise as he has been poor this season. He must be bad if we aleady know about him and not Michael Carrick

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  166. Lads, why do you have this ridiculous carry on of people finding out here and there and journos telling everyone before the FA.

    Why doesn't Capello just post the bloody thing on the dressing room door and be done with it.

    Having to phone the poor little darlings in case someone else tells them, FFS grow a pair.

    Oh and if its true - SWP is going, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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  167. So no Theo at the WC, can't say I'm surprised, as I mentioned (many times) before, I don't think he deserved it.
    But SWP??? WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY???
    Did daddy Ian threaten to beat Fab up, or even worse invite him on one of his tv shows?

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  168. Oh how wrong it seems you are! Apparently SWP and Warnock are going!

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  169. 3pm for the official announcement.Why not 9am this morning?Just announce the squad without this drip drip drip of misinformation...

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  170. 1200 BST: Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson is reportedly prepared for a record breaking bid from Real Madrid for England international Wayne Rooney as newly installed Real boss Jose Mourinho looks to bring in a new set of Galaticos this summer.
    Full story: caughtoffside.com

    ---

    Benzema and a load of money for Rooney? Might be hard for the Yanks to turn down...

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  171. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  172. Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp is wanted by ambitious Dubai club Al-Ahli as they spearhead grand plans to overhaul football in the Middle East.
    Full story: The Daily Mail

    ---

    Tax evasion adviser?

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  173. 1410: Incredible isn't it, this? Effectively we are watching the 2010 England World Cup squad being revealed on Twitter by well-informed journalists. It's history in the making.
    -----
    Make's you feel kinda sick don't it?

    I'm with Jacks, all the drip, drip nonsense is just sad. Announce the squad and be done with it ffs.

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  174. My previous comment was removed and is awaiting self-moderation. Explain

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  175. And poor old Bent get's shunted, again........ and what did FC pick instead, HESKY?!?!?!?! My f#&%&ng foot!!

    There, better now

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  176. SouthernFairy said...
    1200 BST: Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson is reportedly prepared for a record breaking bid from Real Madrid for England international Wayne Rooney as newly installed Real boss Jose Mourinho looks to bring in a new set of Galaticos this summer.
    Full story: caughtoffside.com

    ---

    Benzema and a load of money for Rooney? Might be hard for the Yanks to turn down...

    ------------------------------------------------

    unless he really wants to go, i dont see it. I think Ronaldo was always going to go...Rooney might go when he is older, but has said he wanted to play for us for the rest of his career....and other cliches that footballers say in interviews when they have just signed a new contract......

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  177. SF, harry wouldnt go mate. The casual bribe is part of the culture out there, it kinda takes the fun out of it.

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  178. Is that the same önce a blue, always a blue Rooney
    STGP?

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  179. yeah H2H...i was going for tongue in cheek by the end of it.....im just not clever enough to make it clear.

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  180. Hello one and all, I got back after a fine weekend away. Did I miss much?

    If I knew the announcement for the WC squad was this farcical I would have booked another day's holiday.

    Host the WC? We can't get the team sheet announcement right ffs.

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  181. To be honest, it's quite entertaining this way. It's even that rarest of things - an appropriate use for twitter.

    Not very professional of course.

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  182. Hey Jacks, that's some good news about Rambo there hey. . . . . . . Pity Wales aint in the WC

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  183. Cheers for that JacKs mate, now hear hoping he can make a decent return and not an Eduardo one.

    STGP, maybe I'm the one who's not cleverish enough. ;p

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  184. afternoon all...

    good luck to RBA and hiccy burpy to Ngog...

    is there a final 23 for the squad yet, or are we unwrapping the last wonka bar to see who gets the final golden ticket???

    ReplyDelete