Tuesday, 13 January 2015

New Year Predictions Part 2

JULY

The Tour de France begins and Yorkshiremen line the streets of hill and dale, shaking their heads ruefully and wondering what's happened to t'Tour, "It's not like it was in my day" says one.

England win the Women's World Cup Final, and the nation goes la-la for the ladies. Sepp Blatter is encouraged by the tournament's success and says it'll be even bigger next time, what with his plans for spilt-crotch shorts and half-time sports bra demonstrations. He is led away to a quiet fee-paying corner of the Alps and never seen again.

Following a decent start as England's one day captain Eoin Morgan (Irish) takes over the Test team, recalls Kevin Pietersen (South African) and wins the toss in Cardiff (Wales). ENgland are bowled out for 102, and Nigel Farage blames the foreigners.

At the British Grand Prix, there is a terrible deluge of rain and Bernie Ecclestone goes missing. He is later found in a pitlane puddle, breathing through a straw. Lewis Hamilton wins the race cos when it rains, that's the rule.

At the Open Golf Championships at St. Andrew's, normal service is resumed as a faceless American with a neat swing and an odd name - let's call him Bradson Duflieth III - takes the title.

AUGUST

The new football season hoves into view and Manchester United, fresh from a plucky fifth place in last season's Premier League, parade their new signings before their opening fixture against newly promoted Middlesbrough (Yes I know that contradicts my previous blog but I've got renewed confidence now). Van Gaal's new system involves a 0-5-5 formation on the basis that the lot he has at the moment might as well not be there anyway.

Mario Balotelli's signing for Arsenal is scratched at the last minute. "We wanted someone who could get the other side of the defence and fluff easy chances in front of goal and then I realised Theo was fit and raring to go" said a sheepish Wenger.

Joey Barton and Robbie Savage appear on the same episode of Match of the Day. The BBC are sued for millions as thousands of otherwise peaceable football fans stove in their TV screens with pint glasses.

The Ashes series turns sour as some of the Australian cricketers say nasty things to England's batsmen. Among the worst comments are "You're not very good", "whoops-a-daisy, you missed it again, Ian" and "Are you holding the wrong end, Alistair?" Jonathan Agnew is appalled.

SEPTEMBER

Southampton celebrate their qualification for the Champions League by actually keeping hold of all their players for an extra season. A bewildered fan says: "It was extraordinary, I recognised every player on the pitch."

Brendan Rogers' Liverpool start their Europa League campaign with a tough away fixture at Dinamo Godknowswhere in upper Slovenia. Ricky Lambert scores the opener for Dinamo but Liverpool get a late equaliser courtesy of one of Rogers' interchangeable new signings Whichiswhich.

The Rugby World Cup begins with great ceremony. The England team walk out past a line of ladies and are really polite to all of them, England v Wales is the first time the two teams have met since the Welsh broke away from the Union and it ends in a bloody draw.

OCTOBER

Manchester City have another crisis in the striker department when Sergio Aguero, after a brilliant start to the season, gets a groin injury. Pellegrini once again rustles up some sort of forward line from Dzeko, Jovetic, Bony and whoever the fuck else they bought in the summer. Jeez, it's hard at the top.

The Athletics World Championships take place in Doha, Qatar. Usain Bolt wins the 100 metres in a time slightly less fast than it took Sepp Blatter to decide to host the 2022 World Cup there.

England continue to canter towards Euro 2016 qualification as they scrape victories against Thingammy and Whatsitsname, all of which starts to give England fans an overinflated sense of optimism. People start saying 'Well it's hard to think of a more consistent right midfielder than James Milner' and given time Calum Chambers could be the next Paolo Maldini'. Oh dear.

The Rugby World Cup final is between New Zealand and England. Stuart Lancaster reveals his hidden weapon. The All Blacks perform their furious ha'ka only for it to be trumped with a 'Macca'. The front row  wheel out Paul McCartney with a guitar and the ex-Beatle strums his way through Mull of Kintyre while the home side insert ear-plugs. England are 20 points up before Dan Carter wakes up. New Zealand win 43-20.

NOVEMBER

Nothing unusual happens...

Manchester City join Chelsea at the top of the Premiership - Chelsea spend the next game literally falling over themselves to get a result. A numpty manager is sacked after his team lose three on the bounce. Neil Warnock stands by his phone and waits, Liverpool announced the loan re-signing of one Steven Gerrard. Ched Evans almost gets a job. Sepp Blatter announces that the frontrunners for hosting the 2026 World Cup are either the planet Mercury or death Valley. The bloke who owns Wigan says something that was fine in his day. Same old shit, really.

DECEMBER

It's Sports Personality of the Year and the winner is Golden Girl Jessica Ennis. One of them steep climbs in Sheffield is re-named Jessica Ennis-Hill.

All the managers in the Premier League wonder why they are playing so many games over the festive period. Apart from Arsene Wenger who just shrugs and takes it on the chin, given the Gooners win four on the spin.

Middlesbrough are relegated already, but you know, it was a helluva ride and we'll be back.

The draw for Euro 2016 sees England get a pretty comfy draw. Roy Hodgson insists there are no easy games in international football but admits that England 'should give the Jocks a good tonking in Match One.'

And finally Newcastle United appoint a manager... but how will Ant and Dec cope with a mounting injury list and an inability to speak French?
















212 comments:

  1. Good stuff Robbo, however, not once but twice you mentioned Wenger still being at Arsenal. You must have inside information.

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  2. Second? Really? Guess I better read it...

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  3. Wow... nearly dead-on. Not that we'd expect any less. Only disagreement I have is England out for 102 and Farage blaming foreigners. Close, but I think England will win the Ashes thanks to a squad made up of at least 50% players born outside England, leading Farage to bemoan that foreigners are burning down English cricket.

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  4. Please no, anything but the Europa League for Man United!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...wouldn't it be fun if the UK pulled out of Europe and were subsequently disqualified from the Champions League, the Europa League, and UEFA membership? On the bright side, you would have a lot more representation in the semi-finals...

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    2. wouldn't be the end of the world now would it. We'd still be in Europe just not in the EEC or EU or whatever the fuck they call it now. We won European Cups before there was an EEC you know old chap! United, Celtic.



      where the fuck is everybody?

      Delete
    3. The EEC/EU/FU wouldn't throw you out, but I'd like to hear Farage & Co. justify why it is bad to bow to Brussels but good to finagle foreigners for football. Or maybe they'd rather you limited those so your club sides can have as much success as your national team? How much have you won since the EEC/EU began? Maybe you can blame it for all your troubles...

      To be fair, the US isn't part of Europe, we're only slightly less likely to win the Euros than any of you, and the MLS recycles plenty of somewhat (or completely) past-it Englishmen.

      Delete
    4. Actually, it seems the EEC was created in 1957, before which you had won 0 World Cups (since 1930) and 0 UEFA European Cup/Champions Leagues (since 1955).

      EC was 1993 (1 WC, 9 EC/CL) and EU was 2009 (no additional WC, 2 additional EC/CL).

      Of course, this is all halfhearted Wikipedantry, so for all I know, you might have won the World Cup and UEFA's top trophy every year and the ECU--I think my brother went to college there--never existed. There must be some loopholes. Surely Blogs & the surrealist squadron know...

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    5. yeah well the EEC might have been created in '57 but we weren't in it! init! In fact the year after they created it, Bolton won the cup and 8 years later England won the Word Cup, even Everton won the cup before we joined the EEC. The other golden years!


      Delete
    6. Ever since the golden years, only golden showers?

      More importantly, if the UK leaves Europe, where are you?

      Will you float to North America?

      Join Asia to complete the UEFA part-exchange for Israel?

      Become part of Asia by selling yourselves to China to pay back the crushing debt burden?

      Wait... I think that last one was US, not UK.

      Oh well. Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

      Delete
    7. The likes of Switzerland happily play in all the European comps, and aren't in the EU. Europe does not = the EU, m'boy!

      And as for the "foreigners" thing, playing football against them is hardly the same as taking orders from them in Brussels ;)

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    8. Of course, but I still think you'd be big in Asia.

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    9. As opposed to taking orders from a Dutchman. :)

      Delete
  5. Great Blog, Robbo. However you forgot the bit about Citeh loaning Gerrard from MLS for an undisclosed fee and losing the paperwork!

    If Ant & Dec do Manager Newcastle, will they use "I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here" as a team building exercise as they can't find enough Z-list celebrities willing to be humiliated?

    Spider

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  6. Chelsea have bid $60m for Torres!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Might as well. He scored twice as many goals as that Ronaldico or whoever he is. Won some balloon of some sort.

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  7. Happy Middle of January to everyone!

    Just checked by FFL ranking and think it is more of a FFS ranking - not entirely sure Trotts whether by absence from here had much of an effect on where my team is , but good to have something to blame it on

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    Replies
    1. yeah, you gotta keep your finger on the pulse Bells!

      Delete
  8. Robben feeling green after biting criticism

    http://prosoccertalk.nbcsports.com/2015/01/17/report-bayern-munich-star-arjen-robben-bitten-by-crocodile-in-qatar/

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  9. I think I hear Eric Carmen warming up...

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  10. Nice win for us on Saturday and good to see Hazard has gone to Specsavers since the other year so he can see the difference between a football and ballboy - tho in his defence , from memory, both were fairly round

    Also cheers to the Gooners for doing us a right favour yesterday - with even Frank 'I'm off to NY via Manchester' Lampard not being able to pop up and score. Should say I have no problem with him going anywhere as Chelsea let him go but its the apparent bullshit that gets me

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    Replies
    1. I agree Bells, there should be a rule that premier league clubs that qualified for Europe in the previous campaign cannot borrow players from anywhere. City are just dipping their toes in the water with this flagrant violation of rules that don't exist yet.

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    2. No Trotts that is SO not right, it should be that there is a rule that any premier club except for Chelsea cannot break rules that don't yet exist - we, on the other hand, could and should be allowed to do whatever we want as we have yummiest looking manager

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    3. for now maybe but when ManU make a move for Lennon and we get Keira Knightley, all eyes will be on us.

      Delete
  11. Liverpool defender Jose Enrique has tweeted ahead of his team's League Cup semi-final with Chelsea this evening. "Game day today. Let's win this and try to get in the final. Will be amazing," said the Spaniard.
    ========================================
    Erm, not really Jose, its a two legged semi-final.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Heres a laugh -

    Here's some news to make the jaw drop. Liverpool fans from Norway have named their daughter after the club's famous anthem, You'll Never Walk Alone.
    Four-year-old YNWA, pronounced Yee-Nwa has, luckily, become a Reds fan and her mum plans to take her daughter to Anfield for YNWA's fifth birthday this May.

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  13. i read that AH and they've named her little brother Sgghfohfaagitdbstgg

    (steve gerrard gerrard /he fell on his fucking arse /and gave it to demba ba/ steve gerrard gerrard)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. and his cousins TRAW and YGGYFHKI

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    2. I got YGGYFHKI right away (you're gonna get your fookin' head kicked in), but strangely, I'm having trouble with TRAW...try renting a warthog? Trotts really angers Westlife? True royals are wankers?[Something] Red-Arsed Wankers?

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    3. The Referee's a wanker!!! don't you ever listen?

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    4. How about SITMYGSITM, CLYHAL (Basically anything followed by YHAL) WBHSWHW (again any initials followed by HSWHW)

      Spider

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  14. David Ginola's bid for FIFA President now shown to be complete madness - he wants the men's and women's World Cups combined. He'll be wanting to give women the vote next...

    (Dodges heavy object thrown by BHB)

    Seriously (I know we don't get that a lot in these comments), I kind of like the idea. Considering the monetary outlay by these host countries, they'd at least get a couple of more matches out a stadium in the middle of the rainforest/desert/other godforsaken hellhole that FIFA wants to put the World Cup. (Looking at you, Russia - the news reports on the 'suburbs' (i.e., not on camera parts) of Sochi were rather disquieting...)

    And it would give women the chance to prove they're just as good as men at passing out in blinding heat. And as we all know, when a woman passes out in Qatar - she can legally be sold! Hope Solo - ah, this one has spirit! She will fetch a fine price...

    (Goes down in a hail of bullets while attempting to dodge automatic weapons fire from BHB, and some Qataris, if that's a word)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Won't happen in Qatar.

      Women aren't allowed........


      Actually, that's it.

      Delete
  15. This surpasses Suarez holding his teeth after the Chiellini bite - link is self-explanatory, video just as daft:

    http://babb.telegraph.co.uk/2015/01/trinidad-tobago-player-pretends-to-be-injured-after-elbowing-an-opponent-very-hard-in-the-face/

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    Replies
    1. Oh, and Trotts - on the main 'Babb' page, there's a 'guess the celebrity fan' quiz with an extremely fetching pitcher of one Keira Knightley...strangely enough, one is not allowed to guess Bolton as the team she supports...

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  16. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  17. Theo Walcott claims that the Arsenal strike-force today is better than that of 2006. The 2006 squad only had the likes of Henry and Bergkamp whereas today we have Giroud, Welbeck and of course Theo himself.. Where can I get a couple of ounces of whatever he's on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To be fair, the current strikers have marginally outperformed the 2006 group this season. When's the last time Bergkamp or Henry scored in the PL?

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  18. Woe.

    http://thealdershotwoes.blogspot.co.uk/2015/01/titties.html

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    Replies
    1. brilliant and topical commentary, thanks Jacks.

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    2. Yea thanks jacks.

      This month I will be mostly hating-

      January

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    3. One wonders why it is morally acceptable to print pictures of topless women in a national newspaper but apparently not morally acceptable for women to walk around topless in the same places where it is morally acceptable (if not necessarily advisable) for men to walk around topless.

      Delete
  19. "And finally Newcastle United appoint a manager... but how will Ant and Dec cope with a mounting injury list and an inability to speak French?" ..... or, indeed, English!

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  20. Congratulations Robbo, FBH and the Boro faithful. Fkn brilliant!

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    Replies
    1. Absolutely! Let's have Bolton go through as well, and Cambridge in the replay at Old Trafford.

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  21. What the hell..the top 3 of the PL all knocked at at home? What's happening. Anyway, now to settle down and watch Heskey at Anfield.

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  22. Well done Boro and co but forgive my scepticism...those results are fucking bollocks...I read an article this morning with Maureen saying he wished he could ditch the cups which is the football equivalent of'who well rid me of this turbulent priest' correctly translated by spurs and citeh players into literally unbelievable corresponding defeats and even man u looked like swallowing they're pride last night against plucky but crap league 2 opposition.

    Nothing art all to do with the vast wealth associated with champions league qualification im sure . Money is shit, as Freud used to say.

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  23. Not forgetting saints at the palace... just another one of the results as suspect as fat perv Prince Andrews love life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you'll change your tune when the Vale win at Real Madrid!

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    2. They lost to crewe trot.CREWE. Its a railway station! If Liverpool win v bolton then I'll know something is up.

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    3. it was upon researching "Crewe" in light of your comment, that I discovered the need to make a correction to the below post refering to Ron Beasley, who was in fact named 'Weasley'. It appears that Crewe is far more than a railway station, the Hogwarts Express train was also made there, suggesting to me at least that there might be a deeper explanation for their victory over Vale. European dominance could well be in their future.

      On a personal level, I spent many miserable hours there waiting for connecting trains that were often cancelled or lost altogether!

      Delete
  24. Ron Beasley, Man Of The Match! Magic.

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  25. Wow - who wopuld have predicted that! No, not the fantastic 4-2 at the Bridge (or any of the other Cupsets) but the words humility and Mourinho in the same sentence!!!!
    First time I have ever, ever seen the Special One with his head bowed in shame, and taking it on the chin with dignity. And probably the last.
    Rasta -always a Bantam as well as a Gunner - fairy

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  26. Well done the Boro, fully deserved win.

    Those Bradford lads weren't half bad either.

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  27. Aston Villa win by scoring twice.

    The magic of the cup.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That 2-1 score line against Bournemouth now means that Aston Villa have scored the same number of goals in all competitions in the city of Birmingham as Bournemouth have.9 each.

      Delete
  28. Sepp throws down the gauntlet.

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/30976812

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    Replies
    1. Does that mean he didn't like the old Clint Eastwood movie? Get rid of him! It wasn't ol' Squint's best, but it's decent.

      Delete
    2. Talking to yourself again, Scottphen?

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    3. We prefer 'Stephott...' One of us is off to pick up Sondra Locke in his armored bus...

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    4. Sodra Locke doesn't need an armoured car (except in The Outlaw Josie Wales) she's bulletproof

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    5. We're not talking to ourself. Are we?

      Delete
  29. I went for some finger lickin fried chicken yesterday. I didnt know Kentucky had a football club.

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    Replies
    1. yeah and they have a colonel instead of a captain!

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  30. The real tragedy of Jesus' life is that he never got to go for a swim.

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    Replies
    1. Kept walking on the water. Couldn't go under.

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    2. it's understandable after that dunking incident with John The Baptist.

      Delete
  31. Robbo - maybe your Toffee supporting alter-ego is poncing around as a bird in the States again but no blog after Boro's triumph in the FA Cup is truly worrying.
    Rastafairy

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    Replies
    1. Give him a break RF, he's probably still in shock from the result, let alone the 5th round draw!

      Spider

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    2. I'm still in shock that Fernando Torres seems to be scoring again. Can you hear the drums, Fernando?

      Delete
  32. What a game last night ... close but no cigar. No doubt those at the higher echelons of the club are patting themselves on the back for selecting Balotelli as Suarez's successor. Idiots.

    If good old Luis had not left, it would've been awesome to see him and Costa in the same game.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Biter v Studs - too close to call.

      I like the way that whenever Costa puts his foot down, it's always on someone's leg, ankle, foot etc.

      Spider

      Delete
  33. USA loses to Chile, 3-2. New and "improved" 3-5-2 (attacking wide midfielders instead of wingers!?), but with the same blowing a lead by conceding a late goal... now with no defending from set pieces or crosses! At least Altidore and Shea scored. Who needs the Premier League, eh?

    And who needs Serie A? Not Giovinco.

    http://www.espnfc.com/story/2253181/italy-attacker-sebastian-giovinco-to-join-toronto-fc-in-july

    Assuming there is a 2015 season.

    http://www.espnfc.com/blog/soccer-usa/70/post/2266242/mls-preseason-headlines-dominated-by-potential-player-strike-over-free-agency

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  34. Suarez to arsenal? Really?

    What do we want?

    Tolerance for Tourettes sufferers.

    When do we want it?

    Fucking piss flaps!

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    Replies
    1. If Suarez went to Boro, would he be the new Tees Mouth?

      Delete
    2. that would be the coup de grace, trots (i think that means "lawnmower" in french)

      Delete
  35. This week i will be mostly listening to : the Ramones

    Theyve been a big influence on me. SO much so that these are the Rules I live by (occasional lapses on 3 and 4)

    First rule is: The laws of Germany
    Second rule is: Be nice to mommy
    Third rule is: Don't talk to commies
    Fourth rule is: Eat kosher salamis

    ReplyDelete
  36. Now I wanna sniff some glue
    Now I wanna have somethin' to do
    All the kids wanna sniff some glue
    All the kids want somethin' to do

    Classic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I prefer something a bit more biblical:

      The kids went behind the loos, hurah! hurrah!
      The kids went there to sniff some glue hurah! hurrah!
      Broken bottles, syringes and dog poo hurah! hurrah!
      And they all went into the park just to get smashed out of their brains!

      Rastafairy (the plagarist)

      Delete
  37. Not forgetting the classic lines, which always bring tears to my eyes:

    Now I guess I'll have to tell 'em
    That I got no cerebellum

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  38. City owe us big time. In the week leading up to their big game with the Chavs, we managed to :

    1. Nobble fabregas
    2. Get Costa banned
    3. Make Hazard and Willian play 120 minutes.

    Which is going to make it a tough week for me in the FFL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ignoring the above :) it was a decent, if slightly 'heated', match - mind you if Suarez was still playing for you it would have been a slightly eated match

      Anyway just thought I would leave this fascinating fact with you all, the Dignitas Clinic has removed Cheerios from their menu.

      Have a fun, wine-filled weekend!

      Delete
    2. No cereal killer jokes please. I'll stick with Frosties invented in 320BC by Alexander the Grrrrrrreat.

      Delete
    3. I only eat cereal while watching my favorite River Tay tributary open-water swimming competition, the world-famous Race in Braan.

      Delete
    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  39. Good stuff from Cheltenham Town: "Better Than Manchester United (We Did Win At Cambridge)" on a billboard.

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  40. Liverpool want to install a 4.5m-high privacy screen at their Melwood training ground to prevent confidential team details leaking out before matches and have applied for planning permission from Liverpool City Council. (Liverpool Echo)

    Neil Lennon has been spotted carrying a window cleaners bucket and 15 foot ladder.

    ReplyDelete
  41. You don't need a 4.5m privacy screen to work out that they're a bit shit without Sturridge and Suarrez up front.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you know what, the more I read your posts Blog, the more I'm convinced that you should be on the MOTD sofa.

      Delete
    2. Yes me too but who amongst us wouldn't want to sit there in a non matching shirt and say to shearer 'don't talk fucking shit you bald cunt' and then rabbit punch linekr when he does a bad pun in a link? That the genius of it.they convince you you'd be better, its like the internal blankness of Hollywood action stars. talking Bullocks about football is as easy as it looks

      Delete
  42. Trotts, who the heck is Andy Kellett?

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/31105809

    Man Utd really are desperate...

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/31064087

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    Replies
    1. he's just a back up to our first team back ups but he'll go straight into the U21 first team at ManU. We've borrowed a couple of their "surplus" stocks.

      More the question, who is Simeone Slavchev?

      Delete
    2. Dunno, but I am Scottacus.

      Delete
  43. I would just like to add this intelligent and considered post about tonight's football



    GO CAMBRIDGE

    ReplyDelete
  44. O' 'arry, we hardly knee you.

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/31117098

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  45. RIP Vic Groves... ex Orient and Gunner striker and former Arsenal captain.

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  46. RIP Vic Groves... ex Orient and Gunner striker and former Arsenal captain.

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  47. Bolton looked a decent side last night Trotts.Lennon has obviously made a difference.Just hope you can keep hold of young Clough.

    The red card made the difference,and I'm afraid the referee was quite right.Thought Liverpool huffed and puffed a lot but the 2 goals were class.

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    Replies
    1. should have kept him on, our best outlet and Badjohnsen should have already had us 2 up by then. Liverpool deserved to win but we could have had 'em!

      Delete
    2. Bad Johnson is in the Liverpool team. Thankfully wasn't playing. Well on to crystal palace. We have a good record there don't we? Hopefully we're not 3 up with 10 minutes to go.

      Delete
  48. Wenger - Wilshere is not a smoker!

    Is he the space cowboy? Do some people call him Maurice?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's the Marlboro Man trots.

      POETS Day. I'm off. Cheers lads. Have a good one Bells!

      whooshbangsausagetara!

      Delete
  49. Second week of Feb(almost) and we're still on the New Year Predictions blog. You dont think Robbo might have found something more worthwhile to do, do you? Nah, there is nothing better than blogging for the 6 of us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hey, there's at least 12 people chimed in and countless thousands reading it and generating fantastic worldwide publicity for all Robbo's endeavours present and future!

      Delete
    2. Won't be a post Saturday because of the Merseyside derby, er, because Boro take on... uh.... someone.

      I hope Robbo didn't plan to wait out all the predictions before posting again.

      Delete
    3. You don't think he's got a proper job do you AH? I have to admit I did enjoy the NLD, particularly the performance of a man who "wouldn't get on the Gooner subs bench" (thanks Piers Morgan). When even M Wongeur admits you deserve to beat his team, you can be sure you did.



      Jedi

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  50. He's probably waiting for Maureen to smile so we could be waiting for a new blog for some time. (Sorry Bells).

    Spider

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    Replies
    1. Don't see why. Chelski are way out in front of Citeh.


      Jedi

      Delete
  51. Frustrating Merseyside derby today - Barkley should have been on much sooner, Lukaku's first touch of late has been brilliant - if you're the opposing team he's giving the ball straight back to - and his idea of challenging for the ball seems to be to hop straight up in the air (perhaps he thinks there are ball-attracting studs (wa-hey!) on his boots). Despite Lukaku's goal last week, Kone looked much more energetic, interested, and able to hold/win the ball. On the bright side, Lennon did his running very fast thing, and at least the defense was sound.

    Yes, this derby was just as boring as the paragraph above. Sorry to have wasted everyone's time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You probably need to be there to soak up the true atmosphere and energy of the fixture….. yer, fuck off to America ya cunt….that sort of thing.

      Delete
    2. Stevie didn't look like he was enjoying it - as old and slow as he is, he always seems to be up for the derby and turn back the clock - the bastard. Not yesterday.

      Still...the cunt can fuck off to La-La Land. Hey, you're right! That did give me a lift...

      Delete
    3. I bet Old Stevie G is feeling the repercussions of that bicycle kick today.

      I wonder if Mister Harry Kane has slept a wink yet. Had ever I scored twice in a Spurs-Arsenal Derby, I'd be running around in circles, speaking in tongues for days on end.

      Cheers,
      ~74

      Delete
  52. RIP Dean Smith. A coach as great as Fergie, yet a good person who helped mentor more great people, too.

    http://espn.go.com/mens-college-basketball/story/_/id/12296176/dean-smith-former-north-carolina-tar-heels-coach-dies-age-83

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  53. Try typing "shithole" (including the quotation marks) into google Maps and see which club someone at Google seems to have a vendetta against....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that leads me to an Italian Eatery on Staten Island. shocking!

      Delete
    2. I get philaMOCA.org. they should sue.

      Delete
  54. Tony Fernandes says he's got his dream manager, must have snapped up Keira Knightley

    ReplyDelete
  55. What just happened? Balotelli gets the 83rd minute winner against the Spuds? Well, I never. Great game though. Always fun to see two attacking teams with shit defences taking on each other.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did it go in off his arse while he was standing in the area, distracted by a Tottenham fan holding up a puppy? Because somehow that's what I imagine...

      Delete
  56. In other news, Sky will be paying approximately 11 million Earth pounds per PL match it televises, BT about 7.6 million. As my stereotypical Italian friend Tony would say, " 'Atsa spicy meatball!"

    Calls for some of the 5.1 billion pounds to be used for so-called "grass roots" football and not for players and their agents were met with the usual sound effect of crickets chirping.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. quite right too, last thing we need is gold plated grass roots.

      Delete
  57. just type gobshites into google maps and see the location

    ReplyDelete
  58. Boro top of the table, this'd be a good time for a blog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I get the feeling there may be some kind of superstition involved - if someone could please do a statistical analysis of the frequency and timing of Robbo blogs vs. Boro results? It could reveal much.

      Whoops, got carried away there. Forgot us lot that actually read and post these here comments. For instance, if I attempted it, the result might come out: "Robbo blog, Boro bad. He no blog, Boro...Boro...NO bad..." That, or: "Reply Hazy, Ask Again Later"

      Delete
  59. Blox. Used to follow this regularly (even back on the ole BBC) but if Robbo can't be arsed anymore then neither can I. Having said that a number of posters here judging from their comments could write similarly entertaining blogs so I suggest they possibly should.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I reckon anybody complaining should stfu and be grateful for the chuckles the blog allows, whenever and with whatever frequency it appears!

      Delete
    2. As Robbo's resentative on earth (reluctantly self assumed) I can exclusively divulge that Robbo is in americay and won't be blogging until 'late march'. Will it be worth the wait?Er...yes.

      apparently he had landed a plum role in Hollywood as beyonce's body double from the back and is in make up 15 hours per day.

      Thats his cover story anyway...the truth is he's making a mint on Storage Hunters selling shit from abandoned storage units to fucking idiots.

      Or that's what his government minders are saying as he hunts down the killers of Alexander litvinenko. Half dressed as beyonce, he discovered the telltale clue - a lump of polonium 236 in the shape of a bone - in a box of dog toys in an abandoned garage. And you think he's got time to blog about Middlesbrough? Sort your priorities out, lads, and bells.

      Delete
    3. Stevie G's hamstring and hubcap collection must play a role in this sinister tinsel town plot! Is it just coincidence that the Galaxy now play in a 2-3-6 formation, one must ask oneself!

      Delete
    4. One asked but another replied and one got scared because one never knows what one might find when one asks oneself questions aloud via replies to another's blog.

      Speaking of one, if it is the loneliest number, why do two become one or e pluribus unum?

      Oooohh.... one has been spending too much time on one's dissertation. All work and no play make one two three (ba-BAA!) one two three (ba-BA!).. Ow! Uh! Alright! Uh!

      And thus, one become a thousand.

      Delete
    5. Storage Hunters is awesome TV. Loved the one where someone spent $200 on an empty box. Classic!

      Delete
  60. he had a heart attack at the thought if borro actually winning somat.

    Get well soon

    ReplyDelete
  61. Here's the reaction from the man himself! No joke, copied from the tweet he tweetered a couple of hours ago on his @Robbo_Robson account:

    "No shame for the Boro today. First time I've said this without irony for blinking ages but let's concentrate on the Championship."

    He's got some good one-liners on there. Andy Smart and Josie Lawrence are followers. Go and have a look!

    ReplyDelete
  62. That was Boro?

    Not up to much, were they?

    ;) ;)

    ReplyDelete
  63. Sort it out Robbo - nothing worse than these "fair-weather-bloggers" sporadically posting, sometimes months and even years between a blog... shameful is what it is I tells ya.

    Whats happening here then? Everyone good? Awesome....

    I'm off for a lobster thermidor

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello mate. Happening? Are you kidding? oh..vale beat Watford, diss that count? I'm off to watch Al Shaeaerer burn lineker alive in a cage...
      Woe.

      Delete
  64. For those of us who are twitty enough without tweeting about, perhaps another blog before New Year Predictions 2016?

    ReplyDelete
  65. For all you gym bunnies out there (or more probably Jim beammies out there) a little video on the dangers of exercise

    https://vine.co/v/MajQEIzAvTj

    Trotts am I still allowed to complain about lack of photos of The Yummy One or do I have to stfu :)

    It could obviously be that Robbo is currently sourcing a whole album of photos of Mourinho for a special blog on him - especially as Boros manager is one of his ex-assistants - which would explain his absence on here

    Hello to you RBA hope you, Mrs RBA (not her real name) and mini RBAs are all good

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bells, you can all do whatever you like, especially you, I would never suggest that you stfu, in your case it's 100% your choice.

      Delete
    2. Mr BHB would be forever in your debt if I did shut up Trotts, sadly for him (& rest of you) that's probably not going to happen

      Delete
    3. As long as that wasn't you on the train, BHB, we'll be fine.

      Delete
    4. I once had the dubious pleasure of sharing a train with a shed-load of Chelsea supporters on my way down to London. (They had all been to the Charity Shield). The one stood next to me was as bald as a coot but fit as a butcher's dog. (Mr. BHB?). I spent the journey agreeing with him about the merits of Chelseas FC! I thought I'd never see him again until a few months later I clocked him on the TV footage of the Stamford Bridge gates protesting against the Yummy One's sacking!

      Spider

      Delete
    5. I need help Spider. If you were going down to London does it mean you where somewhere North of London? But then how had they been to the Charity Shield if it was held in London? Or was it held somewhere other than London? Or is this just about the journey from Wembley to some other part of London? Thanks in anticipation of your clarification....it's a slow day here.

      Delete
    6. The Charity Shield was played at the Cardiff Millenium Stadium for a few years, same as FA cup final. That may be the answer!

      Rasta the geography fairy

      Delete
    7. The FA Community Shield between Chelski and Man Poo was the first Community Shield played at the new Wembley Stadium on 5th August, 2007 Man Poo won 3 - 0 on pens after it finished 1 - 1. Mourinho was "sacked" on 20th September, 2007 and replaced by Mr. Happy (aka Avram Grant). Stick that in your dreads and smoke it RF!

      Spider

      Delete
  66. Shed load of Chelsea suporters....I see what you did there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well spotted, thanks

      Spider

      Delete
  67. Mrs Jack (not her real name) has just taken a load of students over to Paris for 4 days (as part of her job,it wasn't a mass Jim Jones style kidnap) Visiting art galleries museums etc.Well I'm not a believer in coincidences but....how odd that the coach (motorised,not Sir Bobby) got vandalised on the Tuesday evening?

    I've absolutely no evidence,but I can't stand Chelsea,so lets chuck a few aspersions around.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It may well be Jacks that it was not so much wanton (or wonton given it was Chinese New Year yesterday) damage by Chelsea fans - it could be the official driver of CFC bus was moonlighting and also got that coach wedged down a tunnel and caused the damage

      http://metro.co.uk/2015/02/17/chelsea-literally-park-the-bus-after-team-coach-gets-stuck-entering-parc-des-princes-ahead-of-psg-game-5067561/

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  68. I don't know if it's logistically possible but the camera shy, special (in his own way) one should field a team of entirely non-white players for their next match, or a team of racists picked from the stands. Bunch of CNUTs, those specific Chelsea fans.
    How can you support a team with so many black (and one Muslim) players and be a racist. Oh, that's right, you have to be as thick as pigshit!
    Rastafairy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well said, RF, George Orwell had a word for it, "Doublethink" but thick as pigshit will do although if I were a pig, I'd object to my shit being compared to racist Chelsea "fans".

      Spider

      Delete
  69. Agreed Rasta, depressingly though these sort of 'people' are the type to revel in the notoriety of being on TV and not give a shit about their narrow minded prejudices

    ReplyDelete
  70. No English club can be smug about this issue. Things have improved a ten years ago he would ve been stabbed. Chelsea statistically the worst offenders, don't know why, but stoke are second and that's reflective of wide scale racist attitudes in my home city angry young jobless blokes, little old ladies serving up bigotry with the buttered scones, and that's just my family....spurs, west ham, Sunderland all have lots of recorded racist incidents. Vale has a problem at the moment. The world is full of smallminded dickheads.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Jose has become a bingo caller now....just need 81 and HOUSE!!!!!

    Rastafairy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha, any line or your four corner numbers, two fat ladies!

      Delete
    2. Lol. Bingo or'happy hunting ground' a Wayne Rooney calls it. Chelsea were stitched up but it's impossible to feel any sympathy. Legs 11. Heather Mills, number 1.

      Delete
    3. What Neil Lennon should have said after getting stuffed by Dog Fart and having Mills sent off "8, 17, 47. 65. 68"

      Sums it all up nicely.

      Delete
  72. To be fair, at least one of those should have been a penalty, and Barnes probably shouldn't have still been on. That said, at least the ref was consistent in not calling any of it, aside from rightly sending off Matic.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Just in case you haven't seen this yet.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fBOwNa62hA

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ricky Steamboat would be proud.

      Delete
    2. Top German suplex!


      Jedi

      Delete
  74. if a tree falls in the forest…..

    ReplyDelete
  75. Anonymous will type ha in an attempt to turn the page...........

    ReplyDelete
  76. I taught my Dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground. he went from Barking to Tooting in under an hour

    Football eh?

    ReplyDelete
  77. John Clarke joke..Yorkshire prostitute sets up in busyness nd decides to give an introductory offer ....anything for£5 if you keep the request to 3 words.
    first Yorkshireman walks in saysl

    suck me off..

    pays his fiver .happy days.
    next yorkshire guy bit kinky..says

    beat me up..

    pays fiver...happy man.
    third guy old school Yorkshire..walks in hands over the money and says

    paint my house

    ReplyDelete
  78. Cricket eh? Banglabloodydesh....

    ReplyDelete
  79. This is how Charlton Heston felt in the Omega Man.

    Over and out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm just a randomer who barely comments, but I love reading these comment threads.

      It's actually really upset me that Robbo is basically gone and the very funny group of regular commenters are disappearing too.

      Nothing to be said about United being beaten by Arsenal, by a Welbeck goal no less, as Di Maria goes for diving?

      Come on folks, lets keep this going! And Robbo, either keep the blog going or inform us of delays or stoppage!

      Rant over :)

      Delete
    2. Sorry to hear you're feeling lonely Rant Over. There's not a lot to say about Arsenal beating Man Utd except FUCKING BRILLIANT!

      I was hoping for an Arsenal Bradford final but either of those lift the cup and I'll be a happy Bantam Gooner.

      Rastafairy.

      Delete
    3. Well as an avid ABU I second those sentiments but I did notice the distinct lack of congratulations, especially from all those who are not about at the moment , on us winning the Milk/Worthington/CocaCola/Rumbelows/Littlewoods/Coors/CapitalOne Cup, soon to be named the CompetitionNobodyCaresAboutUnlessTheyWinIt Cup

      On an important topic unrelated to either Jaffa Cakes or Lobster Thermidor, I was filling in online passport application yesterday when it came down to the questions below


      Gender

      Male
      Female

      there was a little button next to these saying Need help With This? ......

      Delete
    4. You'll be getting a midnight knock from PC Thought Police for mocking those individuals with Transgender issues - not forgetting the Mossad Spurs Cell.

      Spider

      Delete
  80. I'd like to welcome Rant Over to the hallowed pages of Robbo's blog. I understand that most of the regular posters are fulfilling pantomime commitments at the moment and normal service is expected to resume shortly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fulfilling panto commitments? Oh no they're not !

      Delete
    2. OH YES WE ARE!

      (Damn it - you had me at 'pantomime'...)

      Delete
    3. OH NO WE'RE NOT

      Spider

      Delete
  81. Here I am on the second floor of the Hanoi Nonprofit Hostel (I like my comforts) looking out the door at the rain pissing down feeling the cold but at least I have the Internet (which is more than I have had at home the past couple of months.)

    We arrived during the wee hours this morning, got a taxi from the airport and was charged double the normal fare (was told the normal fare by hostel staff,) driver dropped us half a mile from hotel. There we were at 2am wandering the streets of a strange city being sent first one way then the other. We eventually arrived at 2.45am, had to wake the staff in order to get in, couldn't get a coffee or any munchies.... could say I was feeling a bit pissed off. Early impressions of Hanoi.... I'll let you fill in the blanks.

    Anyway, great to see the gunners beating Un**ed (wish I had seen the game.)

    When my pantomime gig is finished I will be moving to a new house situated in an area with better Internet coverage, at least that is what I was told. So I hope to be a regular poster again, or at least as regular as H2 and Jack

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bo, sorry about your experience in Hanoi. I had several hols in Indo-China and had a great time. Going anywhere else - Hue, Saigon? Another scam to look out for is the old fruit seller. You decide to buy some fruit and before you know where you are a throng has descended on you and you end up coughing up 10 times the going rate!

      Delete
    2. Sorry, Spider - in case you thought I was Rant Over.

      Spider

      Delete
  82. My own excuses are (in no particular order): a busy patch at work, an uncharacteristically full social calendar, Everton hoovering the enjoyment of football out of my soul, and of course, panto.

    ReplyDelete
  83. you even sound like puss in boots

    ReplyDelete
  84. George Lucas, famous for remaking his films, is going to rename his so-called 1st installment "Star Wars Episode I (tm) - The Pantomime Commitments:"

    Liam Neeson: I think this boy can bring balance to the Force...
    Samuel L Jackson: Oh, no he can't!
    Ewan McGregor: Oh, yes he can!
    Yoda (Green Muppet): Can't, oh no he! Mmm!

    And then an Irish R&B band strikes up "Mustang Sally," and on comes the horse...

    ReplyDelete
  85. Well, until we get knocked out of the CL next week us Gunners have bragging rights over Chelsae for being in it longer than them.
    I think Mourinho showed his true colours (and that's why they love him) come shining through. He doesn't seemed to have learnt from his time at RM playing against Barca especially, that deciding to try everything EXCEPT PLAYING FOOTBALL may work against most teams but it has it's drawbacks against the "better" (or as he called them in his pre-match psycological games "more physical").
    When Liverpool lost the title to Michael Tomas' last minute scorcher, it was the best moment of my Arsenal supporting life. But more importantly it showed quite clearly that when you set out to draw 0-0, the best you are hoping for for your own team is 0 goals scored. When that doesn't work out (i.e. the other team scores) you have no plan B.
    Once Mo realises that he has a team of great footballers who can beat almost anybody when they play rather than a death-squad of Ninja Assasins, he'll probably start to win more stuff.
    When they want to, Chelsea can play good, attractive football but unfortunately the special(ist in failure) one seems to drill that out of them an instill a win-at-all-cost, kick-anything that-moves, intimidate-the-ref and dive-on-the-floor-at any-given-opportunity mentality that he'll preemptively blame on the referee, the opponent or Arsene Wenger (even if they're not playing Arsenal) that shames both CFC and football in general.
    I've said it on these pages before but it must be a love-hate relationship being a chelsea fan - love winning (almost) everything but hate watching them do it!

    Rastafairy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. a disgusting display deserving of defeat.

      Delete
    2. RF, didn't realise you were old enough to remember Michael Thomas's last-minute winner at Anfield! Agree with your rant - Chelsea usually manage to win ugly, this time they lost ugly. Conceding 2 goals against 10 men - ridiculous.Perhaps they thought they were the England World Cup Cricket team!

      Spider

      Delete