Wednesday 24 December 2014

Back From Brooklyn...

So I've been away. For far too long. I've been in USA where, even in Brooklyn, soccer seems to be the attention-seeking toddler peeping through and around the legs of the unfeasibly tall (basketballers) and unfeasibly wide (US footballers) that dominate the game.

Yes I could've paid Rupert Murdoch and sucked up the Sky-spunking Premier League but I chose not to do that. It's good to have break from this sort of saturation. Off the wagon I was in a manner of speaking.

Have I missed it? Well apart from Boro's brilliant form - that petered out at Ipswich to greet my return, ta very much - not a lot.

In my absence, the Premier League has sought to right itself. Citeh and Chelsea are strides ahead of the rest. When Mourinho says his players don't dive, I kind of agree. Cahill's impression of a leaping impala getting taken out by a crossbow has to be one of the most laughable examples of this disgraced art we have yet seen.

Mourinho wil probably make sure there's a lot less falling over in the next few matches, but you can't help thinking that, following two typical cockney forays into he teeth of the North-East (I've seen you Londoners up here - "Brrr!! I need another layer!" "Isn't the architecture bleak?" "oooh that's very hot for a rogan josh" etc. ) the Portuguese wanted his boys to make absolutely sure Hull were beaten.

Pellegrini seems to have bought himself a bit of time now that Citeh have taken a baby step into the last 16 of the Champions League. Rushing back Aguero might seem a good idea but anyone with half a mind - Robbie Savage for example - would know that the reason he keeps twanging ligaments and muscles is cos they keep rushing him back. Duh!

Meanwhile the story of the season continues to be twofold. West Ham are doing well - please God don't make this lead to a rallying cry for Big Sam to take over the reins for England. And the romantic second team of last year are doing shite. From runner-ups to run aground. Liverpool have fallen from grace like a mighty tiger sliding into a bath of beans.

Yes they have lost a front two, but Rodgers has had money to burn and replaced them with a big Scouse workhorse he doesn't trust (Lambert) and a big Italian twerp who no one trusts (Balotelli). In short Rodgers has been rubbish this year.

I see he reckons Liverpool can target a top four finish after they bundled in a last minute equaliser against a ludicrously timid Arsenal. I guess his reasoning is that they can't play any worse. And Sterling seems to be sharper now he's dispensed with the Little Richard bouffant. Small man, big hair never works does it? He looked like a particularly cool character that never quite made it into the Peanuts cartoons.

In other news, Alistair Cook has finally been relieved of his duties as one-day cricket captain after being utterly crap at the format for as long as anyone can remember. Mind you, just cos the decision was a 'no-brainer' doesn't mean the England selectors didn't take a fucking age to reach the same conclusion as everyone else.

Honestly that bunch of deflanneled toffs don't make decisions in a hurry do they? I've seen glacial valleys formed with greater alacrity.
The Barclays Center from my distant view. The Duke of Cambridge is the very slapheaded fella on the front row.
Meanwhile, Robbo's sporting horizons have widened. I watched an NBA game at the Barclays Center which featured an on-court meeting between our royals and theirs. William and Kate plodded in that tiresomely studied regal manner while the ball was in play. I mean they didn't pay for their tickets, they couldn't be bothered to turn up on time and then they put the players off.  Plain bloody rude.

Beyonce and Jay-Z - both shorter than you'd imagine - welcomed our national no-marks with open arms and it all got in the way of watching one Lebron James who, despite me being very sketchy on the technique and principles of basketball, stood out from the fray like Darcey Bussell on a hen night dance floor.

The man is grace personified. He did very little for the first half, then decided to show up for a quarter and the Nets were dead in the water. Lebron sat down for the last eight minutes, his work done. He might just be the finest sportsman I've seen in the flesh. Then again, there's always Alan Foggon.

The mighty Foggo
Of course returning for a Christmas break after a football-free period is like a crash-dieter getting a fortnight's binge at Gregg's. It'll more than get me back on the bad side. I have always cherished this wall-to-wall footy festival. It's not quite the same without the iron-hard frozen pitches, the snow walled up around the pitch-sides and the orange balls pinging about like mysterious glowing planets.

And you have to regret the creeping professionalism that prevents a bunch of top-class sportspeople from tottering across a frozen wasteland on Boxing day with Watneys Red Barrel and a dodgy many malted whisky repeating at their befrosted lips as they blunder around like bad-ass Bambis and some old-school Burnley or Leicester takes them apart.

I guess that was usually a United or a Liverpool. I haven't mentioned Man United. From my distant viewpoint they appeared to be stumbling into a run of victories which were single-handedly maintained by one David De Gea. If that man patrolled the Mexican border, no one would get in.

And while there seems to be as much luck as judgement going into the United renaissance I cannot help but be impressed with Van Gaal, not least because he is refreshingly direct about the stupidity or otherwise of his own players. I doubt, Louis would've have been insisting in the innocence of his staff after a performance like the Chelsea Tumblers put in against Hull.

I till reckon Chelsea'll win - yes I tipped Citeh at the start of the season - but somehow they grind it out. As for the quadruple... no. The treble, quite possibly, but they won't stop Real Madrid. No one will.

As ever I shall be handing out some pressies for the great and good of British sport in the next blog. But I have one question: what the fuck is Lewis Hamilton, a dull man in the dullest of sports, doing winning Sports Personality of the Year? McIlroy - far less dull even if the sport he plays isn't exactly thrilling - was a far more deserving recipient.

Tsk. I dunno. You leave the country for a couple of months...




48 comments:

  1. ROBBO'S ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    Spider

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  2. Robbo, don't leave the country for such a long time ever again! We've been blogless for nearly 2 months and have been reduced to talking about the weather ffs. As it is, your return blog has been seamless. Loved the comments about the Liverpool Four. Hopefully your stint in the US protected you from the latest FIFA shenanigans which are beyond parody. The nicest presents are the ones you don't expect and a pre-Xmas blog certainly wasn't one of them. Merry Christmas to you and all my fellow followers.

    Spider

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    1. pissin' down here Spider, how is it by you?

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    2. It's been sunny for most of the day, if a tad cold. Funny, I'm sure that several weeks back we were told it was going to be a white Christmas with six foot of snow - obviously the scare story originated from FIFA.......

      Spider

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    3. FIFA have so far refused to release the weather forecast for Qatar!

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  3. It's a Christmas miracle I tell ya. Just like the one we are going to need at Burnley tomorrow.

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  4. welcome back and good stuff Robbo,

    BIG SAM for ENGLAND!

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  5. O what joy! For unto us a blog is given...

    Welcome back, RR!

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  6. I might just be showing my age here, but I got a chance to watch Michael Jordan play live in a playoff game during the Chicago Bulls second run of three championships. What that guy did was just unreal.

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  7. Robbo,
    You probably had better things to do in the US, but watching EPL in US is easy, and you get it out of the way before late lunch. At minimum NBC has the Sat 1230 game. NBCSN or other NBC basic cable has 3 to 6 games each weekend. Every other game is available on NBCSNs soccer overflow channels. If you had sprung for BEIN, you might have had a chance to see boro in the Championship.
    I have always liked basketball, but I'd prefer to watch a game with a longer shot clock, no 3 point rule, and a smoother run to the final buzzer.

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    1. Yeah, there's a lot of truth to the old joke: what's the longest half-hour in sport? The last two minutes of a basketball game. At playoff time, they stretch to 45 minutes...

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    2. Oh no, the longest last half hour belongs to the NFL. It seems to last at least 2 plus hours with minor effect on the final score.

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    3. Not having that at all. Football may indeed combine violence and committee meetings (George Will), but that stop-start nature is then expected. Basketball is supposed to be a free-flowing game, and grinding it to a halt so you see one possession-timeout/commercial-one possession-timeout/commercial turns it into, well, football. I forgot to mention the NCAA tournament, which is even more torturous.

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  8. ARISE SIR ROBBO!

    Your country needed you and answered its call!

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  9. well, it's nearly 6pm in England, you'll all be half in the bag already. Or the old bag. Either way, Merry Christmas one and all.

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  10. good to have you back missed your insights into the strange going ons of the premiership

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  11. Just watched Santa's sleigh pass over, it was the international space station of course, with my lad. He's 11 and must know by now but hee still laps it up and so do i

    Welcome home Robbo and merry Xmas one and all.

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  12. Welcome back!

    Latest blog mostly spot on, though I dozed off during the basketball bit. That, and the style seemed a little less like a Yorkshire lad and more... Evertonian? Though as an American, I know there's London and... anything else is just England, right?

    As for watching football in the US, Robbo (and Arnie)... rumor has it one can catch every match and needn't pay for any of it...

    Not that I'd know.

    Happy Christmahanukwanzaa, everyone! Or, better yet, Happy Agnostic Children Aren't Sure Why They're Getting Presents Day. May your balls be not blue but orange, and your snow not yellow but white.

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    1. Hey, just because I watched a little b-ball back in the day when the most talented player to ever walk the planet was playing, and I also happen to be an Evertonian...

      Kidding. Happy Christmas, not Scott. (Did you notice I actually took the time to figure out how to change my profile pic so's folks wouldn't think we were one in the same? The orange-white B logo is all yours now, Stephen. Take care of it...aw, damn! I told myself I wouldn't cry...)

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    2. I've been inspired. Time to move on to a new logo.

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    3. Welcome to whatever century this is.

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  13. Wonder when we're due another podcast. Must be some American shambles, er, rambles to share.

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    1. A podcast would be pretty cool. I understand that A Smart may have been in Brazil at World Cup time, so Robbo and Andy could compare their travel adventures!

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  14. Heskey from Gudjohnsen in Bolton win. England call-up, anyone?

    No, really... anyone?

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/30543443

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    Replies
    1. fortunately, there's only one Emile Heskey! Although he played for the under 21's in mid week and they counted him as two of our eleven.

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  15. I'd love to feel good for Heskey, Trotts, and the world in general, but still fuming from the wasted chances, the "penalty," and another episode of M*A*S*H at Goodison. Six points clear of the drop. Just in time for the flurry of holiday fixtures, eh? Bah! Humbug!

    Okay, reading about the 72-year-old strike force, and Heskey defending his goal line did make me grin...

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    Replies
    1. some say he's just hitting his prime. Everton will probably put in a bid in January

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    2. Shame he's not an attacking midfielder. Chelsea, Arsenal, and Man Utd would be after him, with Tottenham trailing along behind.

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  16. Welcome back RR.

    Hope you all had a very merry xmas. I was away, booked a hotel culinary arrangement for the other half and myself, so we wouldn't have to cook for others or ourselves. Great gift to give as it meant I didn't have to do the dreaded Chrimbo shopping for junk or the hell on earth that is a visit to the Supermarket before the Holidays.

    Today will be the first (live) matches I'll have seen for the festive period.

    Footy eh?

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    Replies
    1. Cheers, H2H - reminds me of a remark I made to a friend last week. "Costco today was a combination of a circus and a Civil War battle. The circus was navigating the aisles, the Civil War battle was the slow, ordered march to the cash registers..."

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  17. Have I missed it? Well apart from Boro's brilliant form - that petered out at Ipswich to greet my return, ta very much - not a lot.

    _______________________________________________________

    I have to say I thought we were magnificent.

    Can't believe we're in the mix.

    More importantly,can't believe it's Bournemouth setting the pace.

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  18. Glad Bournemouth are doing well. Refreshing change from the Relegated teams going straight back up.

    Was curious about everyone's thoughts on West Brom and whether they should sack Irvine for keeping them where every manager since Big Ron has had them, bottom half and just out of the bottom 3 (apart from the couple that got them relegated obviously.

    Also who do Palace realistically think is going to keep them up. They'll be down with Hull and WBA at the end of the season I think

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    1. Pardew to Palace, Sherwood to West Brom, and Niall Ashdown to Newcastle.

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  19. Never thought I'd live long enough to see Pards leave Newcastle, but footy never ceases to amaze.

    Also, woohoo, 4 goals for the first time this season.

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  20. Phew...Thankfully Robbo didn't mention my team, who Martinez in full-on second season mode, has turned into Wigan on crutches. Mind you it is written in stone that if Liverpool have a poor season, we always have a worse one...It's never easy being a Bluenose.
    HNY to y'all... :)

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    1. So I've learned. A good New Year to you, as well.

      Yeah, we're also not getting the breaks we got last year, like referees with eyesight. Instead, we're getting the kind of breaks that result from being on the wrong end of the "Coude du diable" (Elbow Of Devil). You just knew that twat Cisse was going to score after getting away with it...

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    2. you know what Roger, as I was watching the game that popular seasonal tune came involuntarily humming from my gob …. it's beginning to look a lot like Wiiiigan..

      Still, a good cup run can do wonders eh!

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  21. Health,wealth,and happiness to all of you for the New Year.

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  22. we wish you a relegation
    we wish you a relegation
    we wish you a relegation and promotion for us

    Happy New Year Lady & Gents.

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    1. With Emile Heskey spear heading your attack you never know...he's no Elmander tho..

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    2. yeah, thank fuck he's no El mandy.... he's a slightly younger version of that other promotion leading England and Bolton legend, Kevin Davies!

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    3. Isn't that a song by Barry Manilow?

      El Mandy, well you came and you gave without taking...

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  23. I wish you all a very happy, healthy, and prosperous new year.

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    1. Same to you, H2H (still a couple of hours to go here, across the pond), and to everyone in the Robboverse. :)

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  24. new blog up.

    --BeeZee

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  25. "what the fuck is Lewis Hamilton, a dull man in the dullest of sports, doing winning Sports Personality of the Year?"
    ...... hmmmmm, cos he's black...ish, innit?

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  26. Must be a new blog up soon after Boro's fine win at Citeh? Still upstaged by Bradford, in one of the weirdest FA Cup days in years. Which keeps the Spurs off the back pages (and thank f**k for that).



    Jedi

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