Monday 8 July 2013

The Boy from Dunblane Dun Brilliant

First off, apologies for not illuminating your day like July sunshine for over three weeks now. My only excuse is that I've had no proper sport to write about. I could've said a tad more about the Confederation Cup but frankly it's just an excuse to have some international footy when the big tournaments are having the year off. It's a burger in a bun when you're gasping for a steak.

The British and Irish Lions provided a huge talking point to those that are in thrall to the joys of huge steroidal chunks of flesh being slammed against each other. It has its appeal but there are times when it looks like butcher's-shop billiards. 

Which is not to say that the prime Welsh beefcakes on display didn't make a marvellous fist of putting the wobbly Wallabies to the slaughter. Much was made of O'Driscoll's exclusion but Gatland's an unsentimental sod and you kind of knew it'd pay off. It's not like the Aussies are that shit-hot anyway... and as far as I can remember their scrum hasn't been able to push over so much as a Jenga tower for years.

There was the very exciting grand prix n all. Exhilarating, isn't it? Exhilarating in the same way as sticking one's head in a dustbin while your mate clatters it with a big stick is exhilarating. I've not met a single person I could sustain a conversation with after they've admitted loving F1.

On the other hand, Andy Murray winning Wimbledon is downright bloody scintillating. And that's coming from someone who couldn't be arsed much with tennis cos frankly the only decent courts round our way when I was a kid required you to cough up four weeks worth of your paper round money for a quick half-hour. All the lads that played there wore Mumsy-ironed white clothing and shiny Dunlop pumps and were called Giles, Tarquin or Jeremy.

There were no Andys, no Dereks. Just shiny posh nobs. Murray could hardly be described as that. I've always liked him, even when he was a knock-kneed shambling adolescent. That kid that cramped in the second set of a match and looked for all the world like he'd missed his dinner a bit too often always knew that if he wanted to be as good as he could be then Great Britain was no place to learn how.

While we leapt about like loonies at his crowning achievement and the saltires and union jacks got waved with cheery abandon, we all secretly realised that the only people who can take any credit for that victory are the back-room team that Murray has assembled and of course the lad himself. (No, not even Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper had a role to play - though they clearly thought they had, the great dollops).

It is Murray that has transformed himself from enfeebled writher into lithe greyhound. It is Murray that has shorn himself of coaches that could not serve him well enough, and ended up with a dry, deadpan Czech mate to tell him how you get beyond defeat. It is Murray, with the help of Lendl and others, who has sharpened his mind to such a fine state of readiness that even the loss of those three championship points in the final game failed to deny him the sweetest of victories.

He's not a nice polite boy from Oxfordshire who does all the right things. He swears, he rants, he rails against the world. He's a blatant hypochondriac. He doesn't support England when they're playing someone else - he's Scottish, you fecking numpties - show me an honest Scot who does. He's not remotely pretty, so how he got anywhere in the world must be difficult for John Inverdale to fathom.

In short he hates losing, has a bit of a ruthless streak, and, as I've said before, didn't need to cry on Centre Court last year to prove himself to anyone. That German blubberer Lisicki could learn a thing or two from him.

And he has got off the back of British sport not so much a monkey as an entire Planet of the Bastard Apes. I never thought I'd see the day. And I was punching the air with all the Gileses and Jeremies when he did it. (Yep, the Blue Bell was full of 'em on Sunday).

For what we do in Britain is invent wonderful games and then let the rest of the world show us how we should do it. And of all these games, tennis has been the most glaring example of the crapness of our generosity. But now we've got one - and he hasn't been the best of a mediocre bunch either. The blokes around him are unbelievably good. To beat Djokovic in straight sets is almost unheard of. He gets back so much does Novak that there are golden retrievers watching Wimbledon and just shaking their heads in awe and disbelief.

What's more I've even found a court where me and the lass can have a knock-up round our way. Yes Murray's inspired a cynical old scrote like me to get out in the park. Except I think I may have ruptured my Achilles. And I'm not joking. It's a long way back from an injury like this but I think I'll be okay to partner that Pole with the massive eyelashes in the mixed doubles next June. (Radwanska, not Janowicz).

Until then, let's all raise a crutch to Andrew Murray. The boy from Dunblane done brilliant. And we had nowt to do with it.





70 comments:

  1. As good as this is about tennis never a truer word bout F1

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  2. good stuff Robbo. However, don't forget Fergie, he sprinkled some gold dust on Andy Pandy, that must be what did the trick. Sir Alex Tinkerbell Ferguson.

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  3. Is it 77 years since we won the world cup, yet?

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  4. Froome, Hamilton, Murray, the Welsh Lions, the Ashes (in the bag). How fucking brilliant are we at sport this month.

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    1. Blogs

      Hamilton? Not sure. But you can add Justin Rose to that list. And our football team is consistent too. Consistent crap, but consistent.

      Good stuff as ever Robbo. Seems Murray decided at about 18 that, if he wanted to be any good, he had to get as far away as possible from the British tennis development set up, so he went to Spain. Doesn't say much for the set up here, then or now.

      And on your previous post: not yet, but the way we're going, it will get there.


      Jedi.

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  5. 20 plus years since i spilt a pint watching footy in pubs in all states. Murray loses his 3 rd championship point and down the pint went like an American redwood. Cheers Andy you owe me one

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  6. Well done as always, Robbo. Shame you guys are doing well in the sports that matter least. Though doing well in them does suddenly make them relatively worth watching, doesn't it?

    I'll be in the front row near one of the goals in the USA v Cuba and Costa Rica v Belize matches this weekend. I'll think of a way to be noticeable so all of you who attend can seek me out and the rest of you can find me on tv, since I'm sure you won't want to miss the excitement. The tournament has already featured such stunners as Martinique beating Canada and Panama topping Mexico. Possibly because the top sides, US included, brought their B teams. I know this is hardly England v Germany and Spain v Brazil (more like France v Belarus and Ireland v Cyprus, according to the rankings) but it is the best international football I can hope for here.

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  7. a 40' x 8' ROBBOROBSON BLOGSPOT banner shoud do it Stephen, just let us know which end you're holding up.

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    1. I was planning on having that tattooed across my chest but I'm too scrawny. There may not be anyone else at the match, so I will probably be easy to find. Certainly by the Belize-Costa Rica clash.

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  8. The reason you've managed to find a tennis court Robbo is because you've moved to Islington.

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  9. First class as always, pleasure to read

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  10. F1 could be good but how we are in the situation where the so called premier motor sport events can have the most sophisicated cars runnig around on re moulds is mind boggling.
    get down to your local ATS is a better option than fitting the presnt boots on

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  11. Downing to West Ham? Liverpool are turning into another Bolton - feeder clubs for the Hammers.

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  12. Great Blog as usual Robbo. Yes Andy the darling of everyone who can claim some sort of British citizenship and lets not mention the Scottish side of things in case we loose our national treasure when the Scots demand devolution. Saw David Cameron, (good Scottish name by the way), in the crowd but where was this Alex Salmon chappie then?
    Take all the sophisticated crap away from Formula1, give them 4 wheels, a seat,optional, brakes, optional again, and an engine and let the drivers fight it out by using driving skills.

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  13. http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23240104

    Scorelines more suspect than a Pakistani bowler inspecting a wad of cash as a sign he's about to launch a ball over the batsman and into the crowd. Or an Italian 'keeper taking five consecutive goal kicks straight into his own net. Or a meeting of Sepp Blatter, Jack Warner, Vladimir Putin, and a Qatari prince. Or Andy Murray winning Wimbledon in straight sets after almost all the other top seeds bowed out early.

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  14. Proud to be an American.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/22/pork-laced-bullets-designed-to-send-muslims-straight-to-hell_n_3480150.html

    A bit surprised it comes from Idaho, not Texas. Impressive punnery, particularly for the red states.

    http://jihawg.com

    Any chance the UK needs another immigrant? I already speak some English and recognise how to spell honourably, I can see cloud behind every silver lining, I follow cricket and football, I'm not a strong adherent of my religion, I listen to the BBC, and I have a passing familiarity with whelks, thanks to Blogs. As long as I don't speak, no one will know I'm not British. Please. I'm a becoming quite worried about Jihawgi leanings amongst my countrymen.

    (For the NSA watchers, I am not renouncing my citizenship. I simply need somewhere else to live for a while in case these guys figure out I'm Jewish and start shooting ham-laced bullets at me once they realize I control the media, Hollywood, the banks, the government, etc.)

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    1. NSA? Why are the Nording Skiing Association watching? Do you shlalom?

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    2. Sorry Stephen, you reference to cricket as one of the sports that matter least" doesnt just fail the tebbit Cricket Test for immigrants it insults its very premise.

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    3. the UKIP Cricket test : requirements for new immigrants :
      1. Beat ian botham in an arm wrestle
      2. Answer correctly 10 questions on random pages of Wisden
      3. Eat a cricket ball.
      4. last an over against Steve Finn. with a childs plastic mini bat. Blindfold.

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    4. A Jewish person with a Greek name? You'll have no problems.

      Islam states quite clearly that a Muslim cannot eat meat from pigs, dead (permissible) animals or carnivores. But, if someone has not eaten for three days, these forbidden animals become permissible then you would most likely have to not eat anything for another three days. So, Islamists only have to stay hungry for three days.

      AFAIK, there is nothing which prevents one from coming into contact with flesh from an impermissible or forbidden animal -- it can't be eaten. Getting shot by a pork-laced bullet does not count as being eaten voluntarily and with full knowledge of the source.

      What this company is doing is simply trying to increase sales by targeting a particular group -- rednecks. Marketing 101.

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    5. Profile, I completely agree your view of this that the misinterpretation of Islam was used as a marketing tool. The sad thing is, it works.

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  15. British Sport:

    Lions beat Australia: check
    Murray wins Wimbledon: check
    Froome leading the Tour: check
    Football team still shit: check.

    Now over to the cricketers for the Ashes.


    Jedi

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  16. Salvation!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanx Robson!!!!
    Fuck Andy Murray! In same breath, i'm happy for him!!! Only coz he's always been the underdog, almost like Chelsea FC. Top club, shit lad!!!! I'll drink to both!

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    1. Says a person called "Keegan"...

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    2. says a person called 'profile'....

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    3. This is leading to a buried treasure .....all the clues are out .....Profile ... Keegan, Andy Murry Chelsea ....dang my brain hurts ?? Where is the spam bot when u need it !!NSA ....please check these Peeps

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  17. http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/cycling/23251598

    Poor Cav, urine a lot of trouble. Must really piss you off. I had not a tinkling that anyone would stoop to that, though. Though the caption under the video clip worries me, too.

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  18. 215 seemed low until aus collapsed to 61-4

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  19. Andy Murrays complete dedication to the lifestyle and hard work required to become a champion can only be commended. Two years ago he wasn't good enough to beat the big 3, now he is the one the others are trying to beat. I love his down to earth personality and the way he conducts himself. If British sportsmen and women all had the dedication he has to being the best, then we would never have had such a drought in the first place, and would never have one again, in any sport!
    Great read Robbo

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  20. British sportsmen and women are amongst the best in the world, david. in fact we're fucking brilliant at everything except (1) tennis - seen as the preserve of posh twonks preserved in a dim little over privileged half pissed on pims sense of unreality - ive genuinely no idea where the nearest tennis courts to me are. fortunately i dont care and (2) football - the preserve of moronic young men taken out of school to practice keepy ups and preserved in a dim little bling bubble of bling unreality

    SEND THEM DOWN THE MINES!

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    1. ... sucks in badminton as well, in the self-invented sports category

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    2. shuttlecocks or 3 day, old chap?

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  21. hope your leg is on the mend, robbo btw

    injured playing tennis, though.... just a bit of reputational damage there ?? ....you could have lied and said you were attacked by a pitbull or glassed in the blue bell and broke your leg kicking the perp's teeth in

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  22. so cavendish finally got to wear the yellow jersey

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  23. I thought those Nigerian scorelines were bad, but how about 149-0?

    http://espn.go.com/soccer/news/2002/1102/1454712.html

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    1. thats genuinely mad. was the ref manchester united's howard webb?

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  24. meanwhile, massive ozzie batting collapse and no one likes to see that heh heh

    (swann+anderson = unplayable)

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    1. ignore the post above. century partnership.

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  25. Agar highest score by an Australian No11 in Ashes history first ever 50 for a No11 on debut.

    yes i know youre not interested

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  26. BOOOOIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!

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  27. the lads looking at a ton now. Cricket eh, always a good reason to tie knots in yer hankie and get drunk.

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  28. Warning: the following comment contains more than the usual American Ignorance.

    In an effort to understand the importance of cricket and thus eventually pass the Tebbit test, please explain the test series. I think I understand limited overs (score the most runs in a limited amount of overs), but while I believe it was explained before what the fans do during a test series (sit in the sun wearing odd clothing and slowly get drunk), I don't quite understand the rest of it. Five days? Four innings? Bat til you drop?

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    1. Stephen, they just play until nobody on the ground is fit to drive home.

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    2. Thanks, Trotts, that makes perfect sense. I assume whoever has scored more runs at that point is the winner.

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    3. not necessarily, only if the other team has lost 20 wickets.

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  29. Each man that’s in the side that’s in goes out, and when he’s out he comes in and the next man goes in until he’s out.

    When they are all out, the side that’s out comes in and the side that’s been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.
    Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

    When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.

    When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game

    Hope that helps
    Bisq

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    1. Also, no one need necessarily win. It could (and very often does) end in a draw because the 5 days are up and no one has won yet.

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  30. Let me see if I have a grasp on test cricket...

    Two teams play, barely, as the fans get drunk. The match ends when a) no one else needs to bat for one reason or another, or b) no one at the match is coherent enough to keep paying attention (though they might keep playing anyway). There may or may not be a winner, but as long as England win (or at least don't lose?), the details probably don't matter.

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  31. Oh, and for the matches tomorrow, since again, I'm sure all of you will watch USA-Cuba and especially Belize-Costa Rica, I will most likely wear a Chelsea shirt from the Zola era. I'll be easy to spot, as I may be the only person left in the stadium for the latter match.

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  32. Real Madrid sign Spain Under-21 midfielder Asier Illarramendi from Real Sociedad for around 39m euros (£34m).
    =======================================
    WTF. Who ? For how much ??
    And Arsenal (allegedly) bid 30m for Suarez. Surely we can get Madrid to cough up about 300 mil for him (and then sell him to them for $150 mil after the mandatory 50% discount for his history).

    The footy world is a crazy, crazy place. FFP my arse.

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    1. The bit I liked most about this story was the bit on the beeb where they described him as "Spain Under-21 midfielder Asier Illarramendi, 23". Football is now so mental they've started redefining the cardinal numbers.

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  33. David Moyes new theme song?

    One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
    Not much between despair and ecstasy
    One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
    Can't be too careful with your company
    I can feel the devil walking next to me

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  34. What a remarkable 16 year old is Malala Yousafzai. Her speech at the UN the other day was very mature... maybe she had a professional speech writer, I prefer to think they were her own words. Her message.... education for all (especially football players)

    Moyes off to a bad start... hope his luck continues into the new PL season.

    Yet another PL team taken over by an American. If the trend continues, within the next 20 years teams in the PL will be made up of 10 players (no GK.)

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    1. Actually, Bo, we'd probably put on more 'keepers, instead. We've contributed Howard, Keller, Friedel, Guzan, and Hahnemann, which so far outweighs McBride, Dempsey, Bocanegra, etc., even if Altidore shines for Sunderland.

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    2. the chap's a Pakistani, dunno if he got US citizenship? Seems nice enough in his interviews and if he brings some NFL executive mentality to the EPL, it'll be a good thing for everybody.

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  35. I had to google this Murray fellah to find out who he was. I thought that this was a sport site Robbo... or have they declared tennis a sport now?

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  36. http://www.concacaf.com/video/usa-vs-cuba-highlights

    Ended up in the background of four of the five goals. Not that you can tell who I am, if you even knew what to look for. Blue blur in the front row.

    My moment (or few hours) in the sun.

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  37. Watcha! Been off the radar for a few weeks. Me and the missus went on a road trip to sunny Queensland. Back in cold, grey New South Wales now. Great.

    But we didn't have much internet coverage where we went, so I've been catching up slowly. Well done to Murray, but still no interest in tennis. Watched my first stage of the Tour de France lastnight and saw Chris Froome winning dominantly on Mount Ventoux. I just can't get round to liking this chap. I don't know what it is, but I'm just not warming to him. And of course, the 1st Test in the Ashes. What a final day. The Aussies were unlucky in the end, but they must have been pleased with how close it was, considering the difference between the two sides, on paper at least. Makes it hard for the Aussies to win the Ashes now as England probably only need to win one more test to retain them, but shapes to be a good winter of cricket. One thing I can't get my head round though, is the new sponserships of the grounds - the Emirates Old Trafford, and the Kia Oval. What's going on?

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  38. Cesc to Man U ? Don't the gunners have a by back clause?

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  39. Fantasy Premier League is back!!!

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  40. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  41. Try again.

    www.premierleagu.com

    54229-16077

    54229-16078

    54229-16022

    54229-16028

    You should be automatically entered into the classic league if you were in it last year,but you'll need to rejoin the H2H leagues.

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    1. Done. Thanks for setting them up Jacks. Another season of misery awaits.

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    2. Unless you support Un**ed,every football fan has a season of misery ahead of them Noel.

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    3. I think it'll be Chelsea's turn this year, mate. Slightly less smug fans, so I'll be happy with that.

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    4. I'm not so sure about that I expect Chelski to be a real threat and Vincent Tan obviously expects his luck red shirts to win the premier league for Cardiff and will sack the manager when they lose 1-0 away at Man City.

      I think the race for Europa League places will be more interesting as Swansea will improve and I think Sunderland & Stoke will push on from last season to give Spurs, Everton and Liverpoo a run for their money

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