Monday 21 November 2011

AVB - A Vapid Beginning

Andre Villas-Boas. It doesn’t trip off the tongue any more easily than Roman Abramovic. Or Abram-O-vitch, depending on whether the person talking is a pedantic knob-end or not.

"Look! Here comes Guus! I told you he'd return!"

It cost €15 million for the Russian billionaire to buy off Porto for the 33-year-old and as yet there’s nowt to show for his money. Three months is a long time when you’re a clown-faced oligarch who changes managers more often than a teenager’s Mum changes his sheets. Villas-Boas must be ruefully stroking his bum-fluff this morning.

What’s most confusing about the young Portuguese gaffer’s reign thus far is how nowt’s changed. Having promised a new broom, AVB has lumped himself with precisely the same backsliding squad that dogged Ancelotti last season.

As we know, John Terry’s always open to trying out a new partner but maybe not at the centre of defence, particularly if the man in question is the human spaniel David Luiz. Off he bounds up the park chasing some imaginary stick, getting himself into deep water and dragging the whole team down with him.

Not that Terry’s lumbering efforts do much to reassure either. Perhaps the fact that people are beginning to recognise that for all his faults Ashley Cole’s as good a left-back as England has ever produced is leaving the poor lad bewildered, cos stick him in a blue shirt and he defends like Cheryl.

‘Course it doesn’t help Chelsea that they’ve tried very hard in recent months to stop getting beat by Liverpool, namely by nicking their matchwinners Torres and Meireles. Given that pedigree, it seems weird that Villas-Boas brought them both on with six minutes to go so they could get a closer look at what they’ve been missing.

Torres is of course AVB’s biggest liability.

"You remember what a football is, Nando, right?"

£50 million’s worth of talent bought, £49 million of which was lost in transit. Little bits of pace, power, anticipation and precise finishing are sitting in a LOSt Property office somewhere at Euston station. Unless Luis Suarez picked it up on the journey back up to the North-West (and you wouldn’t put it past the talented little sneak).

For 84 minutes Chelsea had the big strapping enforcer that is Didier Drogba, and right now that lad looks like he couldn’t give a fig, a toss or a shit. Anelka drifts from pitch to bench in an aimless approximation of a career. In fact the only poor sod looked miffed to be a sub. He wasn’t exactly smothered in brotherly love after he scored the goal either.

Of course the least able footballer in blue is still John/Mikel/Obi*. His worth is finally being recognised. Zilch. His meek surrendering of the ball after it’d been played to him by Peter Cech (currently doubling as a World War II pilot judging by the facial get-up) was utterly typical. I guess the only reason Chelski haven’t replaced him is that Man City currently have so many holding midfielders the FA should seriously think about contacting the Monopolies Commission.

In short it doesn’t how much Villas-Boas squats on the touchline like a dysentery victim in a Turkish loo, until he gets shot of this job-lot of these old boys who still secretly worship at the altar of the Special One then he’s pretty much done for.

Guus Hiddink, the only other man capable of wrestling these egos into summat resembling a football team, is idle now Turkey have no Euro 2012 to attend and it must be tempting for Abramovich to get straight on the blower this morning and sort it out.

In the meantime AVB resembles a shell-shocked casualty from an ad for Calvin Klein's Obsession. He seems a decent enough bloke, but you wouldn’t be surprised to see him back in the Algarve for Christmas – and he can take the Thunderbirds side-parting with him.

The winner came from a Chelsea old boy, of course, and once again Glen Johnson has made himself look good going forward. Defensively he still looks like he’d fit very well into Chelsea’s current back four. Which does beg the question ‘So what did Micah Richards do that means he’ll never get picked to play for England again?’

Certainly, Richards has had a couple of years when he’s ‘lost his way’ (translation: ‘getting shedloads of cash and spending it on booze, birds, brum-brums and bling). But with the generous exception ofKyle Walker, Richards is to every other right-back in the country what Mark Cavendish is to a kid whose just had his stabilisers taken off.

So what did he do to upset Fabio? Wear a tie incorrectly? Use his PS2 during a team talk? Happen to remark that he hadn’t understood a word of that last piece of advice, even though it had come from Stuart Pearce?


I don’t know either. But it has to be something. I mean there’s not been so mysterious an absence since Lord Lucan rode off on Shergar.

Praise however is due to @Rioferdy5. While I can’t say his is not a somewhat chequered past - Christmas parties and missed drugs test through jumper-shopping spring to mind, the way he stepped up as the Twitter-Blatter-Twatter was top-notch.

Of course some of us still remember that it wasn’t more than a few months back that the triumvirate of Wills, Backs and Dave went forelock-tugging to Switzerland and returned with a bad dose of Sepp-ticaemia.

But since they rooked us good and proper and we’re not bidding for the World Cup for the foreseeable, we can slag off the man who put the swizz into Switzerland good n proper. Unlike the strangely quiet Rest Of The Bleeding World!

Blatter won’t go. He’s apologised. He’s hugged black men in his time so that puts an end to any talk of homophobia and racism, doesn't it? So who will start the FIFA spring? Perhaps Rio, now that his England duties are over. Not sure he’s going to want partner JT in defence again anyway. He’s more likely to be working with his brother - for the prosecution.

I'm at the front of the queue, mind. With a scowl on my face and a giant fuck-off Toblerone in my hand.

258 comments:

  1. The turkish loo's how do you use them if you are wearing any pants? logistically Impossible.

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  2. How can the world take our criticism of Septic Bladder seriously if John fucking Terry is still our captain?

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  3. Ooh,a cycling reference.

    Splendid.

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  4. I have a certain sympathy for AVB,ageing squad that needs ditching to start again with,owing to their lack of youth coming up,poor transfer management over the last 5/6 years.A lot of sacred cows to sacrifice.

    Who would have thought that QPR look like London's best team?

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  5. you should have asked fanny Fart Jacks, who he thinks is London's best team.

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  6. no.

    he thinks spurs are teh best team in London by a long way.

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  7. Oh,I thought he meant Leyton Orient.

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  8. is it a coincidence that I did not blame mikel for the 1st goal until i read robbo
    hmmmmmm

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  9. Hi di ho.

    I can't remember in the entire history of Chelsea (almost a decade) ever seeing them with such a flakey defence and lacklustre attack. For the first half of yesterdays game they were dire and in the second half they weren't much better.

    I think AvB is out of his depth in the PL, he does alright against the so called smaller teams, but his record against the traditional top teams does not hold up to scrunity, already been bested by Man U, Arsenal and L'pool, two of which at home. Maybe given time he'll prove tp be great, but history tells us that RA is not exactly renowned for his patience.

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  10. Spitfire said...
    How can the world take our criticism of Septic Bladder seriously if John fucking Terry is still our captain?

    ===

    Exactamundo.

    We can boo and bleat all we want, but it just looks like sour grapes so long as he wears the captains band.

    If he's found innocent, then by all means re-instate him, but in the mean time, put your money where your is and suspend him from England duty.

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  11. I say we stone john fucking terry to death and if he is proven innocent we can always reseruct him.

    The innocent are always reseructed, arent they?

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  12. Good plan Spit, bit I prefer the trial by water.

    Tie his legs to two heavy rocks and chuck him in a river, if he drowns, he's innocent and can have a state funeral with all the trimings, but if he manages to stay afloat that we get to burn him as a witch.

    Now if that's not the definition of a win, win situation I don't know what is.

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  13. what a load of rubbish american football is, with a one-legged beckham bossing the game and former vale player chris birchall one of the better players maybe there's still a future for torres in football?

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  14. That's American soccer blog.

    American football doesn't need has beens and never was's to be rubbish.

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  15. who told luiz he's a defender. or johnson for that matter? you may as well stick walcott or the other johnson in the right back position. shocking outrageous whats the bleeding world coming to eh? and 4 defeats in five games for the vale not that you give a toss.

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  16. Bart Simpson told me that Luiz was his attacker.

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  17. this is mancinis view of the micah richards missing brain mystery

    "Micah is young. In the last year he has improved a lot, but he needs to improve more. He has good quality but sometimes Micah thinks he can play at only 50%.If Micah plays to 100%, he can become one of the top full backs in Europe. But he needs to improve. His body is on the pitch, but his mind is left at home sometimes. For this, he can improve – if he can remember to pick up his brain

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  18. second banana to the degenerate clown at centre half, H

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  19. He's already eaten one or two while playing, Blogs, shame he left the skin on the pitch.

    Ooops

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  20. I just found out that CSKA Moscow have a coach with the name; Leonid Slutski.

    Surely a match made in heaven should AvB recieve the spanish archer.

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  21. mornin' Lads. Good stuff Robbo. Rafa for Chelsea!

    I'll never understand how Chris Birchall was overlooked by the top Prem clubs, tut tut.

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  22. H, I once knew Leonid's sister, Ima. Lovely lass.

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  23. I knew her friend olivia clothesov, trott

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  24. Chris birchall and Micah Richards ... twin enigmas in football's salon des refusees

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  25. If he gets piste off, Slutski could start a winter holiday business with "adult" off piste

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  26. Tying to be smart by asking was her name Ima, but ending up looking completly fucking stupid as I somehow missed that you wrote Ima.

    D'oh, dumbarsery at it's finest, maybe I can get a trail at Chelsea.

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  27. Back to the blog matter.

    It's easy to rate Torres as a flop (cos he is) the 50mil tag was always going to be a stone around his neck. But let's not forget L'pool also had (on the bench) the even more ridiculously overpriced Andy ponytailpandy Carroll.

    How do our resident scousers feel about their record signing?

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  28. Best goal celebration ...balotelli

    Worst ... sturridge ....looks like he's trying to make a fart noise under his armpit

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  29. I don't think AVB knows what his best team is yet. I don't think he's played the same two CBs in consecutive games. Ivanovic is their best defender by a mile, Alex second. A clear out of Terry, Mikel, Drogba and maybe Malouda and Cole needs to happen.

    I was never Eboue's biggest fan, but being treated like this is disgusting. It'll take him hours to shake all those fan's hands and just forget about it.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxA1z2PYrGk&feature=player_embedded

    And over in the FFL - Adebayor is surely seeing me to a victory over Bo? Or have I just cursed myself?

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  30. Noel, your three players only needed 90 minutes on the park to beat me, Adethewhore is only icing on the cake.

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  31. I agree Noel... that is fucking disgraceful behaviour from the fans... but there is no racism in football.

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  32. A great performance from Spurs there by the sounds of it. I'll catch the highlights tonight when I get in from uni. Spurs looking very strong in all areas of the pitch at the mo, so lets hope it stays that way and injuries don't take a toll. Quality cover for most positions too. The balance of the team looks absolutely spot on at the moment. Win our game in hand (although against Everton, so always a very tough game), and we'll be 1 point behind United. You can't underestimate the impact of having Ledley King in the team. He brings such a presence to the team that everyone else seems to feed off. It'll be tougher when the season gets on and he can't play as often, but hopefully Dawson and/or Gallas will be back and fit by then.

    Jacks, here's some cycling thoughts for you - I think the story is probably a few months old now, but BMC seem to have really strengthened their squad ahead of next year with Thor Hushovd and Phillippe Gilbert signing. How do you reckon they'll approach the Tour now that they have options other than just supporting Cadel? Hushovd and Gilbert seem to be riders who don't need teammate support for their type of stages - will they be given a lose rein do you think to do their own thing?

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  33. Good blog Robbo.

    Chelsea were totally out played, Liverpool played a pressing game and whenever Lumpard had ball in the midfield there was a hard strong tackle coming from Adam or Lucas. AVB needs to figure out his starting 11 and of course he has funds to buy all big players in Jan window… that’s the only solution which Abramovitch knows. And Spurs win yesterday means they are out of Top 4 as well. Interesting days ahead...

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  34. I was beginning to get worried as I removed Ade from my team and bought Chicharito. Seeing at the points tally it is just 1 pt loss for me.

    My form showing similar pattern as Arsenals' 5 wins in last 5 games and upto 2nd place in normal league. :)

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  35. Morning Noel.

    From what I can understand the BMC squad for the TDF will be based around Cadel defending his maillot jaune.The other 8 riders they select will be purely domestiques for Cadel.Thor and Phillippe will be in for the classics and the other 2 grand tours.It seems there are going to be 3 super squads next season (Sky,Radioshack/leopard trek,BMC) with other teams hoping to pick up what they don't hoover up between them.

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  36. Arsenal keeper Szczesny on Robin van Persie: "Robin's a goalscorer. He scored a good one in training today, for example...."

    ---

    lovely.

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  37. Strange tides Noel. 3rd wk in a row we're equal on points and goal diff in the robbo h2h.

    Nice to get 2 wins again this week moving me to 6th in both H2Hs, mirroring Liverpool's place in the PL.

    H2 to answer your question on Carroll, he never was or will be worth 35m, but in a season or 2 when he has got that 35m monkey off his back, he has what it takes to be a regular contributor. I think the club was still right in buying him as morale was near zero when Nando left and sadly splashing cash is the only way to show the team and fans the club could still be competitive. I think that changed players enough to end the season on a high and begin this one reasonably well. With just an hr or so of the transfer window left, Fat Ashley was the ony one willing to sell and Carroll the only one willing to join Liverpool. Hobsons choice really.

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  38. Carrolls transfer fee is su fucking through the looking glass I assume his middle name is Lewis

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  39. He was better when he wore an ankle bracelet and lived in Kevin Nolan's attic.

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  40. Thanx for the feedback AH.

    On a totally related note,I went into a Subway today and ordered the biggest, greasiest, most expensive sub they had.....

    They gave me Andy Carroll.

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  41. Holloway2Holland said...

    Thanx for the feedback AH.

    On a totally related note,I went into a Subway today and ordered the biggest, greasiest, most expensive sub they had.....

    They gave me Andy Carroll.
    -------------------


    What? they couldnt warm up the tevez then?

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  42. The Tevez was advertised on the board, but they didn't seem to have him in stock.

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  43. H - I'll give that one a 'lol'. I'm so cool.

    That is weird AH, especially as we only have 4 players the same. The leagues must be getting very close now - I won in both leagues but only climbed one spot in each. Since playing my wildcard though I've had above average scores every week, so it's worked well.

    Jacks - seems crazy to have two riders like that and not include them in your Tour squad, and it seems equally crazy that those riders would be happy not to be included. I guess the Olympics may also have an effect on squad selections for next year's Tour. You can completely understand BMC planning their Tour around Cadel, but I just thought they'd want one or both of those guys who are capable of getting stage wins that'll keep the sponsers happy.

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  44. Nolan kept Lewis in a birdcage and fed him birdseed speedballs. He was happy in his cage, on his perch, pecking at his reflection. Then they let him out with a 35 million ton bell around his neck and its all gon wrong. Suffering thuckertash turns out he no golden budgie he just a big lumbering idiot with two left feet.

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  45. *suffering ......should read....thuffering

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  46. I'd like to offer a ^5 and a rotflmfao for that Sid Parrot-Face Davies impersonation!

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  47. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07lPjhAMk50

    Yes indeed, Fred!

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  48. Wow! Great results last night. It sets up the final match day nicely for both Manchester clubs. If Napoli beat Villareal, then Man City are out and they will slip to Europa league. Man U need only a draw away against Basel, but if Basel win then they are out too.

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  49. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  50. Noel,there's more to life than the TDF.Hushovd and Gilbert are more than happy with wins of any description,whereas if you have a genuine grand tour contender you need to back him all the way.Look at Bert,Schlek etc.Their teams in grand tours are totally about the GC.This is why I think Sky have dropped a clanger in signing Cav.Either back a GC winner (Wiggins or Froome) or a stage winner (Cav).1997 was the last time a team had both yellow and green in the bag (Ulrich and Zabel for Deutche Telekom)

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  51. I reckon City might find it a bit tough to beat Bayern, speciall yif they have Schweinsteiger back fit by that time but you never know. Robben is commin gback form an injury and with a full squad at their disposal Bayern wouldnt like being beaten tot he top finish in the group and risk pitting against one the big guns (Braca, Real..)

    United will qualify, you can bet on it.

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  52. BASEL!
    Don't tell anyone dear, but he's dead.

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  53. Sybil: Don't shout at me. I've had a difficult morning.
    Basel: Oh, dear, what happened? Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Not enough cream in your eclair? Hmmm... or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long that you didn't have time to perm your ears?


    heheh heh

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  54. "Basel" = on-topic. as if that ever mattered on here

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  55. jacks - was Boncho Genchev as good as his name?

    not as good as Bambang Pamungkas Indonesia's leading all time scorer

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  56. Blogs,Boncho Lyubomirov Genchev.Great name,not a great attacking midfielder.

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  57. My personal favourite sporting name is Djamolodine Abdoujaparov.Crazy name,crazy guy.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Nt4x3nuzfQ

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  58. Fergie's gotten his nickers in to a twist. AGAIN.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/15853955.stm

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  59. the reporters right, man u and even more obviously man c are struggling, but then man u always struggle without rooney. saf just struggles with concepts of dignity. id be embarrassed if my 9 year old acted like that. id take his nintendo off him, send him to bed early and refuse to allow him to buy any player in excess of £8 million.

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  60. Awkward: When you complement a colleague on their Movember progress adn she goes on to file a harrasment and workplace bullying charge against you.

    Bitch.

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  61. Scientists in Chernobyl have been testing the theory that radioactivity can cause dyslexia.

    One scientist today stated that "At this stage the results are still nuclear."

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  62. correction: I have played in better games....

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  63. Dortmund look a better side. Arsenal always struggle against a team that press them all over the park. van Persie and Walcott have been combining well in recent games and have looked most likely to create an opening for Arsenal so far tonight.

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  64. I'd bring in Frimpong and Arshavin in place of Ramsey and Arteta to provide some pace in the midfield.

    Arsenal look tired.

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  65. Trip down memory lane, aldershot....RBA on aldershot v rotherham or How to Kill A Chucklebrother....


    Speaking of which, if the situation did arise, just how do you kill a chuckle brother? I have researched this and according to the ancient texts written in a long since forgotten Rotherham tongue (I had Derrick Ancorah channel the spirit of a 3rd century Miller and translate the text) you need to first kill the head Chuckle in order to make the others mortal… BBC executives have been trying for the last 20 years since Paul and Barry entered in to a blood-deal with CBBC’s head of programming and that time Broom Closet aficionado Philip Schofield… They used their black magic to save the life of kids favorite Gorden The Gopher… From then on they have commanded the wills of the CBBC execs… in a deal which lasts till the demise of the Chuckles… thankfully this all plays out with hilarious consequences and Paul usually gets hit by a ladder or summat… anyway… what was I saying…

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  66. Arsenal came back well in the second half and looked the better side. The unlikely star was Song who let himself down in the dying stages when he royaly fucked up by failing to clear the ball wheich ultimately led to Dortmund's goal.

    How do you stop van Persie? Another two goals. If he remains in this form and remains injury free he could well break a number of goalscoring records this season.

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  67. Arsenal become the first English club to qualify for thr nrxt round of the euro cup. Marseilles lost at home to Olympiakos which was a bit of a surprise result and that has thrown the other qualifying spot wide open. Olympiakos have a good chance of qualifying as they are home to the gunners in their final match and Merseilles have a tough game away to Dortmund.

    Chelsea need a scoreless draw or a win in their final game to qualify and seeing as they are at home to Valencia it won't be an easy task, especially with their recent home form.

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  68. Now then BLOG, dont knock Rotherhams finest

    You can catch them in Stoke in Feb 2012 in their brand new show

    Return of the Pirates of the River Rother 2 in Stranger Tights

    Yes and I miss RBA too for our Div2 chats

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  69. Arsenal resurgence good to see. I know I gloated when they were struggling but I didn't really mean it. Wed all be worse off without wenger around.

    .....

    And su it all begins again boys and girls I don't think I can fucking stand it ....

    England's World Cup 2014 qualifiers
    2012

    Sept 7: Moldova (away)
    Sept 11: Ukraine (home)
    Oct 12: San Marino (home)
    Oct 16: Poland (away)
    2013
    Mar 22: San Marino (away)
    Mar 26: Montenegro (away)
    Sept 6: Moldova (home)
    Sept 10: Ukraine (away)
    Oct 11: Montenegro (home)
    Oct 15: Poland (home)

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  70. 2014? Its int he bag blogs.

    Many a manager can learn a thing or two from Klopp. Smiling int he face of defeat, for example.

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  71. Arsenal: it looks like we might avoid relegation after all.

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  72. That's the problem spits you look at those fixtures and think how can we possibly struggle against that shower of shit...and then we do struggle ... and so it goes on.

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  73. Jesus that pass messi made for barcas third goal ... took 4 men out

    Tevez on the way to ac Milan apparently

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  74. Song is a beast, 'nuff said!

    --BeeZee

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  75. I have no doubt we'll qualify Blog (after all we are ranked 5th in the world... fucked if I know how they work those rankings out though.) My concern is what happens after. Getting out of the group stage has been a bit of a problem in recent tournaments and when we do manage that we inevitably are beaten on penalties in the next round by Germany.

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  76. Spit

    That man Klopp will be the next German coach after Jogi

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  77. If he's not snapped up by Bayern by that time and ruined for every other job?

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  78. A quick review of our 4 teams in Europe

    Manu & Chelski, both not at their best but both will qualify

    ManC, ermmm, played a patient confident slow build up as if they thought they were entitled to go thru based on what they have done so far this season. but by that time the Napoli defence was crowded so no space, yes they did have a few chances but........ I think Balotelli, not Dzeko should have been replaced by Aguerro much earlier

    Arsenal impressive and much speedier on the break, not usually a fan of Song, but his move for RvPs goal was as good as Messis pass for Barca

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  79. They make them bright in Derbyshire.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-15842559

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  80. Spit
    Thats not a nice thought, but then 6 trainers in 5 years for Bayern

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  81. Morning Tony.

    You in the Fatherland atm?

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  82. Morning all ** grinning **

    Alex Song was immense last night and RvP just did what he knows best. I would also have liked to see Arshavin getting a game last night in place of Gervinho since he hasnt played for a long time. The little Russian was shown on TV celebrating RvP's first goal. What a sight!

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  83. Afternoon Jacks

    atm yes, but flying back later this pm, fog in Oranjeland permitting

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  84. Congratulations Samoa, now fix up a friendly with Eng, let the good times roll

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-15867180

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  85. Jacks

    students eh,and what they get upto

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  86. It's good to see Nato "winning hearts" in Afghanistan. http://tinyurl.com/7vohbdp

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  87. This week I will be mostly trading Aldershot Woes

    I think thus us the funniest thing I ever read in my life...Ol Lady Conkers....

    ..............

    Health care is a joke if you have cancer and go to hospital you are given a plaster and by a nine year old foreign doctor who hasn’t slept since he was seven. And by the time you get see him again, he will be 21 and you will both be dead, you of cancer and him of tiredness. If you are going to get sick these days you better hope you die quickly, otherwise hospitals will kill you. Another reason it is wise to prey for quick death these days is that old people are terrorised by young people, if you are not lucky enough to be smoked in a giant Rizla, then you could be in for an even worse fate as the young of today think of deprived and demonic games to play with the grey generation. “Old Lady Conkers” is popular amongst younger kids, old ladies are literally strung up and swung at each other, till one shatters. Another torment that the elderly suffer on a daily basis is Nan-Fighting. Nans are starved and angered then when at their most angry dropped in to pits to fight other nans to the death…

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  88. I particularly enjoy Nan-Fighting... much better than cock-fighting as the ol' girls really tear into each other and unlike the cock-fights, the nans don't fight to the death.... generally it's all over very quickly as they are pretty weak from hunger. It's all harmless fun and it keeps the youth off the streets and entertained which is the main thing really.

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  89. Just finished my final exam - that's year 2 of my degree done and dusted. Just two more to go. Now three months of sun, beer, day time TV, a road trip or two, and not much else. Booya.

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  90. I was actually on the old McNulty cliché blog that you did, bloggy. Some classic stuff on there.

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  91. Morning... not been such a good one.

    Sachin missed his 100th ton again. :( whereas R Ashwin scored his maiden century. Atleast some one did :)

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  92. How are Channel 5 going to find time to show ManUtd, ManCity and Chelsea on Thursday nights in 2012? Oh & Tottenham?

    Asking for a laugh.

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  93. WARNING - SHAMELESS PLUG COMING UP

    For any golfers out there looking for a great golf break I can highly recommend golfdaysuk.co.uk to plan and book your break or pass on to any of you rgolfing mates.
    It's a new company set up by my two stepbrothers and they have some great courses on offer.
    Went to Stoke Park yesterday with them and had a great day. Such an awesome course and hotel and they're hosting a Playboy pyjama party there later in the year complete with Playboy bunnies.

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  94. BREAKING NEWS : exclusive first image of the architects design concept for Spurs new stadium http://twitpic.com/7jw2a5

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  95. Thats going to require a lot of Domestos to clean the shit out

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  96. 'arry will bung a few brown envelopes in the right direction Tony.

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  97. Slightly startled to see a customer about 25 mins ago in a Colchester United shirt.

    I've alerted the authorities,loony on the loose in Buxton.

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  98. Should have been going to DVS to see Millers v Crawley, but Mrs T changed her plans and decided I-Care was a better option

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  99. http://www.football-league.co.uk/blog/20111125/the-chris-charles-blog-17_2293319_2527597

    ReplyDelete
  100. Colch, you seem to have exacted revenge for last weeks H2H defeat mate. My only hope is a 0-0 draw at anfield tomorrow. Well played mate!

    ReplyDelete
  101. Now then. We struggled for a point against Fulham thanks to two goals from Vermaelen. A positive to take from the match was Djourou's game. He had a great game defensively and for me was Arsenal's best player. Diaby and Gervinho made a difference when they came on to replace Ramsey and Mertesacker.

    ReplyDelete
  102. The O's unbeaten run came to an end with a 1-0 away loss to Sheffield United.

    ReplyDelete
  103. Good day for the vale yesterday.

    We didnt play.

    Won 0-0 vs the mighty torquay on Friday.

    ReplyDelete
  104. AnfieldHopeful said...
    Colch, you seem to have exacted revenge for last weeks H2H defeat mate. My only hope is a 0-0 draw at anfield tomorrow. Well played mate!
    -------------------------------------------

    Thanks AH. Adebuywhore scoring a second goal late on as captain did my score a lot of good. I'm off to Aberdeen for a month from tomorrow so might not be able to mess with my team too much. Hoping that by using Bo's tactics of leaving it alone will work well for me.

    ReplyDelete
  105. Bo's tactics nevee fail Colch. I was away last week and won both H2hs.

    ReplyDelete
  106. Glad you cleared that up Blog. Suicide would be an unfortunate surname.

    ReplyDelete
  107. I could have said, at least we do some things better than the Germans

    Sorry

    ReplyDelete
  108. I know someone called Death, colch, but yes 'Gary Suicide commits speed' sounds like a drug offence by a punk.

    I've just been trying to find out why this successful manager and player ,model professional, father of two and top bloke would do it.

    Everyone who knew him is shocked. Everyone who thought they knew him.

    ReplyDelete
  109. I, obviously, didn't know him but he seemed to be a genuine sort of guy who, on the surface, appeared to have everything going for him. The decent die young while the Terry's go on forever. RIP Gary Speed.

    ReplyDelete
  110. cant really understand how a man could bring to off himslef when each and every facet of his life appeared perfect instead of asking for help or confiding in any of his so numerous friends.

    Dont think I ever will understand it.

    ReplyDelete
  111. Anyway....


    this brought a smile on my face.

    http://miniboro.com/#7106

    ReplyDelete
  112. So it seems whoever we play at home we will play well enough or poorly enough to draw the game by missing every opportunity to win it and defending well enough to prevent the opposition from winning either. Really surprising to have drawn with Norwich, Swansea and then both Mancs as well. Atleast we beat chelsea and are unbeaten in 4 of the 5 teams that finished above us, so its not all bad. Now to see what we can do against Fulham to keep up the good work.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Colch, Kompany's goal has made it very interesting. If either he or Ba get any bonus points, I could draw or even win. If Sturridge gets 2 bonus pts, its yours. Nice.

    ReplyDelete
  114. AH - how did you get on against the 1 of the 5 teams that finished above you?;) What you should be worried about is that none of your players scored again. Scoring goals will be your problem this season by the looks of it. As the wise man Lawro says, 'if you score goals you've got a chance of winning'. Brilliant.

    H2H, I was going to sugar-coat this but I decided not to bother - your boys got a bit of a spanking in the FFL this week!

    ReplyDelete
  115. Sad news really..42 is that an age to die. Nope it should'nt be. He had a whole coaching career in front of him and from what I read in some of tributes he was a fine man till Saturday.

    And from what I have seen of him in PL, he was definetely one of the cleanest players. RIP Gary Speed.

    ReplyDelete
  116. So 2-1 up after 90 minutes and lose 3-2.Not looking too good at Portman Road at the moment.Not quite Jewell Out territory,but it's a pull your finger out time at the very least.

    ReplyDelete
  117. A week of draws in PL means low FFL scores yet I managed to beat Graces Aces by some margin and hopefully I should climb up 1 place above in the h2h league.

    ReplyDelete
  118. Seems like I got a verritable draw against Adam in Robbos H2H

    ReplyDelete
  119. but then got bounced by Colch in the other, thanks to his choice of Adebuywhore as capt

    Well Done, Colch

    ReplyDelete
  120. If gary speeds life wasn't worth living you'd better pass me the fucking hemlock

    ReplyDelete
  121. Cant say I understand it blog.

    He apparently had everything and everything going for him + lots and lots that call him friend but none knew how much he was suffering.

    too cruel to suggest I dont want such friends? such family?

    I mean, if I off myself, do I htnk about only myself and how it will all end or do I spare a thought for my wife and kids, my parents etc too that have to find the body or generally deal with one big mess?

    Dont know. Dont wanna find out.

    ReplyDelete
  122. Managed to get enough bonuses to draw with you Colch..that was possibly the closest H2H I have played.

    ReplyDelete
  123. Wow..how close is the Robbo H2H. A draw with colch sees me drop 2 places to 8th. On the bright side, I am now in a CL spot in Jacks H2H.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Just checking out the FFL - I got 77 points this week, which was the highest in both H2H leagues. Not bad, especially as VDV was out as well. Next up I face Jacks and Baggie Mike.

    ReplyDelete
  125. Irish historians in Co. Galway claim to have found the headstone of the oldest man who ever lived.

    He was 193 and his name was Miles from Dublin.

    ReplyDelete
  126. Tough game for the vale on Saturday.

    Football.

    ReplyDelete
  127. Arsene's Young Guns v/s Manicni's Millionaires tonight. I will be happy to see whichever team that is put out today... no pressure. It’s a shame that City don’t have any youngsters at all so they will have full strength team. I hope likes of Frimpong, Yossi, Koscielny and Diaby make some solid hard tackles on N@$r! and show him his worth.

    ReplyDelete
  128. The Manchester Evening News shortlist offerings for the BBC SPOTY nominations.Do you think they took it seriously?

    James Anderson
    Dimitar Berbatov
    Glen Chapple
    Darren Clarke
    Rory McIlroy
    Keri-Anne Payne
    Paul Scholes
    Andrew Strauss
    Yaya Toure
    Patrick Vieira

    ReplyDelete
  129. Daily Mail apology to the Leveson inquiry.

    http://twitpic.com/7lltzq

    ReplyDelete
  130. http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3967502/Tatt-poo-for-cheating.html

    ReplyDelete
  131. Not a bad first half from the (semi) young guns... it's all even at least... can't comment much on the game as I'm only seeing it spasmodically because of slow dl speeds.

    ReplyDelete
  132. The truth about Tevez finally comes out:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BhIfFZ7uRE

    ReplyDelete
  133. Manchester City boss Roberto Mancini has suggested top clubs should field schoolboy teams in the Carling Cup in a bid to highlight the fixture pile-up in the football schedule this season.
    Full story: Manchester Evening News
    -----------------------
    So that Mancini can field his multi billionaire star studded side and scrape to a 1-0 win. Either that or he considers his is a small team. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  134. I slept actually after 1st half. Our game was too slow... Even I was surprised we didn’t let in a goal in first 20 mins. In fact City barely threatened. Park, Ox and Coquelin were out best players in first half. In hindsight good result for us and we'll be playing 2 games less to play than others in Jan/Feb. And i think if we had won our first leg would have been sandwiched between a FA cup and Man Utd game... who would want that? No way. As Wenger said, I consider the championship the most important. More than anything else, it is important to finish in the top four. Top 4... Top 4... Top 4 priority..only priority.

    ReplyDelete
  135. http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/frimpong_nasri.jpg
    ------------------
    Well done Frimpong! Hahaha

    ReplyDelete
  136. At least some things never change (or "plus ca change" as they say in London N5). From the Grauniad:

    "While Arsène Wenger said he did not see the argument"

    Shouold have gone to Specsavers (a long time ago).

    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
  137. Park was very disappointing for me, Chamakh equally, Arsene has failed badly there, them two wouldnt get into any of the first teams in the EPL, let alone a club of the stature of Arsenal,

    happy with the rest of them, (except Arshavin, the sooner we get rid of him, the better)
    --BeeZee

    ReplyDelete
  138. Spurs have left themselves with a tough task to make the next phase of the Europa League now. Always nice to be playing in Europe, but I won't be too upset if we drop out, especially with the Champs League teams dropping down into the Europa now. Once again, Sebastian Bassong proves he should be nowhere near our first team.

    Over at Old Trafford a fucking great result for Palace. These youngsters that Utd fans rave about did fuck all by the sounds of it, and with 9 internationals in the team, they still couldn't beat a Palace team who turned up with the right attitude.

    I'm expecting the semi final draw to seperate Liverpool and City.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Always nice to be wrong! Championship team in the final then.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Whatever Arsenal and Chelsea do, Man Utd can do it better than them....







    ...like losing to Championship side Crystal Palace in Carling Cup!!

    ReplyDelete
  141. In hindsight, 2 bad results yesterday… Man U lost in Carling Cup and Spurs lost in Europa leaving them in tight spot to qualify for next round. I would have hoped and wanted them to win so that they are kept busy in Jan/Feb.

    ReplyDelete
  142. Yesterday we saw the first managerial casualty of the season with Steve Bruce getting sacked. Not surprised but he can’t help either as he lost half of his attacking talent – Gyan moved again in just 1 year… Welbeck was called back by Fergie and Bent was signed back by Aston Villa. They still have a good side and it’s just a matter of turning up and getting few good results. Martin O’Neill and Mark Hughes lined up as possible replacements. Next on target could be Blackburn’s Steve Kean… he will be gone sooner rather than later and will be replaced Steve Bruce… and thus merry go round will begin for few clubs fighting down in relegation zone.

    ReplyDelete
  143. It seems to me this blog has also been affected by public sector strike in UK.

    ReplyDelete
  144. A comment from the dark side of BBC blogs by this absolute insane of a person.

    10.At 01:20 1st Dec 2011, The_soul_patch_of_David_Villa wrote:

    I wasn't surprised about Asamoah Gyan moving to the UAE. All football players want to improve themselves and, let's face it, Al-Ain are step up in class from Sunderland, who are practically a pub team.

    ReplyDelete
  145. Yes they are allowed to say no

    http://sports.yahoo.com/soccer/news?slug=ap-fifa-corruption

    ReplyDelete
  146. anyone still alive or has clarkson had you all shot?

    HAVE YOU SEEN the short list for the Fifa FIFPro World XI 2011 awards - two on the margins of the england team, TERRY ha ha,rooney who's good occasionally plus ashley cole, fair play but he wont win it because left back is the most unglamorous position in world sport

    what youd expect from a bunch of fat men in blazers who dont really watch football?

    ReplyDelete
  147. Jack, the girls will be happy with Stoke's progress in Europe.

    ReplyDelete
  148. Coming here lately is a bit like visiting a dying relative.

    ReplyDelete
  149. Evening/Morning Bo,

    I guess it will be back to normal (as normal it can be) with the new blog or over the weekend when the PL gets going again.

    Last weekend was such a downer for all things football.

    O, look at the time, will ya.

    Good Night

    ReplyDelete
  150. Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas is adamant that he will survive the Blues' current run of poor form. 'I will still be here because I was brought in for a three-year project and we believe in it,' he said.
    ==================================================================

    Is it possible that AVB, hired by the Russian mafia, could be so naive

    ReplyDelete
  151. Steve Bruce becomes the first manager to get sacked this season... Col, what were the odds on him being first?

    Other ex Un**ed players, other than Bruce, that have turned their hand to management (that I can recall) are Keane, Hughes, Coppell, Strachan, Robson, Kidd, Graham and Wilkins. None have been a great success.. for me Bruce is probably the best and Robson comfortably the worst.

    ReplyDelete
  152. A big but small football event which is the Euro 2012 draw that takes place today at 1700 GMT.

    My draw predictions – cracker of a group for England on purpose :))

    Group A – Poland, Germany, Greece, Rep. Of Ireland
    Group B – Spain, England, Sweden, France
    Group C – Netherlands, Russia, Croatia, Czech Republic
    Group D – Ukraine, Italy, Portugal, Denmark

    ReplyDelete
  153. suicide's a bit of a conversation stopper, Bo.

    perhaps someone should have mentioned that to clarkson.

    i think clarkson is funny and we know hes basically an internet-troll on tv, so if anyone's going to be sacked it should be the twerp who gave him that slot on a family show

    it's good that people have decided not to post the usual guff on the other blog, out of respect

    i must be getting old....

    ReplyDelete
  154. I thought Clarkson was doing more of a caricature than being literal.

    like Steven Colbert in the USA.

    ReplyDelete
  155. I can't believe the fuss made about what was,in essence,a joke.Does the left really not have a sense of humour?Or are they the only ones to make jokes about say Thatcher dying.

    ReplyDelete
  156. AVB says his job is safe. Well it is pantomime season, so I guess we all have to say 'Oh no it isn't' and 'Behind you. Gus Hiddink is behind you' etc etc.

    So O'Neill is being confirmed on BBC as new Sunderland manager. They've done well there to get him. Surprised he said yes really, but it'll be a good project for him.

    ReplyDelete
  157. come on jack, "does the left have no sense of humour" what a cliche. this is the bigger picture - any friend of cameron is fair game, this is the perennial battle for the soul of the country - selfishness, greed and evil witlessness(tory) vs the forces of rightness, goodness and light (me and everyone who agrees with me).

    since when was "the right" known for its humour?

    the invasion of Poland? the Holocaust? were they practical jokes? and that thatcher, eh, what a wind up merchant she was. im sure she was only joking though when she destroyed the economy of stoke-on-trent in a way from which it can never recover. quite a good joke that. i can see the funny side.

    ReplyDelete
  158. Damn it,dragged into a philosophical discussion about jokes.Oh well....

    The point I'm (trying) to make is Clarkson makes a joke,which The One Show set him up for,and we get prats like Dave Prentiss,Ed Millibland coming out with the "oh it's a disgrace" cobblers.

    Yet when,say,Mark Steel makes a joke about Thatcher dying they cheer along.So maybe this is the bigger picture.It's a joke.You either find it funny or you don't.Most jokes have a butt on the end of them.That's it.This balls bouncing around the internet about Clarkson is quite pointless.

    "the left's" sense of humour wasn't too clever either.The Stasi,millions slaughtered by Stalin,people imprisoned because they speak out against Castro.

    ReplyDelete
  159. So thats the left and right cared for. Anyone know a hip new religion in town?

    ReplyDelete
  160. Nepotism can get you long way in Britain, it seems for Bruce, it has come to an end.

    The league will be better when Fergie and his mates have died out.

    ReplyDelete
  161. the question is can anything be considered fair game for comedy? i thought we'd come to a collective agreement that suicide wasnt. i know someone whose son threw himself in front of a train(which i referred to on the gary speed blog). we'll ask him if he found clarksons comments funny shall we?

    this wasnt frankie boyle at 11pm, remember this was a family show which is not just watched by petrol heads with microsopic penises and no girlfriend

    frankly im surprised that robbo can write the great blog he did about gary speed and then defend clarkson for joking about suicide on a family show at 6pm or that anyone can be bothered to defend him, he deserves the kicking he's getting and i hope they sack him. or, preferably execute him in front of his family.

    ReplyDelete
  162. i respect your view, by the way, jacks, i just dont agree with it. i think most people are focusing on the strikers joke he made, which i havent got a problem with

    ReplyDelete
  163. So did I miss what he said about suicide? What did he say about suicide?

    btw, all heart felt worrow for hte families of those who commit suicide but sometimes I feel the media plays to romanticise the act which I do not agree with at all.

    I thnk those who commit suicide shoould be portrayed as forever being remembered as weaklings who let their loved ones down and took the route that was easier for them.

    I know its a complex situation and I might be in a minority here but I wouldnt fogive if my brother / friend or any one close just offed themsleves.

    For me, it says that we, those left behind, arent worth the air we breath.

    ReplyDelete
  164. I think the jokes he made about the strike were a pre scripted thing.According to the Times today they always speak to the guest prior to the start of the show and arrange things from there.So why people are getting their knickers in a twist about that goodness only knows.

    On the more delicate issue of what he said about train drivers and people taking their own lives then yes Blogs that was beyond the pale.I realise he can say what he likes on Top Gear as it's for his audience,whereas as you say The One Show has a broader viewing dynamic.

    So,in summary,the strike joke I don't see what people are getting upset about.It's a joke,move on.Suicide,however,isn't painless because it leaves behind such a mess( no pun intended).That one was out of order.Interestingly,that's the one The BBC quickly apologised for.

    ReplyDelete
  165. Spits he said something about train drivers shouldn't have to stop if someone throws themselves in front of a train.As Blogs says,everyone is focusing on the strike joke.

    ReplyDelete
  166. well we're agreed on that one then. spit he said he resented it when trains were stopped for suicides, because they made him late. onto the serious business...


    The 50/50 Some You Win SOme You LOse Pot:
    Spain or Holland, Poland, Ukraine,

    WW2 Allies vs Axis Pot:
    England, Germany, Russia and Italy.

    Pot of Holidays to Forget: Portugal, Croatia, Greece and Sweden.

    Pot of Fit Women : France, Republic of Ireland, Denmark and the Czech Republic

    with the following outcome :

    England's group of non-self-inflicted Death
    Spain/Holland
    Portugal
    France

    England's Dream Debtors
    Poland (goldwasser vodka please barman)
    Greece (cant afford boots, shame)
    Ireland ()

    ReplyDelete
  167. There is a possibility of Germany, Spain, Portugal and France being drawn in one group.

    I think France may avoid this group but i cant tell you why or how.

    ReplyDelete
  168. Shocking Pornography in Waitrose.

    http://twitpic.com/7n0e4g

    ReplyDelete
  169. at least we dont meet germany until the semis, spit. it's a massive fifa stitch up to ritually humiliate us with a modicum of initial success followed by inevitable capitulation

    ReplyDelete
  170. Did you hear about the man who tried to commit suicide by throwing himslef into an upholstery machine?

    He is now full recovered

    ReplyDelete
  171. you see that one has a happy ending

    ReplyDelete
  172. Didnt I tell the Germans would land a difficiult group?

    Netherlands, Portugal would be tough to beat. So would be Denmark.

    England SHOULD win their group.

    ReplyDelete
  173. It's good to see the blog is still capable of producing a lively debate.. well done lads.

    Not sure about England even getting out of their group let alone winning it Spit. We have a fairly easy group compared to groups B and C but that means little where England are concerned. The Ukraine will be difficult to get points off on their own turf. France will be trying to make up for their WC debacle and Sweden are always tough opposition.

    While on the subject of the england football team. Redknapp wants the fa to wait until the pl season is over before selecting the next england manager. He obviously thinks he will be asked to take on the job and just as obvious is he will accept if asked. As far as I am concerned, and I know a few of you disagree, 'arry along with woy are the only two englishmen that have the qualifications to take on the job but knowing the fa it is likely to be offered to someone like steve bruce.

    ReplyDelete
  174. The Yanks never like to miss a hi-5 opportunity. I'm surprised he didn't go for the hi-10 as it was available.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxWCMtoLPIg

    ReplyDelete
  175. I'm trying not to get too excited over England's group draw,but balls to it.We must win that one,surely?

    ReplyDelete
  176. and when they lose (what they no doubt will after such long trips) they have a ready made excuse...

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/16013160.stm

    ReplyDelete
  177. It seems like none of our lower league blog teams made it into the 3rd round of the FA Cup.Shame really.

    AND WE'VE GONE FROM 1-0 UP TO 2-1 DOWN.

    BASTARDS.

    ReplyDelete
  178. 7 defeats on the trot in the league if it stays like this.

    We got relegated last time that happened.

    ReplyDelete
  179. enjoyed heskeys shot which went out for s throw in

    Spurs look good. Man u don't. Wigan doomed already.

    Linekers shit puns and particularly the"knowing" intros to the games on motd now seriously pissing me off.

    ReplyDelete

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