Monday, 21 November 2016

Give It To Gareth, FFS.

Gareth Southgate's being interviewed as I write. For the England job, not for next year's I'm A Celebrity although it's not hard to imagine that as his next career move after he gets the job. He will get the job and that's because he is so well-qualified for it.

I would lay out Gareth's assets for the role as the following:

1. Availability.
2. Willingness.
3. Niceness.
4. Englishness*
5. A bit of success with the under 21's.

Of these, availability is the major factor. Pundits can bleat on about how he might fare in the crucible of tournament football. He might lack the strong mindset of people like oo, I dunno, Fabio Capello. They might even fret that being a decent fella never seemed to matter to Mourinho or Ferguson - they were both utter shits and it worked for them. Woy, Stevey Mac and Sven were gentle souls and look at their international records. Then again Sam Allardyce is a bit of a twat and yet his England win ratio is 100%.

But the main point is that Gareth Southgate is the only bloke who fancies having a go at the job at present. And therefore he should get the job. It's no point giving an important role to someone who doesn't really want it. I mean look at Boris Johnson. (Then look away quickly before you break all the crockery in your house.)

Of course Southgate's interim stewardship has been as okay as any other manager's might have been. England still struggle to look good going forward without looking as disorientated as a gathering of American liberals at the back. But that's simply a matter of personnel. If there was ever a Golden Generation then this one is made of lead. The Leaden Generation.

It'd be lovely to imagine Gareth is some sort of Gok Wan of international football. In six months' time we'll know the make-over is complete when Gary Cahill plays a 60-yard Rabona onto the chest of Jordan Henderson whose clever-back heel puts Theo Walcott in acres of space, at which point the wannabe-Henry loses his life-long agoraphobia and calmly slides the ball into the path of a purposeful Raheem Sterling who calmly side-foots home without the use of his shin.

But that ain't gonna happen.

I hope Southgate's cause is not undermined by England squad members behaving like young men on a night off. It's just another example of how removed from reality these England superstars are when they get caught doing things that other people their age might do.

Wayne Rooney was drunk, I tell you, drunk. And on a Saturday night. Worse than that it was at a wedding party to which he had been invited and the arrogant out-of-touch Scouser said 'Thanks I'd love to.'  So full of himself was Wazza that he then proceeded to drink red wine. We can safely assume that beer just isn't good enough for the up-himself tosser these days.

[Incidentally I am employing the use of irony in the above paragraph - I realise since the advent of Trump as President-Elect, irony has little place in the world but I will try my best to maintain a cherished place for it here.]

Meanwhile, Adam Lallana and Jordan Henderson apparently went to a strip club. I hear it's not cos there were lasses there getting their kits off, but cos they'd got vouchers for a 2 for 1 offer on spirits until midnight. Strip clubs are shit. And, in the case of Sunderland away kits, club strips are shit too.

None of this, it seems to me, is any reason to go off the deep end and condemn these lads any more than a slick five-pass move by England deserves the strange sound of Glenn Hoddle cooing and saying 'that could be Spain playing there'.  It's not great behaviour, no, but nothing untoward happened and unless Rooney's having to leave the pitch to vomit Merlot into a bucket then I'm just not bothered frankly.

Wayne apologised for the 'inappropriate' images but jeez he was a bit tiddly and sat on a sofa - he wasn't waggling his cock about in a primary school playground. That is genuinely not appropriate. I can vouch for that. I was seven at the time but even so...

I've never been one of these twerps who think that because they wear an England shirt ten times a year and get paid vast amounts of money by their clubs they should bear in mind that they are role models. It's horse dung frankly. I am bothered when they play like a bunch of bleeding fuckwits because as professional people they should at least be able to get that bit of their lives to function more frequently.

I heard Peter Shilton suggesting that Southgate hasn't got enough experience for the job. Who the hell has? All this hubbub around waiting for Wenger strikes me as misguided. Look at the Englishmen who have flourished under his tutelage - Walcott, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Wilshere, Chambers... not really, eh? The best he's managed is a training routine that repeatedly twangs hamstrings.

Nah, it may be with a touch of resignation, but give it to Gareth. Everyone likes him. He's got the gumption to take it on, much like he had the nuts to take that sixth penalty in Euro '96. Okay that didn't work out but...

LOOK THERE IS NO ONE ELSE!

*Not really a qualification


56 comments:

  1. Good stuff Robbo. Short of telling Big Sam that all is forgiven, let GS get this job on his CV and do it quick before they start talkin' to Stevie G.

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  2. Good one Robbo. You are right, there is nobody else at the mo. So why so much fucking fiddle-faddling about with Southgate's appointment. The FA should be putting all their time and effort into finding Southgate's replacement... and no, there is no Englishman around today that will take us to a quarter-final let alone a final berth in any major competition. From a purely selfish point of view I would like them to appoint Wenger. He won't be the answer to England's problems but his appointment may be the answer to Arsenal's.

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  3. I was willing to believe, until you said Sterling calmly side foots it in! Great to have you back Robbo.

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  4. Keep em coming Robbo it's a sadder internet without a helping of bile, irony and shite puns every couple of weeks.

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  5. 6. Used to ritual humiliation with England (heres his pizzahut advert)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWqmqGsTTBI

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  7. From a Yank - Hey, you guys! Jurgen Klinsmann is avai-[dodges pint glasses and Sten gunfire]

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  8. Spot on as per usual, apart from "since the advent of Trump as President-Elect, irony has little place in the world". Trumpf IS i-ron-ee, o yes. You have to laugh...or possibly not.

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  9. England's 2 most successful managers came from Ipswich Town, so logically speaking England's next manager should be Mick McCarthy.

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    1. Following on from that Jack, England's most successful team contained 3 West Ham players...

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    2. Is this the 12 days of Christmas song?

      2 Ipswich Town managers
      3 West Ham players
      4 chain smokers

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    3. 2 Ipswich Town managers
      3 West Ham players
      4 chain smokers
      5 pints of beer.

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    4. Emerging From Gorse24 November 2016 at 21:38

      2 Ipswich Town managers
      3 West Ham players
      4 chain smokers
      5 pints of beer
      6 penalty shootout defeats

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    5. 7 overpaid pansies
      8 premature eliminations

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    6. 11 brown envelopes (no this one doesnt scan either)


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    7. t w e l v e R o b b o b l o g s

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    8. Thirteen......

      Damn it, too late.

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    9. AND A JAFFACAKE ON A LOBSTER THERMIDOR!

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  10. The England job is a poison chalice, if Southgate is dumb enough to want it then give it to him, he can't do much worse then the previous lot in finals, so who really cares anyway!?

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  11. The England job is a poison chalice, if Southgate is dumb enough to want it then give it to him, he can't do much worse then the previous lot in finals, so who really cares anyway!?

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  12. Well, it's now offical, Gareth got it.

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/football/38062559

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  13. had to mention this after watching West Ham capitulate to Man Poo the other day 'the only thing Zaza is good for is scrabble'...
    harsh but fair

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  14. Fuck me English football is even more repellently corrupt than I thought.

    But in other news .. when the Pandora's box of brexit is opened, article 50 triggered and EU directives no longer apply, exit negotiations will be further complicated by the return of the oldest and most toxic border dispute afflicting these islands.Lives could be lost as sectarian loyalties and ancient grudges resurface -Jaffa cakes - cakes or biscuits?

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    Replies
    1. Can't we just call them "biscakes"?

      Hold up....

      Biscakes©™

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    2. Im setting up in competition with the world-reknown Cakuits©™

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    3. May the best immaginary snack win.

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    4. Is the winner receiving a cup (of tea) ?

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  15. Gareth was always the only candidate. He'll be no worse than anyone else, so good luck.

    Just wondering why you were waving your cock around in a playground aged 7 Robbo. Apprentice football coach?

    The fuss about Rooney and other players enjoying themselves after the game is just stupid. You wonder why any of the players want to play for England (OK, there's not a lot of evidence they do). Just dickhead reporters selling papers.


    Jedi

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  16. Arsenal top their Champions League group.

    Bet they draw Bayern Munich in the next round.

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    Replies
    1. Maybe not H.

      They could get Real Madrid instead.

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    2. Yeah, just as likely.

      *breaks out in panic sweat*

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  17. Bayern it is.

    The one year you'd be better better off finishing 2nd....

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    1. Having said that, 2nd would have meant Barcelona.

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    2. Bayern a much better draw then Barca.

      Don't have to travel as far to be knocked out.

      Seriously though, they are not the same team now that Pep is ripping it up in the PL.

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  18. Bayern definitely the lesser of the two threats. I was hoping for Leicseter to do well in the CL (no idea why) and was hoping they'd get a big club who would underestimate them. That seems to be the best chance they have of attacking on the counter. Sadly they have the hardworking Sevilla who I think will knock them out.

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  21. I see that Jurgen Klopp has finally caught up with Gary Neville, Jamie Carragher and everyone else and realised his goalie was rubbish and dropped him. Oh the irony

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  22. I don`t know how you but I don`t belive in Gareth. Obviously I`m too conservative and like national team which was headed by Fabio Capello (Gloria di Fabio)
    I'll not bet on England in the the upcoming championships. Just my forecast. I use best bookmaker for football.

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  23. Good advice that Artur, don't bet on England, 50 years of savings! Aye and bring back Fabio while yer at it!

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    Replies
    1. Indeed. Year of the underdog and England still can't win anything

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  24. and Merry Christmas to Robbo and his readers!

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  25. Merry Christmas to all. Will there be a Christmas blog?

    I am not asking Blog if there will be a Christmas by the way.

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  26. Hello Bo hope you're well old son and happy new year to all you other. motherfuckers

    Mourinho on a roll. Football eh?

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    Replies
    1. Never been better and 2017 is already shaping up to be a great year.

      I am predicting a 6th place finish for the Gunners this year. You cannot win a title by playing two great halves of football in half a season.

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    2. I dunno I think they'll get 4th as Man City keep screwing up and United seem to blow every chance we have of taking advantage of it.

      City drop 2 points on Saturday and we can't convert more than 1 of 25 shots against Stoke. Need to start playing with 2 up front again like when he had Yorke and Cole and we'll win stuff. Rooney & Zlatan up front together would be awesome

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    3. "Mourinho on a roll."

      Euuuwww, worst. Sandwich. Ever!!!

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  27. Footballing Suicide being displayed by Sunderland this week. The club sells the only decent defender they have to their main relegation rivals.

    How stupid can you get (about as stupid as anyone who really thinks that penalty last night was legitimate cos it was the worst decision I have ever seen in my life (even worse than Stuart Atwell giving goal instead of a corner in that Bristol City game) - well not quite as useless as that decision but pretty close

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  28. Bit quiet on here. Were you all up late watching the Super Bowl or something? Bit concerned about Leicester as I really want Man City to keep their status as the only Champions to be relegated the next season

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  29. I see A**ene W***er has just suggested Gooners should become more like Spurs supporters. If they got that sane they wouldn't support the Gooners in the first place.


    Jedi

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