Tuesday, 27 October 2015

Go 'WayJose!

Finding out that Aston Villa had fired Tim Sherwood was about as surprising as an England batting collapse. Villa have been unable to construct anything resembling a team plan since they lost the one-man wrecking-ball Benteke over the summer. (It says a lot about the state of Liverpool that they haven't worked out how to incorporate the big Belgians into a decent frontline - yet another example of Liverpool just buying anyone.)

Sherwood is one of those use chest-out, glass half-full, heart-on-sleeve characters that you wish the best for, in the full knowledge that a whole heap of shit's just waiting to engulf him. Villa will be shaking hands with their latest plastic Messiah very soon. David Moyes is the favourite - clearly on the understanding that his career is bouncing along the bottom and can only go in one direction. (As opposed to One Direction who are now officially going in Five Directions.)

It's about time Villa started sorting out their mess in a less inhospitable environment - League One might be a good place to begin. Not that even these perennial lightweights have anything like the number of potential shitstorms buzzing around as the lovely potboiler at the Bridge. 

Once upon a time back in the nineteenth century queues of people used to mass on the dockside awaiting the arrival of the latest instalment of a Charles Dickens' novel. Journalists are doing the same in West London right now, in moist anticipation of Mourinho's latest improbably wobbly chapter.
 
Remember the sweet perfume that wafted the air as he returned back to the Bridge? The Happy One, dimples twinkling, teeth a-dazzle, a charm offensive and a half? Now what? Well it's offensive still but that's about it.

The FA have his number on speed-dial, he pillories doctors, he shoves stalking teenagers (good for him), and at the moment he goes from touchline to terrace to potential stadium ban... The direction of travel suggests that he's getting further and further away from football itself. This time next week he could be sunning himself in the destination of his choice.

Of course when you get £30 million for getting sacked, that destination might even be Mars. It's marvellous how much failure can earn you these days, whether you're head of a major financial organisation or a football manager. Of course plutocrats like Roman want their guarantees and even the most successful gaffers can't offer you that. It's an investment and trophies can go up as well as down. Unless you're chucking money at a fawning tinpot Government who desperately want your dubiously acquired own to fund, say, a nuclear power station. Or build a hospital. In that case Success Is Guaranteed! British Infrastructure - The Gift That Keeps On Giving! 

But Mourinho's main problem is that his team is just bloody awful at the moment. He can bewail blatant penalties, witless refereeing, unnecessary persecution, but it's all tosh. Matic got himself sent off for two acts of stupidity. I'd hate to sit next to him on a train cos clearly he can't keep his hands to himself. And Chelsea were done by a top header from Andy Carroll, a bloke I'd still like to get in the England squad cos if he's fit and firing he'd terrify you. 

Of course the likes of Slaven Bilic can purr through their postmatch interviews about how they beat the Champions, but it's not all it sounds this season is it, less overcoming Avengers Assembled and more evading the Keystone Cops. Reduced to kicking opponents and railing at refs the whole edifice is crumbling like a slice of cork bread. 

Others wait to return. Ancelotti and Hiddink could pop back for a few months - hell Abramovic might as well just rotate between these three - throw Rafa in and he'll have a lot of eye-wateringly expensive contracts to pay off in the next decade. There are mutterings about Guardiola, but last time everyone wanted him he chose that oasis of calm at Bayern.

Whoever takes on the task may need to note the impact Klopp has had at Liverpool. That is, none. Time will tell but the supposed 'bounce' hasn't happened. Brendan had already mastered the frustrating 1-1. It's time though. Managers need time. And it's as scarce as accurate emissions tests on diesel cars. Or unbribed FIFA employees. Or peers of the realm who do what they're told. Bless em.

Things have come to a pretty pass when it's the unelected politicians saving you from the elected ones.

56 comments:

  1. First and i read it!!! now to re-read it!

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  2. Cheers RR.

    Poor ol' Timmy.


    Never stood a chance, did he?

    Not surprising really he hardly had the tools to suceed, and his biggest tool pissed off to Citeh during the summer window. My biggest fear is that once again this opens the door to the xenaphobes within the meeja who are gonna bemoan the passing of yet another YBM (Young British Manager).

    The poor YBM, losing his job to a foriegn, not getting a chance, never fairly treated. Poor 'Arry Redknaap must be turning in his grave, Oh the indignity of it all.............

    There's only really one problem with those arguements....... It's total bollox.


    There will ofcourse be argued that Timmy didn't get the players he really wanted, well, considering that Adebayor was on that list, I don't belive that arguement carries much weight, unlike Aaron Lennon, who ironically was also on that list. For someone who was supposedly not backed in the transfer window he sure managed to bring in a whole lot of players.

    Nah, Timmah just wasn't that good. Like a tired clubber taking a fat bump of meth enfitimine, you'll get a quick boost in the begining, but when you inevitably come down you'll find yourself feeling worse then previously and realising that this really wasn't a good idea to start with.

    Villa are in a mess, unbelievably bad, but they are not alone, Sunderland and Newcastle will be fighting it out toe to toe (to toe) with them for the "two big to go down, but probably will" title of 2016.


    As for Chelsea.............


    (see previous blog)

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    1. Sherwood's all right as a manager apart from one minor detail: he doesn't have a clue about tactics (or transfers).


      Return of the Jedi

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  3. Nice one, Robbo - one almost hopes Jose gets the sack. The cringing disbelief on the touchline is starting to get a bit tragi- WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING? Better entertainment than we could possibly have hoped - I never, ever want it to end. The only way to top what's happened so far would be for Avram Grant to be hired as a 'special advisor...'

    So Moe might return to the PL - at least he speaks the language - no more of that yelling at the wrong player embarrassment. But that might bring hope that Sherwood might eventually go from YBM ro RBM (Recycled British Manager). After being with enough clubs and providing a bit of a spark, he may even graduate to PEM (Potential England Manager). Isn't that how it worked for Woy?

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  4. Great article as always Robbo.

    I reckon villa should go for Dwight Yorke. As well as knowing the villa culture he may even be persuaded to get his boots out and play again. He'd still show more guts and drive than most of the team. They should have moved faster and got big Sam. He will keep Sunderland up and does not need to worry about playing attractive football, they don't expect that in Sunderland.

    I said most of what I should about Chelsea in the last blog but I'm beginning to feel Mourinho will be out in a park selling his soul to the devil (again). At least the cost of sacking him will not influence the decision - you can't even buy an Everton defender for that little money.

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  5. Go Stoke!

    Ha ha ha.

    Poor old Maureen.

    Now we'll see if he's such a good manager.Great managers constantly create or evolve new teams,whereas Maureen buggers off after 3 seasons.

    Chelsea won't get Guardiola.If he does come to manage in Blighty,I'd suspect it would be City.

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    1. I reckon you're right. He will be City manager at the end of the season.

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    2. The ref was clearly against Maureen's team.

      He gave Stoke five penalties ffs.

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  7. Well, FIFA came out with its list of (I naturally assume) crooks for their top position. Like David Nakhid, I announced my candidacy, but was ignored. So let's give it to Tokyo Sexwale. There's a name you can trust....

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    1. May the best candidate wins! Assuming there will be money politics (obviously), so better setup a watchdog commission for the election consisting of the FBI agents.

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    2. Tokyo Sexwale? "Sex" and "Ale" in a name? What is there not to like about it? Plus his first name "Tokyo" for added mysticism. On the other hand, it does sound like a James Bond villain such as Pussy Galore!

      Spider

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  8. I thought it was harsh on Sherwood - they sold their best players and bought a load of shit. Last season he saved them and got them to a final - this year he's supposed to do better with worse players. I think Ian Wright said this on MOTD and maybe Ive lost the ability to think for myself but he's (W)right.

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    1. Im not the unknown of first post infamy btw

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    2. How are we supposed to have a decent debate with so many Unknown's? ;)

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    3. I think the Unknowns and the Anonymouses should fight to the death. How difficult is it to type a name underneath?

      Sipred

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    4. Then they'd be known unknowns and we'd have to call up Alan Greenspan

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    5. Redpis, if they fight to the death we should dedicate a "Tomb Of The Unknown Blogger" for one of them.

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    6. It's all gone a bit Donald Rumsfeld here (not necessarily a good thing). Known Unknowns, and Unknown Unknowns. Is this a football blog or are we invading somewhere?



      Return of the Jedi

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  9. Good stuff Robbo. Jose is definitely leading in the polls for Star's C.O.T.Y. honours. The Liverpool game is so vital to both teams now, well, not so much the teams of gazillionaire pansies, more the angry mobs that follow 'em and those of us that chuckle along.

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  10. Good result last night Robbo and congrats from a Man Utd fan (as my English team choice). Listening to the comments on sky sports news last night (obviously I don't live anywhere near Manchester) it was clear that Boro gave at least as much quality to the game as Utd did for most of the game and did not come to sit back and defend for 90 minutes.

    The only shame now is that there was not an all Championship tie in the quarters. I hope at least one Championship team progresses and I can guess which one you would prefer

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  11. The thing about that cunt blatters latest instance of shit stirring viz admitting the Russian wc was a done deal is that much as I'd like to see a wc here during my lifetime (ffs it is our fucking game) I think Russia its the right place. We're now saying we want our expensive advertising pitch refunded. How stupid was that £1 million each to the cunts in blazers and a knighthood for King Cunt and we would have saved money on the deal + probably won it + Putin would have killed them all afterwards. We'd be laughing.

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  12. Top stuff as ever Robbo. I reckon Jose's as likely to bugger off to PSG as anywhere (for one thing they can afford his spending habits). My own favourite rumour is Rodgers to manage Chelsea: match made in ... the pub, probably.


    Return of the Jedi

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    1. Dear Mr. Abromovich, as the search for Jose's replacement gets underway, I'd like to throw Neil Lennon's hat into the ring! Thank-you for your time. AlwaysAblueUSA

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  13. It's nice to have a dream Trotts. If Chelsea need a manger DI Mateo would be a good shout. FA Cup and champions league winner as Chelsea manager in his 8 month spell. Not too bad really.

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  14. Halloween horror show for Maureen - looks like you'll get your wish, Robbo. I for one will miss him-like SAF he makes players better than they are. They'll appoint some Steady Eddie in his place no doubt. Speaking of Dullsville - looks like Scholesy was right about LVG - he is indeed the utility white van of football (or is that LDV).

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  15. With De Gea as goalkeeper and Smalling in form, one would think that United will go all out attacking. Not the case, apparently.

    It looks like Jose's job is still safe. But seems he has lost the players ... maybe it's time to rebuild a new team?

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  16. They reckon one player wants to lose so they'll sack Mourinho. If you go on form it sounds like Fabregas

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    1. I thought I detected a subtle change in Terry's uni - instead of his surname on the back, it said, "Follow Me To The Goal." And on the front, the sponsor seemed to be, "Score a Hat Trick Now (Ask Me How)."

      Seriously, given the man's ego, the benching, and the courting of John Stones, I would not be at all surprised to find him leaky (could also describe his form).

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    2. Nah.

      My money would be on Hazard.

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    3. It's got to be Eden, the snake. My favourite permutation on the frenzy of speculation regarding the poaching of Hazard by Real is the story in the Mirror (so it must be true) that Real want Mourinho back and they want him to bring Hazard with him. It's like some gypsy curse to have your worse nightmare player or manager follow your escape plan. To the letter.

      "Surprise it's me!"

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    4. "Oh my God! Jose! It's just like the old gypsy woman said!" Okay, I'm convinced.

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  17. Maybe the youth team may have a couple of good ones - couldn't do worse that JT, Cahill and Ivanovic are at the moment

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  18. My football knowledge must be better than it used to be. This is similar to my suggestion in the last blog. I'm well happy now )))))

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  19. I suggested that they take back some of the 30+ players they have on loan and play them in place of the first team just now. They would probably work harder for the shirt. The worst that could happen is that they lose the games but that is no worse than is happening anyway.

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    1. I have read and admired all you guys (and females like Bells) for many years even back to the BBC days without posting until the more recent past. You guys have a lot of knowledge and I have respected your opinions a lot. I'm just pleased to be part of this group and posting now.

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    2. makes sense to me. Then they could send out all the first team squad on loan, we'll take Cahill, Hazard and Fabregas please.

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  20. the way this season has gone for you guys so far I reckon they would get injured in training on day one and you would still have to pay the wages.

    I know this will not be popular but I feel sorry for Neil Lennon. He did a great job at Celtic even beating Barcelona in the Champs Leauge but it hasn't worked out at Bolton. I hope he gets better for both him and Bolton soon.

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    1. nah, Chelsea would have to pay the wages, Eddie Davies is done pumping money in.

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    2. That may be trickier then )

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    3. we'll manage. The further we drop, the cheaper we'll be. I'm gonna buy the Trotters for about 40 quid in two years unless a billionaire steps in first.

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  21. If you want a great debate track down the Tommy's, Gaz, RBA and JDR and his mates then we can get back to teh great heights of humourless nitpicking and loads of mickey taking (no not aliens kidnapping Scousers before you start wondering)

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    1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-vWr8zr588

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    2. That was funny, Trotts - the Father Ted video that's still up as well, with the two ladies stalking Robbo for a threesome:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opf2zydDsH4

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  22. I thought you were a billionaire Trotts. Must be H2H, after all he is building that new railway isn't he between London and Birmngham.

    I think the mickey taking is too easy just now. All you need to do is write Chelsea and everybody laughs. Maybe we should try and ignore them for the next blog comments. That will mean that Mourinho will blame an alien for interfering with their next match and he'd get away with it though.

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    1. D'ye know, the lad Amateur's right! Marveling at the amount of comments, I scrolled down to the bottom, read 'Chelsea' - and laughed.

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