Wednesday 16 September 2015

Blue Days At The Bridge

What a pretty Premier League picture the table paints this morning.

First up, all hail Signor Ranieri and his fearless foxes. The quiet dismissal of Nigel Pearson was a bold move. Not least because Big Nige always has the bearing of a night-club bouncer who's just on the right sides of losing it. I saw a miffed silverback behind some bars over the summer and I swear he was giving me the Pearson glare.

Of course his dismissal - it would seem - was as much down to his errant son as anything Nige did (given he turned the tepid water of early season form into the heady fizzy wine of survival. His dismissal had more to do with his racist slur-using son - yes I'm sure some of his best friends are Thai - than anything Dad did. But who better to fill those shoes than the lovable Tinkerman?

Yes we all recall with great fondness his happy demeanour, his comical English and his mind-bogglingly changeable first elevens. Except he's not a chump, is he? He kept the same backroom staff that oversaw Leicester's amazing run-in last spring; he's identified what the team have that makes them good, namely great pace up front, terrific persistence and in Mahrez a lad with feet as nimble as Nureyev's. And he hasn't rotated the squad like they were rabbits on a spit.

Lo and behold they are playing brilliantly. It won't last though. Then again they said that about Southampton - and they were pretty much correct.

Secondly the very foot of the table has a familiar ring. Newcastle, strong enough to hold up the rest of the division, seem bound to plummet. Ashley seemed desperate to court McClaren even as John Carver looked certain to choke the life out of the club. The idea that Smiley Steve is the Saviour is a rum one - clearly Ashley would hire a fox to guard his chickens.

Just a quick glance at Derby's form in the last couple of months of the Championship could have told you that. Not even a play-off spot was indescribably bad. So far Newcastle have displayed the worst tendencies of a McClaren team, tentative in possession, unable to pick up the pace, rarely dangerous unless they're 2-0 down and there's nowt to lose. The squad looks bright enough but he needs to sort out his shit quick or Joe Kinnear will land on his shoulder like some great cockney albatross of Doom.

Of course the Big News is that Jose Mourinho's Chelsea are a bag of bona fide horse manure. There's been almost as many radio hours dedicated to their dreadful start as there has to the emergence of a socialist leading a socialist party in the UK. (I mean what the hell is this atheist republican doing not singing God Save The Queen?)

It's difficult to decide where the rifts are deeper, Walworth Road or Stamford Bridge. Mourinho's problems run deep. While his surprising humble and open post-match interview on the Beeb made you think that here was a man ready to roll with the circumstances, other factors suggest the delusional paranoia that helps to build a bunker mentality can also divorce one from reality.

The petulant hissy fit cos Martinez was answering questions before him on Saturday wasn't the act of a patient man in control of himself. More The frontline, led by a Diego Costa with all the dynamism of a narcoleptic hippo, couldn't cut through cellophane right now. The defence looks doddery with Ivanovic lumbering around like a concussed bear.

Nothing is working out for Jose. He blames misfortune - a couple of deflections went the wrong side of the post. Another of seeing that is that the defenders made good blocks. Everton score three from five shots. Unlucky Chelsea? Or clinical Everton. The sort of goals to chances ratio that Mourinho thrives on.

But much of it is Mourinho's making. The pursuit of Stones, nobly denied by Martinez, can't have reassured the present incumbents in the Chelsea squad. The haranguing of the team doctors seems to have left even those most self-centred of human beings professional millionaire footballers aghast at their poor treatment.

It's not a happy camp. Fabregas - a name that always sounds to me like something you take with you when you go camping - is playing like he's sprung a leak. JT just looks pissed off. Ivanovic could be replaced by a mighty oak and there'd be more difficulty getting past him.

Meanwhile the whole unseemly cesspit of cash sees hundreds of squad members being given out to the needy as if they were out-of-date sandwiches from a high-street retailer with a conscience. It's a bleeding travesty and the fact that it's not working is DELIGHTFUL. Yes, Mourinho did get one thing right. We ARE enjoying it, HUGELY.

Long may the topsy-turvy look of the league continue.

Of course some things remain the same - like Man City's European form being miserable. And football still being a contact sport with all the occasional horrors that that results in. Get well soon, Luke Shaw. At least time is on his side, but that's hardly a silver lining.

What might cheer him - and the rest of us - up is a perky 2-1 win for Maccabi Tel-Aviv tonight. It's far from unlikely. Hehehehehehe.






26 comments:

  1. Good points, Robbo - those teams set up to win with pace are great the first half of the season, but let's see what they're like when they pick up a few knocks and have more games behind them than ahead.

    I completely agree about teams like Chelsea and City buying up talent, loaning it out, then deciding they need more. Read on the Beeb that Real Madrid might now be looking at Stones. Heaven help us, that boy's head will be more than turned by January - it will be spinning.

    Chelsea as a mid-table team this term? Probably too good to be true, but if a couple more Europa-flirting teams like Everton can kick them while they're down...what would we call Maureen? The Regular One? The Typical One? Never mind, if it looks anything like that by December, it will probably be The Sacked (Again) One...

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  2. According to the daily telegraph, Chelsea's poor form is down to Jeremy Corbyn

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  3. There's always been an element of The Emperor's New Clothes about Maureen.

    Now we'll see if he is a good manager,or just a lucky one who knows when to move on.

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  4. Good stuff Robbo. Couldn't he have just had a quiet word with the medical staff? It's the little things that unravel the empire. No doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. take away Terry's love interest and there's going to be trouble...

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    2. "Oo, Eva - me groin's gone wrong again. Get over here and massage it, y'dirty cow..." JT's idea of flirting?

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  5. Riposte of the week from Ian Wright on BT Sport.

    Lineker introducing the Champions League trophy>>>

    To enjoy it all with us are Rio Ferdinand, Steven Gerrard and Ian Wright. All three have had their hands on this trophy. Rio and Steven in Moscow and Istanbul respectively... and Ian when he walked into the studio this evening.

    Wrighty replies to old jug ears >>>

    You should've seen when I walked in the studio and nearly lifted the back of your head.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That deserves an old-school Ed McMahon "Hi-yo-o-o!"

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  6. Love to see Chelsea suffer, but I see Robbo's worked his magic with the ol' reverse jinx, so they should be okay now.

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    Replies
    1. they'll turn it all around this week, eh H?

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    2. Probably, the basterds.

      Nothing gives them a boost like playing the Arsenal.

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  7. What's happening here. Barely had time to read the last two blogs (let alone comment) when this one appears. Not that I'm complaining. Just saying.

    Wenger wants to win the European Cup!! Off to a bad start, beaten in Zagreb and our "Star" striker out against Olypiakos. Ah well, there's always next year, best concentrate on the facup this season.

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    Replies
    1. Just like buses Bo - you wait ages and ages and then three come along at once!

      Spider

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  8. Arsenal look like the usual precious as a Ming vase outfit to me, bo. Enter bull in the proverbial, Costa, and they cannot handle him. He should have been sent off but I think he was clever enough to judge how h far he could take it. Weak ref. I like watching him, he a as during add aforementioned bull and has touched of real class to his play. Defenders habitually hood in to attackers but with Costa he'll give add god add he gets no wonder the terrorist El Shaearer (that joke© Tommy)likes him. Still think man city will win it but yes why is Navas in that team?

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    Replies
    1. *as strong as aforementioned bull*

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    2. Fill in the blanks to find the name of Chelsea's striker:
      Di _ _ _ C_ _ t_
      Clue1: the last blank is a full stop,
      Clue Two: his middle name is Cheating
      Clue 3: AKA the new Didier Drgba (i.e. goes down easier than a drunken Essex Girl).

      Clue Four : I'm a Gooner

      Rastafairy

      Delete
  9. It puts football into perspective when you discover your arsehole toff of a prime minister fucked a dead pig.

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    Replies
    1. oh wow, this breaking news hasn't yet crossed the pond. Are you just being a silly sausage, telling porkies, where's the link?

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    2. Just read he's in a meeting with the Danish PM.

      That's just too easy.

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    3. It's nice to find that my opinion of David Cameron (ooh another with the initials DC) was correct all along.

      Rastafairy.

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