Monday 20 October 2014

Moaning Geezers

There's always a tipping point in a Premier League season, where managers under pressure can't be bothered to zip it any longer and out pours the bile in a kaleidoscopic yawn, such as you might see from a Bigg Market reveller on a Friday night .

This weekend is a case in point. They were all at it. Harry Redknapp says he can't play Adel Taarabt cos he's three stone overweight, a fantastic achievement by the lad in four months. The old cockney claims he could get about the park quicker than the Fatman of Fez. Maybe so, but could Richard Dunne outsprint either of them?

Who ate all the couscous?
Clearly Redknapp's demeanour isn't helped by losing a game against a bloody awful Liverpool team. Even Rodgers couldn't hide from the outrageous fortune of two own goals, a quite bewildering array of misses (Leroy Fer's first chance suggests he couldn't hit a Taarabt from five yards) and a lively performance from Sleepy Sterling.

Harry insists he's not under pressure. Er... he is. When you're bottom of the league and your central defenders are running them into your own net from everywhere, you're in deep doo-doo. Word is he would have had Taarabt on the bench, but the subs at the other end of it were terrified of what might happen to them when the Moroccan sat down.

Meanwhile Garry Monk, whose Swansea team started so brightly, is incensed that the lack of a win since August is down to bad refereeing. Also, down to poor finishing, but hey let's not your team's inadequacies get in the way, eh? And it was one bad refereeing decision on Sunday, Garry. Moses went down like a tablet of stone and the ref bought it. The dolt. How could he?

Well, he bought it not just cos of crowd pressure but because Moses decided to try and con him. It's typical of the ridiculous hypocrisy that football perpetuates that a referee can be pilloried while the cheat is almost forgiven as it's 'part of the game'.

Not that Monk's forgiven him. Apparently the Swansea City team ethic is so squeaky-clean that players get bans for doing that sort of thing. We'll see - but it's nice to hear some proper condemnation of the dive.

Meanwhile mealy-mouthed Mark Hughes reckons that Shawcross didn't foul Bony, and that somehow poor Ryan's getting picked on after some intrusive analysis into aspects of the lad's defensive play. In other words, just because Shawcross holds onto attackers like a kid holding on to the handlebars during his first ever bike ride, he shouldn't be penalised.

Well, fact is, Sparky, he should. It doesn't happen, no. But it should. And in this case it did. Definite penalty kick. And Hughes took Shawcross out of man-marking duties after that which probably goes to show that if more refs gave such decisions, wrestlers like Ryan might be relieved of their duties more often.

Meanwhile, look at Arsene Wenger's interview with Jacqui Oatley. This is as close as you can get to watching Wenger call someone a total fucking idiot. Oatley asked searching questions that were effectively asking Le Prof 'Why aren't your team doing very well?' 'My God you still need a holding midfielder and a decent centre-back' and 'Are you saying you couldn't win cos they defended too much?'

Yes, these are the sort of polite and fair questions that are bound to incense a football manager, and Arsene responded by suggesting that the reporter - she - 'wasn't listening very well' and was asking incomprehensible questions. Petty France. Not dignified.

Yes it's a long time since Arsenal won that Community Shield, innit? It's a long time since Swansea were in the top three, And it's a long time since anyone got beat 8-0. (Save the best til last).

Gus Poyet actually mustered a reasonably controlled response to the hammering, given that Sunderland caved in like a bamboo bath chair beneath an elephant's arse. The Uruguayan confessed to utter embarrassment and admitted that there were some players who basically hid behind the furniture for the last twenty minutes.

Vito in happier times
Vito Mannone lived up to his appearance - his performance was as Gru-some as the other Despicable Mes in the team - but at least he's offering the fans their money back for a 700-mile round-trip of abject misery.

And that's the least he could offer, Frankly Southampton couldn't have had more freedom and space had they been offered an afternoon at a cabinet minister's country pile. Koeman sat there like a Dutch Buddha, smirking away and probably feeling none too troubled by the fact that he can no longer call on Lovren, Lambert and Lallana. Indeed why Brendan Rogers persists with Balotelli when honest Rickie sits on the bench in Taarabt-like inactivity is beyond me. People keep telling us how talented the lad is. Irrelevant! He's a lazy little sod. Lazy enough to get into Sunderland's first team.

PS Boro. 3rd. Just saying.





42 comments:

  1. Perceptive as always, Robbo. 😉

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  2. Taraabt is a fuckin knob!!! Get rid of the piece of shit! His attitude is exactly the same as balotelli. These shitheads act as if the world owes them something!!! Liverpool will end 8th this season, everton 7th. Arsene needs to go!!! If i was a gooner i'd lodge a petition to get this arse out!!!!

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  3. Up the Boro btw!!! 1 point off the top Robo. Good times are back at the riverside.

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  4. I don't understand why Liverpool bought lambert. It seems to me they bought another big number 9 who will never play because he does not suit their style of play. Familiar story to anyone? Great blog as always

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    1. I thought he was a gift with purchase when they spent over 20m on Lallana.

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    2. It's brilliant and generous people like you Amateur that keep hope alive for past-caring dopes like me.

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    3. It dosen't matter how talented a player is, if their not motivated and not team players they will have a negative effect on their team. Mourinho realised that when he coached Milan and just left Balotelli on the bench. His team went on to win everything in sight with Balotelli just a spectator. Actually, at liverpool he is still a spectator with Rogers letting him watch from the pitch. When Balotelli is on its like liverpool are playing with just 10 men. Lambert is not as talented but he would give 10 times the effort.

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    4. Having seen how often QPR bullied Balotelli I don't understand why he didn't put lambert on to add some strength. If he does get a game in those situations he will not be playing much anywhere.

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    5. * typo - I mean does not get a game lol

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  5. Good stuff Robbo. Wenger should do a fergie and refuse to talk to the Beeb. Difficult probing questions. If she wants him to name names it ain't gonna happen and makes for a squirming experience. She won't be at the Gunners xmas party. There's only one Neil Lennon.

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  6. Top Ten, great blog as always, Robbo. Liked the bamboo chair/elephant's arse expression. Liverpool didn't actually score any goals on Sunday as two were clear ogs and the other deflected off a QPR leg. Thing is, if the two QPR players had let the crosses go, they'd have reached Balotelli who, based on his performance in the rest of the match, would have missed the goal by a country mile both times!

    Spider

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  7. http://www.bbc.com/sport/football/29689747 .. Pity about the kid and his family, but I've airways wondered why this has never happened before.

    Meanwhile, stop picking on Richard Dunne. He has scored more goals for Liverpool in the league this season then Balotelli and Lambert combined.

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  8. Ah, looks like Bale is out of the clash at Anfield on Wednesday. Now we just need about 10 more of them to get injured and we'll be in with a chance.

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    Replies
    1. maybe they'll take Dunne on loan from QPR tonight.

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  9. Well said, Robbo. If only all the Shawcrossian WWE grappling led to penalties, then maybe it would stop. Of course, evening it up at the other end won't help, but still. At least one call was correct.

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  10. Indian player dies from injuries during goal celebration

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/29689747

    You can find a link on Youtube if you're up for it.

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    Replies
    1. RIP Peter Biaksangzuala

      (One day I'll learn to finish typing before I post.)

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    2. that's fuckin' tragic. Somersault celebrations will be banned.

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  11. In the spirit of calling up youngsters who have sorta kinda maybe achieved something, I vote for Ryan Huddart, who will be on the bench as backup keeper for Arsenal's Champion's League match vs. Anderlecht. (Bring him on with Solanke, I suppose.)

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/29362790

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  12. Enjoyed watching the man city game tonight. Looks like they thought the second half was an optional extra. They decided somebody should watch the game and became spectators not players.

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  13. Haven't fell this nervous since the day I first found out I was going to be a dad.

    Have this lousy feeling that Sunderland's 8-0 and Roma's 7-1 defeats were just opening acts for today's feature presentation. Never in my life as a Liverpool supporter have I been willing to take a 2-0 loss and call the match off. Dire times.

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  14. Liverpool sell of S & buying 6-7 monkeys reminds me of Spurs sell of B & buying 6-7 monkeys++

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  15. Lamela playing with the skill and freedom that normally comes the day after being transferred out of my fantasy team.

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  16. Was that Renee Zellweger playing up front for spurs?

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    1. Don't know about her playing up front for Spurs, but one thing for sure, she won't be making any Bridget Jones sequals. Its disturbing how often drastic surgery seems to go wrong. Mickey Rourke looks like he put his head through a meat grinder. Kenny Rogers looks like a deer caught in the headlights after his surgery. And Sylvester Stallone looks like he was hit by a bus. Well, he always looked like he was hit by a bus, only now he looks like the bus reversed over him again. I was thinking about having my face altered to look like Elvis. Now I'm afraid I'd come out looking like Mr. Bean.

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  17. Agincourt, 599 years ago today. Feels like yesterday!

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  18. Torquay mascot Gilbert the gull has disgraced himself again....

    Torquay lost 3-2 to Grimsby Town and the incident occurred after the visitors scored their third goal. A post on the official club website claimed:
    We all thought he was having a laugh, but then he called us a bunch of “c****” and after a few words exchanged he waddled off back to the Family Stand. At the end of the game, Gilbert came over again and in front of us on the pitch, he gave the “come on then” body language towards us and wouldn’t stop until hiding behind the stewards and again waddling off as we moved towards the exits.

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    Replies
    1. He's a rogue gull. Jonathon Livingston perhaps?

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    2. He's taken a tern for the worse.

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    3. The yellow chicken, hiding behind the stewards...

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  19. Maarten reckons its impossible that Chelsea emerge undefeated, but I reckon its worth an outside bet

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    1. I'm with maarten on this one

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    2. Um, it's Obefemi Martins, Blogs. More importantly, why the hell is he making Chelski predos when he hasn't been in the Premier League in years?

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  20. New blog up H.

    --BeeZee

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