Robbo 10: W**kin Frankel - Click On My Face To Listen!

Tuesday, 17 December 2013

Gaffes with the Gaffers

Andy Murray won Sports Personality of the Year and then had the good grace to admit that his voice suggests he doesn't actually have a personality. You get more rise and fall in the monologues of Professor Stephen Hawking. Then again, who needs a lovely speaking voice when you racing back and forth like a Jack Russell on the lend of a length of rope? 

Of course while Sports Personality was wringing tears from this sentimental old sports buff's eyes - and the tribute to Anne Williams was really top-notch - Liverpool fans were crooning out You'll Never Walk Alone on the terraces of White Hart Lane. Or Shite Fart Pain as my unamusing drinking colleague Tony Thompson insisted on calling it.

Villas-Boas tried to maintain his strangely scholarly dignity on the touchline but each goal to removed another finger from the only hand left clinging on to his North London window ledge until finally Sterling's effort saw him off into free-fall. So the Portuguese joins Steve Clarke in the managerial sin-bin.

Clarke's dismissal was really quite mysterious. Sometimes it's a worry if a manager gets his team to their highest league position ever. Over-achieve and you've had it the next season. The Baggies won at Old Trafford (admittedly not too tough a mission right now) and should've won at Stamford Bridge. They haven't had the rub of the green. No one's really trounced them. The players are in shock and there's no one waiting in the wings to change things. Well there's AVB of course.

The chairman Jeremy Peace - a surname tinged with irony if ever there was one - doesn't usually muck about so you'd expect to see someone in place pretty soon. And Malky Mackay must be itching to leave Cardiff City and its moustachioed dictator.

As for AVB, well he's a curious cove. I'm sure if you told him a joke he'd have a think about it and then push a note back across the table telling you it's funny. If football was played in a library he'd be the next Alex Ferguson. Last season Bale was Jesus to Spurs's Lazarus but with the Welsh wizard long departed, a cluster of replacements haven't papered over the cracks.

Nevertheless there are others who could take a little more flak than they do. Baldini - whose job is what exactly? - seems just as responsible for the purchases as the manager. Only Eriksson and on occasion Paulinho have looked any better than what was already in place. Lamela, Chadli, Soldado... there was a time when only Rafa Benitez could rack up a subs bench of such utter forgettability. Bale was a game-changer. These blokes are same-gamers. Bring them on - nothing changes.

As for Daniel Levy - well, the appointment of AVB reeked of chutzpah in the first place."So he didn't work out at Chelsea? Well that's cos of Chelsea, not cos of the man himself."

Yeah, well, 17 months is not a great statement of faith in your man, Danny boy. Spurs aren't in a terrible league position. Anyone can concede six at the Etihad. The Europa League opposition have been vanquished. And who's going to replace him anyway?

It's all a bit desperate. Glenn Hoddle seems to be everyone's tip for some sort of interim role. Except every manager appears to be on an interim contract at the moment, regardless of how many years they've actually signed up for.

Genuine football fans crave stability. As do the players. Despite Abramovich attempting to prove otherwise, sticking with a manager is a GOOD THING. Tottenham's flirtation with 4th position in the Premier League appears to have left Levy's nerves shredded and judgement impaired.

Or maybe, just maybe, we've got it wrong. In the modern pentathlon, the horse you ride during the equestrian section is allocated at random. The nag you get is down to luck. If figure it's time they did this at Premier League level. The managers and the clubs do a do-si-do and Man City end up with Ian Holloway, Arsenal get Sam Allardyce, and Stoke, bless 'em, get Wenger. Then we'd see who was any good at proper coaching. 

Anyway I can't write A V B anymore as it reminds me of a Victorian Bitter, which is the official beer of Cricket Australia. And if it was up to me I'd be throwing nine of England's cricket team into a vat o the stuff n leaving em there. Utter utter shite. Be ashamed. Be very ashamed.




50 comments:

  1. There should be a window (well, two windows) for replacing managers, same as for players. Once you have one at the start of the season-you're stuck with him, thick or thin. The only way a manager would get a sack is a gross professional misconduct, I mean something really serious to be struck off. This is getting ridiculous: 16 games played and how many managers are goners?

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  2. A Voluptuous Blonde. Good stuff Robbo, Merry Christmas!

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  3. Fifth, still higher than the Spurs will finish.

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  4. Now then Shitty arse. FBH.
    Emily is doing well. The Boro are . . . Sorry I fell asleep writing that.
    Have a good time you bunch of nutters, reprobates andaristocrats.
    (Checks auto correct)

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    1. that's good news Terry. Have a great Christmas and all the best for 2014. Don't be a stranger!

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    2. ey oop fbh glad your girl is on the mend. happy xmas.

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  5. All I want for Christnukkah is Robbo for Tottenham! Don't see why not. At least head of recruitment at Cardiff.

    Happy Kwanzaa to all and to all a good night/week/rest of the month...

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  6. For those that missed it on the previous blog.

    https://twitter.com/Dastardly_Pants/status/412558943722799104/photo/1

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  7. The problem at Spurs isn't AVB it's Levy.

    I can't stand Bent Redknapp,but he gets them to 4th/5th/4th over three seasons and still gets the Spanish Archer.

    I'd be intrigued to know how much input AVB had in their summer signings as well.

    What did make me chuckle was Jamie Redknapp being interviewed about AVB's sacking and watching him refer to "the previous manager" when he was desperate to say Dad.

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  8. Let's remember the ~ 12 point lead over Arsenal that Redknapp the Shifty pissed away in the second half of the season. On the other hand, who knows. Gareth might not have bailed if Redknapp the Shifty had stayed on.

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  9. You're right Jacks, Levy is a problem at Spurs. Brilliant at good deals when signing or selling players, but is treating the Top 4 like relegation - if in danger of missing out, then sack the manager. He was absolutely right to get rid of Redknapp though, in my opinion.

    But after tonight's result, AVB is sat somewhere counting his severance pay and having a good old laugh. And I wouldn't blame him. Hopefully this rules Tim Sherwood out of the running for the job.

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  10. Pity it's not Andreas Boas-Villas, then it would be Alcohol By Volume (not something that's likely to trouble most Australian beers).

    Like the idea of Redknapp the Shifty, sounds like some Anglo-Saxon king - 'Arry the Readies or, as he claims to HMRC, 'Arry the Readiless.

    Merry Christmas everyone.

    Spider

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  11. Clarke. Why oh why sack him now. Perhaps the baggies have already lined up All Very Boring!







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    1. I doubt it - unless Jeremy Peace had a crystal ball and knew Spurs would be humiliated by Liverpool and AVB would get the tin-tack. I agree it makes no sense and appears to be a knee-jerk reaction to losing at Cardiff. You'd have thought they'd noted what happened at Wolves after they sacked "Super-Mick". Roberto Di Matteo back for another spell?

      Spider

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  12. im very upset that no port vale player made this list. not even tom pope.

    but then only three english players did (although in what alternative reality ashley cole is better than wayne rooney i dont know)

    http://www.theguardian.com/football/blog/2013/dec/19/worlds-top-100-footballers-list-2013-messi-ronaldo

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    1. that was last year's list Blog, when Bale was still a defender at Spurs. Pope will surely be top 10 this year, he's already been voted Time Magazine's Man Of The Year.

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  13. So Jack's been banned for 2 games for doing what the whole crowd does. I know he shouldn't have done it as he is a role model but it raises the (finger?) question: for whom is he a role model and is have other players who don't give the bird had any influence on the frequency of this insult diminishing?
    Also, why 2 matches when Suarez only got 1? Any ideas welcome coz I can't find out why.
    Merry Chrimbo to y'all ..!..
    Rastafairy

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    1. Also, why 2 matches when Suarez only got 1? Any ideas welcome coz I can't find out why.
      ===========================================
      That's an easy one. To fuck up my FFL scores.

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    2. Erm - his finger is longer than Suarez's, so it's more easily seen, and thus will offend more people with delicate sensibilities? To send a message that having fingers is a privilege and not a right? Because the man handling disciplinary matters missed his favorite TV show, and Wilshere tweeted spoilers? (e.g., "Can't believe the zombies finally got Jack Finger! #WalkingDead")

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  14. Cardiff manager Malky Mackay is told by owner Vincent Tan to resign or he will be sacked,
    ==========================================
    There's West Brom's problem solved then.

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    1. Would he want to come though..
      Maybe we can get Mad-Mick.
      Would be as welcome as a side of bacon at hannukah

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  15. Mad Mick can stay where he is thank you very much Anon.

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  16. Not been about much as last week was semi-comatose after watching a Chelsea match (as H2 would say un-flair style of ) I am assuming they are just teasing us supporters until Monday when we will let rip at The Gunners

    This week sadly work has not given me chance to be on here so just popping in to say Big thank you Robbo for all your amusing blogs over the year, well years - thank you for to you horrible lot for keeping me entertained as well.

    So have a great Christmas everyone and eat, drink and be merry (Or eat, drink and be Mary if you enjoy dressing up)

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  17. * un-flair style of playing even

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  18. Merry Xmas/Hannukah (probably got that wrong)/Saturnalia etc to all, even Gooners.

    No doubt be a very merry one at the Lane. No manager (Sherwood won't get the full time job) and a lot to sort out. A lot of potential there (most of the players brought in are 21-22), but it needs some sorting out (and they need to work out a playing style that suits the personnel and the club).


    Jedi

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  19. To all, enjoy the yuletide season and your favored bevvy. If you have a couple over the eight, try to drive safely.

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    1. I echo Bo's sentiments with good wishes to all for the festive season but if you have a couple over the 8 or a couple over the swift half, don't fuckin drive! And to Luis Suarez, Ashley Young, Stevie G, Gareth Bale and co, don't dink and dive!

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  20. total farce at cardiff. i suppose if these clueless foreign clowns want to bring their ill-gotten gains spend shedloads make themselves look like muppets (im sure they see gordon gekko in the mirror) thats their business and the economy needs these egotistical fools to ease the balance of payments crisis. thats probably balanced out by the foreign talent our clubs have to buy in because teenagers here would rather play xbox and eat burgers.

    as always it's the fans i feel for, yes even the welsh ones, because theyre the ones who suffer the indignity and embarrassment of having swansea fans mock them

    Managers can look after themselves, they know the game - as soon as they land one of the top flight jobs, one way or another theyre set for life - get this, since Arsene Wenger was appointed manager on September 30, 1996, over 800 managers in the top four divisions have been sacked. The total compensation figures during this time reaches £450million.

    you could build a deathstar for that amount.

    Happy Xmas to one and all, including tiny tim -sorry the NHS let you down, and to robbo in particular for catalysing the conversation hope the NHS didnt let you down and your broken foot is up to kicking the telly in next time you see nigel farage

    Go Chelsea!

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    1. Hope Malky will get his pay-off and a new job within a week. What a mess.

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  21. £450 million is such a huge amount that even nigella lawson couldnt get hammered long enough to forget spending it

    or could she? explains why she's so popular...earrr ye go mate...av a ferrrrarrriii

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  22. Luis Suarez is obviously a reformed character and deserving of a second chance. In light of this new contract he's signed and the injury to Aguero, Luis has been given, not just a place on my ffsl team but also the armband. For those who would choose to point out the hypocrisy of this move, fuck off!

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    1. I'd like to point out the hypocrisy of that move.

      In a recent conversation between two innocent Robbo readers about their relative successes of giving Suarez the armband in their respective FFL teams, the defendant, Mr TrotterUSA hailing from Noo Joisey, uttered:

      TrotterUSA16 December 2013 00:07
      disgusted with both of you. No ethics these modern football managers. You'll both be bangin' a tranny soon.

      I rest my case. I shall now fuck off.

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    2. I know, guilty as charged m'lud. and even worse, I'd already signed him when I wrote that! Was it fergie who said he wouldn't sell Real Madrid a virus?

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  23. Suarez signing a new contract with Liverpool doesn't mean shit, he'll still be with Chelsea/real Madrid within two years. All he's done is secure a pay rise for self and a higher return for Liverpool when they inevitably sell him on to a bigger club.

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    1. The new contact he's signed just means Real will have to pay more for him in the summer.

      Still,his new wages mean he can afford as many apples to eat through a tennis racket as he likes.

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  24. And as football owners, why do they do it? For Levy ...who looks more and more like uncle fester .... the sinister abramovich or this funny little fecker at Cardiff it's one big ego trip. The sad thing about these orrible men is they can't take their wealth with them when they die and they can only really enjoy three possession of it in exercising it's effects...consequently the Joy of sacking the manager. That's real power even if it's counter productive for the club. It's their money....

    Liverpool arsenal and United have traditionally, not without blips, done it differently, with less manifest ego from the owners and more of a sense off continuity and club culture. This is the approach which works long term.

    In the lower leagues you get the chances, like the twats who were running poorer vale a year ago. We nearly went out of existence...thank god for Norman Smurthwaite a decent bloke with time on his hands and a bit of dosh. It's choosing him a million a year to keep the club going. Lower down three leagues I don't think many of the clubs if any make money. Rob Cowling at Colchester United it'd another local business man, a fan and obviously a decent bloke - I've spoken with him and had a laugh with him a few times - who wants to makes money from it if hew can but knows it will always be a struggle and wants the best for the club long term (e.g. investing in the youth team). Good luck top him...I watched col u get thrashed by bottom club notts county so Christ knows he's going to need it, if they stray up it will be a bloody miracle.

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    1. The Cobbold family,that ran Ipswich for many moons during our glory years (for younger readers,we used to be quite good) used to say that the only crisis was when they ran out of wine in the boardroom.

      The obvious statement is stability leads to success,but owners seem to be inflicted with playstation disease.They want success NOW YOU BASTARDS,and if they don't get it then chop chop time.Perhaps it's linked to the ludicrous sums of money teams receive for staying in the premier league that creates a panic if you lose two or three games on the trot.I can just about understand Martin Jol getting the Spanish Archer,but the rest this season have been ridiculous.

      Frankly,for the sanity and survival of my club I'd almost (but not quite) hope we never get promoted again.

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  25. If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.

    Much missed.

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    1. Probably the most famous "Colemanballs" ever:
      "And Juantorena opens his legs and shows his class"
      (For our younger blogsters [anyone under 40] this refers to the Cuban Athlete Alberto Juantorena who won 400m and 800m Gold Medals at the 1976 Olympic Games.

      Spider

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    2. Oops. According to the papers, the above quote was actualy made by Ron Pickering. Bang goes another urban myth

      Spider

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  26. Never thought I'd live long enough to say this, but Everton look like they could take the title this year.

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    1. After a few draws at the beginning of the season (and a bit of a "here we go again" feeling), it does seem they are winning the matches they should. Much as I liked Moyes, Martinez really seems to have instilled some belief in the squad, and Barkley in particular (now that he's been given the chance). But if City find some semblance of an away form, and with Suarez banging 'em in like he has been, it's still a tall order. With the young mercenaries in the squad, you wonder if this can even continue to next season, but I'll definitely enjoy it while I can!

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    2. Or did I type too soon? Lukaku might stay if Everton qualify for Champions League? http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/25158153
      'Course he would - he's not just saying that to make Chelsea or someone else pay him more. Is he? ("Father Christmas, give Kenwright some money...")

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    3. his last experience in Europe didn't go so well, He was the only one to miss when Chelsea lost the UEFA Super Cup on penalties. It was either get out of the Bridge or sample a plutonium energy drink at half time in the next reserves match.

      Toffees are playing lovely stuff though. Good to watch and Kenwright and Martinez deserve all the good fortune they get.

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  27. Merry Christmas to all of you on here (7 of us)

    Hope your teams all do well over the festive season.

    Except you.

    You know who I mean.

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