Robbo 10: W**kin Frankel - Click On My Face To Listen!

Friday, 29 November 2013

AVB - Always Very Boring

Well it's been nigh on three weeks since I put finger to keyboard - at least in any meaningful way - and for those of you who hang on to my every word like a baby tooth clings to a toddler's gums, I can only apologise. The rest of you seemed to have managed okay.

Much has passed since Arsenal were top of the league - and by God if they aren't still there - hovering happily like Wile E Coyote, just before he looks down and finds there's nothing between him and the ground.

In the meantime Manchester City continue to slap all-comers around like the flat-track bullies they are, but still get all agoraphobic when they have to leave Eastlands. Incidentally I noticed there was a vote going on for African Player of the Year. The answer you're looking for is Yaya Toure - the rest are but crumpled beer cans that he carries in his magisterial wake.

Chelsea are starting to grind into the relentless Mourinho mode - cheerless and efficient - and United are at the very least stabilising with Rooney showing his best from since he was 17 years of age. I think Moyes can take a little bit of credit there.

Southampton have been a delightful exception to the expected rule but the main subject of current speculation is that fidgety football student Andre Villas-Boas and his expensively assembled bunch of dullards.

It is way too early for Spurs fans to bringing out the old Juande Ramos banners and altering the names a bit, but there is definitely a sense of stagnation at White Hart Lane at the moment. It doesn't help that AVB has taken over after a couple of seasons of high entertainment - some of it supplied by 'Arry's cavaliers, and the rest of it almost entirely by Gareth Bale.

It's hard not to review AVB's second season in the light of Bale's absence. The Welsh wonderchimp dug them out of so many holes last season and when AVB needs a ludicrous thirty-yarer from someone it seems that the first one to have a swing is Kyle Walker. It's not quite the same is it? I mean if you want someone to knock in a double-top to win you a darts fixture you don't seek out the drunkest man in the pub.

Actually I like Walker - going forward (by which I mean 'going forward' and not 'in the future') - but his form typifies the problems Spurs are having. And the bad news is, it's very reminiscent of Chelsea under the same manager.

Tottenham have some very sharp attackers still but only if the ball is moved quickly. You could put a couple of greyhounds on your left flank and you'd still have a lot of bother keeping up with Walker and Lennon. But stick a couple of banks of four and some hard-chasing forwards ahead of them and Spurs move the ball around like pensioners handing around a bucket of water.

When he played for England Walker repeatedly got the byline but cut back every time because you're better keeping the ball than doing anything dangerous with it. All this ploddery means that AVB's boys are constantly getting clogged up in front of a dogged and organised team.

What's more Soldado, a lad who plays much more off the last man's shoulder than with his back to goal, is looking like a waste of space and money. Not that there's anyone to spark off particularly. He does look a little bit on his ownsome.

The midfielders, capable players one and all, seem unable to imagine themselves bursting past the opposition back four either, unless it's one of those all guns blazing finishes that the White Hart Lane faithful are getting used to. Eighty minutes of pitter-patter tippy-tappy followed by ten minutes of the Siege of Mafeking.

Villas-Boas's team has a 100% record in the Europa League. Mind you they are still at the 'where the fuck do they come from?' stage of the tournament. If you can't beat Rfnsubzphlix Grabbenhoffsted home and away you're in real bother.

Not that a 6-0 drubbing at Man City should be cause for concern. Citeh can hammer anyone on their day. But the stats for that game tell you that Spurs had more possession and corners in that game. The nil is the problem, not the 6. Put simply, they don't score enough. It doesn't help that the proven goalscorer Jermain Defoe is left to prove himself on chilly European nights rather than in the Premier League.

The plain truth is that the reason the home fans at Spurs are getting so restless is that they're having the pants bored off them every other week. It seems to be the AVB way. True, they haven't conceded too many. But Jeez  there ought to be more to show for the Bale bonanza than scraping ugly draws against Hull with well dodgy penalties.

While we are on the subject of entertainment, congratulations to Rodgers and Martinez for putting out two such reckless sides for the last Merseyside derby. A game that had grown tired, mean and fractious suddenly flowered into a thing of madcap beauty. Footy at its best.

Of course had Mirallas been sent off for his bollock-high assault on the Uruguayan Bernie Winters it might well have been a much more straightforward affair. But Phil Dowd, no doubt somewhere deep within him wishing he could do summat like that to Suarez and get away with it, let it pass with a yellow. Not right, of course, but a much better game because of it.

In other news, Australian cricketers are much better when they wear moustaches, and the Sports Personality of the Year Award nominees are pointlessly announced. If it's not Andy Murray then I'm a Scotsman. Not that he can be considered British really. Or at least this time next year.


80 comments:

  1. yayyy first, finally!

    --BeeZee

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  2. The rest of you lot probably got tired of waiting for the new blog, ...suckers...
    I can now go on to reading the blog and then die happy.

    --BeeZee

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  3. Damn! Thought I might get first for once. As a Spurs supporter, I have to agree with this stuff Robbo. Too much tippy tappy possession football, and not enough pace or invention. Just wrong.


    Jedi

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  4. I can't work out why they don't play Defoe.

    Maybe they need a Chas and Dave record to get them out of their slump.

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  5. No-one needs a Chas and Dave record. Not even Ian Wright's Do The Right Thing was as bad as those.

    Wrighty may soon be able to dust off his Chris Lowe produced 1-0 To the Arsenal song if they keep winning though.

    as to the blog Spurs are boring at the moment, can't score and hopefully won't on Sunday. Be interesting to see if Vidic and RVP are back on Sunday if Van Persie isn't then I would keep the same midfield and forward line that beat Leverkusen as Kagawa, Rooney and Nani all gave good accounts of themselves

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  6. A new blog post! That's exactly what I wanted for Hanukkah! How did you know? Now to follow it with a trip to the Rfnsubzphlix derby...

    Good thing Rooney is in his best form. Otherwise he might have been sent off, too. Nothing ado about Mutch, I suppose.

    And why weren't you on the Sports Personality of the Year shortlist?

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  7. Pet Shop boys/Chas n Dave..which is which? I get them mixed up....

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    1. One set is a bunch of washed up old knackers from the 80s still trying to flog the same style of record over and over and over again.

      The other's Chas and Dave.

      Delete
    2. That description fits the FA, too.

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    3. it's not the same style on all of them and their lasst album got to number 3 - jut because Radio 1 don't admit anyone over 25 can make records doesn't mean you're washed up.

      Worth watching the Hogmanay concert in the garden if its on telly though

      Delete
  8. Tottenham have brought in 10 players & despite the awfull start, 2 points off the 4th. Not really the end of the world is it?

    Still, there are talks of AVB getting the sack. It would be a silly silly thing to do and I'm afraid, they might end up doing exactly that.

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  9. http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/football-league/scunthorpe-united-plea-to-fans-not-to-wear-any-squirrel-attire-ahead-of-return-of-former-manager-alan-knill-after-bike-crash-8972968.html

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    Replies
    1. What kind of nutter would do that?

      Delete
  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  11. This is quite an interesting read about FIFA rankings.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-25134584

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    Replies
    1. Indeed an interesting read, I couldn't work out why NL weren't seeded, that clears it up perfectly.

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    2. I was about to post that too, Jacks. Nice to finally see and understand some of the wizardry that goes into that system. Playing Chile and Germany would have done wonders for England's ranking - if they hadn't have got spanked in both games.

      Delete
  12. Back to your laugh-out-loud best Robbo, worth the wait!

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  13. http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Delroy_Facey&oldid=583586729

    Have a look at the section detailing "controversy"

    It's almost lifted from the comments on here.

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    Replies
    1. That is superb Jacks -

      Robbo , you have been missed and I do indeed hang on to your every word (despite the distinct lack of pictures of a certain Portuguese person) Thought maybe Mrs Robbo had got another bonus and whisked you off on another holiday

      Delete
    2. You would hve thought they would have taken off the Jaffa Cakes bit

      Delete
  14. Good stuff Robbo. Bernie Winters, highly chucklesome, brilliant comparison.

    Come on Ye Whites!

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    Replies
    1. Not quite, Suarez is still alive.

      Spider

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  15. Nice one RR.

    Yes indeed, everybodies not at all favourite to win anything are still top of the league and don't tell anyone, but they seem to be opening up a gap too. But ofcourse, anyone who knows anything about anything still have Citeh, because they thump teams at home, Chavski because they got Maureen or Man U because, well, they are Man u, as favourites for the title.

    Citeh are unstopable at Middle Eastlands. I must admit that when Augero and Negrado are on, they are ON, brilliant to watch and easily the best strike duo in the PL, the rest aren't looking too shaby either, even the chinless lesbo (Na$ri) is starting to look the real deal. What's totally baffling though is how such an expensivily gathered team of superstars who can knock a hatful past the likes of Manure and Sp*rs can get beat by Villa, Cardiff and Sunderland......Sunderland ffs!!?? Whats that all about? Contrary to what the experts tell you, there is absolutly no way you can win the league only counting on home results. If Pellegrini can somehow get them playing good away then we're all fucked, but until then..............?!?

    Chelsea, with all their flair players are not very flair-y, they get the job done in a very business like way, the hallmark of a Mourinhio team, however I do feel that Jose has lost some of his speacialness, he's not the same as the earlier incarnation that took the PL by storm in his first stint at the Bus Stop. He seems to have lost a bit of his panache too, sorry 'Bells, but he looks more like a guy who'd sit on the sofa in his sweat pants scoffing boxes of Milk Tray rather then the suave geezer scailing walls and swinging through a fit birds window to deliver said chocalaty treats. Their major problem is their inconsistancy, very good against Wet Spam, totaly awful against Basel. It also seems to be the go to place for strikers who want to forget how to score goals.

    Man U, only a fool would write them off given their history, but they're not quite the same animal under Moyes, give him time, he'll be ok, but not this time around me thinks. Every win is greeted with the obligatory "the season starts here" headlines, only for them to drop points in their next game, again inconsistancy is their biggest enemy.

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    1. You've really done it this time H2H, BHB will now spend the entire weekend fantasising about a certain Portuguese person flying through her (hopefully) open window with a box of Milk Tray (and an unfeasibly large Yorkie Bar! - assuming she doesn't anyway!)

      Spider

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    2. You know what Spider I wondered what that thud was on our window the other night, followed by a Portuguese version of aaaaaarrrggggghhhhhh

      Delete
    3. Don't tell me, it was 12 seconds after the start of the game on Sunday.

      Spider

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  16. Hope all the usual suspects will be about next week now Robbo is back, so just time to say

    Have a good weekend everyone - I hear my wine calling me

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  17. I would say welcome back Robbo, but it made painful reading. I was hoping you'd have waited another week to write about the cricket team. Top blogging as always though.

    Starting to get a little worried about the momentum gathering behind this AVB out press generated storm. I think most fans want to give him time, and the majority who don't are calling for the return of their darling 'Arry. Can you imagine who he would have spent 100mil on? 75mil for Fat Frank, and the other 25mil on Becks. I wanted AVB as soon as 'Arry bought Ryan Nelson and Saha in January 2012, and still think he is the right man.

    I know it's not fashionable anymore, and certainly not in the mind of a modern coach, but I really think Spurs need to play 4-4-2, at least in home matches. We have the best keeper in the league, possibly the best centre back (Vertonghen), another class CB in Chiriches (every time I've watched him, he's been brilliant), pace to burn on the flanks (Walker and Lennon on the right, Rose and Chadli/Townsend on the left). Get to the byline and get the cross in. Then take your choice in midfield, with Capoue or Sandro holding, and Dembele, Paulinho, Holtby, Eriksen, etc providing some spark. Then play Soldado with Defoe, Lamela or Ade. Sorted. Easy. Top of the league and a number 1 record with Chas n Dave by Christmas.

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  18. 17 job interviews now, and still no job even though I always wear my lucky track suit

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    Replies
    1. and a shirt (never know in Stoke - worried about bloggy at an interview with jacket, tie, trousers and Tarzan-like bare-chest beating)

      Delete
  19. Updated weather forecast for Glasgow:

    Cloudy, with a chance of helicopters.

    And now for motd...

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    Replies
    1. You won't being going to heaven Bloggy :) - not even in your lucky tracksuit.

      Delete
  20. Bale scores a hat trick for Real. I'm really happy to see him doing well over there. Not letting his price tag get to him, a very grounded young man.

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  21. Deulofeu looks another barca gem. Evertons best two players are loanees.

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  22. What's the best website for live streamed games? Might stay up for the Spurs - Utd game.

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    Replies
    1. Hope you found a site Noel, it was a nice game.

      Delete
    2. Thanks for the link BeeZee. Unfortunately it came a little late for me as in the meantime I'd downloaded a virus or some malware crap trying to find a site to stream from. So spent two hours trying to get the shit off my computer, and missed the game! I shall keep that link though for future use!

      Delete
  23. http://www.wiziwig.tv/competition.php?part=sports&discipline=football

    there you go Noel :)

    --BeeZee

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  24. To be fair, if you’d offered to a Tiny Tott at the start of the season that they’d only be one point behind Manure on Dec 1st, they’d probably have biten your hand off.

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    Replies
    1. End of the season, possibly. Dec 1 is a bit early, and neither team look like world beaters at the moment.


      Jedi

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  25. Liverpool made to look silly by Hull and The Saints one nil up against the Chavs in 12 seconds.

    Aaaaaah, nice.

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  26. Martin “Shrek” Jol has got the ol’ Spanish archer

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    1. No wonder Fulham sacked him. Why would he sign Juan Carlos Holgado?

      Delete
  27. The new Messi?

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/25143766

    I'd be more excited with a new Willie Johnston:

    Socrates and his 40 fags a day.

    Michael Chopra and his 40 lines a day.

    Adrian Mutu and his 40 lines a day.

    Frank McAvennie and his 40 (insert here) a day.

    Bring back the mullet, the 'tache, the big perm, standing, smoking, boozing, fat bastards, comb-overs, Player Manager, aaaaaaaaaaah fuck it, just bring back the 70's and 80's.

    Football is boring as pish these days.

    Trotts, Blogdignag, Noel, H2H (lucky doob smoking bastard), Pet Shop dude, jacksofbuckfast, keep up the good work.

    May Richard Dawkins bless ye.





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    Replies
    1. May Richard Dawkins bless ye.
      - By moving to an unhabited island in the Arctic Circle off the coast of Russia with no means of communicating with the outside world

      No Richard Dawkins - that is a blessing

      Delete
  28. Owen Coyle moving on, it's tough at the top!

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    Replies
    1. It is indeed....

      But he wouldn't know. ;)

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    2. hey, he won the reserve league title anaging Burnley in 2009, even put his boots on and scored a goal. Does that count as one more trophy than Wenger in the last 8 years?

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    3. No because Wenger has won the Emirates Cup a couple of times in that period

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    4. ahhhh the old Emirates Cup fall back. He's very lucky that Burnley reserves weren't in the competition.

      Delete
  29. Former Sheffield United manager Neil Warnock has emerged as a shock candidate for the vacant post at Sheffield Wednesday following the sacking of Dave Jones.

    --------------

    No surprise at all. Neil Warnock has always stated his lifes ambition is to manage Sheff Wed and take them into the Northern Premier League

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  30. All these clubs sacking their manager immediately after Tony Pullis takes a new job.

    Coincidence?

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  31. Should have sacked them all before given Pulis has never been relegated in his managerial career.

    Stoke may well have cause to regret letting him go (even Fulham have beaten them this season)

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  32. Have been reading online about the debate to ban flares from football grounds. About time too I say, they are SO 1970's and teamed with synthetic team shirts not a good look :)

    Here's a link to make you lot wince

    http://metro.co.uk/2013/12/02/man-rings-999-after-getting-toilet-roll-holder-stuck-up-his-bottom-4209876/

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  33. "Soldado, a lad who plays much more off the last man's shoulder than with his back to goal". This is equally true for Defoe; Spurs wouldn't be scoring any more goals with him in the side, quality though he is.

    Spurs need to attack in numbers. There are too many players running sideways or not running at all this season. Players are waiting for a team mate to break the opposition down instead of working as a unit to do so.

    Fair point about them struggling against organised and not particularly inspiring defences.

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  34. The Pulis Effect has started.

    Wonder if the Stoke fans are looking nervously over their shoulders?

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    Replies
    1. It's better than the Palace fans, who have to look at the sky all the time for the big punts forwards and the booted clearances that are his hallmark.

      --BeeZee

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    2. I'd prefer playing headers and volleys in the Premier League than tip[py tappy in League 1 like Wolves are

      Delete
  35. James Harding, the BBC's news director, has said its output should "look and sound more like its audiences".

    ----------------------------

    Loads of shows about White British people then (as that consitutes about 75% of the population)

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    1. White, heterosexual and non-minority would be about 75% of the population I imagine - but he didn't say population, he said audience. Big difference and I'm sure he knows it. A large part of the population is disenfranchised with the BBC - people with any intelligence whatsoever, people who have an attention span of more than 3 seconds, people over the age of 40, people who don't believe that you need to have three cameras constantly cutting from one to the other to conduct an interview, people who don't want to see a disproportionate number of minorities on their screens, people who pay their license fee but don't get any programmes made for them, people who can manage to go from 6pm to 9pm without news, people who would like to watch TV shows and not adverts for TV shows, people who would like to watch new programmes on occasion and not "first shown on BBC3 / repeat" all night long,people who can't stand watching MOTD because its full of pricks talking about football instead of people playing football, people who would never get picked to be on any reality / makeover style show because they dont fit into the correct minority demographic, people who would like presenters to have a bit of gravitas, knowledge, wit....ad infinitum (and that's just my dad!).

      I live in Spain so I can only tell you how lucky you are to have the BBC. It does many good things and is infinitely better than the tripe on TV here, even though it is sliding down the tubes at an alarming rate.

      Rastafairy

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  36. John Hughes has been hired to manage Inverness. Is the team sort of a bunch of moody teens who seem different on the surface, but need someone to show them that they are all "a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal," to succeed?

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  37. A mighty storms a brewing here, winds already at gail force 9-10 and are expected to rise to 11-12, :eek:

    Time to baton down the hatches……..

    Unfortunatly I have no hatches, not too well stocked in the baton department either, ah well, it’s darts night this evening so I’ll just down as many beers as I can and hope for the best.

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    Replies
    1. It's not serious H until the internet goes down and the beer runs out. Send up a flare in case of the latter.

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    2. Just don't hit the linesman.

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  38. Whoa... Bendtner and Chamakh score in the same week? Surely not. I'd sooner think Man Utd would lose at home to Everton.

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  39. Same storm brewing on this side of the water H. Jaywick has been evacuated and may be destroyed by the storm tonight although how you'd know I'm not sure. A body in a suitcase was washed ashore least week in jaywick and the residents were deeply shocked.

    they'd never seen a suitcase before.

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  40. Suarez what a twat but Fuck me what a player.for me the best in the premiership at the moment.

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    Replies
    1. this is exactly the cause of a moral dilemna for many of us who won't have cunts like Bernie in our ffl teams.

      Delete
  41. How can you tell when a girl from jaywick has an orgasm?

    She drops her kebab

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  42. What's the difference between my wife and Al Quaeda?

    You can negotiate with Al Quaeda

    ReplyDelete
  43. And finally....

    What's the singular of 'werewolves'

    I am a wolf

    ReplyDelete