Frank's New Kid's Book - Exclusive!

It was a bright sunny morning and Frankie went out on to the park to kick a ball about with his friends. And there was Stevie G, standing right where he wanted to be.

Frankie was quick to challenge him.

"Let's have a penalty competition to see who should stand there, Stevie G!"

"Okay, but can we not pretend that it's an international fixture" worried Stevie.

"You're on!" said Frankie and placed the ball on the penalty spot.

"Can I take one?" shouted Frankie's friend JT.

But poor old JT fell over. The big chump.

"No" said Frankie "This is a competition between me and Stevie."

"Can I have a pop at it?" insisted JT.

"NO!" shouted Frankie.

"I wasn't talking about the penalty" said John. "I was talking about her." And silly old JT pointed in the vague direction of some footballers' wives.

"Can I take it?" said little Nando, a frail pasty looking boy with all the confidence of a kitten.

Frankie sighed. And then because he was a kind professional he passed the ball over to Nando. Well, you wouldn't believe how long it took Nando to get that ball on the penalty spot. And even then, he ran up to take the penalty facing the wrong way!

"In the goal, Nando! In the goal!" said Frank encouraging.

"What is this goal?" asked Nando.

"There are two, Nando" Frankie explained "With two posts and a bar. This one here is the Drog Bar. That one over there is the Demba Bar."

A strange fat man appeared. He had a bad beard and a notebook in his hand.

"Buenos tardes" he said.

"Who are you?" asked Frankie.

"I am new caretaker" said the suspicious-looking man.

"But you're not Pep. We were promised Pep!" And Frankie started to cry.

"Be quiet, Frankie. I no like crybabies. You not allowed on pitch. Go sit on bench until I am desperate."

While Frankie went and sat on the park bench, Stevie G waved at the Caretaker

"Hello, Caretaker" said Stevie G "Remember me, I made your career."

The Caretaker didn't like this.

"Why are you here?" asked Stevie G.

"I am here to look after Nando" said the Caretaker, "but is very good chance I get massive pay-off when it doesn't work out for me."

Just then a naughty boy from another school ran on to the pitch and tried to take the ball home with him. But Frankie's pal Eden was having none of it. He kicked the boy - not very hard - and the boy let the ball go. Clearly this strange boy was a bit of a cock.

Eden put the ball back down on the penalty spot.

Cashley was looking very interested in having a go.

"Do you want me to shoot?" he asked.

Well, everyone put their hands in the air and begged Cashley to put the gun down.

"Who do you think you are?" shouted Frankie "Oscar Pistorius? [allegedly]"

Cashley put his gun down and apologised.

It wasn't turning out to be a very nice day. It got worse when the Russian turned up. The Russian was a nasty man with a happy face. He was carrying a big chest full of coins.

All the boys gathered round and the Caretaker started dribbling - from his mouth and not with the ball - but the Russian walked over to Stevie G.

"For di last time" he said "Will you join us?" And he plonked the money right next to Stevie G.

"I dunno, Mr Russian" said Stevie G "I'm not as fast as I used to be, some of my injuries have taken their toll, and my career is almost over."

"That's what Sheva said, but that didn't stop me" said the Russian.

Stevie G shook his head.

"It is your loss" said the Russian. "Now I will have to go to Europe to find someone."

"And that" smiled the caretaker "is where we are all going today!"

"What?" said Frankie "But it's a Thursday!"

"Thursday is our new Going to Europe Day!" said the Caretaker with a big smile.

"Will we be going to Madrid and Barcelona again?" asked Frankie excitedly.

"No" said the Caretaker "Not while I'm here."

It began to rain, and everyone went inside, all of them feeling a bit sad.

"Never mind" said Frankie's Mum "You may get to go to exciting places like Bucharest and Kharkiv. And anyway, Christine's coming round for tea in half an hour."

"Oooo! Can I stay for tea?"said JT, batting his eyelids at Frankie's Mum.

"NO!!!!" shouted everyone. And they were right, too.