Tuesday, 8 May 2012

The Drog Does Work

Now I think I’ve probably written off Man City about three times this season and United about four. So I’ll steer clear of saying owt more about it, not least cos I’m starting to gag every time I even think of Mancini flourishing imaginary cards or Ferguson breathing deeply into the ear of a fourth official just before the added time board is put up.

This weekend I was in a sleepy Danish town where I found – and it didn’t take long – a fine establishment called The English Pub. By the prices you’d have to say that this English Pub was taking the piss. (As opposed to in Britain, where they simply serve it.)

Looks like DD is happy to see Wembley again
So I helped myself to a pitcher of Carlsberg (when in Denmark...) and exchanged pleasantries with the Danish landlord who professed himself to be ‘Liverpool through and through’. Jan Molby would’ve been ashamed of the lad’s accent, mind you.

I settled down to watch the FA Cup Final. Out of duty mainly. I didn’t give two fat shits who won the pot, but Drogba at Wembley is always worth a look.

And by ‘eck, he was magnificent again.

Drogba has been a big bulwark of English football since he arrived. When he first appeared you wondered why a big lumbering lunk with the first touch of a nervous teen attacking a bra-strap was being brought into a club that could buy anyone.

But his second season at Chelsea saw his strength and touch improve and he simply started to terrify people. He was pacy, haughty, and defenders slid off him like satin sheets. Your best hope with Drogba – and this is still the case – is that he gets what I call his ‘hammock head’ on and spends 90 minutes preferring to lie prostrate on the turf with his head in his hands, like a lazy sunbather playing hide n seek.

On Saturday Drogba led the line with the old arrogance, outdoing Skrtel in the air and linking up well with fellow countryman Salomon Kalou. (Although surely Hassungotta Kalou must get his marching orders this summer. Maybe he comes in a package with the Drog, but it does often make Salomon look the dense, hopeless Mrs who comes along on alds’ night out and contributed absolutely nowt.)

At the other end, Suarez scuttled around beneath preposterous forward punts. And Gerrard patrolled the deep waters in front of the back four when they really needed up in the shallow end. Indeed until Didier confirmed that he actually owns Wembley (there is a new drinking-hole in the executive boxes called the Drog Bar), Liverpool were shite.

Down the left it was like Downing and Luis Enrique were speaking a different language – in fact that might just be the problem – and Henderson couldn’t find a curry house on Brick Lane let alone a teammate with a four-yard pass. Chelsea barely broke sweat fending them off.

At 2-0 down, Dalglish fumbled around in his bag of tricks and pulled out a pony-tailed joke; football’s equivalent of that gun that can only fire a flag that reads ‘Bang’. A kind of Fernando Torres but without the success.

Yes, it’s Andy Carroll. He sounds like a useful tune to have about your person around Christmas time, but he is in fact £35 million pounds worth of Geordie G-force. Aw my God, said an adjacent Dane decked out in red. And then splurged out some guttural oogly-boogly Danish which sounded appalling.
(Incidentally I reckon every English oath and insult ever uttered is derived from Danish. While there, I managed to get a packet of Spunk, a telecom company was entreating me with the legend ‘Slut Spurt’, the phrase ‘man spill’ appears in some Danish song or other and the train to the airport took us through the town of Middelfart (which sounds like the only place in the Lord of the Rings where you can get a decent lamb bhuna)).

Jan Molby: Carlsberg on the outside, Carlsberg on the inside

Any road, much to the dyed-in-the-wool Scouse-Dane’s delight, Carroll gambols on and within minutes he’s turned the game on its head. The dopy hopeful punts are more successful now that they’re landed on a dopy, hopeful head. And, aided by Bosingwa’s gaff (I’ve seen better defenders in Hello Kitty pyjamas) Carroll skinned Terry and tonked Liverpool back into the game.

It was – slightly – reminiscent of one Didier Drogba. From then on Chelsea backpedalled like Bolton Wanderers with a two-goal lead and only one miraculous Cech save kept them in it. For a moment it looked like I would have to lead a crack squad of vigilantes into FIFA headquarters, strap down Sepp Blatter in his swivel-chair and force feed him the scarves of various clubs who have been denied by his fucking ridiculous insistence that the fourth official can’t look at a telly and tell the ref whether a goal has been scored or not!

But, as it turned out the linesman got it right. Carroll was denied but he should’ve scored. It was – slightly – reminiscent of one Darren Bent.

Chelsea held on and deserved the win. Liverpool have one cup already, bless ‘em. (The shit, meaningless one, but don’t tell anyone I said that.) And while Drogba may yet get another season out of Chelsea, especially as they can’t seem to shake off the old veterans no matter how hard they try, perhaps, just perhaps, young Mr Carroll might start living up to his billing, if not his ludicrous price-tag.

After the season he's had Carroll understandably celebrates nearly scoring
I hope Woy takes him to the Euros. We’ve nowt to lose. Shorn of Wilshere and Rooney there’s a lot of guile missing. Sticking the big lad up the top is a good option if you’ve run out of ideas. It nearly worked for Dalglish.

And on Woy...
I’m very happy with him as boss. He seems a really decent human being. I doubt we’ll get any bullshit off him. The players he has available are run-of-the-mill honest Johns by and large. Roy does okay with them.
Good luck to the man.




298 comments:

  1. first - yeah hahhhhhhhhhh

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  2. now to read the blog

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  3. Good read as usual Robbo.
    Good luck to Woy.
    Dalglish needs to reach past glories or the chop could be coming his way

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  4. God damn it! 5th & now 6th

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  5. Great blog as always,
    no mention of the gunners or spurs and how kind they are both being to each other though...

    --BeeZee

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  6. im outraged that roman wants to move the club to battersea power station. what about stamford bridge? you cant just bulldoze six years of history

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  7. Great blog as usual, Robbo.

    "The players he has available are run-of-the-mill honest Johns by and large. Roy does okay with them.
    Good luck to the man."

    That's why he will be out after a failed Euro campaign.

    On a different note, why haven't you managed to wrangle English citizenship for Argentinians through some Falklands loophole? Even second-tier players would at least add some competition. There must be at least three strikers better than (nearly) everything you have available now, plus some decent midfielders and a winger or two. You may say they don't speak English, are prone to passionate outbursts, and dive at the slightest hint of contact, but that's why they fit in so well.

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  8. spent some time in the pig metropolis that is herning in jutland...danes are more down to earth than mud

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  9. stephen - ive got tickets to see argentina training on the steps of the war memorial near old trafford. its the olympics quarter finals. im assuming a)theyll win their group and b) messi is playing. basically i just want to say i saw messi play.

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  10. Good stuff Robbo, well, except the bit about Bolton defending a 2-0 lead, that's just too tragically accurate and the wounds are fresh!

    Did the Argies even qualify for the Olympics football?

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  11. Dont think they have. Unless bloggy is talking about lionella messi in the ladies team.

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  12. Watching Blackburn's chickenshit team up against Wigan made me wonder a) how Blackburn beat Man U (not that I mind), and b) why in the world Kean wants to stick around, unless it is because he worries he will never be offered another job. Also, Al Habsi must be a modern day Dr. Doolittle, given that he worked with a Yak to catch a chicken.

    As for messing with Messi... here in the States one rarely sees greatness such as that up close without living in (or being able to afford to travel to) one of the few places they put on such matches. Back in 2004, a training camp version of the US Men's team practiced at my university for a few days to warm up for World Cup qualifiers. Before they realized "spies" might be afoot and closed off the area, I spent a morning behind one of the goals returning wayward or deflected shots. No photos allowed or autographs allowed, but at least I can say I put in a few good passes to whoever was testing the keepers at that end.

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  13. shit. £70 down the toilet.

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  14. assumptions, continued

    c) that they qualified
    d) that the honduras flag was argentina

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  15. In fairness to Andy Carroll he's a decent centre forward.Not bad in the air or on the deck.It's not his fault Liverpool were stupid enough to offer such a ludicrous sum of money for him,nor his fault they won't play him.

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  16. hang on. it's ok. im watching spain.

    and im watching spain because i wanted to say cough that ahem ive always wanted to see fabregas play cough cough shuffle

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  17. he could have said no I want to stay at Newcastle though Jacks

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  18. although to be fair anyone would have moved given the deal on offer so you can't really blame him.

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  19. And he's plays for Barca, so it's practically the same as watching Messi.

    Well Stephen, you're chance to see great footy in the US is just a couple of months away. The Liverpool US tour starts July 23 (Roma in Boston, Spurs in Baltimore, and someone else somewhere else). I've got me tickets for the Spurs game. Woohoo...maybe they'll let Sterling play 90 mins in this one.

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  20. Top stuff Robbo, although I still reckon the guy who did best out of that Torres/Carroll saga was Alan Pardew. Carroll out, Demba Ba and Cisse in, plus £15-18m added to Mike Ashley's beer and pie fund (about 2 weeks' worth, I'd say). Good business. In fact, shocking as it may seem, Ashley is doing a good job on the Toon. Getting the finances sorted, without wrecking the playing side.

    Going on to Blackburn, what a firkin shambles! Steve Kean isn't good enough, but what decent manager would go and work for Venky's? Feel for the fans there. Manager, owner and some of the players got what they deserved.

    One exception on the players: Paul Robinson did the normal end of season lap of honour with fans invading the pitch (and Steve Kean staring from the dugout like a rabbit in the headlights), and shook hands with the fans. Brave, and probably helped defuse an ugly situation.


    Jedi

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  21. AH: Back when I lived on the east coast that might have been doable, but from the west (yet not the west coast) there isn't much. Two years ago I got to see Mexico vs. Iceland (both fielding B+ sides) in Charlotte, but that isn't quite Liverpool vs. Roma. (That was barely Wigan vs. Blackburn.) For the next few years I'm near Salt Lake City, so at least I'll see RSL vs. Real Madrid C, albeit not much else.

    Jedi: I read the Kean-in-headlights differently. To me it seemed he wanted to be brave and stay on, but was told by security that it would be best if he left the scene before the fans got a chance to decapitate him. Maybe he should've been a bit more chicken and strutted around a while.

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    1. Stephen, you may be right, but it was pretty obvious during the game that the fans weren't exactly fond of Kean (or Venky's). So he should have known, and gone straight off to help defuse the situation. I do think Kean tried his best, but he should have gone after the Bolton defeat (even the Chief Exec thought so). His best wasn't good enough, and the fans knew it.

      http://www.sportingintelligence.com/2012/05/08/revealed-new-leaked-blackburn-letter-lays-bare-crisis-and-torment-inside-ewood-080501/

      Spits, dignity, yes (although phoning 6-0-6 to try and get some sympathy out of Jason Roberts is not "dignified"). Ability, no. Well served by the owners? No. I can't blame Kean for taking the job, and most of the blame for the current mess lies with various owners. Kean's lack of ability just made things that little bit worse.

      Back to more important matters, ie the CL places. Gooners in pole at present, but have to win at West Brom in Woy's last game in charge. Not easy. Spurs have a home game v Fulham, whicb we should win (but it's complicated by the return of Martin Jol, who, like Mark Hughes, will want to prove a point). Newcastle have to win at Everton, which will be hard.

      If Chelski win the CL, they take the place of the 4th place team. Tough ask, though, playing Bayern on their own patch (ask Carlos Tevez: he was so scared he refused to go on). Could play for penalties, I suppose, but doesn't seem like Plan A against the Germans.


      Jedi

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  22. cant be the only one to think Kean carried himself about with some dignity?

    What would you do if offered a job to manager a PL club?

    Try to do your best, i reckon?

    They played some good games and had the fans been behind them, who knows?

    Anyways, its the venkys/previous owner to blame for the shambles, not kean.

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    1. Can I be the first to congratulate you on winning the h2h Spits?

      I thought it might go to the last game but it seems I've been thwarted and must conceed defeat.

      Celine

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    2. I'm afraid SS beat you to it last week when he concluded that I had won the h2h league with two games to spare but thank you for your wishes.

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    3. A draw this week or a loss and similar next week for yourself would have been enough to keep the contest alive? Congrats all the same!

      Celine

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  23. So close.

    The Argies are closer to Welsh or German/Nazi than they are English. And it was a monument to the Battle of the Falklands in the First World War that he was doing step-ups on - the steps on the war memorial are about 20 inches high so he wouldn't get too many step-ups done. The shit.

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  24. Noel: Are you implying that you won't make exceptions to your citizenship policy for (alleged) racists from other countries, but you're happy to allow (alleged) racists born in your country represent you, especially if you win something? I don't see the distinction, though maybe that's because we Americans have such a rich (if comparatively short) history of welcoming/accepting/taking people from all over the world so we can persecute them up close instead of at a distance.

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  25. Stephen - I'm a Falkland Islander, so the issue for me isn't whether or not to allow Argentines to represent England/Britain. I just don't like them cos they're trying to steal my country, and they're only doing it to hide from their population the fact that their economy is one of the worst in the world, the Government is corrupt from the very top to the very bottom, and the President is lining her, and her family's pockets while her country goes down the pan. Their claim to the Falklands was reinstated in the 1950's by Peron to hide the same problems back then, and is used as a rallying cry to the population when things are going bad. Their claim is based on succession from Spain when they gained their independence. Britain had a colony on the Falklands before Argentina even existed.

    So I don't see how Argentina having an invented claim to a British territory would qualify them for British citizenship. It's like me saying I'd like to own Hawaii, therefore I'm American.

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  26. Ray Wilkins charged with drink driving.

    Apparently the give away was he kept going forwards instead of sideways.

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  27. amazing - Blackburn sack Deputy CEO and not Kean !!!

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  28. Spitster, can I be the third to congratulate you on a fine FFSL championship achievement.. Well done, sehr gut and all that!

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  29. Spit can I be first to say my cummerbund is in the dishwasher

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    1. you can try blogy, but I am afraid you wont be the first either.

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  30. Noel: While I appreciate your insights, methinks you might be a tad biased, albeit understandably so. Britain had colonies across the globe before most of the countries still in existence today were around. That doesn't necessarily entitle you to the land. (Nor does it completely exclude you from it.) Anyway, how did Britain decide to pull out of other far flung claims, but not this one? I think Argentina have more claim to the islands than you do to Hawaii, though I don't know your lineage. (And again, I'm not saying their claim is valid.) Besides, we in the US love our, ahem, "protectorates", too. What red-blooded American patriot wouldn't want (to deny) Guam and Puerto Rico (a meaningful say in government)?

    Besides, Messi would probably be stuck out on the wing or relegated to the subs bench for England, had anyone given him the little one a chance. I don't imagine that their style of play would have been appreciated. Of course, given our national team's situation, if you can prove that interest in Hawaii, we'd be happy to give you a look, provided you can keep possession in midfield or send a strike anywhere near the net. (Though I reckon if you could do the latter, you'd be going to the Euros already.)

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  31. As for kean I find him pretty charmless I've no idea how good he is at his job I do know the owners came in and sold their two best players for more than half they bought the club for. Kean is earning £15,000 a week for taking the flak. He's accepted that deal and probably knows its more than he's worth.

    Sam would have kept them up but he probably wouldn't accept the deal. Mind you I'd sack him anyway for looking like a supercilious version of the bulldog out of Tom and Jerry. Chew chew Thats my boy! chew chew bling.

    Foreign owners don't give a toss about fan protests btw. All Fans can do is boycott games like they did at port vale but let's face it that'd just fucking stupid.

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  32. Stephen don't get me started on stolen Latin American in this case Mexican land (aka California) the most immoral blatant land grab since the first Messenian war.

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  33. and I don't know if you're Cherokee or Sioux, Stephen (not a very native American name) but if you're not I'd keep quiet on the whole issue of stolen land....

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    1. I'm not defending Americans, nor critiquing the Brits' claims. Our entire country is based on taking things from others. (One could argue that's what so-called civilization is all about, and not just Western civilization, either.) Besides, you taught us to do this, didn't you? If you had a bigger home landmass with more resources and a larger productive population, we might never have competed with you in the abusing-others-to-amass-wealth game. Just wait 'til we take Mars from the Martians!

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  34. Blog, the fact that his team got relegated, and he'd apparently lost the dressing room (see leaked letter) tells you a bit about his management abilities (the tactics against Wigan were useless too). Venky's have decided the best way forward is to shoot the messenger. Paul Hunt, who wrote (but apparently did not leak) the letter has been fired, not Kean.

    Have to agree about the fan protests, though. You don't notice them much in Pune.

    Glazer, Hicks and Gillett, Venky's. Proves there's more than one way to screw up a football club.


    Jedi

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  35. None of that means he's necessarily a bad manager. As I say I font know. West brim thought do matteo was a bad manager.

    Nah, jedi, they've gone down because theyve sold their best players. Who also weren't that good.

    Losing the dressing room ...well they were on a good run after the letter, for a while I thought they'd survive. It could just mean as with avb the players thought ...probably rightly..he'd get shot of them.

    We took India, as Stephen pointed out. Giving them blackburn rovers as compensation is the least we can do.

    Does anyone outside blackburn really give a toss? I'd rather see Ian holloway back.

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  36. what about the Milagro bean field?

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  37. have the americans annexed that as well, trott? good book tho.

    oh and Hawaii is ours n'all. take a little squint at the Hawaii state flag.

    oh and the USA. how could I forget. ours. oz. ours. rockall. ours. india. ours. france. ours. need i go on?

    scotland. not ours. take it away, somebody. alex?

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  38. 1843 - Paulet Affair, occupation of the Hawaiian Islands by British naval officer Captain Lord George Paulet, of HMS Carysfort.

    1893 - US govt overthrows and annexes hawaii.

    1993 - Apology Resolution regarding the overthrow was passed by Congress and signed by President Clinton, apologizing for the overthrow of the Hawaiian Kingdom. It is the first time in American history that the United States government has apologized for overthrowing the government of a sovereign nation.

    2012 - Hawaii is ours. Give it back.

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    1. Blog... was anyone living on Hawaii when you occupied it? Why should we give it to you and not the original inhabitants, to which Clinton apologized?

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    2. Noel was living there first stephen.

      The Russians think they planted a flag on the ocean floor to claim the north pole, but they never.

      That's right - it was noel

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  39. Noel, now that you own Hawaii, can I get a free pass to all the golf courses?

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  40. Noel, you can have Hawaii if you'll take Alabama, Arkansas, and Mississippi, too.

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    1. aged 32, Alexander of Macedonia cried salt tears for there were no more world's to conquer.

      Noel is only 31!

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  41. The winebars of Yarm High Street are beckoning

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tees-18002261

    and FBH will be the new headmaster, watch out girls!!!oh no just remembered he's getting hitched, they'll be safe

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  42. Well that was a fruitful night's sleep - it seems I've been ceded 4 states of the US, that were rightfully mine in the first place. Tonight I'm going for the state that Boston's in (Masserchu.. something), cos I like their sports teams. And maybe Rhode Island too, cos it's only small so they won't notice.

    Everyone is entitled to their opinion Stephen (unless you live in a country that denies free speech and the media is controlled by the government, like in, I don't know, Argentina for example), and obviously I'm biased. The reason, as far as I'm aware, that Britain has pulled out of most of it's former colonies, is that they have been returned to the original owners of the land, or been granted independence. The Falklands was uninhabited when Britain claimed it, as a useful place to call into when your ships had been battered rounding Cape Horn. The Argies turned up in 1833 (after gaining their independence from Spain, and whilst systematically eradicating the indigenous people from Argentina) and attacked some American sealers who were working there, so a US warship turned up and levelled their settlement (sound familiar). The British then told Argentina to fuck off and they said ok, and signed a treaty saying they dropped any claim they had to the Islands. Like I said, it's only when things are going bad that they decide to bring it up again so they can all join together and boo the 'English pirates' who stole what was theirs before they were even there. So the people that have lived there for over 150 years now are British, and have always been. And it's enshrined in the UN charter that self-determination is a people's right. So we remain British.

    That being said, Messi would be handy backup for Emile Heskey.

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  43. And here's the real advert:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VetuOlwcmqU

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  44. Noel- once you've taken over Massachussetts will the Roma-Liverpool game still be on for July-23? I've just swapped my tickets to go there instead of the Pool-Spurs match.

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    1. I'll think about it AH, although why you'd want to see Roma instead of Spurs is beyond me. Infact, it may become a new capital offence in my states.

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  45. Nice one Robbo.

    Last time I was in Copenhagen was 1994, beer cost a fcuking fortune, nice town, nice people, but ridiculously over(taxed)priced alcohol, I won't be going back there in a hurry.

    You mention that the CC is the smaller cup, a few years ago I would have agreed, not anymore, as they both intitle the winnars to the same reward, ie entry to the Europa League.

    The only thing that makes the FA cup bigger is the history and over publicised so called glamour, which is actually a load of bollox. The Final itself as a showpiece has been massively downgraded due to the fact that the semis are also played at Wembley, a decision that till this day makes absolutly no sense to me. What's wrong with the old system of playing the semi's at a neutral ground? This year Chelsea v Spurs could easily have been played at the Emirates, wheras the other semi would surely have been easier to attend for the fans at a venue closer to Manchester (cue joke that IOU fans don't come from Manchester, but you get my point.)

    Also a few years ago the FA cup final would have been broadcasted on free to air Dutch TV, not anymore, it just got a brief mention on the late sports news show.

    Anyway congratulations to Chelsea for beating the Mickeys. Shame for L'pool that they didn't play the way they did on Tuesday when there was absolutly bugger all at stake.

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  46. Good news for Abromovich;

    Following their FA Cup win, Chelsea fans have signed a 1 year extension to remain at the club. They had been strongly linked in the press with a move to Man City.

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  47. H2: second post so true! On your first, I agree the FA Cup doesn't mean what it used to but it hasn't got as small as the CC (which has also shrunk). The honest truth is that neither really matters much these days unless you win it, or (like Liverpool) have nothing else to play for.

    If the FA want the FA Cup to really matter again, give the winner CL entry. Easy. Won't happen.


    Jedi

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  48. The FA Cup is shit unless you win it which means it was good in '58 but has been crap since.

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    1. So what you're saying is, it's always been shit?

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    2. 1978 was a good year.

      H2H went to that one as well,always brings back good memories for him.

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    3. Ouch.

      Touche sir.

      The next year was great though....

      But the year after that was shit again.

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    4. sorry.But when you've won as little as my lot you do have to mention occasionally those things we have won.

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  49. No, it's not always been shit! It was good in the 20's too (and will one day be good again).

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  50. Jedi, I agree, a CL spot for the winner of the FA cup would make it really matter again. But as you said, it aint gonna 'appen.

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  51. Who fixed the clock?

    It's finally running on GMT, well done that man/women/futuristicclockfixingroboticgizmo.

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  52. Howard Webb fixed the clock upon Fergie's instruction!

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    1. Ahh the oldies are the best! :)

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    2. Thaen.t makes me bestest th

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  53. I have no idea what happened to that last post of mine.

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  54. Manchester United's Howard Webb, it has been reported, is involved in frantic last minute negotiations with the Premier league to add on a couple more games to uniteds season

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    1. I hear their first match will be against their U9 side, with Wolves lined up for the next match if United fail to take enough points from the first.

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  55. And so it begins. The BBC 'experts' (Danny Mills and Gary Lineker) have picked their England teams for the Euro's. Terry, Rio, Barry, Lampard, Gerrard and Dowing all figure prominently. Sigh.

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  56. if Lineker had his way, Mick Mills would still be playin'.

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  57. not to mention Mick's sister, Heather.

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    1. It makes me hopping mad when people take the piss out of Heather

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  58. Or Mick's third cousin's, twice removed, and 90s rap sensations, Salt 'N' Pepper.

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  59. Then there's the black sheep of the family Dark Satanic.

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  60. I thought the entire squad was related to him, they're all just Run of the Mill(s) players.

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  61. Wolves try to freshen things up by appointing a guy called Stale;

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/18030227

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    1. Not only that, H2, apparently Stale died on the training ground, and has been brought back to life.

      So, the new manager's a zombie. About the same as the defence, then. Talking of which, Scott Dann and Roger Johnson: central defence for B'ham last season. Both relegated. Johnson transferred to Wolves, Dann to Blackburn. This season: both relegated. Obvious targets for Arsene Wenger, then. Please.


      Jedi

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    2. Well they haven't played for Arsenal yet so 'Arry definetly won't be going for them.

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  62. Stale at Wolves in their Jaffa Cake shirts.

    Hang on.......

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  63. Don't get that started again jacks.

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  64. “If I was a player here and I saw a new chairman coming in, promising funds for players to mount a serious promotion challenge then I would want to stay." mucky adams

    If i was the manager, however, which I am, I might just fuck off to Gillingham at the first opportunity for a bigger paypacket.

    Duplicitous disloyal..twice..cynical konniving Bastard. Football eh. Machievelli (frankies brother) would be appalled

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  65. Bhb welcome back, even if it's just for the chelski blog. Yiuv been missed.

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  66. Jordie love story..mills and toon

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  67. "Well no one could be worse than jim Gannon."

    Don't quote me on that.

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  68. BLUEHELLSBELLS11 May 2012 16:56
    It makes me hopping mad when people take the piss out of Heather.

    'ello BHB, how are you? We knew you'd be back when Roberto got them to the final, we just had to find a way to disrobe you, Heather it is then! Why can't we take the piss out of heather though? Everyone else seems to be fair game?

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  69. Imus called her "Stumpy The Gold Digger" about three years ago. Still makes me chuckle.

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    Replies
    1. Very fitting that one!

      Delete
  70. Good luck for tomorrow, trotts.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Looks like King Kenny is hell bent on molding the club in to his own image.

    An old, bitter man far past it with little chance of regaining past glories.

    http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/premier-league/liverpool-pr-man-pays-price-for-club-failings-over-suarez-7737891.html

    ReplyDelete
  72. Thanks Blog, City will do their part but will Stoke cooperate? I'm preparing to enter a self induced 24 hour meditational trance, hopefully I'll come out of it to some good news. Things are lookin' up though, there were raccoons in the attic and they've been removed with a 14k dollar bill that the insurance company are picking up, with my share of the 48 million pound parachute money I'll be able to get the new roof and and buy a gun.

    ReplyDelete
  73. A $14,000 bill.

    Wow, those Americans sure do have large denomination notes.

    Crisis my arse.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Crisis, my arse" is what Mitt Romney says when he runs out of the $14,000 bills he uses as toilet paper.

      Delete
  74. Well done to P McNumpty, just when I thought the bottom of the barrel had been scraped, he goes through it and finds all new levels of bad underneath.

    As the season reaches it´s climax in all the leagues in England and many accross the continant, he comes up with the drivel ~Who would be in your all-time UK XI?

    How the fuck does he get away with this shit?

    Cheif football writer, what a fucking joke.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't even bother reading his drivel anymore. Waste of space, time and money that bloke. I still can't believe they ditched Robbo and kept him!

      Delete
  75. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can't tell when Reply works and when it doesn't...

      Delete
    2. Though it worked there... sigh... my responding has been clumsier than a John Terry challenge.

      Delete
  76. Here we go then...

    Come on the mighty Spurs, Bolton, West Brom and Man City.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gross misuse of the word mighty, except maybe for Bolton. ;)

      Delete
    2. That 'gross'comment brought bad memories of Christian Gross flooding back. Thanks for that H. Nightmares about tube tickets and tweed jackets for me tonight.

      Delete
  77. Football. Fucking football. Imagine not being into it. Those poor, poor half-alive bastards.

    ReplyDelete
  78. woahhh what a season... MOTD just might be worth watching tonight...and congrats gooners, thank fuck we don't have to live another week of agony and helplessness like 'the best team in London' has to :D

    --BeeZee

    ReplyDelete
  79. comiserations Trotts... :(

    --BeeZee

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  80. commiserations Trotts. Upside is you can be champions next season. :)

    ReplyDelete
  81. ahhh, thanks Lads, no worries, with all the injuries, red cards and heart attacks coupled with lack of cash, questionable tactics and limited talent, 18th isn't that bad. We'll be back!

    ReplyDelete
  82. Happy St Totteringsday to all my fellow gooners and LWC´s.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Oh and Joey Barton you arec a fuckstick

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  84. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  85. Bad luck there trott, but that's football, the wrong people always win lose and draw. It's a trip down memory lane tho as the chumpionship looks likethe top tier ten year ago give or take the odd team or ten

    ReplyDelete
  86. Most exciting day of footy in a while. Citeh certainly doing a ManU there. Nice all around, except for Bolton. I was hoping Sparky could be there next season.

    ReplyDelete
  87. I honestly think Barton should be prosecuted and sent back to prison like the mad dog he is

    ReplyDelete
  88. Unlucky Trotts. Haven't seen the highlights yet, but sounds like your boys were hard done by.

    ReplyDelete
  89. if I was a QPR fan I'd say that justice was done for that goal they had disallowed against us. However, I'm not, so as a Bolton supporter I'll have to conclude that the ref is a bent on-the-take cunt! Truth be told we're just not good enough and Owen Coyle needs to accept his share of the responsibility because he's fucked up too on occasion, he'll probably admit to that which is why I hope he stays on and keeps learning his job. Anyway, Muamba is on the mend and the raccoons are out of the attic and Euro victory is just around the corner!

    ReplyDelete
  90. What goes around comes around

    signed

    The Racoon Family

    ReplyDelete
  91. My best Arsenal moment of this season has been Thierry Henry's goal against Leeds United in FA Cup.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Apprently Dalglish will be sacked as manager of Liverpool soon.

    Roberto Martinez the man the owners want.

    He's done quite well when it comes to ensure the team doesnt get relegated.

    ReplyDelete
  93. McLeish has been fired.

    One less point with Villa than what he got with Birmingham last season.

    He's a shite manager.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And he looks like a sunburnt scrotum.

      Delete
    2. his position, as they is, untannable.

      Delete
  94. Has McLeish been fired yet? Not on BBC but good news for Villa if it happens.

    More to the point, what a finish to the season! Congrats to Citeh, beat United on cash difference. Gutted West Brom couldn't hold the Gooners. How much will Wongeur miss Pat Rice? Now off to buy some legerhosen. Come on Bayern!

    Tough on Bolton, Trotts, plenty of injuries to cope with, and Coyle seems like a decent bloke.


    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
  95. Thanks Bloggy, nice to be back though i have been lurking/stalking you all form some time now!

    Trotts, you can take the piss out of who you want especially Man U fans today but the 'hopping' bit referred to Heathers one leg so wasn't meant seriously at all ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah I got it Bells and I won't take the piss out of Man U fans, their noble red nosed leader was magnanimous in defeat. i won't even take the piss out of Bayern Munich fans when Chelsea stuff 'em.

      Delete
  96. HEEEEEYYYY BEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLS.

    Wassup girl?

    ReplyDelete
  97. I realize some fellow scousers might shoot me for saying so, but I for one would welcome replacing KD with Martinez.

    Kenny's a legend and always will be so, but after spending a 100 mil, finishing 8th (behind the toffees at that) shows he clearly doesnt have it anymore. He might or might not learn and improve,but the PL is no place for learning stuff.

    If he does stay on, I hope at least he has learnt enough to stop playing his favorite shit players all the time, just to prove a point.

    ReplyDelete
  98. Top 10 finish in all 4 leagues in the FFL. Personal best.

    ReplyDelete
  99. Someone doesn't really like Joey;

    http://mrjimmycorkhill.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/open-letter-to-joey-barton.html

    Admitedly he's not alone.

    ReplyDelete
  100. Tough luck Trott, careful you are not down with the mighty O's in 2014.

    G'day Bells, good to see you back.

    The gunners managed to keep 3rd place just ahead of the best team in London.

    Well done City. they kept their nerve despite ol' rednose's bullshit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'ello Bo,

      how have you been?

      Hows life treating you in the far east but not that far east?

      Delete
  101. G. neville been appointed to Hodgson's backroom staff on a 4 year deal.

    I would have had my reservations had I not seen him work as a football commentator. Seems to read the game well.

    Lets hope it brings some benefit to the team.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. may lead to some ugly scenes in the England dressing room tho...

      Delete
    2. I don't get to see much Sky, but the times I have (on streams) I thought that GNev was very good at what he did, good luck to him.

      Delete
    3. He made Robbie Savage look like a bleached haired shit talking toss pot... Hang on!?!

      Delete
  102. http://i48.tinypic.com/n5seia.jpg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's just brilliant!

      Delete
  103. Dutch midfielder Mark van Bommel broke down in tears as he announced he will leave Italian giants AC Milan and sign for PSV.

    Full story: 101 Great Goals
    ====

    Well, you'd cry to if you were about to take a 60% pay cut.

    ReplyDelete
  104. The new Spurs anthem.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpNOWlv27nc&feature=youtu.be

    ReplyDelete
  105. How do H2

    Hope all is well with you and your pub is doing well. Most importantly, how comfortable is the bathroom floor?

    Nearly home time for me and must be bearly beer time for you


    Spits, nice crack about ugly scenes!

    ReplyDelete
  106. I was taught my typing by FBH * nearly

    ReplyDelete
  107. It has been confirmed, Alex McScrotumface has been given the spanish archer at Villa, I’m surprised he lasted as long as he did, he turned Villa into the worst team to watch in the PL, they were truly pants this season.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/18056282

    ReplyDelete
  108. Hey bells.

    The new gaff's doing ok cheers, plus the added bonus of extra toilets in extra areas gives me a pletora of sleeping places. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  109. Hope the gremlins stay out of my comp for a while

    Anyway congrats to Citeh, as I wanted them to win just to stop ManU, even if it is only for a short time
    and sorry to see Trotts lot go down, esp for the likes of KD

    So as we approach next weekend, good news for Bells, headlines in German papers today, debacle and disgrace, as BM got smashed by Dortmund 5-2 in the German Cup Final, tho they then said lets all be be BM fans for once, but as colleagues at work said, I dont think so(cf ManU)

    So lets all back Chelski, unless you are a Spurs fan,Noel

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry Tone sir, but hell to the no.

      Come Saturday, I’ll be a liederhosen wearing, sauerkraut sucking, bratwurst munching, Warsteiner slurping, Beethoven appreciating, spreakenze deutsche-ing, Munchen mannschaft mad, Bayern fan.

      The thought of JT lifting anything other then one of his team mates' missus' dress up, leaves me feeling quite ill.

      Sorry Bells.

      Delete
    2. H youre right of course, that is the one image I dont want see, that twat with his hands on the cup,

      maybe Woy will upset him this week and tell him to fuck off

      Delete
    3. I can only second H.

      John Terry picking up the Champions League trophy? Hell no.

      Even though Bayern were handed their asses by Dortmund on Saturday I sure wish they find it in themselves to rise up and stuff Chelsea.

      Delete
  110. I saw that Spits, they took a real kicking.

    After winning the Bundesliga last term and the double this, I wonder what kind of seeding Uefa will give them in next seasons CL. Being placed in Pot 4 this year was a fucking joke and an insult.

    ReplyDelete
  111. I'm with tone, I'm no chelski fan unless (they move to battersea power station, and then I am) but to the best of my knowledgd they never tried to kill my grandfather or worship David hasslehoff

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blog,

      its about bloody time you tell us the whole story.

      You grandfather may have died in a nazi prison camp but not coz he was trying to escape.. it was coz he fell off the guard tower, wasnt it?

      Delete
  112. Maybe not, but then again they are partly responsible for the pain you feel everytime you fill your car up.

    Some of their players wouldn't exactly look out of place in a storm troopers uniform either.

    And how do you know that RA wouldn't want to share a KIT with Hasselhoff? He seems to me like the type of guy that would cruise around with him on the landing deck of his Deathstar over the weekend.

    Komm Bayern.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Spits my granddad was one of the inglourius barstewards, a crack troop of furious barmen angered by restrictive practices in German brewing which they understood to be ideological symbols of racial purity. Because of a tragic miscommunucstion involving too much old scruttocks and a faulty hearing aid they embarked on a top secret mission to kill The Hoff. My granddad was the one who held up three fingers in the non German way and they were captured. He only escaped by stealing the hoffs talking car.

    That's what he says anyways.

    ReplyDelete
  114. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  115. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those two posts didn't even match up to my low standards

      BOOOOOIIIIINNNNNG!

      Delete
  116. Well anyways, good luck to chelsea

    ReplyDelete
  117. I want Chelsea to win. They've been major contributors to our interest payments with 15 million for Anelka and 7 million for Cahill when he only had 5 minutes left on his contract. Not to mention, they loaned us Sturridge when he looked like a decent player. Both my Grandads got shot in the trenches defending France in WW1. Though nothin' against Gerry, rumour has it they shot each other.

    ReplyDelete
  118. DID YOU KNOW before they built the national football football ground on the Wembley site, some nutter decided to build a larger version of the eiffel tower. They ran out of money, this is the story if your interested

    http://www.ianvisits.co.uk/blog/2007/10/24/the-tale-of-londons-attempt-to-build-an-eiffel-tower/

    ReplyDelete
  119. Bleeding French ripped off the blackpool Tower

    ReplyDelete
  120. That's fascinating Blog. So the bullets used to shoot my Grandads while they defended France were made from a duplicate of the famous French landmark.

    ReplyDelete
  121. That's right there were loads of North Africans milling around in the trenches trotts trying to hawk bullets in the shape of little Watkins follies

    ReplyDelete
  122. aye, I once saw a picture in Grandad Harry's album of wartime memories of a buxom African looking lass. She must have been his ammunition provider.

    ReplyDelete
  123. As much of an arsehole that Tevez is, I had to chuckle over his R.I.P Fergie sign after the Scots git had said Un**ed would not be underdogs to City in his lifetime.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Bells! I thought I had been dreaming, but you are back. I always knew you wouldn't be able to stay away from our collective, er, charm.

    ReplyDelete
  125. I almost forgot, come on Bayern!!

    ReplyDelete
  126. Noel

    I thought you'd say that, I wonder why?

    ReplyDelete
  127. So Tevez, the toe rag that he is shouldnt have held that 'RIP Fergie' sign but how much class does a 'not in my life time' insult ooze?

    ReplyDelete
  128. cue defense from their PR staff (recently hired from Liverpool), 'His English is not good enough for him to know what RIP means, he thought it meant something different like ripping him a new one...'

    --BeeZee

    ReplyDelete
  129. Sorry to all the Chelski fans (especially Bells), but (to the surprise of no one, I'm supporting Bayern. Do you really want to see "JT" or Cashley lifting the trophy? Really?

    It seems that well known (and well paid) Argentine golfer and part time footballer Carlos Tevez has managed to make a dick of himself. Again. How did he get that banner on the bus?


    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
  130. Derek Acorah all over the news today for saying Madeleine McCann is dead.

    Ignoring that he's a tit,all this outrage over his statement I find a bit odd.Perhaps the McCann family might have considered not going to a restaurant with friends and leaving a 3 year old and a pair of 2 year old twins alone in a hotel apartment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Offence is the cool drug of our times Jacks. Everyone loves taking some.

      Delete
    2. Very true Spits,but the McCann family should be facing charges for what they did.I suppose being middle class,photogenic and employing a good PR man helps.

      Delete
    3. Money does solve a lot of life's problems.

      Delete
  131. Acorah used to play for liverpool.... But I. bet he can't tell Dalglish if he's still got a job

    He's a shameless confidence trickster... Acorah that is.

    ReplyDelete
  132. Looks like Skertl and Kuyt are out of Anfield irrespective of whether KD stays or not.

    ReplyDelete
  133. R. Brooks charged. Lets all not jump to conclusions before a verdict is in.

    That's News International's job.

    ReplyDelete
  134. BREAKING NEWS: Dalglish has resigned.

    ReplyDelete
  135. Bo - how's life in Phillippines, Mr BHB has always wanted to try life over that way. I am not sure whether the lure is that a) you live over there, b) the cheap cost of living or c) the large numbers of attractive Asian women?

    Noel - G'day to you. How's your quest for world domination? I was wondering if a certain Mr Wilkinson may feature in your plans or that the fact he is rumoured (by you) to be dead may be a bit of a hinderance. You could always use him as a door stop/draught excluder

    ReplyDelete
  136. Sorry bhb that last one was for spits

    Spits I know you not really Derek acorah (?)

    I think bhb is implying that you are, noel, with your premature rumours of the death of totalstrangers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can categorically deny any and all rumours implying that I am or have ever been Derek Acorah.

      Delete
  137. BREAKING FOOTBALL NEWS: QPR and Stoke reported to be in "advanced negotiations" to swap Joey Barton for Jermaine Pennant

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just when you think you cant love Stoke more, eh?

      Delete
  138. Ahem. M'lud I put it to you that Mr Spits has confessed to the distinct and imminent probability that he may become the aforementioned Mr Acorah, at some yet unspecified point in the future.

    The crown rests.

    ReplyDelete