Monday 23 January 2012

Nowt for North London

So that’s it, North Londoners. Neither of you are going to win owt this year, and speaking as an ardent Northerner I really wanted both of you to bag the big games yesterday.

"Nah mate I said I'm a dodgy geezer, not a tax-dodgy geezer"

Spurs were desperately unlucky at the Etihad. I confess to being one of them soft-headed fools who’s fallen for the hype when it comes to ‘Arry’s ‘Eroes. First off, don’t they play nice footy? Fast, slick, and with two speedy wingers. It’s like the good old days innit? Matthews and Finney. Vava and Garrincha. David Armstrong and whoever we had on the right-hand side at Ayresome Park.

They’ve got that cast-iron Cockney geezer in charge too. He’s lovely ain’t he? He’s like El Tel meets Mike Reid meets Walker out of Dad’s Army. He’s like Del Boy with a bit of savvy.

And of course they haven’t spent a fortune acquiring this outfit. (They have.)

And they’re up against that blinking Eye-talian and his crudely assembled mercenary millionaires. Yeah. It’s not been a good week for your Italian manager. If it’s not one of ‘em waving imaginary cards like a petulant tour guide, it’s Paolo Di Canio insisting he will keep doing the hokey-cokey on the touchline no matter what they tell him! http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/16670824.stm

Oh and there’s the skipper of the Costa Concordia. Nuff said.

But the true Italian villain of the piece is the tyre-track-headed nutter Mario Balotelli. Crikey has there ever been a bigger bag of contradictions? He makes Gazza look like a high-achieving actuary.

Here's Mario in Mad March training.

I’m slightly bewildered by them that think his stamp on Scott Parker’s head was accidental. Although I must admit when I’m off balance I tend to look for the nearest head to stamp on to get me right again.

People have suggested only Mario knows what he was thinking at the time. On previous evidence Mario doesn’t have a fucking clue what he’s thinking which is why he finds it so easy to stroke home a penalty with the last kick of the game.

Lescott’s assault on Kaboul was more clear-cut but every time I watch that ref I wish he was wearing a Webbcam. The world must look lovely through Howard’s eyes: he sees friends shaking hands, saying ‘How do you do?’ They’re really saying ‘I love you’.

Nevertheless Defoe should've got more than a faint metatarsal on that sitter and Ledley should've stayed on his feet (maybe them old knees just gave way again?). It all meant that the bad guys got by again.

I hear Spurs have put a £150 million price tag on Gareth Bale’s head. (Well I imagine they’ll just dangle it off one of his lugs – I mean you could hang a weighty duffle-coat off ‘em couldn’t you?) Well I hope they keep hold of the lad. When he pins his ears back – and just imagine how fleet he’d be if he had that particular operation – he’s terrifying, and yet he can stroke a cracker like that over a keeper like Hart from a standing position too. If he could only rewrite history and get himself born in Shrewsbury he’d be blinking perfect.

Meanwhile Arsenal continue to prove that in Arsene Wenger they have a manager whose powers are on the wane. The substitution of Oxlade-Chamberlain – a footballer not a village in the Chilterns – for Andrei Arsewipe was dubious enough even before Antonio Valencia went through him like a Ferrari passing through a slum.

Arshavin is getting a whole heap of flak from Gooners this season, presumably on the basis that if they keep giving him lots of shit he might find he has a shit to give. Putting him on at the expense of the only threat Arsenal possessed all afternoon was akin to recasting Die Hard with Alan Carr in the lead role.

But then Arsenal owe their entire season to Robin Van Persie. It’s ironic that in the one season in which the guy stays fit he plays with a bunch of players who aren’t fit to lace his boots.

I kept thinking of Despicable Me. RVP is the criminal genius and everyone else is a furry one-eyed yellow numbskull assistant.

RVP and a myriad Rosickys

How Wenger can continue to select Johann Djourou is beyond me. He’s like a door-knob that keeps coming off in your hand – it looks okay but it doesn’t work and is really bloody annoying.

Time to groom Wenger's successor methinks and get him a comfy chair upstairs.

Capello was at the Emirates. I’m guessing that Walcott might just be overlooked given that at present he can’t pass, shoot or cross and Oxo-Chamberpot was twenty-three times better. But then Fabio still picks Glen Johnson – the English Djourou – ahead of Micah Richards, so Gawd knows who he’ll be picking.

But Spurs apart, those that trail in the Mancs’ wake all look several woggles short of a cub pack. Dalglish’s Liverpool features a breathtakingly expensive assembly of ordinariness. Kenny slated them for the defeat at Bolton but it’s not come as a surprise to the rest of us.

Here's Andy watching another game go by.

Chelsea’s stumbling seem to be focussed ever more on Pretty-Boy Nando. You might say that Dalglish got a fantastic deal on Torres were it not for the fact he spent that 50 million and another ten and a bit on Henderson and Carroll.

And at least Torres is brighter around the park. Only the yawning of the most open of goals makes him panic like a child at the top of a big dipper.

And Newcastle? Well they got beat 5-2 at Fulham. Which is a bit like a baby stealing candy of a codger.

So a two-horse race it is. And despite their position you just can’t see United, shorn of defenders and more often than not downright ropy, hanging on to the coat-tails of Citeh. It could start to be a breeze if the Sky Blues keep getting away with forearm smashes and river-dancing on the temples of others. It’s not like they need the help.

100 comments:

  1. The Bastard Son of Dean Friedman23 January 2012 at 13:17

    We

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  2. The Bastard Son of Dean Friedman23 January 2012 at 13:17

    all

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  3. The Bastard Son of Dean Friedman23 January 2012 at 13:17

    hate

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  4. The Bastard Son of Dean Friedman23 January 2012 at 13:18

    manc

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  5. The Bastard Son of Dean Friedman23 January 2012 at 13:18

    scum

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  6. wenger's biggest mistake wasnt subbing Arshavin in for the Ox.

    His mistake is to have a shite bench like that in the first place.

    FBs are vital and how Wenger thinks he can do well without either of them is beyound many a gooner, including this one.

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  7. Wrongeur's biggest mistakes are blaming the referee for every defeat, and thinking you can play football without a defence. The man's losing it. Pension book please!

    Having said that, can I wave Mancini's credit card around? Balotelli should never have been on the pitch when he was (fairly for the tackle) awarded that penalty. And Lescott should have been off too.


    Jedi

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  8. Another blog without a single mention of Port Vale.

    Otherwise good stuff Robbo

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  9. Another blog without a single mention of Port Vale.

    for that, a good blog Robbo.

    can only imagine the vale situ is worse than Arsenal...

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  10. Wenger's gonna win the CL and then you'll all look real silly.

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  11. Or the bombs in Derry?? With the Brit awards coming next year I don't think the slogan "The Brits are coming" will go down too well with some of the local scumbags here!

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  12. So they are not Brits then, themselves?

    he he.

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  13. Some are born british.

    others have Britishness thrust upon them.....

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  14. There are some people here who refuse to accept being part of the UK (eventhough they have no probs picking up their dole every fortnight)and at the same time despise the Republic. They're a very special breed of cunt that have reached an evolutionary cul-de-sac. They don't even know what they want, all they know is what they don't want.

    Also I've always wondered are people from Northern Ireland British? Is it not Britain and Northern Ireland? Therefore strictly speaking were ukish. It suits us down to the ground.

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  15. Bet they even blame their state of permanently being on the dole on the Brits as well. Or them immigrants.

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  16. Yup! Its the same people who 5 years ago were complaining that Derry was the unemployment hotspot of the UK (its was double the national average). Now they're planting bombs with a view to discourage businesses coming here because Derry now has the "UK" city of culture tag. Possibly the clearest example of cutting off your nose to spite your face ever devised. Bunch of retarded hypocrites. But hey! What can you do?

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  17. How about an independent Scotland united with northern Ireland, rod?

    Or another border inside northern Ireland, Even More Northern Ireland and a population exchange.

    Or what about adopting Espersnto as a language, banning religion and setting up a new North Korean style self sufficient statelet.

    Hope my suggestions help.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, we could call the two countries Taigia and Hunsia! To cross the border you get asked whats the Capital of Taigia (Londonderry or Derry depending on which country you enter). Or joining with Scotland could be pretty cool seeing they've a lot of natural gas! These 2 options are more likely than reunification with the republic I can tell you that!

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  18. Mourinho says he is leaving R Madrid in the summer.

    Which is when capellos contract ends.

    Coincidence?

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  19. Rod the Fierce - It's strange that a nation who are so proud of their nationality actually are really quite confused as to what that nationality is?
    The British Isles includes Great Britain and the island of Ireland and some 6000+ others. Wikipedia gets pretty dense on the whole thing but ends with this:
    The adjective British is commonly used to refer to matters relating to the United Kingdom. Although the term has no definite legal connotation, it is used in legislation to refer to United Kingdom citizenship. However, British people use a number of different terms to describe their national identity. Some may identify themselves as British only, or British and English, Scottish, Welsh, or Northern Irish. Others may identify themselves as only English, Scottish, Welsh or Northern Irish and not British. In Northern Ireland, some describe themselves as only Irish.

    And the people from the RoI don't like the use of the "British Isles", the British Lions is now the British and Irish Lions and so on.

    WHAT A MESS.

    Rastafairy

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  20. Good blog Robbo. Sorry I've been away a year or so, has anything happened in my absense? Has STGP come out of retirement?

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  21. Kenny Dalglish is the Scottish version of Gerard Houllier.
    _________________________________
    I am not Anonymous, I am Profile

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  22. Television cameras captured Arsenal's Robin van Persie voicing his disbelief at Arsene Wenger's decision to sub winger Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain in the Gunners' 2-1 home defeat to Manchester United.
    ==================================================================================

    I doubt that will earn brownie points towards him signing a new contract.

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  23. great blog robbo,
    that 'Despicable Me' bit had me in stitches, I for one will not blame RVP if he moves on in the summer, Wenger has gone senile if he thinks the best forward in the world is gonna want to play infront of fucking ramsey and rosicky, or with wingers like Walcott, who shines for one match and then disappears for a dozen,

    and spot on Spit, the bench is the problem, not just one substitution, which kinda makes it worse/unsolvable if you think about it,

    --BeeZee

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  24. Tried posting this on the last blog but it wouldn't let me:-

    I agree with Spits - he made contact with Parker's head using his boot, but I can't see whether or not it was intentional, and I don't know how you'd ever prove that it was. But what it has done is divert attention away from Lescott's definitely intentional elbow on Kaboul's face. He needs the book throwing at him in the same way that Rooney needed it throwing it at him after the McCarthy assault. But we all know what happened there, so I'm sure this one will get ignored too.
    ----------------------------------------------------
    As for this blog, I think you sum it up well Robbo, as ever. In the news this morning that Balotelli is to be charged over the stamp, but no news on Lescott.

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  25. Is anybody having problems with the font and layout below the line? My lines are squashed-up and run into each other -- the line spacing is giving me a head ache.

    Using Safari on Mac Pro and Macbook Air.
    _________________________________
    I am not Anonymous, I am Profile

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  26. I am having no issues with line spacing or anything else.

    Using pen and paper on the table.
    _________________________________________________________

    Seriously, though, this site wont load at all on my IE9 and Vista. Had to switch to chrome.

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    Replies
    1. IE is generally a big load of shite - Opera is probably the best for appearance

      Delete
  27. Site causing no problems with firefox.

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  28. I can't access comments on IE so have to use Chrome to comment. But even that has been playing up in the last few days.

    Lescott not to face any charges for elbowing Kaboul. So there it is - why bother risking a ban by tackling with two feet? Just use the forearm smash. Refs don't notice it, and the FA don't care about it. Fucking ridiculous.

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  29. Noel,it takes about 200 comments on here now,then you have to click on a link at the bottom that says load more.You put your comment up 3 or 4 times on the last blog.

    Moin moin all.

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  30. Everybody just install Opera. No more problems.

    RodTheFierce you are forgetting about all the Anglo Irish and West Brits living in Dublin. Census guys always have trouble explaining that Anglo Irish is not an nationality!

    Good blog Robbo as always.

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  31. On the Balotelli challenge I'm just relieved he got a ban. If he got away with that I would have been distraught. Although a very bad challenge by Lescott I think it was more clumsy than premeditated so I'm guessing Webb said he saw it and decided to give Lescott the benefit of the doubt. It is a shame though, if City lost Kompany and Lescott for a couple of games they'd be in trouble and Mancini would probably "lose his voice" more often.

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  32. Balotelli hasn't been banned Rod.Just charged.

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    Replies
    1. I don't think theres any chance of this being repealed to be honest. Hes lucky he didn't get a bigger ban.

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  33. It'd be interesting to see how the FA decide on that one...

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  34. Jack... from the last blog... i'll call Friday at 7.30 your time

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  35. Look forward to it Bo.Be nice to catch up.

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  36. Now then Jacks
    Sorry about the defeat in the FFL, then we play again next week, looking forward to it
    -----------------
    As for Mario, from a neutral and having seen it a number of times, I'm still not convinced it was intentional
    The first knock was purely accidental, the follow up seemed the reaction to the first in terms of his balance
    and remember always the ref only has a nanosecond to view the incident, no slo-mos, no panels of twats going over every perceivable angle

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  37. Milky Adams are in an existential struggle redolent of General Custers last stand against al Quaeda at the Battle of the Bulge in 1976

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  38. Nietzsche and Kierkegaard are on your side

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  39. He looked a promising keeper Kierkegaard.Always getting injured though.

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  40. Don't be hard on Harry, he's doing well considering he's only paid minimum wage with a five pound win bonus.

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  41. Thanks for that Jacks - apologies for everyone for multiple posts. As I said in one of my very first posts on Robbo's blogs a few years back, I'm a computard.

    Did you see any coverage of the Tour Down Under, Jacks? A maiden win in their first Tour for GreenEdge, although I guess the Aussies dominate this race anyway so it was probably to be expected. Andre Greipel took 3 stage wins though and looked very strong, although he didn't have much competition really in the sprints - only Mark Renshaw and Alesandro Petacci - who he beat comfortably each time. Phil's Sherwin and Liggot were very impressed with his strength.

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  42. Oh I see, Tevez spat his dummy out in Munich because he'd just been told he wasn't getting a £6 million loyalty bonus (since he's not loyal, obviously). Since then he's been fined a further £3 million, so he's lost this one. Come to think of it he lost the one with SAF n'all. What a cock.

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  43. Greipel is an excellent sprinter.He will be a strong contender for the green jersey in the Tour de France,as I'm not overly convinced Cav has done the right thing to go to Sky.

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  44. the wrong time on this website is a bit confusing.

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  45. When you talk about the Tour Down Under, I thought you meant India playing Aus (which, as SS will tell you, ain't going too well).

    Tevez fined another 6 weeks wages, not been paid since November, and currently sulking in Argentina. City want £25m minimum for him, and won't loan. In summary, Tevez up s**t creek, and not a paddle in sight. You'd have to have far mre money than sense to take him on with all that baggage. Step forward PSG.


    Jedi

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  46. A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

    When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

    "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

    The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

    "From hunger, you mean?"

    "No, from skipping

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  47. Just had a game of footy with some guys from Alaska... not one of them could hit a shot on target.

    They said they were Heskeymos

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  48. If I could understand the time on here I like that, Blog, at 9:23

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  49. But then I've just come from the pub across the road from me.

    Arranged to do a pub quiz in Gernan, free beer for me

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  50. You're right Jedi, the Indian cricket team is getting absolutely spanked at the moment. But they don't look interested at all, and haven't the whole tour. They stand there with their hands in their pockets when they're fielding. Twice I saw possible run outs in the last test but the wicketkeeper MS Dhoni hadn't bothered to run to the stumps so the chances went. And to compound it all, the once great batting line-up is faltering very badly on the Aussie pitches. Hopefully Sachin can play well today on an Adelaide pitch which is as close as they'll get to an Indian type of wicket.

    And it doesn't help when your oppostition batsmen are in top form too - Michael Clarke only the third ever batsman to get a 300 and 200 in the same series, Ricky Ponting back in the 100's and chasing down Dravid as the 2nd highest all time run maker. Plus Warner, Hussey, Cowan scoring well too. And Watson to come back yet.

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  51. Or maybe not. Sachin out for 25, and Gambhir follows soon after. India will do well to avoid the follow-on if it carrys on like this.

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  52. Well, mickey mouse cup or not..feels good to be at wembley after all this time. I remember only too well all the hype at arsenal before their game with birmingham so shall not speak of this again till after feb 26 (if we win). I wonder how this will affect the team for the game against ManU on saturday.

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  53. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/rugby_union/16731820.stm

    Has our rugby team really sunk to these depths?

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  54. Federer vs. Nadal have produced some of the most fascinating matches ever, imo.

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  55. Federer-Nadal is THE el classico.

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  56. roger federer is a cartoon charcter aint he

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  57. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/16738723.stm

    Includes the journalistic classic.....

    And, if the Owls were to go up, and Bolton were to go down, they would be meeting in the Championship next season,

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  58. and nadal a comic action figure?

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  59. Not sure what that would make our Andy spit

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  60. Drug pumped plastic action figure beats 2D cartoon brand figurehead



    Who gives a shit?

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  61. Great pitch for the England job Arry... "I'm shambolic gormless and illiterate, and just because I seem like a cockney shyster it doesn't mean I am."

    Sign him up, FA!

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  62. Good stuff Robbo. Aye Kenny slated the team after we stuffed 'em, Wenger's excuses will be much more entertaining. Come on ye whites!

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  63. It seems Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney has a new passion for music and is prepared to roll with it by purchasing a classic Oasis drum kit.
    ===========================================================================
    What part of Oasis drum kit equals music?

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  64. Just caught up on the last few posts on the previous blog and was staggered to learn that cat shit works on chrome too. Here Kitty Kitty.

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  65. Referee Martin Atkinson will definitely miss the game, after pulling out because of illness. It is now almost 11 months since Atkinson took charge of a Manchester United game, after he was fiercely criticised by Sir Alex Ferguson after United's 2-1 defeat by Chelsea.

    -------------------

    nothing to see here...

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  66. Real Madrid will look to prise Arsene Wenger away from Arsenal if the side, also known as Los Blancos, continue to lose to Barcelona.

    ---

    can totally see this one happen. It will be Arsenal's loss.

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  67. BOLTON DIP TEST n. A quick check of a lady's undercarriage to make sure that she is well-oiled and ready for sexual intercourse.

    --

    he he .

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  68. Murray bottles it again...who would've thunk it :P

    --BeeZee

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  69. That's a very dangerous Insect, that hepatitis bee

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  70. Evra at anfield, Anton to decide whether to shake capt arseholes hand. And some football thrown in along the way.

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  71. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/16759691.stm

    Classy Chelsea.

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  72. Looking forward to a good footballing weekend for Ipswich.

    We have no game.

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  73. Battle of the Bankrupts at vale park. Only a mattr if time before a couple of clubs fold. Hopefully we'll survive.

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  74. Morning jacks. It's f.ing freezing here so I don't envy you oo in buxton. Actually I do. Have a good day mate

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  75. Will do.Quite a strange journey in this morning.Last night was hard work,lots of wet snow,tricky driving conditions on Ax Edge.This morning I passed 3 abandoned cars and an abandoned bus.Plus the Dancing On Ice contestants training on the hills.

    Cold but lovely here this am.

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  76. Now I wonder what excuse Rodders will use.

    A)Maxi should have been sent off

    B)Carroll fouled Evans.

    C)De Gea was fouled for the first goal.

    D)It's a noddy cup anyway.

    E)All of the above.

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  77. Or will he reply with

    F)Youse and your hatred of Un**ed etc etc

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  78. Although I will agree,in advance,that the Liverpool crowd booing Evra,as inevitable as it was,was pretty childish.

    Plus ITV,why keep showing Suarez all the time?

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  79. Well thats both Mancs taken care of this week then. Back to business at the PL and time to draw/lose the one against wolves on saturday.

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  80. Jack, you have Rod all wrong. He just wont make an appearance until next week.

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  81. It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town. - Tacoma, Washington law.

    I could imagine that working in Kentucky but I doubt it being too successful anywhere else.

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  82. The Virgininia legislature passed a law in 1658 outlawing lawyers.

    No it is longer on the books... the sensible laws often fall by the wayside.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Liverpool's bid to swap £35m record signing Andy Carroll for Argentine striker Carlos Tevez has been turned down by Manchester City.

    ----

    they must be running low on twats, what with Suarez banned....

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  84. A game of 2 halves at the Emirates?

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  85. Thats the spirit of FA Cup then.

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  86. All those elbows Mcleish claims to have recieved during his career scrambled his brains, the man's a dick who should have gone down to the CHampionship, where he belongs, with Birmingham.

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  87. Another one from the long line of Fergie's great disciples and 'ol mates clogging up the football up and down this country....

    Bruce, Pubis, McLeech, Bog Sam, ....

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