Monday 29 August 2011

I 8-2 inform you but...

Arsene, Arsene, Arse....

What the hell is going on? That’s the first time he’s ever selected a first XI using a tombola. I’m not sure what the team instructions were either... Let’s keep it shite for the first hour? Go out and depress yourself? It struck me that while United played a fluid 4-4-2, Arsenal played a 0-10-0 with everyone in the hole.
Wenger had his head in his hands before the game started.

Seriously though, I’ve never seen owt like it. You might say the senior players never really came out of their shells at Old Trafford. Of course invertebrates live in shells and this was as spineless a performance as you are likely to see from any team this season.

Arsenal’s great strength – passing, moving, creating – the chief architects of this at present are Arshavin and Rosicky. Like a stampede of horses being fronted by a couple of fat, gelded Shetland ponies.

Andriy and Tomas take a break during training

I’m just guessing that they sit around at training until Pat Rice looks over at ‘em and then they hurriedly break into a bout of gentle trotting til he buggers off again.

Arch victim of Sunday’s debacle was the lad Carl Jenkinson. He’s 19, and looks like he’s been left at Paddington station with a note a round his neck, bless ‘im. Walcott railed at him at one point, which must’ve made buoyed him up. After all there’s not enough space in the universe for what Theo doesn’t know about defending (witness the trip on Evra).

At least Jenkinson was trying, mind, until he became the third straight red card for Arsenal in the Premier League. Each one of them was making their full debut, I believe. Which suggests that the wearing of an Arsenal shirt involves some sort of Faustian pact in which you have to surrender 90% of your brain function.

There was a mitigating circumstance (not, mind you, the one about our boys being tired after midweek – Arsene goes to that option faster that an Allardycean centre-back goes to hitting it long).

No there were eight players out – or eleven depending on who’s doing the maths. Of those the big miss was Vermaelan, the only tent-peg in Wenger’s wind-blown canvass of a defence. Even the Belgian couldn’t have covered for the dithering of Djourou. He’s got all the strength and positional sense of a fledgling sparrow that’s fallen out of the nest.

Van Persie tried to look forward to the next game – home to Swansea, which has banana skin written all over it – and said the team gave of their maximum. Really? That’s the best they could do? Jeez, that might even call an audible ripple of discontent at the Emirates Library.

There was no Song, Wilshere and Gervinho; and Sagna, Gibbs and even Squillaci might’ve helped. But United don’t have Ferdinand, Vidic or Rafael available either. It just so happens that Ferguson has bought replacements – and good ones at that. And that is why this sorry drubbing leaves you pointing the finger at Monsieur Obstinate.



His squad has no depth, except in the matter of tiny midfield tippy-tappers. He’s had the whole summer to line up his targets in central defence, central midfield, centre forward... and he’s signed the Ivorian with the head of a river dolphin and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain who sounds for all the world like one of them promising English sprinters who turns to shite when he hits his twentieth birthday.

The good news is that Wenger has signed a South Korean who was very much on Fulham’s radar a couple of seasons ago. That’s where he’s at now, picking up Fulham rejects. South Korea must be the most recreational of countries – there’s Parks bleeding everywhere.

So, three days to get back on the trail of some decent players. Somehow you’ll be surprised if he manages to muscle Cahill or Samba over to the Emirates, whereas you just know Harry Redknapp’s going to be standing in front of the press on Thursday morning conjuring footballers out of every box, top hat and sleeve while Kevin Bond plays his Debbie McGee.

Not that Spurs haven’t got a worry or two. Two thumping defeats from Manchester outfits and Harry’s been bleating like a forlorn lambkin about all the transfer speculation surrounding Modric and Crouch. My heart bleeds, H. And Spurs being such a poverty-stricken club n all.

Daniel Levy appears to be the only person left in the country who thinks Modric is going nowhere. £40 million quid you’d get for him, Dan. It’s not like the money’d be wasted, is it? I mean you haven’t got Wenger for a manager.

Still while we crow about North London’s plight – HA! – it all means that the Manchester stronghold on English football has grown all the tighter. Those of us expecting Dzeko to turn from Ugly Duckling into Ugly Duck have been rudely surprised. Mancini’s got that side by the scruff of its neck and in Aguero, Silva and Nasri he’s got a little triangle of delight to rival any that you might have come across while late-night googling.

Meanwhile, Fergie’s latest vibrant rebirth, with Rooney very much at the delivery end, is a joy to behold. I’m not entirely sure about the success of the Wazza barnet, mind you. It still looks like a child has filled in the gaps with a felt-tip to me.

You can't help feeling if a comb-over was good enough for Sir Bobby then... respect the traditions, Wayne

It’s true to say that City’s success is built on obscene wealth while Fergie’s success is built on perceptive purchases and a canny youth squad. Oh, and obscene wealth.

Only Dalglish’s Liverpool threaten the Mancunian dominance, and even then that’s as a nettle threatens a carthorse. It could be a long few years for the ABM brigade.

Oh and re Usain Bolt’s false start and how we might have to change the rules... Bollocks, Mr KFC knew what the rules were and he fucked up. End of. Unless we want to give him his gold medal BEFORE the final and treat the race as his coronation.

As we say on Teesside 'Hard fucking cheese, you dopey bastard.'



309 comments:

  1. 1st! United are 1st!!!

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  2. and 2nd! City are 2nd!!!

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  3. Good blog Robbo.

    Feels gr8-2 see you echoing sentiments of many Arsenal supporters. I am still wondering what could'nt be achieved in 2 long summer months, how Wenger is going to achieve that in next 2 days?

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  4. What time is it Mr. Wenger? it's 08:02...

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  5. Good stuff Robbo, if it wasn't so fucking hilarious it'd be sad. No wait, I'd best rephrase that. If it wasn't so sad, it'd be mildly amusing.

    And nice to see Fergie supporting Wenger, class act that Fergie. cul8r (Jimmy).

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  6. Sign someone Arsene! Anyone! Louis Spence, Jedward and Justin Bieber would be a more resilient defence than those clowns

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  7. blogdignag said...

    Sign someone Arsene! Anyone!
    -----------
    Before it is 2-l8!

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  8. I am starting to see the funny side of the result. ;)

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  9. Upto 9th place in H2H league after win over Trotts. Significant improvement.

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  10. new meaning of AIDS...Arsenal Is Dying Slowly

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  11. mwaura van persie29 August 2011 at 15:42

    Wh@t the fuck...Arsene....Do the f@cking buy, and do it first....and not some Korean Shit,

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  12. 2 consecutive arsenal blogs. jacks is probably in exile by now.

    And a nice jump to 6th place in the H2H and 11th in the regular league. I'd be happy to end the season now :).

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  13. Well the arsenal blogs are definitely useful in getting new posters in. Just about 20 comments and I can already see 2-3 non-regulars in here. get in guys.

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  14. Joey Barton has convinced Manchester City winger Shaun Wright-Phillips to join Neil Warnock's revolution at Premier League new boys QPR.
    ------------------------------------------
    There's hope for you yet Trotts.

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  15. The trouble for arsenal is not the money they have available for players, its the wages. Arsenal won't break their wage structure it seems and therein lies the problem. Nobody will go there for the money they're being offered.

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  16. Re the false start....I think the new rule is crap. He obviously doesn't need to cheat, so an innocent mistake ruins the race.

    The old rule where only the first false start is allowed then the next false starter was disqualified was also wrong. Give them 2 chances like the good old days of alf tupper. It's more dramatic.

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  17. Its one hell of a thrashing that Wenger Boys took at hands of fergie's merciless assassins.

    If this hasnt woken up the eton boys (Arsenal board) and the silent stan into action, nothing will.

    Things can only get better, surely?

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  18. H,

    re your post from the previous blog:

    I'd sadly be in London for when the game vs. Dortmund is in Germany and in Italy/Switzerland when it will be played in London.

    Funnily enough, this time around it might not be as hard to sécure a ticket either.

    I wonder why.

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  19. Top Blog Robbo,

    nothing new really, apart from the low that my beloved club fell to on a football pitch.

    It will turn around though and I must disappoint al the doom mongers that Arsenal wont go of the way of Leeds. Not because they are too big to fail, its because this kick in the nuts might help break the wage structure at London N5 and that may not guarantee any silver view, it will definitely stem the slide.

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  20. Noel,
    No, I don't keep my burgundy in the refrigerator (unless it is white in which case I do chill it for about forty five minutes).
    Back to Arsenal. Aside from Cahill, what other players do you think we ought to buy? Any thoughts?
    That Was Deliberate

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  21. Arsenal are reportedly trying to sign Yossi Benayon.

    Apparently the answer to solve an injury crisis is to sign one of the most injury prone footballers out there.


    on a positive note:
    NTV Sport in Turkey are reporting Arsenal have agreed a fee in the region of €7m for Fenerbache full-back Andre Santos

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  22. Spit, that's good news.
    Another advantage of signing earlier rather than later is obviously allowing players to gain better understanding of each other. That seems to be a praeternatural problem for us though any way.

    Robbo,
    I could be mistaken but I thought van Persie said they did not play at maximum.

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  23. Andre Santos is 28 and has played a fair bit with different clubs.

    If he's any good, he wouldnt need a year to realise you dont back off of the winger thats about to cross towards your goal.


    Also hearing Arsenal have had a bid rejected for Mario Götze from Borussia Dortmund and plan to rebid tomorrow (could well be just a rumour).

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  24. That Was Deliberate should have signed off the above. Sorry for being doubly anonymous. On an interesting note, if you look at the money we have made through sales and through qualifying for the group stages, as compared to the money spent on new players, the ratio is approximately 4:1, which can of course be thought of as 8:2.

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  25. I didn't hear the Yossi rumour. I did hear that Alex from Chelsea is being linked with us. Again one can invent a rumour at leisure. Let's say we are in pursuit of Adam Johnson because he's riding the pine at Citeh.
    Incidentally, I fear that the Park snatching was either a "fuck you" at Lille for not being more amicable wih Hazard, or just tanked any chance of ever getting Hazard. Or both.
    TWD

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  26. Oh! why are al the red lions infected with AIDS? And yet chewing up Arsenal from left, right,back and forward with just the centre left. Arsenal have the AIDS(arsenal is dying slowly) now and are surely going to die. So for how long is Wenger going to keep them alive?g up Arsenal from left, right,back and forward with just the centre left. Arsenal have the AIDS(arsenal is dying slowly) and are surely going to die. So for how longer is Wenger going to keep alive?Oh! why are al the red lions infected with AIDS? And yet chewing up Arsenal from left, right,back and forward with just the centre left. Arsenal have the AIDS(arsenal is dying slowly) now and are surely going to die. So for how long is Wenger going to keep them alive?g up Arsenal from left, right,back and forward with just the centre left. Arsenal have the AIDS(arsenal is dying slowly) and are surely going to die. So for how longer is Wenger going to keep alive?

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  27. Ipswich won at the weekend.

    As did Newcastle (Mrs Jack's team)

    As did Stoke (Kathryn and Elizabeth's team)

    And our PL record stayed intact,conceding 9 at Old Trafford.

    I'm hoping Robbo is doing the same as Sky,getting the blogs/games about the minor teams out of the way before the season gets going.

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  28. As did the Millers, and without the Fondue, and long may it continue, but not at the expense of BO's O's

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  29. Shite weekend for North London teams eh? Looks like Man City have finally spent enough to blast us well into the weeds.

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  30. Is the sympathy vote growing for AW?

    Seems like it is the board sticking to its pay structure

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  31. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/14717213.stm
    ---------
    Cool. Get this deal done!

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  32. Andre Santos and Per Mertesacker due in London for medical ahead of their respective medicals before signing for Arsenal.

    Finally, 2 months late but they are waking up at Arsenal to what a bolloxed state the team is in.

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  33. And selling a left back to QPR - Armand Traore signs 3 year deal. Shifting some of the deadwood?

    Noel

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  34. Traore was thwarting worst performance against united. The others were shoved in with meagure experience if any but Armand was there with full season with portsmouth and raw last season with juventus. Looked pretty pleased with himself after the loss.

    Good ridance

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  35. now if AW would please offload/shoot/incarcerate/... Rosicky and Arshavin, I might start to forgive him for the state my facebook wall and email inbox are in at the hands of my IOU supporting 'mates' (keep them closer and all that...)

    --BeeZee

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  36. here's a news for you, Owen Hargereaves is having medical at Manchester City.

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  37. as I say, good riddance.

    I'd be wary of a player who starts life at a new club by making excuses for the shite work he did at the one he just left after years of stay at the previous club.

    http://www.qpr.co.uk/page/NewsDetail/0,,10373~2435486,00.html

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  38. Wow - traore, SWP and Joe cole likely to join QPR this week. Poor bastards.

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  39. Add Anton Ferdinand to that list.

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  40. I cannot understand why they have no interest in Poulsen. He should fit right in.

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  41. Garry Cahill to Spurs is imminent.

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  42. its all kicking off a day earlier ...

    1612: FOOTBALL: Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp reveals the deal to sign Scott Parker is almost done. He said: "It's very close. He's a good lad, with a great attitutude, he was Footballer of the Year last year He'll be a good addition for this football team. He's a proper family man and a good pro."

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  43. mornin' Lads, GC to Spurs? Good luck to him and them.

    Will Sepp Blatter please fuck off back to his bunker.

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  44. Welcome J. Y. Park to Arsenal FC. A few more expected as deadline day draws closer. Keep them coming!

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  45. 1618: FOOTBALL: Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp on Peter Crouch: "There's a few clubs want him. It's up to him. It's an area we are overloaded in."

    -------------------------------

    WHAT? Ok we're overloaded in the 'useless fuckwits who can't hot a cow's arse with a banjo' department, but what we're really overloaded on are fucking midfielders.

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  46. and Lile signing Joe Cole on loan for the season.

    Looks like spurs dodged the bullet there.

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  47. Better late than never I guess for Arsenal. While nothing can be done about the liverpool and Man U results, a defensive combo of TV and Mertesacker should work exceedingly well for the rest of the season. And I'm certain that there will be 1-2 more high quality signings to come from AW in the next 36 hours.

    Liverpool strangely quiet with the TDD looming. I think we have got most of the key gaps already addressed, but would like to be a bit greedy and see a wide right player and a 3rd striker added by tomorrow.

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  48. In all my years of following the gunners, I'd never seen anything like last Sunday.

    Funily enough, I wasn't even that suprised/shocked. When i saw the team sheet I posted here that we would need a miracle to come away with our arse intact..... That miracle did not arrive. What was also strange was the feeli8ng that we were very much in the game up untill about 15 mins in the second half.

    Wenger will never put out a team to park the bus, he wouldn't know how, but even if I live to be 100 I will never understand why the fuck he took off the only defencive minded midfielder, Coquelin, who wasn't doing too badly considering he was making his debut and replaced him with another debutant Oxfam-Chamberpot, who is a winger. This to me was utter madness, even worse, sucidial against a team of IOU's pedigree.

    I do not however blame Wenger for the strange going ons over the summer, a little bit of research will tell you (if your brain works) that there's a lot more to this then first meets the eye.

    On the subjects of Nasrigas, I'm sure he expected at least one of them to still be around now, he made this statement at the begining of the summer;

    "You can't be a big club if you sell off your best players."

    At first everybody thought it was a statement of intent, but if you consider what's been going on, you can also see this as a statement directed at the board, in other words, What the fuck are you playing at? Hold Cesc to his contract and give gready samir a little more to keep him.

    Nobody had ever heard of Mata, he was all set up to join Arsenal, reportedly a deal was agreed between the two clubs until Chelsea got wind of this and came in offering twice the amount in wages and a private bathroom on Roman's soon to be built Death Star. Wenger identified the player, the board (Dick Law) fucked it up.

    The same Mr Law was sent to Bolton to finalise a deal for Cahill, he fudged that one up so badly that Bolton thought it was necassary to come out crying to the media and on (anti)social networks about how they'd been wronged. A bit of a chavvy move, but it does make you wonder how bad a negoiater the guy is. What did he do? whip out his Dick Law and slap it across Gartsdale's face screaming, "give us Cahill you Ewok looking Pie Muncher"?

    No wonder he might be going to Spurs,

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  49. BREAKING NEWS : Sensational Exclusive - Wayne Rooney signs for Port Vale.

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  50. H - Trouble is Romans Death Star is shaped like a football and sheik moneycunt at Citeh is building a Death Star shaped like Agueros left boot

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  51. BREAKING NEWS : a teacher has discovered an image of a reindeer at least 12000 years old scratched into a cave wall during the last ice age. Ancient writing beneath the image has just been translated ; "gods all fucking mighty its fucking freezing in here. Haven't seen one of (these) for years. Time to die. Stig." .

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  52. ..."fuck me its boring being a caveman. When is some fucker going to invent football. Stig."

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  53. What is the difference between Spurs and a triangle ?
    .........
    A triangle has three points...

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  54. you'd think the sole purpose of spurs is to make life better for gunners.

    We have a paltry one point , they have none.

    After Sunday's drubbing at home to City, the fans might be forgiven at thinking, "hey, my team lost 5 goals at home, perhaps I might have luck at a sympathy shag if I play my cards right."

    Up come arsenal with a toinking of the century thereby rendering any spurs hopes nil.

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  55. H,

    well, you are not the only one who did not see the thrashing coming. It was a long time in the making but the only consolation is that it happened away from home ant it happened at hands of the reigning champions.

    Does not make it better obviously, just slightly bearable.

    Like the rapist using some kind of a lubricant.

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  56. Reports in Israel:

    Yossi benayoun heading to Spurs to have medical.

    Scott Parker also close to signing for spurs subject to medical after handing in transfer request at wet spam.

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  57. AH,

    you got your wish. LFC announce an agreement with French side Avian to take him away.

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  58. perhaps it would be less cryptic if I had mentioned the subject of my above post is Christian Poulson.

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  59. With Cole to Lille, and Poulsen to Avian, LFC will be saving 150k a week on parking charges on their bench.

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  60. There is a god after all Spit.

    Liverpool FC have tonight confirmed that they have reached agreement with Evian Thonon Gaillard for the transfer of Christian Poulsen.
    -----------------------------------------------
    What a fantastic name for a club. Evian Thonon Gaillard.
    If this turns out to be the day we sold cole, ngog and poulsen, then Aug-30 should be a bank holiday in liverpool every year.

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  61. Add ngog to that list spit and thats 190k a week.

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  62. In Park, Mertesacker and Santos we have signed a striker, a cetral defender and a LB.

    All thats missing from the shopping list and an area of great urgency is a central midfielder.

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  63. the only consolation is that it happened away from home ant it happened at hands of the reigning champions.

    ===========================================================

    That might be good for you Spit... I'd rather it been at the hands of Shitkicker Atheletic personally... or anyone other than Un**ed.

    As you said Spit, it can only get better from here... can't it... well, can't it... convince me mate.

    A bit of good news for a change... seems as though we have signed Mertesacker... or at least probably have if he passes the medical.

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  64. Well, for all the doom-mongers (not here but on other fora), let's look at the positives:
    1. We got rid of a mercenary in Nasri.
    2. We got rid of Fabergate by sending him home, albeit after too long a 'transfer sage' (did that collocation even exist 20 years ago?).
    3. No ill-will toward Cesc: I'd leave U of Michigan to return to London any day, but as it is, the academic job market in the UK (broadly construed, and I mean broadly) is poor in humanities whilst it is on the rebuild in the States. If I left Ann Arbor for any UK school, and Ann Arbor is lovely, I should hope that my colleagues would wish me well, as it is simply a matter of wanting to go home. No pot-shots, no desultory asides, just an honest and open departure. Prolonged, yes, to the point of not being able to eat enough to vomit enough, but Cesc served and did not backbite. Nasri, I haven't enough expletives to describe my feelings toward him. He is a mercenary and he will find his career twittering (pardon the pun) out before too long.
    4. The Beeb morons seem to be downplaying Mertersacker. I'm sorry, but I played Div 1, and have 2 SFA badges (please, no hammering me over Scottish footy, please?) and I have to say, one has far, far underestimated Mertersacker. I am 6'1" and was moved from right wing to CF for no other reason than my height. In football terms, for those who actually attend football games, 6'6" is massive. 5'8" is the average height--anecdotally, so please don't capsize me with stats--for most footballers at semi-pro and/or pro. And most keepers--surprise surprise--are not as tall as most bandwagon jumpers think. Mertersacker could mean the difference between finishing 6th and finishing 4th (I say that in the positive favour of Per without determinism).
    5. As H2H has said, we don't know what goes on beyond media reports from both within and without the club. Cahill, as much as I would love to have him, is overpriced, and Coyle seems to have forgotten (Cultural Amnesia, as Clive James' book was entitled?) that our loaning Bolton Wilshere helped them out massively, helped out England massively, and in reciprocity helped out Arsenal massively as he returned with the mentality of a starter.
    6. Let us not be irrationally exuberant here: There is also a January transfer window, and it is my belief that since 2008 that is the window where we have suffered most. I know we should have sold/bought in June/July, but January and the squad status in February is what has ostensibly cost teams in the top 6 spots over the past 6-odd seasons. Patience.
    7. Dovetailing with patience, if you are an Arsenal fan, go on with a coming-up-roses-or-I'm-miffed attitude. If you are a SUPPORTER, then support. I trust AW to get this sorted out, and I think we will finish top four. And you know what? If we finish 10th, God forbid, I will still wear my scarf with pride.

    SHINE ON, GUNNERS. Shine on.
    __
    That Was Deliberate

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  65. I meant "transfer saga". I hate it when Apple products attempt to correct my spelling.

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  66. Anonymous said...
    I meant "transfer saga". I hate it when Apple products attempt to correct my spelling.
    ___
    That Was Deliberate.
    Sorry for not being able to recover my password. And sorry for not signing off with my erstwhile screen name. That Was Deliberate of course comes from Henry's outrageous flick-flick-over-the-shoulder-back-to-goal-outside-of-the-box-cracker against United.

    "THAT was deliberate! THAT was an attempt on goal!"

    Now for our top (imagining in form) XI

    Wojciech Tomasz Szczęsny

    Sagna Mertersacker Vermaelen ? (TBD)

    Song Ramsey

    And.....?

    Thoughts, Gunners?

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  67. It seems we are missing a spot in CM, as several of you have pointed out. Ramsey and Wilshere are similar to the pairing of Frimpong and Song: slightly tautological. Unless we can shape one of Ramsey or Wilshere into an attacking role, which should not be difficult with the departures of Cesc and Na$ri.

    What about playing Walcott in the centre, RvP on left flank, and Gervinho on right flank? With freedom to overlap and/or exchange as circumstances change throughout a match?

    Bendtner is off to Stoke. Stuff him.

    Shine on. Shine on.

    VICTORIA CONCORDIA CRESCIT

    Shine on.

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  68. 6.35 was TWD, viz., me.

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  69. TWD, the US is richer in the humanities than the UK... well I'll be buggered.

    Training one of the midfielders to play a more attacking role is fine TWD providing we buy in an attacking midfielder while the training is taking place.... enough time has been spent training young players it's time we incorporated a few experienced players into the mix.

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  70. I'm playing Scholesy and Spit in the H2H's this week... easy 3 points for you guys.... just try to keep it below 8-2 guys.

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  71. Morning Bo. No PL this weekend...

    Looking forward to D-Day today... quick announcement of 2 defenders and then possible arrival of Arteta or Fellaini or Yann Villa

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  72. "Owen" Hargreaves is so-named because people are always asking "Oh, when will he be fit?"

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  73. He may end up at the Arsenal Jack, he's not likely to draw a lot of attention from the big clubs.

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  74. So I'll be playing them next week then SS... the same result though.

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  75. Transfer deadline day. The greatest day of the year, bar none. January transfer deadline day comes a close second. I'm so glad I'm not an Everton fan.

    Noel

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  76. Anonymous said...
    Transfer deadline day. The greatest day of the year, bar none.
    Noel
    ------------------------------

    The greatest day of the year is 2nd September Noel. Also known as blowjob day. Or alternatively my birthday.

    Colch

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  77. That's only a few days away Colch - you must be getting excited.

    Noel

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  78. Joe Hart's measured reaction to Owen Hargreaves' move to join him at Man City: "Pardon? Is he? Wowzers. Where's that come from? Really?"

    Noel

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  79. It came from the 50's Noel... probably been watching re-runs of "Happy Days".

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  80. Tottenham midfielder Tom Huddlestone on Twitter: "Can't believe who just sneaked into the training ground the back way! Wow."

    Bluff??????

    Colch

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  81. I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.
    I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection...
    But she did.

    Colch

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  82. I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.
    I said "You're pulling my leg"

    ReplyDelete
  83. An old lady is being examined by the Doctor. He asks "Have you ever been bedridden?"
    She says "Yes, I have, and I've been table ended, and backskuttled a few times too".

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  84. Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse!
    Do you think I should change dentists?

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  85. I was in the pub with my missus last night and I said "I love you". She said "Is that you or the beer talking?"
    I replied "It's me talking to the beer".

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  86. When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

    And then I saw her face.

    Colch

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  87. A Jewish man went down to Carrow Road to buy a season ticket for next year. The woman on the desk asked, "Are you circumcised?" The man replied, "Well of course I am, I'm Jewish". "I'm sorry I can't sell you the ticket" the woman replied, "you have to be a complete prick to support Norwich".

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  88. I'm an avid campaigner for the preservation of endangered animals.

    You should taste my panda jam.

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  89. I can't believe it. Me and my girlfriend were sitting watching TV when the founder of Apple just walked into the house and took all our Mr Sheen!

    Bloody Jobs, coming over here and stealing our polish

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  90. That's a good set of Christmas crackers you've got there Colch.

    Noel

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  91. Big news coming in on transfer deadline day. Colchester have just bought................a new set of flourescent training bibs.

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  92. Just seen on TV that Lionel Messi landed at Kolkata' s international airport.













    Ofcourse, he is here for playing a friendly against Venezuela team.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Oustanding stuff colch..nice way to start the day.

    You're spot on about TDD Noel, I was barely able to sleep last night. good stuff. And we're rid of Joe Cole's salary as well, just Ngog to go then. Jovanovic, Kyrgiakos, Insua, Ayala, El Zhar, Cole, Poulsen all gone. Coates, Enrique,Adam,Downing,Henderson in. Excellent transfer business after many years. Can they finish it off in style today ? My top picks - adam johnson, ibrahim afellay, daniel sturridge (in a meireles swap).

    ReplyDelete
  94. mornin' lads, gr8 2 chuckle along there Colch.

    Looks like Owen is Ngoging to land his man, he could be the next Mandy.

    ReplyDelete
  95. He could be there earlier than that Trotts. He could be there next Sundy.

    ReplyDelete
  96. Comic Relief day would seem most appropriate for that transfer.

    ReplyDelete
  97. James Milner to Liverpool ? Oh dear god.

    ReplyDelete
  98. We might as well have kept Joe Cole.

    ReplyDelete
  99. The greatest day of the year is 2nd September Noel. Also known as blowjob day. Or alternatively my birthday."

    When it comes to gifts, some say it is better to give then to recieve....

    I am not one of those persons,

    Some nice gags there Colch and here's wishing you a happy B'day (or BJ'day)

    ReplyDelete
  100. I can't get to excited by the whole TDD debacle,

    It's just an excuse fior twats on SSN to act like they're pluged into the scene by regurgatating heresay and speculation, What's even worse is that every no mark with a twitter account get's quoted and this is somehow supposedf to constitute news?

    It's pretty silly too, you've had two mounths to get your shit together (take heed Arsenal board) yet you chose to try to do it in the final 24hrs?
    It's tantamont to having a first look at a book the night before your exams or doing all your Xmas shopping on the 24th of December at 16:30.

    Transfer deadline day???

    Bah Humbug.

    ReplyDelete
  101. Holloway2Holland said...
    It's tantamont to having a first look at a book the night before your exams or doing all your Xmas shopping on the 24th of December at 16:30.
    -------------------------------------------
    Guilty on both counts. I guess thats why TDD appeals to me.

    ReplyDelete
  102. Well good for you. AH.

    Enjoy your day.

    ReplyDelete
  103. Well done 'Arry.

    Another midfielder signed.

    Just a few more and you'll have them all.

    ReplyDelete
  104. Now I've gone and jinxed it. Just when I said I was happy with the transfers this season, it seems like benayoun and bellamy are headed back to Liverpool. FFS.

    ReplyDelete
  105. So that's Palacios off on his way then as we've got Parker. No idea where the fuck we're going to play Parker but as we saw at West Ham he'll sweat blood when it comes to putting a shift on in the field.

    Anyone reckon we'll get away with a 1-1-24-1 line up next game?

    ReplyDelete
  106. The Beeb have Gyan handing in a transfer request. Wonder who's behind that, if true. 'Arry maybe ?

    ReplyDelete
  107. 5 mill Parker cost us.

    Gyan and Crouch swapping teams would be plausible assuming we have anything to do with that AH.

    By the way Poulsen's off to France.

    ReplyDelete
  108. This is really funny. Lorient Vs L Orient.
    =========================================
    Could the Hammers' east London neighbours Leyton Orient be about to emulate them with a swoop for two South Americans superstars in the making, as has been reported this week? Er, no. they might have actually signed for French side Lorient instead.
    =========================================

    ReplyDelete
  109. BBC sports news correspondent Dan Roan on Twitter: "David Ngog is currently having a medical at Bolton as Liverpool continue to off-load fringe players - deal imminent."
    -----------------------------------------

    I can hear Trott rejoicing from here.

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  110. T20 game at Old Trafford... Here's hoping England don't do a Man U act to India.

    ReplyDelete
  111. If Bendtner earlier and now Crouch both join Stoke then its safe to bet that opposition will have to play on Harry Potter's broomsticks and play Quidditch instead of football.

    ReplyDelete
  112. Heh, add Delapidator's missile like bludgers - I mean - throw ins and they'd have a fine Quidditch team SS

    ReplyDelete
  113. Bentdner's deal with Stoke (alledgedly) colapsed hours ago.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Could be losing Bassong, Jenas, Palacios and Crouch tonight and getting Cahill in. Fuck knows.

    Bet none of that happens before I turn in for the night and I bet any deal we make becomes a repeat of the nonsense surrounding VdV last year.

    ReplyDelete
  115. Do you think Arry has pulled the plug on the fax machine, just in case, Star?

    ReplyDelete
  116. Nah, he'll claim some yob broke in and looted it H :)

    ReplyDelete
  117. Arsenal's move for Arteta fell through because they offered only $10 million. Well, time is not an issue I guess, so they can surely play these games now. Not like its happened before in recent time.

    H2 - looks like your Dick Law is a negotiating genius.

    ReplyDelete
  118. Liverpool have announced they have completed the signing of USA U18 striker Villyan Bijev.
    The players doesn't yet have a work permit so he has also completed a simultaneous loan to German side Fortuna Dusseldorf with effect from Wednesday.
    ===========================================

    Okie, so this guy may or may not be good, but my rant following this isnt really specific to him.

    So here's a guy who is going to earn probably close to a million quid a year and will pay taxes on that. He is not allowed to work in the UK, so he goes out to Germany where they have no problem letting in a professional sportsperson and collecting on his taxes. We of course have no issues with screwing students out of their education as the government has no money owing to poor tax collections. Isnt this just fucking ridiculous.

    ReplyDelete
  119. 2020: DONE DEAL (courtesy of BBC radio 5 live senior football reporter Ian Dennis)
    Bolton have completed the signing of Liverpool's French striker David Ngog. There was talk of a £4m fee for the 22-year-old earlier today but I will firm that up for you when I can.
    ------------------------------------------------
    You can relax and start celbrating now Trott. You've got your man. Now just need SWP to sign and you're sorted.

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  120. Ngog is going to Bolton it seems. Crouch is apparently at Stoke at the minute.

    ReplyDelete
  121. 2038: DONE DEAL
    Chelsea winger Gael Kakuta has joined Bolton on loan until 1 January, the London club has confirmed.
    ---------------------------------------

    Another one for Trott.

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  122. Bendy's spending the season at Sunderland on loan apparently.

    Geez, who the fuck have Arsenal got left in their ranks?

    ReplyDelete
  123. 2056: RUMOUR MILL
    I'm sure Harry Redknapp has got something special up his sleeve. Latest word on the Tweet is not Tim Cahill, though... it's only bloomin'Kaka. Only rumours at the moment Spurs fans, so don't get carried away (too much).
    ---------------------------------------------
    What about this one Star??????

    Colch

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  124. 2017: Harry Redknapp is trying to drive home, but cannot get out of the carpark at Spurs Lodge. Kaka? "Never an option," according to the Spurs boss.
    ------------------------------

    Ah ok never mind.

    Colch

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  125. Fuck all happening at the Emirates, as usual. With around two hours to go I don't see us getting in too many new bodies but one or two would be nice and could make the difference as to which half of the table we'll be in come christmas.

    ReplyDelete
  126. Mertesacker has joined Arsenal fot 9 mil... a decent signing at last.

    ReplyDelete
  127. If the reported 9 mil is true it shows how rediculously overinflated the prices for English players has become. Why would you pay 24 mil for Cahill when there is far better value for money in Europe.

    ReplyDelete
  128. The deal for Arteta is back on the table it appears. The offer is around 10 mil... seems we are also after Yossi Benayoun. Even though Benayoun has not been able to hold down his place at Liverpool and Chelsea (did he get a start there?) I have always been an admirer of his and would be happy to see him join the club.

    ReplyDelete
  129. Palacios to Stoke for around 6 mil.

    ReplyDelete
  130. Wesley Sneijder staying at Inter and Raul Meireles has put in a transfer request at Liverpool.

    ReplyDelete
  131. According to Benayoun he has signed for Arsenal, for 12 months anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  132. 2237: DONE DEAL
    Shaun Wright-Phillips completes his move move from Man City to QPR.
    ----------------------------------------

    Trott is going to be gutted.

    Colch

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  133. If Arsenal are to sign Arteta they have around 15 minutes in which to do so.

    ReplyDelete
  134. It's all good fellahs, Ngog is just a sleeping talent on the precipice of an awakening. Arsenal will be offering us 30 million next year. A 23 year old French lad, fits Arsene's ideal perfectly.

    Jumping for joy at the SWP news, Colch. In fact, I'm arranging a party to coincide with your birthday blow job.

    Scott Dann might be relegated again then!

    ReplyDelete
  135. Bellamy has returned to Liverpool. Why would Liverpool want him, the guys a douchebag and for mine a little past his best.

    ReplyDelete
  136. If he's French Trott, there is every chance Wenger will be after him with good money.

    ReplyDelete
  137. Pretty happy with Arsenal's confirmed signings as the transfer window closes... Mertesacker, Santos and Benayoun. Was hoping we could have got Arteta too but it seems it wasn't to be.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Bellamy is perfect for Liverpool and KD will have told him how it has to be "....or y'ill be doon the fookin' rood sonny"

    ReplyDelete
  139. a second division (at best) striker and a 4 month loanee for us, couldn't be happier! Goodnight Irene (and Vienna).

    ReplyDelete
  140. 2310: Confirmed: Chelsea have signed Raul Meireles. And Arsenal have signed Mikel Arteta and let Nicklas Bendtner join Sunderland on loan. Phew.
    -------------------------------

    There you go Bo

    Colch

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  141. Spurs have been heavily involved on TDD... Bentley, Palacios, Crouch, Jenas, Hutton all gone.

    Seems Arsenal have managed to sign Arteta and Meireles is going to Chelsea.

    ReplyDelete
  142. Just saw it Col... obviously he is not going to be able to replace Fabregas but he's a good signing just the same.

    ReplyDelete
  143. I just wish that Bendtner was sold rather than loaned... it just means there is a chance he'll be back next season.

    ReplyDelete
  144. It could be the making of him Bo. He could start banging in the goals at Sunderland and come back full of confidence ready for next season. He'll be like a new signing for you next year when he's a 40 goal a season man.

    Or maybe I've had too much brandy tonight and he's shit and always will be.

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  145. I think we have covered some of our problem areas with a bit of experience. We needed these signings 2-3 weeks ago.

    ReplyDelete
  146. At the moment Col I'll go with the excessive drinking as an excuse for your fuzzyheadedness... A 40 goal a season man... more 40 goals a career man.

    ReplyDelete
  147. Gunners fans must be fairly happy with that? Not the big name signings that were maybe imagined, but quality players none the less. Just hope Arteta and Benayoun can stay fit for you.

    I'm not so happy with the ins at Tottenham. Very happy with the outs, but wanted to see either Cahill or Samba coming in. Plus a world class striker, but I guess that was always a non-starter. Got to be happy to have signed Parker for 5m and sold Palacios for 6m. A better player, English so doesn't take up a foreign quota place in the squad, and a 1m profit. But best of all - Timmy has gone.

    Noel

    ReplyDelete
  148. You got rid of a bit of deadwood there Noel.

    ReplyDelete
  149. Sure did Bo. Plus Hutton, who never hit the heights of his Rangers form, and Jenas who is too good to be a squad player for us. He'll do well at Villa for the season. I get the impression that the board had no money to spend, which is odd considering we have Champs League revenue from last season.

    Noel

    ReplyDelete
  150. Moyes must be a better manager than people give him credit for. He has no money to replace any players that leave yet he still manages to keep Everton out of the relegation battle each season.

    ReplyDelete
  151. They threw the dosh around fairly freely last season Noel... you need a sheikh sugardaddy to be able to spend up big every season.

    ReplyDelete
  152. Moyes does an amazing job. Must be only a matter of time before he moves to a club that can support his ambition. If Everton can't find serious investment then he won't stick around for ever, and you'd have to worry for the club then.

    Noel

    ReplyDelete
  153. There wasn't too much transfer activity for us last year - Van der Vaart obviously, but that was about it. I can't remember anyone else coming in really. Robbie Keane I suppose, but I'm not sure much money actually changed hands there as Liverpool were paying for him in installments.

    Noel

    ReplyDelete
  154. Must have been the season before then Noel... the years merge into one as you get older mate.

    ReplyDelete
  155. great signing for stoke,

    delap + crouch = premiership runners up

    (sadly, I don't think even the delap/crouch goal machine can beat citeh this year )

    Arteta well we all know he's an older slower crapper version of Fabregas so just a tad more self abasement for the goners. Sad for all of us when things change like this, gooners. Makes one aware of the tanscience of life, its evanescence and pathos, what the Japs call mono no aware, but I call fucking hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  156. get well soon lewis haldane. broken leg.

    ReplyDelete
  157. arsenal need to accept the new reality of straitened circumstances because, it seems, someone is absently mindedly putting all the money in the pies, and get on with it. just like in Rocky IV when Dolph Lundgren had all the expensive hi-tech electronic aids and undetectable performance drugs and a team of sinister looking sports scientists with clip boards whereas poor old Rocky was forced to train on his own in the rain with a hoop and stick. And guess who won? Actually who did win I cant fookin remember.

    ReplyDelete
  158. if stripes make you look taller, Peter Crouch will be about 7' 6" next week.

    ReplyDelete
  159. and hoops make you look smaller they say, so SWP will be about 3' 2"

    ReplyDelete
  160. And just for Bo and me

    Alex Revell [Leyton Orient - Rotherham] Undisclosed

    ReplyDelete
  161. Crouch for Stoke is a decent signing.According to The Times this morning the only hold up with the move was Crouch wanting Spurs to settle up with him on image rights.

    Image rights?He'll be all right up Stoke way.New Wrights campaign in the air I think.

    ReplyDelete
  162. Morning all.

    Decent signings overall and pretty happy with way things unfolded last night. Importantly we got the replacements at fair price. About 35m spent for 4 players and Benayoun on loan... so we are still making profit from the money earned by our summer sales.

    An economic genius - Wenger. His professors would be proud of him. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  163. So we got rid of a load of dead wood, got another GK, more midfielders to cover those we got rid of and hopefully a decent striker if 'Arry can keep him happy.

    Defence looks worryingly fragile though and I can't really see the logic in getting rid of Hutton as he's one of the few defenders who aren't cast from glass.

    ReplyDelete
  164. I guess he became 3rd choice with the emergence of Kyle Walker, Star and so his wages will be off the books now. I was a bit annoyed that we didn't get Cahill or Samaba.

    Arteta took a 10k a week pay cut to join Arsenal. Everton can't have been paying that much surely, so it suggests that the Arsenal board are offering shite wages (comparatively) and bidding at well below the market value for players. Good luck if they can sign decent players like that, but it makes Arsene's job even harder.

    Noel

    ReplyDelete
  165. Slightly off topic - India's disaster on the tour continues. Star of the show was once again Rahul Dravid. Made his T20 debut, was also his last and he hit 3 consecutive sixes. Joy to watch.

    ReplyDelete
  166. Arsenal have got reasonable replacements for Nasrigas in benayoun and arteta. Obviuosly not at the same level as those 2, but good dependable players when fit. They should be able to compete for a Top 4 spot, though in my opinion

    ReplyDelete
  167. http://www.wsc.co.uk/content/view/7656/38/

    ReplyDelete
  168. A guide to rotating goats.......

    http://i.imgur.com/02Guw.gif

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  169. Tone, Rotherham got a decent player there. I cant make it out, the O's have lost 5 in a row then go sell once of their more reliasble goalscorers.... go figure.

    AH, I agree. I think we did fairly well out of the transfer market all up. I think we are in with a shot of top four too... wont be easy mind, with 4 decent teams already filling those places now.

    ReplyDelete
  170. Call me thick Col but I dont get it.

    ReplyDelete
  171. Hmm..I didnt get that one either. Thankfully dont need to rotate any goats any time soon.

    I think there are 3 teams fighting for 2 spots. The top 2 spots seem to be destined for the Mancs, with Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool fighting for the remaining 3. I think Spurs will always be a candidate as well, but without having strengthened their defense and having to play the Europa league, they will suffer. They will need Bale and VdV to be injury free all season and Defoe and Adebayor to constantly find the back of the net to get to the Top-4.

    ReplyDelete
  172. With crouchy off to stoke, i am happy for Pav. Given that he will start every game where Adebayor is suspended or Defoe injured, thats a lot of games for him this season. I think given a good run of games, he will prove to be Spurs number 1 striker.

    ReplyDelete
  173. Starfire STFU you tosser. You look like a gay boys arse.

    ReplyDelete
  174. why did no one tell me chris thingy still had a commentable-upon blog. i could have been typing garbage there as well... http://www.westlondonsport.com/features-comment/like-waking-up-with-kate-moss/#comment-175

    ReplyDelete
  175. Woohoo...Anon's back! We missed you dude.

    ReplyDelete
  176. Is that the best you can do Anon? Pitiful.

    Ah well going back to footy as Aanon evidently doesn't like me talking about such matters on a football blog, the North London derby should be interesting, especially if we bring Adebayour to the party.

    ReplyDelete
  177. Anonymous said...
    Starfire STFU you tosser. You look like a gay boys arse.
    ------------------------------------------

    It's good to have Phil McNulty back and commenting again.

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  178. Takes a big man to insult a stranger anonymously on the internet.

    You must be well hard.

    ReplyDelete
  179. rofl! I was wondering who he was Colch. It all makes sense now. Well either him or one of the BBC mods who I pissed off with my antics back in the day.

    ReplyDelete
  180. My question is this: why was Anon studying gay boys' arses so closely, since he seems not to like them too much?

    Unless he does like them, and was paying Star a compliment. In which case, hey baby, how you doin'?

    ReplyDelete
  181. It would be gr8 2 (so it takes me time to catch on) have fans, how do you do it Star?

    ReplyDelete
  182. Must be my charming personality and my habit of telling stuff how it is Bo.

    Aye Blog, remember Coweslepe, JDR et al? Happy days they were.

    ReplyDelete
  183. Take it as a compliment star. WoW was my favourite looney .... cowslepe was the most sinister, but sort of funny at the same time, plying his coded messages of racial intolerance on a comedy football blog....I tend to assume the hard talkers are sad little onanists living with their mums .

    Peace, brethren.

    ReplyDelete
  184. Stripper teacher Benedict Garrett defends porn work

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-14746003
    ===========================================
    Find myself being something of a hypocrite here. I agree with everything he says in the article, yet cannot find myself being okay with it if he were teaching my kid.

    ReplyDelete
  185. Awww ... where did Anon go? I was going to give him a wet sloppy kiss for old time's sake lololol

    ReplyDelete
  186. yo, you muddafuckin gay boys arses, best round of the year today, think it was due to the relief at SWP going to QPR and not to us.

    Cowslepe was just misunderstood, Blog. Well, I never understood him but I liked his 2009 stance on Agincourt.

    Meireles is shite, complete waste of money, I reckon he's the tatooed lady from the Golden Mile without her wig. Well done again Dalglish.

    ReplyDelete
  187. Robbo was sacked from the BBC for being fucking shite and you nonces still read his steaming pile of shit. How fucking shite dos that make you feel? Be honest now.

    ReplyDelete
  188. What the fuck, you posted a reply 3 minutes after I posted. What the fuck do you do? Sit there all night on Robbos pile of shite hitting the refresh button? You need to get out more.

    ReplyDelete
  189. I generally try to accomodate people anon and to please you I would have liked to have said it makes me feel shite but in all honesty I actually feel pretty good about it.

    ReplyDelete
  190. I dont think you could acommodate a piss up in brewery if Im being honest there

    ReplyDelete
  191. Are you sitting at your computer hitting your refresh button waiting for someone to respond to your inane comments anon. What a sad little man you are.

    ReplyDelete
  192. And there you have hit the nail on the head Bo. All this stems from him being a 'little man'.

    ReplyDelete

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