Robbo 10: W**kin Frankel - Click On My Face To Listen!

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

Keys On His Knees

Who’d’ve thought it? Richard Keys and Andy Gray are sexist!

Here’s some other exclusives for you while I’m here. Graham Norton ... not into the ladies. Victoria Beckham... not into the later novels of Kurt Vonnegut. David Cameron... never eaten a pickled egg.

As usual you can’t hear yourself think for the touchline tantrums of the PC brigade. And on this occasion I’ve got some sympathy with this Sian Massey lass who Keys and Gray were having a pop at.

Here's Messrs Keys and Gray with an innocent trainee lineswomen. They're a disgrace aren't they?

First of all, it’s a crap job being an assistant referee. When I was growing up a lineswoman was the telephone exchange operator who could put you through. It’s especially tough on a lass cos them ref’s shorts look shite on a woman’s backside and you can’t exactly offset the effect on even a regular-sized arse by slipping into some three-inch heels with studs on the soles.

Frankly if they could find a more flattering outfit for the lady officials I’d welcome it. Watching Boro at home this year has required all the distractions you can get.

Here's an initial thought on the type of outfit I'm thinking of. Ladies, do advise of materials, practicalities etc.

Secondly, Richard Keys is the quintessential faceless nerk that gets to host football programmes. Clearly he’s well-qualified to espouse his views on gender politics given he’s so hirsute you literally have to shave him to find his fecking face. (Actually, I find the word ‘hirsute’ to be gratuitously sexist. Unless you’re talking about a top-tashed Tajikistani shot-putter called Tamara who can bench-press two Trabbants, the word should be his-sute.)

Keys’s job, as is the case with that Swami of Smarm Steve Ryder, Manish Thingammy and increasingly, the boy-faced crisp-whore Lineker, is to say eff-all in as unobtrusive a way as possible. In other words, don’t draw attention to yourself.

The reason I enjoy Adrian Chiles presenting the Chumps League, ravaged by the fatigue of early-morning starts as he is, is cos he’s not afraid to let slip a churlish Black Country sneer every now and then. Even Colin Murray, who can appear to be entirely caffeinated and as easy on the ear as a wasp in a jar, has a bit of devil-may-care charm and genuine enthusiasm.

Keys can come across as nowt more than a plughole of trapped pubes in a suit. If the chat about women not knowing the offside rule was supposed to be a bit of banter then remind me not to bother having a pint with them two wags down the boozer.

Of course there are aspects of women’s increasing involvement at footy matches that can get on a man’s goat. My Mrs’s interest seems to be directly related to the high totty quotient.

Mrs. Robson's personal selection this. Nah, me either, lads.

She enjoyed Italy in the last Euros n all - when their contribution to entertainment was so minimal their possession stat for the first half v Spain was -23%. But they looked good in their tops.

As Keys n Gray noted, the Offside Rule is a bone of contention between any self-respecting footballer and their partners, regardless of their sex. Anyone who hasn’t used two mugs and a bottle of gunged-up HP sauce to describe this bit of footy legislation to an Unbeliever is not truly a football supporter of any worth.

It doesn’t help that there’s now this flaming rider to the Offside Rule. The Mrs had got the hang of it until Ruud van Nistelrooy started behaving like an infant school goal-hanger and I had to re-explain the new interpretation to our lass by saying that the Dutch Man-Horse was not active when the ball was played in. So he was technically onside.

‘Not active?’ she snooted, ‘I s’pose that means you’re permanently onside, then.’

There’s a lass who sometimes sits behind us at the Riverside and is as passionate a Smoggy as you’re ever likely to hear. She’s also got a squeal on her that could be heard from bloody Neptune. Shrill doesn’t even begin to explain it. When Boro score it’s like I’m having me earwax removed by ultrasound.

I mean I’m all for the lasses getting involved but Jesus Christ, pet, can you find a lower register?

My dear old Dad (dear as in the fees to keep him at the Sunshine Home for the Bewildered are going through the frigging roof) is going a bit deaf and can’t hear higher notes and sounds now. All I can say is 'Lucky bugger'.

Point is, I might like to see linesladies in hula skirts. I might like to see lady footy fans issued with gags. I might like my wife to find more enjoyment in a slick passing movement than she does in the beauteous patterns that Man City’s groundsman is able to mow into the Eastlands turf.

But none of this has owt to do with whether a lass is capable of officiating at a football match. And to suggest that her ability to make a decision is compromised by the lack of a cock in her pants is sexist as far as I understand the definition.

Personally I’d be more than happy to see more women reffing games (as long as they’re not going to drive themselves to the game – JOKE!). They can’t be worse than the card-wielding pipsqueak Mike Dean. But the main benefit might just be that calling a lady ‘a blind f***ing c***’ is far worse a sin than shouting it at some well-meaning part-time actuary from Saffron Walden who happens to like running up and down the line in a blatant toupee.

I dunno why that should be – although some well-groomed Oxford Professeress in a trouser-suit’ll probably tell you it’s an inverted form of society’s inherent patriarchal chauvinism – but I’d more than welcome a reduction in the gobshite tendency of the modern-day footballer whenever the ref gives a decision against him or his team-mate. (NB – it doesn’t happen in women’s football.)

On the other hand, looking at the likes of your Wazza, I doubt they’d be reining in the odd ‘c***’ and ‘f***’.


And when it comes to odd fucks, Rooney knows what he’s talking about.

333 comments:

  1. Yes! I'm in the groove once more :P

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  2. ‘Not active?’ she snooted, ‘I s’pose that means you’re permanently onside, then.’

    Ouch! lol.

    That last pic is priceless by the way.

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  3. so now we know why ronaldo left..

    Agree with everything you've said Robbo however, if it were me and a mate and we saw a female refs assistant, we would probabaly have said something similar. not because we meant it or thought the ladies were incapable (monkeys couldnt be less capabale than some of todays refs), its just us being smartasses and taking the mick out of everyone everywhere everytime. I think gray and keys were stupid to get their personal conversation recorded. If we had a regular refs asst, he would probably have incorrectly ruled meireles offside, so power to the ladies who call it like they see it.

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  4. No problems with ladies officiating at all; I do wince at female commentators; not because they don't do a good job but more the pitch and tone when things get a little exciting, it reminds me with a shudder of my old dear harping on at me from the bottom of the stairs when I was a nipper, a note only a dolphin could match!

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  5. Haha Robbo very funny blog inc. the pictures...
    Where had you been?

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  6. so now we know why ronaldo left..
    ========================================

    ... and I thought that was why he joined Un**ed.

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  7. genius. and thats just the pictures.

    welcome back robbo!

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  8. Sorry lads, been touring in Hong Kong - including the wonderfully-named Mongkok market - and Shanghai with a brief dip of the toes into Manila - shudder. Back in Blighty now. And happy for it.

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  9. will that link automatically empty my bank balance into your nigerian account, rob?

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  10. greetings lads -

    blown up well out of proportion this one (bet there were loads of footie fans who secretly agree but don't dare admit it now)

    More important issues this week is why synth-pop is better than rock and roll and who the best James Bond is#

    http://adampsb.blogspot.com/2011/01/how-i-learned-to-hate-rock-n-roll.html

    Please read, vote, comment and then come back to Robbo's blog

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  11. welcome back Robbo, good stuff, priceless pictures. On the back of a 4-0 drubbing I can safely say that if that lass only screams when they score it can't be so bad!

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  12. Hi Robbo

    That picture is very disturbing ...

    though you'd think after all this time I'd be used to your face by now.

    No great to have you back and excellent blog but I now will have great trouble watching Keys without imagining a plughole of pubes.

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  13. "See charming Karren Brady this morning complaining about sexism? Yeah. Do me a favour, love"

    classic

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  14. Sky have disciplined reporter Andy Burton following sexist comments made against a female official.

    -------------------

    Thought police on the go again - Farenheit 451 here we come

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  15. i totally agree adam, i think the reaction to these comments is absurdly out of proportion. their opinions may be stupid but thats all they are, opinions not projections of an ideology

    ITS A GAME. OFFICIALS GET STICK. ALL OFFICIALS GET STICK. BECAUSE ITS A GAME.

    i dont know do we want freedom of speech in this country or do we just want the bland leading the bland?

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  16. Gray is prosecuting Murdoch ie his employer, over the phone hacking scandal -see below.

    one week later...this "sexist" recording is released.

    coincidence? they play us like a violin.

    --------------

    Independent:
    It says much about the scale of the phone-hacking operation undertaken by Glenn Mulcaire on behalf of Rupert Murdoch's News of the World that it was prepared to target Andy Gray, the former Scotland striker and a commentator for Sky Sports, which is itself part of Mr Murdoch's global media empire.


    Just as telling, in respect of the anger that the hacking has provoked, is the fact that Mr Gray, 55, earns his living from the satellite broadcaster but is willing to doggedly pursue legal action against News Group Newspapers, which is run by Mr Murdoch's son James, who is also the non-executive chairman of BSkyB.

    Documents filed into court in October, seen by The Independent, show just how serious the commentator is in seeking damages.....

    full article at
    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/media/press/sky-sports-andy-gray-determined-to-settle-score-documents-show-2178131.html#

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  17. Good stuff Robbo and a masterclass choice of pics.

    We joked about how out of order Keys and Gray were yesterday, but lets be honest, we've all done it our thought it ourselves. I remember commenting in that the lineswomen looked like a lad who's mum had bought him a P.E kit that he'd have years to grow into.

    Lets not get to PC about it all, but Keys and Gray should of known better. Luckily we don't get their anaylisis over here, so I couldn't really give a toss what happens to them.

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  18. coincidence? they play us like a violin.

    -----------------

    Ever read Jeffrey Archer's The Fourth Estate -

    THe Rupert Murdoch character is scarily accurate

    Andy gRay is being targeted by forces from above because he is suing the NOTW

    One reason why teh BSkyB bid should be referred

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  19. Real cloak and dagger stuff that Blogidy, smoke from the grassy knoll and all that.

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  20. Forget JFK, this is more like George Orwell, Big Brother is watching and recording you.

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  21. here's a top one from our old mucker gaz utd. gone but not forgotten er gary

    http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/9453/lineswoman.jpg

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  22. Greta Blog ROBBO, r u glad to back in smoggy land

    "She’s also got a squeal on her that could be heard from bloody Neptune" Could be my neighbour I know she has a seson ticket

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  23. female officals = recipe for disaster

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    Female assistant referee : Offside!

    Male Referee : Not offside!

    Fem. Ass. Ref. : Foul!

    Male ref: No foul play on.

    Fem. Ass. Ref. : penalty!

    Male ref: Play on. No pen...

    Fem. Ass. Ref. : It WAS a penalty. Don't you go telling me whats a penalty and what isnt

    Male ref: But he wasn't in the penalty box. Listen, love, please don't start this again with the old what would you know about playing inside the box shit

    Fe m. Ass. Ref. : I know what this is about, you want me to have an abortion

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  24. On the other hand(sic) it does have its advantages for a quick grope


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vb1ztysP0E

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  25. Wenger waiting on Hazard. Gunners boss will move for winger when Lille decide to sell
    ----------
    Is it a risk worth taking

    It had to be said

    I'll get me coat

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  26. Breaking News

    Andy Gray has been sacked

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  27. Ridiculous - more to do with him suing NOTW than comments

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  28. For once Liverpool played well this season to win a game ever so convincingly. And now it will only be remembered for a lass lineswoman sexist comment controversy.

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  29. lineswoman? Is that the lass that brings the washing in?

    I think it's wonderful that we now have girls officiating, a proper step forward.

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  30. we're becoming like China. It's inevitable

    Trotts I agree I'd support my wife in any career, international spy,airline pilot, diplomat......., just as long as my dinners on the table when I get home that's all I ask

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  31. Sexism is no different to racism... it has no place in modern society... unless you live in Japan of course, then anything goes.

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  32. Blog, I'd support your wife in any career too. Is she a good cook?

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  33. Can't say I have much sympathy for the guy ... it was an idiotic thing to say, he deserved to be disciplined for it.

    These allegations that he's being canned for going up against Murdoch and his cronies on an unrelated matter on the other hand ...

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  34. And now because of those fuckwits saying what they've said they've gone and properly loused up her job. She's been withdrawn from the Crewe v Bradford match.

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  35. BREAKING TRANSFER NEWS
    Real Madrid announce they have reached agreement with Manchester City for Emmanuel Adebayor to join the Spanish club on loan until the end of this season, with an option to buy this summer.

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  36. Starfire said...
    Can't say I have much sympathy for the guy ... it was an idiotic thing to say, he deserved to be disciplined for it.

    These allegations that he's being canned for going up against Murdoch and his cronies on an unrelated matter on the other hand ...

    _________________________________________________

    Trouble could be brewing for Murdoch. Wait till Gray hitches his wagon to one Vince Cable. Look out News International! Here comes Ballroom Bill and the Scotch Missed.

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  37. I'm tempted to sign up to 606 just go go and WUM those who are screaming about it getting axed.

    Mind I'd need a new IP address first to get round the censors.

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  38. Fabregas and van Persie selected for Arsenal tonight... trouble is the great dane and Denilson made the team too.

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  39. If that Cable bloke really does go after him like a Lion, the whole sage could be, wait for it.... Andy, Lion and Murdoch

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  40. Eboue on for Sagna... Sagna was knocked out cold after a collision with the Arsenal goalkeeper (no way I am going to try to spell his name)

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  41. wince pies?

    eh up, Blackpool 2 nil, blimey!

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  42. arsenal 6 - 0 Ipswich.
    No? Well it damn well should be, Ipswich are probably gonna lose, but the gooners are really making things tough for themselves.

    The blackpool-man u game on the other hand..heehee..Liverpool should give them 10mil extra for adams if they manage to keep this result for the 90 mins + fergie time.

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  43. trott more cordon sanitaire than cordon bleu

    ha ha did you see the footage of the Ipswich FA cup winners celebrating on the pitch with a crafty cigarette?

    Come on Ipswich!

    Come on Blackpool!

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  44. good, clean nourishment. Can't beat it. Hope you know which side your bread is buttered (even if she doesn't).

    Very exciting games these. ManU and Blackpool are both my teams in the betting ring, if Blackpool win I owe meself a fiver! And thoughts go out across radioland to Jacks and the gooners, there must be some nails being bitten tonight.

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  45. Ipswich defending well. Arsenal have too many passengers... only van Persie, Wilshire and Djourou playing well enough to warrant their place in the team.... just as I finish typing, the great Dane scores.

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  46. typical united performance...referee refuses a penalty that was obvious to the blind, and they have now drawn level and will possibly win in as well.

    Not a bad effort from barn door Bendtner was that...not bad at all.

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  47. GK has to take some blame for Arsenal's second goal... he was never going to get to the ball.

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  48. looks like it could end up 6-0 to the gooners now.

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  49. What is Halsey up to... are there any more female officials out there,

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  50. Just 1 step away now from lifting a trophy in many years...
    But how did Un**ed comeback and win again? Unbelievably disappointing.

    AH, dont think it was a penalty. But would have liked it if given.

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  51. Bo, Arshavin had a good game as well setup 2 goals and made few decent runs. If only his shooting also imroved... perhaps a DVD show of Anfield performance will do some trick.

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  52. TrotterUSA said...
    If that Cable bloke really does go after him like a Lion, the whole sage could be, wait for it.... Andy, Lion and Murdoch
    ------------------------------
    Haha, hahaha, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Poop.

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  53. SS, Arshavin may have appeared to have a good game because he has been shit all year, even having a pass reach it's target once or twice (from umpteen) made him look good.

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  54. Ah well Trotts, you've beaten me mate. Even if Torres has a mare/doesn't play I've realised we've both still got Hangelaand in our teams.

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  55. Jesus Christ, was there really TEN minute's of added time at the end of Blackpool v United yesterday?

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  56. mornin Lads, woohoo, a win for the ages, thanks for the news Star. Now watch the chump get sent off! More fkn snow, off to NY, back for the match with some luck.

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  57. i was tending to go along with the conspiracy theories about andy grays sacking until i read this. now i think good riddance. now i plan to continue my boycott of sky sports on moral as well as the well-established financial grounds

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/jan/26/andy-gray-richard-keys-sixist

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  58. Much respect to Ipswich, they really gave it a go last night, but in the end we just had that little bit too much for them, even though our players insured that after the first hour there wouldn't be an Arsenal fan in the entire universe who had any fingernails left.

    ----
    I saw that crafty ciggie, Blog, classic, he also had a can of lager under his knee. I was at that game, damn I felt old watching the memory lane bit yesterday. Back to the times when men were men (albeit with girl length hair) and shorts, were well, short!!

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  59. Thanks fo rthe comments guys - most I've had since May when I dared to write a blog about Rafa leaving LFC

    Ipswich gave it a good go but Arsenal did well to break them down and get ahead. Be interesting to see if Avram goes if West Ham get knocked out.

    Great result for United last night but it isn't doing my nerves any good at all

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  60. keys on his knees indeed - he's resigned

    couldn't give monkeys personally

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  61. 2006: Liverpool think they are 1-0 up... and so they should be. Raul Meireles sets Fernando Torres through and the Spaniard runs on to clip home, only to be pulled back the linesman's flag. Replays show, however, the Liverpool frontman was a good half a yard on when played in.
    ----------------------------------------------

    Curse these male refs asst..wheres sian massey when you need her.

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  62. fuck that was close...after a confident, attacking performance till we got the first goal..suddenly liverpool became a nervous wreck and were lucky to hold off fulham for the win. still.. 2 wins and 2 clean sheets on the trot and up to 7th place...not bad at all.

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  63. When you are earning c £1.7m per annum, you should know that when you are wired for sound you don't pull the trigger until you have been unwired.

    I have no sympathy for either of them but given all the other stuff that is coming into the public domain I do wonder if there is a puppeteer at play?

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  64. G'day all

    Good to see you Preach, long time no visit mate.

    Gray is just a big mouth sexist prick... hopefully no other TV channel will pick him up so I wont be forced to listen to him any more... although I am sure ESPN will offering him something, their "soccer" commentators are Tommy Smyth and a lot of yanks that know nothing about the game... Gray will fit in well there.

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  65. Andy Gray is a victim... of society, of Scotland, of his ancestors and his teachers, mentors and drugs and whisky and wife beatings and welfare and dressing room culture and thuggery and hooliganism and American films...

    Free Andy Gray, he can change!

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  66. Hi there Preach, hope all is well, up the Forest!

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  67. Not three bad Trotter! At least after 9 years plus of being treated for various illnesses the NHS have now decided that what is wrong with me is what I went to the doctor's about in the first place. Ah well you can't win em all, but Forest seem to be on the march and hopefully we won't run out of steam at the crucial time.

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  68. 9 years Preach? still a model of efficiency then the NHS.

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  69. Ajax have warned Liverpool to act on their interest in striker David Suarez as his price is rising by 5m euros a day.
    -----------------------------------------

    yeah right.

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  70. if suarez has his medical on the NHS he'll be worth £9 billion before he's passed fit

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  71. and Andy Gray will be going to a private clinic for his sensitivity training. Should be done next Tuesday.

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  72. If you are at the bar having a pint and the bloke next to you says "we've got a women linesman tomorrow" most everyone (who's male) would make a smart Alec response, probably a lot cruder than Keys and Gray's. Murdoch's company is a big stake holder in Sky and they became rich and famous by flashing knockers on page 3. So what's all this degradibg women, sexist crap?

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  73. and no more wife jokes, blonde jokes or mother-in-law jokes please!

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  74. Arsenal vs Birmingham in Carling cup finals now. Great game last night, Ben Foster and Roger Johnson were excellent.

    It will be a tough game for Gunners, hope we will come out trumps. And also let’s hope we win on Sunday against, cannot afford more replays in FA Cup. Players need rest before big games & important games in Feb and March.

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  75. anyone with as much power over the representation of truth as the murdochs is by (my) definition, evil. the temptation's too great - they'll misuse it for their own ends.

    Go Vale!

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  76. looks like everyone who has ever met or worked with gray or keys despises them. there's even a quote in the Sun from gray's mum; she's reported as saying:

    "Andy? I never liked him."

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  77. blogs..i think thats why the world is so happy to crucify those 2..not so much because of the magnitude of their so called sexist remarks, but mostly because they're both cunts that no one really cared for.

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  78. Here's what Arsenal chairman has to say about January signings
    ----------
    http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story/_/id/871535/arsenal-chairman-peter-hill-wood-unmoved-by-fan-pleas-for-signings?cc=5901

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  79. Why? I think with both Federer and Nadal out, this is his best chance in a Slam so far.

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  80. AnfieldHopeful said...
    Ajax have warned Liverpool to act on their interest in striker David Suarez as his price is rising by 5m euros a day.
    -----------------------------------------

    yeah right.

    ------
    Are they gonna change his name every day too?

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  81. blogdignag said...
    looks like everyone who has ever met or worked with gray or keys despises them. there's even a quote in the Sun from gray's mum; she's reported as saying:

    "Andy? I never liked him."

    -----
    Ha ha ha, briliant!

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  82. BLOG
    Id like to say
    Go Millers

    but we have have a wonderful way of trying to fuck things up after Xmas, as Mrs T keeps reminding me

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  83. Keys and Gray are twonks and deserve everything they got.

    Saying that though I heard Keys sister on 5 live say "He can't be sexist he's got three sisters and a daughter". So maybe she's right.

    Blackpool fined for fielding weakened side! outrageous. You should have to just name a first 11 at the start of the season. Interesting what Holloway does though? My guess he offers resignation and it's refused, I will think less of him though, he needs to wind his gob in. The FA have called his bluff.

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  84. correction. Not the 'FA' the 'Premier League'.

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  85. I agree, mr.

    I thought that at the begining of the season every team had to give a list of players that they can use in the PL season. If the players he picked were on that list then what's the problem?

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  86. I agre with all thats happened to Gray and Keys.

    The thing is tho, we all do it, its a question of knowing your audience, some can take it, others cant, also check that the mikes off, esp if you are a public figure

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  87. The story even made the headlines in the German newspapers

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  88. Arsenal dropped 8, yes EIGHT players to go to Wigan. I don't wish any ill to Arsenal or gooners but it's only Wolves and Blackpool done for this so far.

    Other than Adams the Blackpool squad is pretty even. That's the strength of the team (teamwork).
    Bollox.

    I agree Tone, it's all about the context of the comments not what was said. This appears to go over the head of the more extreme autistic spectrum observers on the whole affair.

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  89. The 8, yes EIGHT Arsenal changes were all from the squad list that was submitted at the beginning of the season.
    If the Wolves' and B'pool's changes were also from their respective lists then they really should take action against the PL because they have broken no rules.

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  90. Holloway could rock up to any game in the PL, field the youth team and look credible simply because he's instilled everyone under his command with a belief that they can go out and get a result if they take the fight to the oppo and hound them for the full 90 odd minutes.

    I reckon this wouldn't have been an issue if Villa hadn't nicked a win at the death.

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  91. No offence to the Arsenal fans on here but I would piss myself laughing if Wolves or West ham decided to take issue with Arsenal resting so may players for Wigan, a relegation rival.

    Now that'll really test the PL's resolve.

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  92. What about the 40 mill for Bale from Inter Milan rumour in the summer Star? Are Spurs wealthy enough to turn it down? and how much did he cost?

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  93. "What about the 40 mill for Bale"

    Is that a pun? an interesting word association or just me seeing something that's not there?

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  94. Welcome back, Robbo! This post was wall-to-wall lol. '...permanently onside..." Gold.

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  95. Morning everyone,

    MR, Spurs are wealthy enough to turn it down, fortunately. He cost us 5 mill, which will probably rise to 10 mill, depending on appearances. United were after him too, but thought that 5 mill was a bit excessive. They probably can't afford him now.

    As 'Arry and Levy have both said, Spurs don't need to be a selling club, and they certainly wouldn't be selling the players who will form the nucleus of the club for the next 5-10 years (Bale, Modric, Huddlestone). The only way that they would leave is if a huge club starts turning their heads (like Berbatov), and they want to leave. Or a ridiculous sum of money is bid.

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  96. This offside rule business is complete toss. Ill wager you never have explained it to anyone with coffee mugs and a sauce bottle, but you have clearly seen the film/tv program from the 1980's in which the scene occurs and somehow think it was you. Oh and it is something women, being the smartarsed types they are, have picked up on as a way of proving they like football. Like knowing the name of the German goalkeeper that tried to murder the French striker - ask the kind of dull woman who who likes football and she will instantly name both of them.

    The fact that Keys and Gray thought that Comrade Massey, the People's hero, did or didn't know the offside rule is less important than they were so bored that they were even having the conversation - but then who wouldn't be bored watching Wolves and Liverpool? - from three in glass.

    What people don't get in all this talk of modernisation is that football is a man's game. It offers the chance to be in public and fart, swear, and talk nonsense to random strangers which is not offered in life outside of the bus station in Leeds. Oh and it occasionally offers the opportunity for a non sexual orgasm, which is not found in a bus station in Leeds. Not to mention the chance to look through catalogues (programs) and make lists which may, or may not, come in handy at a later date.

    The fact is every change in football has been a change for the worse - and this will be no different.

    You wait in six months there won't be a football ground in the country that won't have the local brownies packed in the corner shreaking like it's a women's hockey international and twittering on about how Schumacher should have been charged with attempted murder against Battistuta.

    btw for those wanting to know the offside rule it is this - if they score it was offside, if you score it wasn't and if Man Utd score then it is onside whether they were offside or not.

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  97. fantastically insane rant, eeore, love it

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  98. England have lost out to Israel in their bid to host the European under 21 after uefa handed it to Israel

    forgive my geographical ignorance and nothing against Israel its a fine upstanding island of weirdness in a middle eastern ocean of volatile insanity but did I miss the moment continental drift moved it into Europe

    and do tournaments have to be in states with deserts and fuck all footballing history? is that the new rules?

    Richard keys was right on one point ...the game HAS gone mad

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  99. tennis has gone mad as well. women seem to have taken over women's tennis. only women ever seem to be in those women's tennis tournaments these days and the same thing is becoming true in womens athletics, at least caster semanye is standing up for equal rights, but where are the trannies in women's tennis? ok half of them are lesbians but its still not right is it?

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  100. G'day all

    reading eeore made my teethe itch as one Derrick Trotter would say.

    Blog, haven't you heard that FIFA is taking football to the world... no good having it in England, the English are all football lovers as it is... even females since all females know the offside rule and the name of the German goalkeeper that tried to murder the French striker.... won't find any converts there.

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  101. Fulham are looking to buy Spurs midfielder Nico Kranjcar after a deal to buy winger Shaun Wright-Phillips from Manchester City falls through.

    -------------------------

    He'll be a far better buy than SWP.

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  102. Qatar-based Arab TV station Al Jazeera want to snap up former Sky Sports football presenters Richard Keys and Andy Gray.
    ==================================================

    There's no such thing as sexism in Qatar (the female of the species comes below the donkey in the social standings) so they should do well there.

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  103. Not sure if that's a joke or not Bo? If anything has come out of the whole furore it's that keys and gray were not well liked by a lot of people. There is not a lot standing up for them.

    I wonder what statement Blackpool are going to put out today? I don't want Holloway to go but do feel he is now going to lose integrity he may have had if he doesn't.

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  104. Blackpool chairman Karl Oyston has told the Premier League: "Maybe you should pick our team," after the club are fined £25,000 for fielding a weakened side.
    ================================================

    If that is anything to go by MR, Blackpool wont be condemning Holloway I should think.

    I have nothing against Holloway except his bloody mouth... it's a pain in the ears at times.

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  105. and I don't understand the fuss about him getting a percentage of a fee for a player he has coached. You can put all sorts into contracts. If he said five squirrels will castrate Terry Nutkins on the 5th of March and I will demand free carrot cake. Then I would be worried.............ermmmmmmm not sure what my point is

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  106. You have to admit though Bo, at times it's funny but he has been over exposed, and as our good friends 'Public Enemy' said "don't believe the hype".

    are you watching the tennis BO? I don't normally but I would like Murray to win a grand slam, if only to hear his dour depressed acceptance speech

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  107. Not too sure either MR but get to it quick... Terry Nutkins is getting bloody worried.

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  108. I don't watch tennis MR... it's one of my non-sports.

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  109. MR, it is indeed sorry to see that Blackpool have been fined. Holloway must be furious. He already was when FA started investigation… He had said team which has been just promoted to top division already has low resources and are considered weak teams – how much more weak we can be? He had blamed media for brining this out in public that it was a weak team.. he said he is the manager and he knows which team of his is fit to play in which games and it is none of anyone else’s business to tell him which is a strong team and which one is weak. And I quite agree with him. Because Wenger never got fined in last 4 years for fielding a relatively weak team in Carling Cup or FA Cup… every tournament is equally important. Just because it is Arsenal you cannot say even reserves team is a strong team. According to me it is a squad of 25 and all are your very best players in the resources/funds available to you. So any starting 11 playing from that 25 should be considered a strong team.

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  110. Well it's official, my FFL team's hit the wall in a way similar to how Bolton seem to have done.

    I got knocked out of the Fantasy Cup last week, I lost to Trott in the H2H and I've lost so much ground to the leaders in the league I'm going to write off any chance of getting back in it myself.

    Now I'll have to tell the chairman qualification for whatever the FFL equivalent of the Europy league is the best we can hope for, and see if I have a job afterwards.

    What an utter fubar ...

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  111. bolton havent been the same since elmander left.

    he has left hasnt he?

    SS - i agree with that. and when are liverpool and chelsea going to be fined for fielding weaker teams all year?

    bo, i know mate all the tournaments will end up in places like the congo in front of crowds of gorillas monkeys vipers and child soldiers . bit like playing millwall

    ReplyDelete
  112. good opportunity for archetypically dour scot andy murray to win a grand slam dunk - well ahead in the semi and no federer/nadal axis power in the final

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  113. Ferrer is said to cycle 90km a day on a mountain bike every day.

    (ever since his car was nicked)

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  114. mornin' lads, problem here is that blokes don't know the serving sequence in a tie break let alone the foot fault rule. Well, ElMandy does but no others.

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  115. Afternoon lads.

    It's been a while. Nearly as long as Rooney's last goal.

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  116. Just wondering if the tennis is the first ever all Jocko final in a major. What is the foot fault rule, Trotter?

    I agree with all the posters about Blackpool. I don't see what the problem is with 'Olloway getting a commission on the profit on a player he's bought. The manager's interest is basically the same as the club's interest. The issue only arises if, like the Purple Faced Scotsman (PFS) you buy players represented by agents who are members of your family.

    In such cases the issue for Manyoo fans is "did we get this player cos he's any good, or because it lines the PFS family pockets?"

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  117. does anyone else know of a human being who can stretch his mouth into a perfect rectangle?
    Murray yells and his gob makes four right-angles. impressive

    ReplyDelete
  118. Anon, how the bloody hell would I know?

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  119. Afternoon everyone, well whoever is lurking about


    eeore said...
    Oh and it is something women, being the smartarsed types they are, have picked up on as a way of proving they like football. Like knowing the name of the German goalkeeper that tried to murder the French striker


    Was it Hans Rondisnek or Ivan Tokilu ?


    Anyway Bloggy, about the tennis .... everyone knows - even some women - that Andy Murray is actually a Brit. Well at least until he loses, then he goes back to being a dour scotsman who apparently can make 4 right-angles with his mouth

    On a footy note, am not sure about Chelski's offer on Torres. Seems stupid amount of money for someone who is not playing that well on the few occassions he's not injured.

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  120. blogdignag said...
    England have lost out to Israel in their bid to host the European under 21 after uefa handed it to Israel
    ---
    BojanglesOfOz said...
    Blog, haven't you heard that FIFA is taking football to the world... no good having it in England, the English are all football lovers as it is... even females since all females know the offside rule and the name of the German goalkeeper that tried to murder the French striker.... won't find any converts there.
    -----

    You'd think that if anyone had knowledge of killers who hail from the country of said keeper then it would be the Israilies.

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  121. Sorry Trott, just asking. I hadn't noticed the rectangle Robbo. Murray's gob is usually snarling or just plain miserable.

    BHB, I think the Chelski offer makes sense, but is just a "sighter" for a serious offer (say £50-60m) in the summer. Drog and Asulka are both about 32, I think, and the offer of Champs League footie (assuming Chelski manage to nick 4th over the mighty Spurs) might be too much for Torres to resist. Torres can't possibly continue to play as badly as he has in the first half of the season (admittedly with service that makes McDonalds look like the Savoy).

    ReplyDelete
  122. West Ham have rejected Tottenham's offer of Robbie Keane plus £2m in return for midfielder Scott Parker, but negotiations are set to continue.
    Full story: Daily Telegraph

    ------
    West Ham have foiled Arry's evil plan to buy every midfielder in the country.

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  123. Every midfielder in Europe more like H2H

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  124. Midfielder Jack Wilshere was last night told he represents "the future" of England as manager Fabio Capello revealed his new tactical masterplan is based on the Arsenal teenager.
    Full story: Daily Mirror
    ----

    Not exactly a long term future plan considering he'll be gone in two years.

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  125. Ok Anon, you've embarrassed me into looking it up, it's all about the tossing hand!....

    when is a foot fault a foot fault???

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    wow you can be ahead of your peers if you know this, apparently even johnny mac did not know the rule, they had to bring the rule book and officials out during the safin and spadea match, here's how i understand it, a foot fault is consider if and when you start your serving motion and end up in a serve and any part of your foot is touching or across the baseline or if it touches the imaginary little middle line hash mark then you are guilty of a foot fault, now the tricky part is when does a serving motion technically starts, the officials said when the hands, i guess the racket or tossing hand starts to move that's when the serving motion technically starts.

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  126. Harrys gone mad there was just a random bloke out for some fresh air perhaps. Stops in the.middle of a field don't know why trod in a cow pat or summat. He turns round and harry starts chasing him with a net and a taser.

    Childhood mid field trauma do you think? His dad Barry shouted at young arry
    ged art uv the middle of that field.

    he's haunted by that. its oedipal now Pack the midfield mummy pack it ah yes right there in the middle ah yeah ah ah mummy in. the. Mid. Fielllllllllld aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! ........yeah baby

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  127. Hi Anonymous - we'll have to agree to disagree, yes we do need to be thinking about lining up replacements for Drogba and Anelka but personally i don't think Torres is worth that much at present, and certainly not 50-60 million. More fool Chelsea/Abramovich if they pay it in my opinion

    HAving said all that judging by my 'expertise' in FFL, I'd do well just to shut up!

    ReplyDelete
  128. and I thought it was as simple as any part of the foot not touching any part of the line before any part of racket touches any part of ball..and i cant really thinking of putting in any other 'any parts' in there.
    ----------------------------------------
    Hey BHB, good or bad, he's the only striker we've got, so keep your hands off nando. unless you can cough up 60 mil or so then its fine, as i get a commission from any Nando sale.

    ReplyDelete
  129. must of been a lot of foot faults when kournikova was playing

    ReplyDelete
  130. here's one of Andy as a wee nipper...

    http://media.photobucket.com/image/square%20mouth/MattyRo18/SquareMouthBaby.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  131. aha..any part of a nando sale i shouldve said..dammit..shouldve thought of that before hitting "post comment"

    ReplyDelete
  132. I thought a foot fault was even you broke yiur 3rd metatarsal by wearing flash but skimpy boots but I now know its less interesting than that

    ReplyDelete
  133. His arsehole is a perfect triangle so if he offers you a toblerone don't accept

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  134. see, Blokes know fuck all about foot faults.

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  135. blogs..stop putting kournikova thoughts in my mind..I have to get a sales forecast for 2011 out, and I need to figure out how to forecast zero sales without looking bad. Maybe i should just put a picture of a skimpily clad kournikova on the spreadsheet and maybe my boss wont even read the numbers (he's definitely sexist).

    ReplyDelete
  136. "triangular sphincter" has stumped google images!

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  137. trotts..you have too much time on your hands..i think you need some more snow to keep you busy...how was the past couple days..we had about 10 inches here.

    ReplyDelete
  138. TrotterUSA said...
    "triangular sphincter" has stumped google images!


    You have no idea how pleased I am to hear that Trotts

    ReplyDelete
  139. TrotterUSA said...
    "triangular sphincter" has stumped google images!
    ---
    Maybe your not looking at it from the right angle.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Time to hit the bar.

    Buddamoooiinng

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  141. Right am off home now - i will leave you fine (?) gentlemen and your sphincters to it

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  142. BHB..no matter how poorly you have been doing of late in the H2H, I'll bet you've never been at the reeciving end of a defeat by 30 pts, which is exactly what i have just been through by that magnificent dutch manager Sir H2H.

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  143. you had 10 inches AH...ooohh eerrr matron

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  144. I said "we had" MR..it was something of a team effort..teehee

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  145. So a foot fault is all to do with tossing? Sorry I couldn't give one.

    Still may need to check Kournikova on google images though, just in case.

    ReplyDelete
  146. AH, 3" Wednesday morning, took three hours to get to NYC, about right, an hour an inch. Then it stopped until about 6pm and then another 14" - 16" of the white stuff overnight. Glad I wasn't going to the City! Heavy and wet this time, none o' the light fluffy variety that's easily shovelled, this was back breaking stuff. Still, who gives a toss, it'll soon be springtime.

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  147. And not a moment too soon my friend.

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  148. Christ, theres a whole 'Carry on' script there Trotts

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  149. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/l/liverpool/9377256.stm

    PL players, cover your ears ... literally.

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  150. Ok, so we've got Suarez, or should I say we've gotten first 'bite' at him. Given that NESC doubled their initial bid for him, I hope that doesnt mean Nando is of to the chavs. Or if he is, hopefully it is for enough money to strengthen every other position in the team.

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  151. I thought the top four had the biggest w*nkers on the pay roll. Well done Liverpool I think you may have the top one now. Maybe cram in Diouf too?

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  152. we already had him MR. Dont worry, we'll try to make up for the suarez signing by buying adam from you lot ;)

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  153. The headline reads Liverpool agree Suarez deal. Can somebody tell me if Liverpool are the bidding party thenat the receiving end Ajax should be the ones along with Suarez/agent to agree the deal.

    Havent BBC got it wrong in their news reporting?

    Anyways, good luck AH and other L'pool fans. Get your ear mufflers on.

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  154. MR, you're forgetting Liverpool have St. GERRARD in their team. Biggest wanker who picks up street brawls and is proven guilty but innocent.

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  155. Ah so that's why Spurs's foray into the top 4 will likely be a brief one ... the absence of complete wankers in the team ...

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  156. Oh, Chairman said my job managing the Pie Keys is safe till the end of the season ... must have realised there wasn't much point binning me now everything is already fucked up.

    ReplyDelete
  157. A new Mr Men character has been suggested, based on Emile Heskey. Mr Sitter.

    ReplyDelete
  158. I found an alphabet grenade the other day, I thought "If this goes off it could spell disaster."

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  159. AnfieldHopeful said...

    BHB..no matter how poorly you have been doing of late in the H2H, I'll bet you've never been at the reeciving end of a defeat by 30 pts, which is exactly what i have just been through by that magnificent dutch manager Sir H2H.
    ===================================================================

    That was a close game AH... how about being caned by 99 points... it's all for fun though aint it.

    ReplyDelete
  160. I honestly thought it was called Teagypt #peterkay

    ReplyDelete
  161. Is that some non-humourous arab FBH

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  162. Ah so that's why Spurs's foray into the top 4 will likely be a brief one ... the absence of complete wankers in the team ...
    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    A team completely void of wankers... just not possible Star.... errr except for us of course.

    ReplyDelete
  163. AnfieldHopeful said...
    BHB..no matter how poorly you have been doing of late in the H2H, I'll bet you've never been at the reeciving end of a defeat by 30 pts, which is exactly what i have just been through by that magnificent dutch manager Sir H2H.
    ====================================================

    Evening all. Long time no type. Never been on the receiving end of a defeat by 30 points AH. However the result below shows just how bad things could be.......

    Ngog To The Top 142 : 72 ColchesterFC

    Now that's what I call a thrashing and I just have one thing to say........

    COLCHESTERFC'S FFL TEAM SUCK DONKEY DICK!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  164. Oh and you dancing hamsters, you rock my world with your little blurry feet!!!!

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  165. I have to be honest Colch I would gag trying to suck a donkeys dick, I have tried! Is this you?

    http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-horse-sex,0,5735011.story

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  166. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  167. you worry me sometimes MR wot the fuck you just said that was worse than admitting to sucking donkey Dick I really don't want to no

    welcome back colch can you ask your team to sort out their FUCKING car park. my mate plays 5 a side with the owner Rob wotsisface so I have it on good authority that they won't pay the rent until the council sort it out

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  168. pissed ..and pleased that last post turned out coherent

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  169. Damn Colch ... Ngog's team didn't just thrash you, they bent you over and raped you lol.

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  170. First Rooney, then Tevez and now Torres hands his transfer request. Complete waste of time... He should just shut the fuck up and play under Daglish. Now is not the right time to abandon the team.

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  171. this ones different SS ...tevez and rooney are money grubbers, torres has made the reasonable and almost certainly correct judgment that this team is not going to qualify for Europe for a couple of years

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  172. Torres is not any different than those players. Now he knows that he is not going for anything less than 40mn. Hence he asked for transfer. Even if he buys time on transfer, his price is only going to increase.

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  173. that doesn't make sense, SS, or fit the facts - which are....

    he's reportedly got a £50 mill buy out clause in his contract which kicks in in the summer. he'd wait if it was just about money

    and more to the point ...

    Tevez and Rooney - proven twats
    Torres - not twat
    Liverpool - shit
    Manchesters u & c, and chelsea - not shit

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  174. Someone hasn't told Lawro about what happens at Spurs when the year ends in '1' ... damn fool's got Fulham down for beating us.

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  175. SS..you might be right but I think someone of nando's quality cannot settle for europa league 2 years on the trot. so he has to go if we're fair to him, and since you get more money in Jan it might as well be now. I did not know about the 50 mil buy out clause so if thats true, then we should definitely be looking for at least 55mil if we sell now. can easily get us a couple decent CBs and a LB and one more forward.

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  176. just realized that suarez and torres have the same agent...cunt is really going to strike it rich by selling both of them for inflated prices in the Jan window

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  177. AH, you say this as if Torres has been playing Champs League regularly. How many times did he play CL when at Atletico? And joining Chelsea also doesnt guarantee CL medals.

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  178. Joining Chelsea doesn't guarantee entry into the competition, never mind medals the way they're playing.

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  179. G'day all

    The mighty O's beat Swansea away to advance to the next round of the cup.

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  180. He wasnt the player he is today while at Atletico SS...and Atletico to liverpool (as we were at the time) was a step up as would be liverpool to chelsea today (nasty but true). I'd hate to see him go as I think we're rebuilding the team now and heading in the right direction, but I would still not bracket this along with the rooney or tevez transfer shenanigans.

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  181. AH, it was a well timed wild card that beat you mate, you were just unlucky to be up against me last week, I'll go back to being mediocre from the next game.
    ---
    GO BO'S O'S!!

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  182. So L'pool got Surez for a stupid amount of money. All the Ajax fans I talked to last night couldn't believe that the club had got so much for him. Good ridance to the nasty little cheater or words to that effectwere uttered.

    The PL is a poorer place with him in it, unless he has decided to leave his shananigans behind in Amsterdam. His goalscoring record is not to be scoffed at, but that's not a licence to be a complete and utter twat

    Star, just for the record it's shoulders he bites, not ears, that said, with the step up in class from the Ere Divisie to the PL he's certainly showing that he is willing to sink his teeth into a new challenge.

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  183. Ah I forget who bites what H :P

    Gills won today ... mind I'm amazed how quiet it is here given it's a home game and all.

    ReplyDelete
  184. Blog
    So we send the Pope to Vale, and the manatger signs his son
    Well at least it worked won 4-0

    ReplyDelete
  185. 1815: BREAKING TRANSFER NEWS
    Inter Milan have admitted defeat in their pursuit of Tottenham winger Gareth Bale. "The Tottenham president sent me a nice message saying that 40 million euros was not much for Bale. The truth is that Bale and Tottenham feel good together. And even in June that price will not be compatible with our approach."

    ------------------------------

    The lad's going nowhere :)

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  186. Tuh .... Live Text bloke can't do anything right ... he spent 'Own' wrong ... oh wait, Man U have an Owen now ...?

    ReplyDelete
  187. Pavlosnastasi on Twitter: "My dad's an Orient fan, so he's got me supporting them today. Ideal draw for the next round is Arsenal v Orient."
    ---------------------------
    BO, what say about that? Read it on beeb live text. Hope not your son coincidentally :P

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  188. Running a 3.8km marathon organised by my organization tomm for a social cause

    ReplyDelete