Monday, 20 December 2010

Christmas Pressies

It’s Christmas and it’s time for Robbo-ho-ho to hand out some pressies to the great, the good and bloody awful. Obviously most of these won’t arrive in time. And given the Post Office’s price hike on stamps. I’ve decided to save some dosh and send a lot of them by minicab.

To Sir Alex Ferguson: a really comfy chair like the one Jimmy Saville used to have on Jim’ll Fix It. You’ll be able to press a button and whatever you require – a glass of red, a prawn sandwich, a hairdryer – will appear magically from within the arms of the chair. And you’ll never need to get up again. In other words can’t you just eff off and let some dopy numpty like O’Neill make a complete Horlicks of the job?

To Sepp Blatter: I thought of honey, or Demerara sugar, or maple syrup but let’s face you’ve had a year-long glut of sweeteners so how about a night out at G.A.Y. with your Qatari hombres?

"Oooh, look at me! What a great jessie I am!"

To Audley Harrison: a job in Milletts – you’ll be in the tent department, Audley, keeping a close eye on the canvass.

To Big Sam Allardyce: a telescope. That way you can keep an eye on your new side’s forward passes.

To Avram Grant: I don’t reckon Av does Christmas but just because he avoids Santa’s sack doesn’t mean that Sullivan n Gold are going to be so neglectful. I reckon they’ll give him a few months rest back home.

To Lee Westwood: a major, which will come a little easier this year as I’m giving Tiger Woods a majorette.

Arsene Wenger: a big nuggety bastard of a midfielder: I’d even go so far as Lee Cattermole. Or anyone whose spine is a tad stronger than the stem of a dandelion.

Fabio Capello: well, the obvious thing’d be an English-Italian phrasebook. I’d like to add to that some magic mushroom tea just so that his imagination gets a little run-out and he stops using his substitute bench as a replica 11 for the one he starts a game with.

Mitchell Johnson: The Steve Harmison Book Of Fast Bowling. Take some tips off from Steve’s trusty sat-nav. We can’t be having Mitch finding a bit of form at this stage in the series.

Carlos Tevez: a snood cum nijab so we don’t have to look at his gritted teeth every time he pulls on a Man City shirt.

Wayne Rooney: a DVD of Algeria-England from the World Cup. See if he can sit through it without booing his tits off by the end.

FIFA: if they can’t give us the bloody World Cup – and let’s face it we could host it tomorrow but that doesn’t leave many palms to grease does it? – then they can give us some goal-line technology. You know... so we end up with a fair result...? Oh wait, sorry, you’re FIFA! What’s fairness got to do with owt?

Howard Webb: an orange card – it’s halfway between a yellow and a red and it’s the card you wave at a Dutchman when he assaults his opponent in front of the whole world.

Arjen Robben: a right foot.

Alan Pardew: a Geordie accent. You can do a right shite job at NUFC and with one of them you can get away with it. Talking of which....

Alan Shearer: a new set of shirts cos them white cuffs and collars every week make him look like he’s trying just a bit too hard. (I mean for Chrissake I get more uppity about his outfits than I do about that Rachel Riley on Countdown, who they keep dressing like some incredibly numerate street-walker. I mean it’s tough getting a seven-letter winner when you’re fighting off a lob-on.)

"All right, duckie! Fancy a consonant?"

Adrian Chiles: a rest. I’ve never seen anyone less up for an evening kick-off in my whole life. You could put a nail bomb under his chair and he’d still mutter lugubriously ‘well clearly there’s someone here who’s not that keen on watching the footy.’

Mike Hussey: I’d like to give him a laser pen – directly into his unblinking eyes just so we can get the bleeder out before he’s stopped England in their tracks again.

AP McCoy/Phil Taylor: a job swap as they’ve neither of them owt to prove in their own sports and I think the Power could probably coax a nag over the Grand National fences. And I reckon McCoy could get a nine-dart leg if he was on horseback at the time. (Incidentally – thoroughly enjoyed Sports Personality of the Year and it’s good to see the top two get the credit their transparent genius deserved.)

Colin Montgomerie: can he hand back his ‘Coach of the Year’ award at SPOTY? He didn’t coach anyone. He just picked some players to go and play golf. He hardly found a group of golfing Fergie fledgelings and melded them into a formidable dozen. Still Capello won it last year. Go figure.

David Beckham: a lovely fluffy cloud and a buffed-up halo so he can sit in his rightful place on the right-hand side of God (aka Bobby Charlton). I’m sorry but Becks gets a Lifetime Achievement Award at the same age as Giggs just wins the normal thing. He’s 35. When he’s slowly knocked off the FA one by one and held Cameron’s bollocks in a vice till he gives us back some playing-fields and footy coaches then I’m not sure he deserves the unflinching adoration of the nation. Don’t get me wrong – I like the bloke – it’s just that he’s not Mahatma frigging Gandhi just yet, is he?

Besides which he continues to give James Corden kudos and that’s not on.

And finally Tony Mowbray. A bottle of Tanqueray. And may that be the only import from North of the border that you bother yourself with for the next three years. Oh and a fucking miracle.

Middlesbrough's first team get some pre-Christmas training in

Happy Christmas one and all - except you Sepp.


  1. fourth - (hopefully Sunderland)

  2. i could go all the way to 500 at this rate - come on lads turn up

  3. looks like Len Goodman is beatimng lawro 4-0 on predo's with only 1 game to play. An Everton win would leave him thrashed either 5-0 or 7-0 depending on the score

  4. Hahaha. Nice one Robbo.

    Just wanted to point out that the sentence is incomplete for SAF. The word 'wine' is missing. It should have read -

    You’ll be able to press a button and whatever you require – a glass of red wine, a prawn sandwich, a hairdryer –

  5. 7-0 - comments that is.

    Ryan Shawcross plays for Stoke - that's a fact and you can't argue about it

    Another fact is Rafa's getting the sack - yippeeeee (although it would have been more fun if teh Congolese had won the World Club Cup)

  6. Good stuff Robbo, Merry Christmas to you and your band of bummers. How's the book coming along? Next Christmas maybe?

  7. To Rafa
    P45 and his money back (from the charm school)

    Nice blog Robbo. Happy Xmas mate.

    Sorry to out-pedant you SS but red is an idiomatic synecdoche.

  8. And the same to you Trotts, keep spreading the word in the colonies..


    Merry Christmas to everyone on here and happy birthday baby Jesus.

  9. red is an idiomatic synecdoche.

    A WHAT??

  10. puffs on meerschaum pipe...

    I think you'll find its classical Greek for the state achieved when watching football under the influence of alcohol, psychoactive pharmaceuticals whilst accompanied by naked identical twins with voluminous mammary glands, Adam

  11. Cracking Stuff as always Robbo! couldnt send me a few presents to wrap up for the missus could ya, she's getting nothing if this snow keeps up!

  12. Good stuff Robbo.

    And a Merry Christmas to one and all.

  13. adampsb said...
    red is an idiomatic synecdoche.

    A WHAT??

    That's just a posh name for a Bordeux

  14. I think Wayne Rooney deserves a Ho Ho Ho.

  15. AP McCoy/Phil Taylor:(Incidentally – thoroughly enjoyed Sports Personality of the Year and it’s good to see the top two get the credit their transparent genius deserved.)

    Really Robbo? A fat bloke who plays a pub game and a bloke who relies on a horse to let him win. Surely the horse should've got the prize. Neither of them even play proper sports. Give the prize to Jessica Ennis. And then smear her in baby oil and send her round to my place. I'll give her the best 45 seconds of my life.

    Oh and afternoon all.

  16. This comment has been removed by the author.

  17. Wolves are interested in United States' former Salt Lake City striker Robbie Findley.
    Full story: Daily Mail

    After playing in the state of Utah, the slightlly hard of hearing player said he looked forward to playing for a team whos manager is a mormon.

  18. Mauricio Espinosa, the assistant referee in England's World Cup match against Germany, admits he missed the bounce of Frank Lampard's shot which crossed the line but was not given as a goal.
    Full story:

    Cheers for that, I bet we all feel much better now. *grits teeth*

  19. Wassup Colch.

    45 seconds, wow, what are you a marathon runner?

    You deserve a SPoTY for that.

  20. Bastards. I'm I really so annoying you leave me talking to the walls all on my own in the old blog?

    Best go read this one ...

  21. To All Met policemen
    Health and Safety training in pushing invalids out of wheelchairs without hurting themselves

  22. The Tees Mouth said...
    New blog up, one n all.

    20 December 2010 13:08
    Didn't this kinda like, tip you off mate? ;)

  23. To MOTD2

    A proper presenter who has vaguly got something to do with the game, even a guy who has worked on the football esembly line in the Adidas factory will do.

  24. My apologies ... the mind's awake but my eyes evidently aren't.

  25. To The Post Office:

    A workforce that can actually do the job instead of the slovenly useless lot who aren't fit for purpose who can't deliver a letter on time or even decide what the right fucking postage was meant to me on the xmas card my mum sent me.

  26. To Spurs:

    A fucking striker.

    To Arsenal:

    A fucking goalie.

  27. a good xmas for all

    Wayne Rooney: a DVD of Algeria-England from the World Cup. See if he can sit through it without booing his tits off by the end.

  28. Adam

    I know its 5-3 at the mo, and you have 6pts on the bench, and I have little Timmy and Jags tonight, lets see

  29. Star

    I thought Crouch was a fucking striker with whoever

  30. CARLOS TEVEZ has performed a U-turn and withdrawn his Man City transfer request

    Bluff called

  31. To England: Either a better 2014 or the ability to accept reality.

    Soccer, Blog? As an ignorant American twat, I think whoever wins their World Cup group oughta be able to call it whatever the hell they want.
    (Even though I enjoy infuriating my gridiron fanatic friends by insisting on calling soccer football.)

    Good cheer to all.

  32. Bo offense intended, LFHS you seem to me a very intelligent and enlightened American twat

    Happy Christmas from across the pond!

  33. Aston Villa boss Gerard Houllier says he wants any new signings to move closer to Birmingham as he takes a reluctance to do so as a sign of a lack of commitment.

    Says the man who commutes from Paris to Birmingham daily.

    G'day all.

    Merry Christmas to you Robbo and all the blog followers.

  34. Mauricio Espinosa, the assistant referee in England's World Cup match against Germany, admits he missed the bounce of Frank Lampard's shot which crossed the line but was not given as a goal.

    That's stating the obviouos

  35. Happy Christmas Bo. Christmas day on the beach?

  36. Happy Christmas to you too blog. No beach for me, although I'll be less than a five minute walk from there Christmas day.

  37. Man City 0-2 at home to Everton... will Mancini see in the new year at Main Road.

  38. Whatever your thoughts on the man, this blog from Tim Vickery (one of the better football writers around) tries to explain the reasons why Tevez is unhappy in England.

  39. The Special One asks for support.

    Why do the managers of the top clubs always want special treatment from the officials.

  40. Hi ho, hi ho etc, etc

    Type to y'all later

  41. Rachel Riley
    Consonant Vowel Consonant Consonant

    And yes I certainly would!!! She is stunning.

    Nice one Roobo - and dead right re the miracle - where did it all go wrong - getting beat by Cardiff has become a mirrior image of us getting beat by wolves at same stage of the FA Cup - I shoudl know - I was their - Ayrseome and knicked of school (at dinner time) once in my life to go the game.

    A wonderful christmas to all who do such and a peaceful New Year to the rest of ya - unless youa re chinese in which case you may need to wait for your to come along sometime soon me thinks

  42. their - there
    i was educated in a state school - yepo it was a state alright - Bertram Ramsey Comp - he had sumat to do with DDay - never saw him at the school tho

  43. Happy Christmas to you too, Robbo.

  44. Jesus christ I got 19 points in the FFL, mind 16 of those were from Baines becoming captain. Still got smashed by AH who scored a mighty 27 points.

    Oh well on the plus side I walloped my oppo in the Fantasy Cup 19-4

  45. Why am I up at this time? Simple. The cunt next door for reasons only known to them decided to play Addicted to Bass and Radar Love in an endless loop at a silly volume at 2 A fucking M

  46. Forget Cowell

    No 1 this Xmas

    Robbo HtoH NGOG
    Jacks HtoH ME

    and one of my daughters made it back from Nairobi this am, will I get back, 2 days to go?

    Anyway a merry Xmas to all who visit this blog, esp Robbo for providing the opportunity to discuss, slag, argue, joke etc any topic

    And now its time for work, bis spater

  47. ROBBO write that book ffs we'll all buy it so there's 7 sorry 6 now copies sold. Your less funny (but cleverer) pal Fc managed it so can thou!

    So as the season approacheth in which I spend half my time on the motorway heading north, half my time on the motorway heading south and the other half praying for snowbound impassable motorways.....

    I wisheth ye all a prosperous new year and especially Robbo, RBA abd all other fallen blogsters like zoots and our homesick (go on admit it) friends in foreign places pining for the Motherland of football pies abd all things good true and frankly laughable

  48. Morning all.

    Bo beat me comfortably by 4pts. 11-15. A bizarre week is finally over.
    Hope players have got enough rest and are charged up for Chelsea game on the weekend.

  49. ... and Merry Christmas, Happy New Year to all fellow blognauts.

  50. Liverpool will fund a move for Manchester City winger Shaun Wright-Phillips by selling right-back Glen Johnson.
    Full story: Metro
    Now this is what you call a perfect replacement move!

  51. Afternoon all

    Been really busy lately (things to do, people to arrest, that sort of stuff) so haven't even had much time to do much lurking, let alone any postings but just wanted to say

    Happy Christmas and New Year to all (yes even you Man Poo supporters) and see you next year

    And a 'special one' thank you to you Robbo for continuing to do this blog for us. Cheers.


    blogdignag said...
    To All Met policemen
    Health and Safety training in pushing invalids out of wheelchairs without hurting themselves

    I have been on this course and all we really have to rememebr is BEND the knees before tipping the contents of the wheel chair out ..

  52. mornin Lads, well done Everton. anything that makes our title rivals drop points is good news.

    mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm pies

  53. bloody hell, I've missed me chance, alone with BHB for 5 hours and all I thought about was pies.

  54. in all fairness Trotts, pies are probably the better option ..

    Am off now til 29th so have a great time everyone

  55. I said to Mr BHB the other day - do you a pie or sex, he went for the pie, but then again was half time at Stamford Bridge

  56. RBA - missing in action - I miss RBA- Aldershot's finest!!!!

  57. An early present to me, the only Toffees fan within a hundred mile radius!

  58. either this is one of Ballbraintelli's gloves and his head is as tiny as his brain

    OR he's a total cock.

    OR both.

  59. 20-20-24 hours to go
    I wanna be sedated

  60. The cock hat. When you being a cock is not obvious enough to all .

  61. Also happy Orgasm day to BHB.

    The rest of the followers and Robbo:
    Of course, real men celebrated it yesterday already..

  62. Real men don't celebrate it at all spit they get pissed eat a pie and go for a kick about

  63. Maybe this article gives a better insight into problems endemic to English football... or more accurately the FA

  64. What the fuck happened to my comment before last... one moment it was there now it has gone... the wonders of the internet.

  65. Happy orgasm day?!?!?!

    what the fuck is that?

    whatever it is, i bet it's over quickly...

    (unless it's my wife, then it's groundhog day...heehee)

  66. As any Arsenal fan is aware, we haven't won a trophy in five years. We appear to be favourites of the remaining teams in the Carling Cup so maybe 2010 will bring silver (any port in a storm as is said). The CC aside I am not hopeful of winning anything this season either. Have the gunners put ambition on hold in order to stabilise their finances? It does appear that way to me and if it is so it makes no sense. A successful club atrtracts more income than does an unsuccessful one.

    I was looking at players transferred in over the past five years or so, the most notable are as follows: Koscielny, Squillaci (neither of them really up to PL standard) in to replace Gallas and Toure (for mine the best CB we have had since Adams and Keown). Vermaelen, a bit of a surprise packet and a good purchase and Arshavin arrived in 2009. Nasri, Sagna Diara and Ramsey came in around 2008 and probably the best intake of any of the past five seasons, . Around 2007 Wenger brought in Gallas and Eduardo (both of whom are no longer at the club), Denilson and Fabiaski (both of whom I wish were no longer at the club). Prior to that we bought in Traore, Hleb and Adebeyor, who are no longer with us and Bendtner, Walcott and Rosicky.. we sell Hleb but keep Rosicky, why? The list suggests to me that we need to have a shake up in the scouting department and/or find scouts that know regions other than France. It is obvious by looking at the age of these players that Wenger was looking to the future but this seems to have come at the expense of the present. But we all know that one of Arsene's falings is that he doesn't always see what is staring him in the face.

  67. G'day FBH.

    Orgasm day... I can only draw on past experiences but can honestly say I have no recollection of any orgasm lasting a day... I'm sure I would have remembered it even with my poor memory.

  68. Bo - i know some of those defenders listed are a bit ropey..but much of the rest look very impressive to me. maybe as a toon fan i'd give my right ball for most of those players...

  69. I suppose it is a matter of perspective 59th... I am not saying all the guys on the list are rubbish but apart from Nasri and Arshavin the others are not what I would call quality signings... not yet anyway... maybe one or two will develop over time but I think most will eventually be sold off.

  70. Usmanov is looking to raise his stake in Arsenal. If he does, I wonder if it will cause Korenke to attempt to buy the gunners outright.

  71. G'Day Everyone!

    Bo, All I can say is I hope we do make some signings in Jan window. A goalkeeper and a defender is a must, especially now knowing we will face Barcelona in Champs league.

    Koscielny falls to ground easily with slight collisions. Squillaci might have experience of playing against Barca for 3-4 seasons in La Liga, but I wonder how many times he has come out as a winner on those matches.



    Bye bye Rafa it seems ...

  73. FACKT! What an Idiot!

    Ciao Rafa.

  74. Hahaha, I can only laugh at Rafa.

  75. Bo
    good summary of your teams problems, just wondering about the Hleb/rosicky situ
    Did AW sell AH, or did he want away, if the latter didnt really work out at Barca and VfB, now warming the bench at Brum
    Also Gallas/Vermaelen would have been awesome

  76. Rafa got £4 million 6 months ago from Liverpool

    Now he's in line for another £3 million pay off

    He's no idiot.

  77. 'kin 'ell ... 7 million quid for six months of proving the Champions League win was a fluke and that he's an idiot.

    Fucking good work if you can get it.

    Anyway, you know what this means.


  78. Gallas wasnt the same since he left Chelsea. His form has dipped ever since he cried on the pitch. He played out of position on most times and was primarily responsible for counter attack goals scored by Rooney last season at Emirates.

    I'd like to see Wenger buying Per Merstacker who has been linked for Jan window to strengthen the defence.

  79. SS11
    Hes not doing too bad up the road, esp when he has agood partner

  80. Got to agree with Tone - Gallas has been immense in recent weeks. Really looking forward to him forming a partnership with Dawson when they're both fit. I don't think that Ledley will be in the starting XI if both Gallas and Dawson are fit.

  81. Strachan for Inter - hows that Starman (waitng int he sky.....) :)

  82. Morning all. New Mastercard advert coming out this week..............

    Family of 4 holiday to Spain the week before Xmas $1500
    Taxi to the airport $100
    New clothes and supplies for holiday $1000

    The look on the kids faces when they realise a week in Spain has been swapped for 4 nights sleeping on the floor at Heathrow..................PRICELESS!!!!!

    Anyway, I'm off down to Heathrow with a massive speaker stack and a copy of "Driving home for Xmas" at full volume on a continuous loop. Wish me luck!

  83. Colch - your schadenfreude knows no bounds, funny tho.

    I wonder if people like Rafa really want to be in football and if he really is a fan..
    cos all he seems to want is to throw toys out of his dugout and get a wacking great payoff..twat.

  84. I bought in Ferdinand and made Nani as my team's captain. Now I hope my jinx magic works on Man U as well this weekend.

  85. Bollocks ... Nani's been my captain for weeks. He's been doing well too, well when United get to play these days that is.

  86. So now that ManCity have the moneys, they also have the FA


  87. Bo, regarding Arsenal signings over the last years.

    Apart from the lack of trophies and refusal to pay transfer fees, there is another factor.


    How is that sustainable that Yaya Toure and Carlos Tevez earn 280,000 pounds a week but Cesc Fabregas earns 90,000 ?

    I am sure there are many pro footballers who only sign for sporting reasons but where are they?

    Hleb and Flamini left of their own accord, doing well, last I heard.

  88. Spit
    So why did Hleb leave VfB to sit on the bench at Brum?

  89. tone,

    Hleb was keen on a permanent transfer back to stuttgart, where Arsene signed him from, and the fans love him too but as I understand, Barca wanted something close to 8 mil euro for him and since Stuttgart have similar transfer policies as Arsenal (also rebuilding their stadium) they had to let him return.

  90. 59th_street said...
    Colch - your schadenfreude knows no bounds

    I probably shouldn't joke about it until I know whether my flight home tonight is operating. 4 hours to go and they haven't cancelled it yet so fingers crossed.

  91. 'God bless us everyone'. As tiny Tim once said just after winning England's tallest dwarf prize.

    36 points in the FFL! I could do with a few more cancelled weekends of footie.

    Merry Crimbo Bummers!

  92. Bo.

    Not a bad anaylisis and I agree we may of given up a bit of success in exchange for financial stability, but we now have one of the best training facilities in the land and a state of the art 60,000plus seater stadium which is almost completley paid for, a few years before scheduale.

    Much has beem made of Spurs getting 4th place and qualifing for the CL... good for them!! But not so great when you consider the money they dished out to achieve this. Failure to qualify next year could put them in trouble, yet we have qualified every year over the last decade even though we've had the "cash restraints".

    I always thought Gallas was a more then decent CB, trouble was, by all reports, he was a disruptive influence in the dressing room, he turned down an extention because he wanted mo' money and a longer contract, he tried to hold the club for ransom, failed, and in the end he signed for a shorter contract for less dough at WHL, go figure.

    For me the jury is still out on Kos and Squidy, I'd like to see more of Djourou though and hope the Verm comes back soon. Those hoping that we will sign a new keeper in Jan will be dissapointed, it wont happen. Someone also needs to tell Song that he is not an attacking midfielder and should concentrate on what he did so well last year, it's like someone has injected him with a large dose of Carlton Palmer and fudged him up. Unfortunatly I don't think we'll sign anyone, which would be pretty daft, because we are close to having a team/squad that may/can make the final push for the trophies we all seem so desperate to have.

    Speaking of trophies, let's not knock the CC, it could be the springboard to better things, it was in the 80's. We have discussed lately the mentality thing and I think that if these players actually can win something it may be the catalist to winning more, Man Utd are so good because they are used to winning and that gives them an air of invincibility, the attitute they have makes the whole a lot greater then the sum of its parts and this is what we need, much more important then a few new signings.

  93. Carling Cup is a good trophy - Fergie has been quite happy to win it 3 times in the last 4 years

  94. MR, 36pts in the ffl, wow.

    I had 4 players playing, the GK let in 2 goals, a midfielder got carded and a defender scored an own goal.
    I plumeted down the tables, lost in the cup and heard a rumour that Rafa was in the UK applying for my job. Not a good week!!

  95. Rafa at blackburn?

    That would be the ultimate burn for bog sam.

  96. We've had this discussion before Adam and I totally agree, try telling the fans that have just left Wembeley after a victory that the CC doesn't mean anything.

    BTW, it's H2HFC v PSButd over the chrimbo period, I might even change my team for that one. ;)

    Good luck.

  97. Bog Sam.

    unintended pun, ha ha.



  98. speaking of fat sam . . .what 's the general view of his management?

    i think he's effective but dull..and i laughed when he got sacked from the toon cos watching them was like watching slow-drying paint dry.

  99. Bog Sam has a nice ring to it.

    He shouldn't be worried, with his track record he's bound to get a call from Inter. THey must of read his interview when he said he'd eassily win the CL with a big club..

    "Ciao Signori Bog Sam, I'm a calling to ask a you for a the number of Fabio Capello, grazi."

  100. 59th.

    I'm not a fan of his tyle or lack of it, but a you mentioned it is indeed effective and Sam has a great track record of keeping clubs in te PL on with limited recources, so fair play ti him.

    He was hard done by at B'Buurn and I think the Indians have made a grave mistake in getting rid of him and I'll be watching with interest to see how it comes back and bites them in the arse.

    Maybe they'll be alright though, the new owners have promised them 5 million quid to invest to help turn them into a top 5 club.

    I think they should of stuck to cricket.

  101. *Note to self.* Take off boxing gloves before typing.

  102. H - you being made to wear boxing gloves for bed again? jeez, just leave it alone will ya...

    I also see that bog sam said Kean should not get the job...any agenda there?

  103. I know next to nothing about this Kean guy, but it does lead me to believe that the new owners haven't got a clue. Why would you dump a proven manager in the middle of the season for an unknown with no track record?
    It makes no sense to me at all. Unless they've read the "Mike Ashleys guide to football board management".

  104. why did the chicken cross the road?

    to sack Bog Sam.

  105. spit - i really really dont know why that made me laugh, but it did. now i'm worried.

    "Mike Ashleys guide to football board management". - just a collection of blank pages.

  106. why did the chicken cross the road?

    To ask Mario Balotelli for his hat back.

  107. Speaking of which;

    Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli has claimed Barcelona superstar Lionel Messi is the only player in the world who is better than him.
    Full story: Daily Mirror

    He really is a cock.

  108. Bog Sam always reminds of that advert for woodstain 'It does exactly what it say's on the tin'.

    Mind you that doesn't really hold water now since he spouted off about winning the Champs league recently.

    A good solid mid-table manager. Can't for the life of me why the new owner's would sack him now, who they getting their advice from? Mike Ashley?

  109. Well Big Sam got Bolton into the prem, kept them there, got them to the League Cup final and even gave them a short run out in Europe.

    He took Blackburn when they were in danger of relegation and turned them into a solid if uninspiring club.

    Newcastle, well there's no helping a manager if the owner's a fuckwit.

  110. feel bad for all those stuck away from family and loved ones.....

    and the Motha fuckin Skype aint working.

  111. Still, Stuttgart are up against Bayern Munich again.

    This time in the cup.

    I reckon there might be a goal or two.

  112. Not looking good for Umbrella Man in the cup, losing 3-1 against a 2nd Div team

  113. 8 minutes on the clock, the german league champions of 2007 are 2 down at home.

  114. could and should have been 1:2

    this is like a bare knuckle fight.

  115. this is one hell of a game.

    Stuttgart are now 2:2 against bayern.

    Both teams could have scored a couple more. each.

  116. G'day all

    The CC seems a good trophy to win unless Liverpool win it.

    Spit, the wages paid to Toure and Tevez are not sustainable unless your club is owned by an arab sheik with more money than sense or by a Russian billionaire. One thing I would say Yaya Toure, Tevez and Fabregas... the two former would play on a weekly basis for Barcelona while Fabregas would most likely sit on the bench most weeks. I use Barcelona as the benchmark because I think presently they are the best club team in the world. It's a bit scary when you consider that Fabregas is by far our best player.

  117. mornin' Lads. If Rafa can collect 8 million quid in severance pay in 6 months, he only needs to work for 2 1/2 more years at the same rate and he can buy Blackburn, never mind manage them!

    Big Sam's alright, gets the best out of what he's got and the players that play for him all seem very happy to do so. Besides that, any manager who can sell Santa Claus to City off the physio's table for 17 million has a shrewd streak.

  118. Amazing scenes just now in the match.

    The ref shows a stuttgart player his second yellow and subsequently a red for a challenge on Schweinsteiger.

    Schweinsteiger gets up and tells the ref that he made a mistake and there was no contact made.

    all happening right in front of the dug out.

    Ref, rejects the explanation by schweini and ordders the player off anyway.

    The whole time, Ribery, the cunt he is, is pulling schweinsteiger away from the ref and stoping him from asking the ref to reconsider.

    btw, 10 men stuttgart are now back level at 3:3.

    or they should be,
    Hans-Jorg Butt saves the penalty to keep it at 2:3

  119. 3:4

    10 minutes to go in the regulation 90

  120. after the weekend game that ended 3:5, these two teams play out the cup tie 3:6.

    plus a bunch of yellow and 2 red cards and a missed penalty.

  121. sounds like a christmas cracker Spit!

  122. Trott, wish I had gone but its almost impossible to get the tickets for this fixture.

    12 euros to watch the game standing among the 'real' fans, being served beer on the spot and having a cig, who wouldnt.

    Most of the fans, and there are two troops of hard core fans, with their drums and conductors, were still there after the end whistle to applaud the teams off the pitch.

  123. Weiss beer on the spot and a smoke, paradise!

  124. just watched the highlights of Wolfsbufg-Cottbus match.

    the Shteve McLaren team were 3 down at half time at home.

    the guest fans started throwing flares on the pitch, leading their manager to go confront them.

    McLaren is rumoured to lose his job after going out 3:1 at home to a promoted side.

  125. well i say promoted, they are in the 2nd league.

  126. was he carrying a flare proof umbrella spit?

  127. that's another job Rafa can apply for!

  128. Steve McLaren - footballing genious

    Maybe not

    Wish he was back at the Boro

    Now then

  129. Kean put in charge by Blackburn

    Sorry Jacks - there is a missing "e" :)

  130. Looks like Big Sam got fired cos his new employers saw him lose 7-1 at Utd. So Sam's policy of bending over and letting his mate Fergie spank his arse every time they play each other has backfired. The least Fergie could do is give him a job at OT seeing as it was his fault. He could be GNev's facial hair coach. I seem to remember Sam sporting a dodgy tache back in his Bolton days.

  131. Holloway2Holland said...

    Much has beem made of Spurs getting 4th place and qualifing for the CL... good for them!! But not so great when you consider the money they dished out to achieve this. Failure to qualify next year could put them in trouble, yet we have qualified every year over the last decade even though we've had the "cash restraints".
    Now then!! Spurs have always been financially stable (at least since Sugar and Venables left) and have a billionaire owner who actually understands a bit about football. We may buy a lot of players, but we also sell a lot at a profit. We bought Robbie Keane from Leeds for 6m, then sold him for 20m, then bought him back for 12m. 2m in the bank!! We bought Berbatov from Leverkeusen for 11m, then sold him for 30m. Carrick cost us 3.5m, we sold him for 18m. We invest a great deal in youth and buy players who will have a much higher re-sale value, if we ever sell them. Bale cost us 5m, but is now worth more than 30m in the current market (100m if Citeh or IOU want to buy him). Overall, our transfer dealings probably break even.

    We've got a new stadium on the way, so that may see a tightening of belts when it comes to transfers, but failure to qualify for the Champs League will not be a disaster for us. Only for the worldwide audience who won't be able to see out great attacking football!!! I think it was the Champs League money from the first few years that has put the old Big Four clubs further ahead of the rest in terms of revenue, which is why you have been able to build your facilities. Now Arsenal are in a healthy position because they used the money wisely - the same cannot be said for Liverpool or IOU, which is why the likes of Spurs have been able to break into the top 4 places. The sooner that the FIFA financial rules are implmented the better, as clubs that are not run properly (you know who you are!) will not be able to keep eating at the top table, and will suffer the consequences.

  132. Trotts watch out for valemania during the summer of 2011.....

    Port Vale set for North American tour

  133. mass hysteria at JFK airport again? Are they going on the Ed Sullivan show too?

  134. micky adams favourite to take over at sheffiled united. hope he doesnt take marc richards with him.

    micky im sorry i was critical when you put the entire squad up for sale including the tea ladies and the owd bloke with a gammy leg who sells programms. it seemed mad but it worked.

  135. Wonder if the expected vacancy at Inter will mean that Fabio Capello pisses off?

    Rafa for England??!!

  136. bigger than jesus trott. mind you jesus was only 4 foot 6

    i was reading that the abbey road crossing has been listed. but 20 years of confused beatles fans who have tried but not quite been able to recreate the famous shot have been told that the crssing had been moved 30 yards up the road. presumably in a top secret midnight council prank.

  137. capello has said he'll see his contract out noel. rafa for liverpool is a possibility tho

    now that WOULD be funny

  138. So the FA have chosen a 'businessman' Bernstein to be the new head instead of David Dien the 'football' man?

    Seriously, the most important thing FA need righ now is to maximise its profits since obviously, football development in general and youth development in particular are doing a splendid job.

    Apparently, Berstein is also favoured by FIFA over a politically incorrect Dien.

    TWATS, the lot of them.

  139. Bernstein was "perfect" for the FA because he "never offends anyone, and allegedly never makes a decision".



    Kean's in charge till the end of the year.

    Reminds me of that year Spurs ditched Hoddle and let Pleat manage the team for 3/4's of the season. I think we meandered home in 14th. Fucking boring season that was.

  141. Former Arsenal striker Julio Baptista could be in line for a north London return after he revealed he has received an offer from Tottenham.


    Might as well rename the team the Arsenal Pensioners Club if we keep doing this ...

  142. G'day all

    Star, Spurs will take anyone if they take Baptista... he was a big useless prick when he was with Aresenal.

  143. Did Colch make it back?

    Will I?, not sure, will be OK to get to AMS, but then our Mickey Mouse airport at Teesside, only have a hard brush, and a hairdryer with a long lead to clear the runway

    Meanwhile, BLOG, if Mickey goes, do you fear for Vales chances?

  144. Good Morning all!

    Julio "Beast" Baptista , I can hardly remember his contribution in Arsenal jersey except for one game where he scored 6 against Liverpool in Carling Cup.

  145. Cubicle decoration in office today. Someone from Sr. Mgmt will be visiting as Santa and judge the best decorated cubicle.

  146. 6 against Liverpool, are you sure you wasn't dreaming SS... he scored four against them in a 6-3 victory... dont recall him scoring 6 though.

  147. Okay it was we scoring 6 and he scored 4. I told ya already, I hardly remember his contribution.

    See I got that one wrong.

  148. Tone good luck sending homeward

    I do fear for PV hopes of promotion being unsettled he has got results on a shoestring.
    but when you got nothing you've nothing to lose

    Think the two other big issues for vale will be whether the takeover goes ahead, which promises to wipe out our debts (AND may bring in talismsnic darts genius The Power as an investor, he says) and keeping hold of marc Richards

  149. BLOG
    Phil and Robbie, what a partnership

    We have the Chuckle Bros and Howard Webb

  150. Lawro's tipped Arsenal to win against chelsea. He is mental, innit?

  151. taking Lawro apart.


  152. We're supposed to lose again according to Lawro.

    Moving on swiftly ...

  153. This may come as a shock to some of you, but I'm beginning to think that Lawro doesn't actually know what he's talking about.

  154. "Benitez's availability will alert clubs around Europe despite damage done to his reputation in the last 18 months, encompassing his decline at Liverpool and a swift demise at Inter "

    Phil McCuntly on Rafa Benitez's sacking by Inter Milan. Says a lot about the man. The men, actually.

  155. McNulty is to blogging what Rafa is to football management.

  156. mornin' Lads, Rafa's like the bimbo arranging a prenup with the old geezer that spotted him pole dancing. There'll be another egomaniac club owner along in a few weeks.

    Right, off shopping and to the Bada Bing (Satin Dolls) for an xmas knees up.

    Enjoy the festivities wherever and whatever they may lead to. Don't drink and declare feelings of love OR drive.

  157. Rafa asked for it and he got it. Inter president did the right thing by declining him transfer funds and showed him the door. Thus saving Inter huge costs of team rebuilding which they would have had to suffer.

    Well done Inter.

  158. frankie boyle...Twitter hasn't replaced texting, Twitter has replaced muttering to yourself

    Bad news.
    Vermy! Get well soon.

  160. I think you've all been brainwashed about rafa. just look at his record...its fantastic in often difficult circumstances . Every club he's been at he's been a winner.

    is it his dubious media/presentation skills that have left people thinking the opposite?

    Compare harry redknapp - one FA cup and a few bits of bling ...but only in the megabucks recent phase at spurs has he got anywhere near rafas consistent record at ever club he's been at of 50% plus win rate

    but everyone loves gormless old flash harry don't they?

    Makes no sense.

  161. blog,

    I agree. Rafa is a decent enough coach.

    But, sometimes, what you say and how carries more weight than what you do. or how.

  162. Thats what the libdems are hoping anyway spits

  163. I said sometimes.

    having said that, masses are fickle and have short memories.

  164. our internet shop has just arrived including bite-size Xmas pud

    you can't always tell from the pics can you? as SAF said after he signed bebe

  165. German paper this morning said Wolfsburg fans wee waving green and white umbrellas at Stevie Mc last night
    Catch on quick these Huns

  166. Afternoon all.

    You're right concerning Rafa bloggy, yet you forget one important factor. 'Arry's english so by definition is better. (media wise)

  167. German paper this morning said Wolfsburg fans wee waving green and white umbrellas......

    On the terraces??

    Ze dirty buggers.

  168. its not just xenophobia H tho I'm sure there's a bit of that, but theirs a Gordon brown uneasy selfconsciousness about rafa which does him no favours as he tries and fails to control his media image

    Mourinho is a continental Oscar wilde, rafa tries to emulate eg with the milk nonsense and looks a pratt; Arsene is the prof, rafas done a bit of that and seemed pretentious , ancellotti is enigmatic rafa just comes.ovwr as grouchy and evasive

    he should hire Beckham to speak to the media for him in that Ye know smiley inane Ye know nonstick style of his

  169. Great idea blogs.

    Maybe Rafa can teach David proper English while he's at it.

  170. Liverpool boss Roy Hodgson has opened the door for Milan Jovanovic to leave Anfield.
    Full story: talkSPORT

    I didn't relise that was in his job description;

  171. Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard will return to action against Blackpool on Boxing Day after Hodgson confirmed he is now fit.
    Full story: Daily Mirror

    Back on Boxing Day!!!

    My irony meter just exploded.

  172. H
    The irony of one letter missing, pissing the night away

    Its this Dutch keyboard, or is it a few JD & cokes.

    About an hour to go, before I find out if flight is OK

  173. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you Tone, mate.

    Have a Jacky on me.

  174. Sscchhteve has been given another chance at Wolfsburg. Nice to see the chairman opting to change the problems in the team, rather than just changing the manager. I don't follow Bundesliga too closely, but the chairman obviously has more sense than a lot of others in similar positions in English clubs.

    Wishing all you bummers on here (and BHB) a very merry Christmas and hope the festive period is kind to your respective teams. I hope Santa brings you all what you asked for, and if not, then the transfer window is only a week away!

    Jacks, hope to see you back soon. All the best mate.

  175. Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti thinks Arsenal are scared of Didier Drogba and that Chelsea have every chance of extending their excellent run against the Gunners if he is at his best.

    Playing mind games of course. Unfortunately I think it is true... we don't really have the defenders to hold Drogba on his day (not many teams do) or even if he is having an ordinary day... just have to hope he doesn't show on Monday.

  176. Seems Rafa is a man of many personalities without having one of his own.

  177. Best article I've read on rafa, Bo...

  178. so SCHteve McLaren stays.

    The club has decided that they accept not all of the blame for the miserable outcome for the first half of season can be laid at the coach alone and have warned the players of consequences of poor showing.

    Why is that only a welcome exception rather than the rule?

  179. H2H
    Thanks for the finger crossing
    And yes another JD found its way down the throat, home run was successful last night, in time for a swift 2 pints

  180. I agree with Rich, Mourinho is a hard act to follow. Benitez had a couple of good seasons with Liverpool and then for some reason everything went pear shaped. Maybe Alonso leaving wasn't the best thing that happened to them but one, no team should be that reliant on one player and two, if a player wants out, the club is better off without him. Seems like Benitez wanted to prove himself after that but surely he could have found somewhere other than following the special one to do it. Mind you he he must be up there with the top earners if you just count his last six months payouts; averaging around 275,000 pounds per week.

  181. OMG - ive just watched Glee - I sort of feel ill in a sickly sweet sort of way!?!?

  182. Seems most of them in Christmas preparations. G'Day everyone!

    Bo, here's one to read for the Boxing Day Ashes Test

  183. Well I've got the day off and I've sorted all I need to do for tomorrow, plenty of drinking time for me then hehe.

    Merry Xmas everyone :)

  184. Oh well, something had to set off my patented Fuckwit Alarm ...

  185. SS, I'd just break the little fucker's legs.

  186. That was a good article on Benitez blogs;

    "This morning, Benitez is on the Wirral, where he was probably happiest with his dog and cat and games of chess".

    Do you think the dog lets him win?

  187. Star.

    Good to see your fuckwit alarm is in fine working order.
    How can a referee talk such bollix.