Monday, 11 October 2010

Why We Love A Skipper

Okay. Fabio Capello has dropped some clangers. No doubt about that. This time he's brought in Stewart Downing - presumably to remind Adam Johnson of what he could've been if life had been less kind. And picking Shaun Wright-Phillips AGAIN will have every Clanger on their planet - and the Soup Dragon - and the Iron Chicken - laughing their little woollen togs off.

Some Clangers search vainly for a football after it was crossed by Shaun Wright-Phillips

But this captaincy business. I confess I've tried to get with the Italian's line of thinking. There should be 11 skippers on the park. It hasn't worked. The Germans did us up like 11 kippers. So why does it matter?

Well, I think it's mattered to me since the forgettably-named quicksilver carrot-top Andy Smudger Smith got the school captainct aged 9 when clearly I was the better candidate. People were scared of me. A knowledge of fags, French kissing and intercourse put me way above the ginger lad.

Smudger bathed in the worshipful glow that blazed down on him every time he passed thiry keepy-uppies, but was it him nicking the football cards from Oundsworth's?

Oh Smudger could tie up a defender in knots so complex even Akela hadn't seen 'em before, but was it him found the discarded porn mag in the truckers lay-by?

Nah. I had respect of a more solid kind. I had a gob on me n all. I was socks-round-me-ankles, mud-from-tip-to-toe, he was a prancing Persil ad, all bigheadedness and bluey-whiteness.

And our the teacher made him skipper. You wanted your role-model to be Captain Fantastic and what we got was Lieutenant Pigeon.

In England, you grow up with the belief that one day, if you work hard, if you're gritty, honest and never-say-die, if you are the still, certain pulsing heartbeat of the men with whom you play, then you, sunshine, shall wear the armband.

And not only the heart. The bloody guts n all.

That's how it is. It's not an award that gets passed around like toffees at a dentists convention. Not for us.

You only have to look at John Terry's reaction to being relieved of the honour. (That sounds like a sordid euphemism, but it always does if 'John Terry' is in the sentence.) He played like a carthorse and whined like a girl. And he's out the squad again cos of a bad back. Who was it this time, JT?

You could also look at Gerrard's marked improvement. Admittedly, this has summat to do with not having to shar his football boots with Frank Lampard (while they're both on the pitch) but Stevie has proved time and time again that the added responsibility suits him.

I reckon the lad can be a right whiny pain-in-the-backside but give him his best position and a stretchy little ribbon round his skinny Scouse arm and he can do the business for you.

Of course he should stay skipper. Rio's got the job back cos Capello has this inflexible approach to everything. The man must be a nightmare to be married to. I can see him being like Richard Briers in Ever Decreasing Circles, folding napkins in particular ways and writing out his team-sheet with a ruler to underline everyone's name.

Thank Christ he's not a referee. He'd be getting the tape measure out every time a wall is formed wouldn't he? You'd have penalties retaken so many times that even Graham Alexander could miss one.

And you know, if Fabio really doesn't think it means owt, he could try asking his players. Or that vein-bulging slab of Full English, his assistant Stuart Psycho Pearce. (Although the Psycho reputation has been utterly undermined by the fact that Capello has reduced his bench-buddy to the role of hapless stooge and punchbag. A sort of Phil Neal with bruises.)

There's the language barrier but I'm sure if he gets Stuart to speak slowly he'll come up with summat resembling English.

And if he does he'll hear the word 'honour' mentioned over and over again. And even the pampered millionaires that so frequently distribute so much silage across our international playing-fields do actually mean it when they say it.

And not only does it matter from a sentimental point-of-view. To someone of my vintage it means you can be mentioned in the same breath as Bobby Moore. The greatest English centre-half there ever was, by the way, if any wet-behind-the-ears whipper-snappers are reading.

It matters from a pure ego point of view. You're the captain. The team wins summat. Yes, it's about everybody. Not just about me... blah blah... Great bunch of lads... blah blah... really pulled together... blah blah... the gaffer's been amazing blah blah...

...but when it comes down to it the lad wearing the armband is the lad that steps up to the front, leads his mates forward, shakes the parasitic hands of all the no-mark dignitaries and disinterested blue-bloods, and clasps his big hairy mitts around the glorious glowing goblet of gold and holds it aloft while your mates and fans roar you into paradise!

And any man that doesn't want that job isn't fit to wear the shirt.

And I mean you Smudger, wherever you are. Cos we won fuck-all with you at the helm.

In the meantime England's squad members have been making more withdrawals than a queue of savings account holders outside a branch of Anglo-Irish.

I'm reckoning Capello will have to go with:

Hart; G. Johnson (And please if there is a God can you find someone in the country who is a better right-back and isn't called Neville), Lescott, Ferdinand, A.Cole; Young, Barry (cue ponderous comedy music played on the tuba), Gerrard, A.Johnson; Rooney, Crouch.

Or Kevin Davies.



Honest lad, Kev. Dirty. And honest. But Kevin Davies. Truly, the cupboard is bare.

394 comments:

  1. I see no pics of fit women on here Robbo!

    ReplyDelete
  2. The greatest English centre-half there ever was, by the way, if any wet-behind-the-ears whipper-snappers are reading.

    Ngog, I think this was aimed at you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think you've got it spot on Robbo. Capello keeps on doing his best to lose every last bit of respect that the English fans ever had for him by making stupid decisions. So Rio captains the team tonight, then gets injured and Gerrard captains next 7 games, then Rio for maybe 2, and on it goes. Twatbags Fergie has even taken the armband off Rio, surely Cap should do the same?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Awesome blog again Robbo.

    Kevin Davis is a slightly worse version of Heskey, but a marginally better eye for goal... Maybe the guy deserved a chance say 6 years ago, but now?

    Hopefully Rooney will remember what he's supposed to be doing and we wont need to call on Kev!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Totally forgot the main point of the blog - damn you for posting so late (what only 11pm??)

    It has to be the highest honour any Englishman can acheive. Stevie G seems to play better with it (though maybe just better when Frank isn't around - which I'm sure 95% of football fans in this country could have told you 4 - 6 years ago). You gotta keep it with someone who's playing regularly like Fergie has done. Continuity is a key thing!

    ReplyDelete
  6. A knowledge of fags, French kissing and intercourse at age 9?
    _____________________

    really?

    Ya know how we say to all the nay sayers who come over here calling us naems that you aint real and we are fools for playing along and what not?

    You dont half make it tough.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Alright,

    Kevin Davies can have his life time achievement award and get his England cap.

    Thats about it really.

    Will he be around, fit and in form come 2012 ? LITTLE CHANCE.
    Will he be around, fit and in form come 2014 ? NO.

    Give the lad a match at Wembley and on your way you go.

    ReplyDelete
  8. gud blog, robbo, blog gud,

    S.T.I.M.I.L.A.T.I.N.G stimilating

    keep out of trouble casper keep out of trouble. i'll give you a sample of my footballing skills. a rare delight.

    funniest and most accurate PE lesson in british film history

    http://www.daylife.com/topic/Billy_Casper/videos/1/youtube


    man utd 1 spurs 2

    ReplyDelete
  9. My question is where is Lee Cattermole. He's a leader, he's got heart and yes his socks are usually round his opposition ankles. But surly if we can't produce footballers like the Spanish, Germans, South Americans blar blar. We should play our traditional English players. I'm happy Davis is in the squad but yes its too late. Hopefully Carol will step up.

    On the Stevie G and Frank argument I'm bored of it and would prefer seeing someone else in that midfield.

    ReplyDelete
  10. pikey you miht have a point there we cant compete in terms of skill so lets send out a gang of thugs and theyll still beat us but not before weve given them a fucking good kicking

    ReplyDelete
  11. trott all home countries count; welsh are twice as foreign as any other foreigner so they cont double, if for no other reson than theyre twice as ugly as normal.

    southern irish also count double because theyre hard to crack how they get those massive families god lone knows maybe its gods immaculate conception thats what they tell their husnads anyway

    London counts as foreign, as do policewomen

    deduct one point for bedding a dutch or american woman because theyre too easy

    french women are the most sensual, including the strong smell, so add 2

    to find youre true final score multiple by 2 divide by pi and contact the foreign office

    xenophobe, moi?

    ReplyDelete
  12. "In the meantime England's squad members have been making more withdrawals than a queue of savings account holders outside a branch of Anglo-Irish."


    ________


    If you can't get your money from AIB and are waiting for another bailout courtesy of the Irish taxpayer you will have to get in line.

    The line currently starts around Jupiter somewhere.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Good stuff Robbo. Like I said 2 blogs ago (can life be measured in blog units?) I'm happy for KD but it's not a long term plan, they might as well give him the armband and a gold clock.

    Blog, off the top of me head.... I can't be proud of the results and certainly can't publish them from here in the monastery

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh I love the smell of napalm first thing in the morning!

    God looked down from the heavens and looked upon his narcissistic minions and he did pity them.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Tory supporters, please explain.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-11519642

    ReplyDelete
  16. Spitfire said...
    Tory supporters, please explain.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-11519642
    ------------------------------------------

    It's simple innit Spit. All because those nasty Labour people led the world into a recession we can't afford for everyone in the country to go to university. What those fabulous and wonderful Tory and Lib Dem chaps have done is make sure that only the rich can go. Brilliant.
    It's like the child benefit thingamebobby. Because I own over £44000 a year I simply put my missus on the books of my company as secretary and pay her half of what I earn instead. That way we're both under the threshold and can keep getting it. Once more it only affects the poor and you can't give money to the poor or they might get richer and then there would be no more poor people and if that happened taxes would affect the rich more and that's just not fair now is it?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Morning all.

    It's the fair haired,slightly balding Charlton to kick off(Dennis Law was in the wash).

    Magnificent film that Kes is,Brian Glover steals the whole show(speaking of which,The new Tetley Tea advert doesn't quite sound the same without him)

    Never understood the relevance of who's captain on a football field.They do a bit of PR guff before the game and call heads or tails.That's it.Not quite when to bring the spinner on,kick at goal or a line out.They do nothing.I'm reminded quite regularly by our footballers of the advice Johnny Metgod gave to a young Dutch player coming over for a trial.Wear a suit and shout a lot.

    And speaking of whom,bloggers I challenge thee.

    Find a better free kick than this....

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XysTzt--ik&feature=related

    ReplyDelete
  18. And our captain does even less Jacks. If you're captain of Spain, Argentina, Brazil, Germany etc you might have more to do. As Robbo so rightly pointed out it's only climbing the steps first to pick up a trophy and with our lot I've given up hope of that happening in my lifetime. Maybe in Ngogo's if he lives to 100 but not in mine.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Mornin everybuddy!! This particular sentence caught me eye -

    The day England has a right captain and a right coach would be the day the glorious glowing goblet of gold would be held aloft while mates and fans roar into paradise!

    ReplyDelete
  20. SS11 said...
    Mornin everybuddy!! This particular sentence caught me eye -

    The day England has a right captain and a right coach
    -------------------------------------

    And once we've got the right captain and the right coach we just need to find another 10 right players and a few right substitutes and we're sorted.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Morning all.
    It's good to be younger than most, bar Star (the bastard), who's got 3 years on me!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Morning all, Morning Ngog, happy yuf days mate. But anyways, I've made it into the top 30 this time. My star, not you Star, is rising

    ReplyDelete
  23. Yup, even you are an old git compared to me Ngog :P

    Mornin' all.

    Good blog Robbo, it gave me a good chuckle on this drab Tuesday. No idea why Rio's gotten the armband back, surely it would have made more sense to keep it with the bloke who's a damnsight more likely to stay fit for more matches. Consistency is the word, and one we need to teach that mob we call a national team.

    Tantalising us with a good performance here or there only to serve up shite when it matters isn't on.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Howdy Tribal, Star.

    Top 30 age wise or FFL Monk? Or neither and I'm as way off as mine and Jackston's age.

    ReplyDelete
  25. why is shawn wright phillips still in the squad? anyone has any theory?

    ReplyDelete
  26. Nice blog Robbo - honour!!!

    p.s. sheep dont count

    ReplyDelete
  27. Short of him having a master copy of some compromising photos of Capello and Terry doing the nasty? No idea Potato.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Don't count sheep? How else do you sleep?

    ReplyDelete
  29. hI..


    Wayne Rooney for Vice Captain then? he has all the preresquite ( spelling ) qualifications i think.

    woot I am on Topic for Once:)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Kes was really wot it was like for me growing up - except we cudnt afford the kestrel - freezing cold mornings with the Steel Works and Blast Furnaces in the background - evrything looks so grey/gray - apart from green parkas. Fucking freezing it was - school runs across Prissick Base fields freezing - I neve come last - that was fat Nasser!!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. as for the Kestrel, not much use as a hunting bird if ya skint and poor you need a Goshawk, she will put much food on the table if used correctly. a Golden Eagle would be much better of course.

    oh dam iv'e drifted again.

    ReplyDelete
  32. speaking of Kez.

    great piece of real british filmaking pity about that dispicable pillock who killed the lads kestrel. i wanted to shoot him.

    ok sorted, McNulty it is then for the england skippers job then.

    ReplyDelete
  33. LOL FBH:)

    same could be said down South as well, though the Downs are nice at this time of year the sky is full of Kestrels.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Hang on I am within an hour of 3 national parks - and North Yorks Coastlien is special -it aint that bad - just need more job :)

    ReplyDelete
  35. I am not Nostradamus but even I can safely predict that england will never win a trophy with the likes of SWP, Glen Johnson, Crouch, Kevin Davies et all in the squad

    As for Captain Crock, is it really the way forward? Will he really be fit and firing come 2012 or 2014? We all know the answer

    ReplyDelete
  36. FBH: yea you have great wilderness up there nice wild unspoilt places, down here its about, but only in small pockets really. but in truth its not that grim really. better than a bloody inner city thats for dam sure, so i must not grumble.

    ReplyDelete
  37. on the topic of this captaincy lark.

    IMHO its only a game against another set of minnows, so in this case i think even I could even manage to motivate these guys to win. I have the tactical awareness, the problem is i was never considered in the 1st place and they went for an Italian instead.

    thier loss not mine thats what i say.

    ReplyDelete
  38. 'Gerrard also provides Capello with stability.'

    Even Phil McFuckwitNulty agrees with me ... hang on .... someone shoot me now, I feel so tainted.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Followingborohurts said...

    p.s. sheep dont count
    --------------------------------------------------
    Thought I'd got away with that on the other blog FBH. Damn you!

    ReplyDelete
  40. except the ones that went to school..i once knew a baa lamb that counted very well.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Peter Lim, a Singapore billionaire, is offering £320m in cash for Liverpool football club and its liabilities.

    The offer trumps the £300m offered by New England Sports Ventures - which was accepted last week by Liverpool's chairman, Martin Broughton.

    BBC business editor Robert Peston says Mr Lim is also offering to provide £40m in cash to buy players.
    ---------------------------------------------
    Add the 50 mil that citeh are willing to pay for nando and thats a nice 90 mil. should easily get 6-7 world class players or 3 average english players for that bit of cash.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Good afternoon gentlemen (and Ngog, he's not old enough yet to be one). I come to you with the solution to this country's problems.......

    FACT 1 - we are running out of money and fossil fuels.

    FACT 2 - poor people cost more and contribute less to our country than rich people.

    The answer seems very obvious. We start burning poor people in power stations to create electricity thus reducing demand for fossil fuels. This would also reduce the welfare bill as there would be many fewer poor people. As an added benefit taxes for the rich could come down as they would no longer be subsidising the poor and could as a result get richer.
    Now does anyone have David Cameron's phone number? He's going to love it.

    ReplyDelete
  43. It'll be your own death warrant Colch.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Not at all Ngog. The threshold for being poor will be set at £50 less than whatever I earn in a year.

    ReplyDelete
  45. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-11523503

    As if things couldn't get more complicated for Liverpool ... a bid for 320 mill in cash a week after they've accepted an offer from the Sox. Gazumping has come to the land of football maybe.

    ReplyDelete
  46. ColchesterFC said...

    Not at all Ngog. The threshold for being poor will be set at £50 less than whatever I earn in a year.
    _____________________________________

    At least the threshold won't be related to how much you win from the bookies...

    ReplyDelete
  47. Or alternately we can do things the French way, burn all the rich toff bastards and distribute their wealth to the poverty stricken masses.

    ReplyDelete
  48. You can't give money to the poor Star. They'll just spend it on Chav stuff like shell suits and white lightning cider and the country will go down the pan even more than it is already.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Afternoon all

    Why not just burn Gary Neville? He may not be poor financially but he is

    poor at football
    poor at growing facial hair
    poor excuse of a human being

    ReplyDelete
  50. jacksofbuxton said...
    At least the threshold won't be related to how much you win from the bookies...
    --------------------------------------

    William Hill have got a good bet on for tonight as long as you don't think scotland will get anything from Spain. If you bet £10 on the result of the game you get a free £5 first goalscorer bet. Spain are 3/10 to win so that's £13 quid back for the tenner bet. If you put on ten of these bets you can back every Spanish outfield player to score first with the free bet and cover all the possibles (except the unlikely event of scotland winning/drawing or scoring first but as they'll probably be lining up in a 8-2-0 formation it's fairly safe)

    ReplyDelete
  51. Just so I've got this straight.Colch has said get your money on Spain.

    Scotland to win 1-0 then.

    Aternoon(bendy leg thing)BHB.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Scotland 1-0 Spain.

    You heard it here second.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Potato said...
    I am not Nostradamus
    -------

    im disappointed, spud, i thought you were. i was going to ask for next weeks lottery numbers

    ReplyDelete
  54. Even my powers aren't strong enough for Scotland to win tonight. I'm so confident of that fact that if Scotland beat Spain in tonight's Euro qualifier I will run naked down Union Street in Aberdeen at lunchtime tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Them guys ahad a right laugh with that whistle. One of the episodes begins with Major Clanger trying to open the big sliding doors of the main
    cave mouth. It jams and his first line is:

    "Oh fuck it! The fucking thing’s stuck again!"

    ReplyDelete
  56. i think its much more likely that montenegro will win than scotland esp if swp plays

    ReplyDelete
  57. ColchesterFC said...

    Even my powers aren't strong enough for Scotland to win tonight. I'm so confident of that fact that if Scotland beat Spain in tonight's Euro qualifier I will run naked down Union Street in Aberdeen at lunchtime tomorrow.
    _________________________________________

    Cold up in the Granite City at the moment Colch.

    Are you sure you want to show the citizens of Aberdeen your short comings?

    ReplyDelete
  58. So when I sit down for lunch tomorrow I should expect some article on the news of a naked madman disrupting shoppers' day out then.

    ReplyDelete
  59. England 3 - 3 India after Extra Time, Hockey semi finals, CWG.
    ---------
    Penalties or Tie breaker whatever it is called in hockey language.

    ReplyDelete
  60. It goes to penalty flicks SS11.5 each then sudden death.Same as footy(cue England defeat).

    ReplyDelete
  61. and indeed it is a defeat 5-4 on pens.

    Sound familiar?

    ReplyDelete
  62. SS11 said...
    England 3 - 3 India after Extra Time, Hockey semi finals, CWG.
    ---------
    Penalties or Tie breaker whatever it is called in hockey language.
    ----------
    And India wins. :)

    ReplyDelete
  63. Blogs - if I have slept with several welsh born , but London based, policewomen (in uniform) do I win?

    Also if the result has to be divided by pi - is it an RBA type one or shepherds one, and if so does that mean sheep do count?


    Colch, I shall be hoping Scotland thrash Spain - if only to read the papers the next day

    ReplyDelete
  64. I dont understand this CWG ranking process. Sorting on basis of max # of Golds. Does'nt it demean the others who have won Silver and Bronze. For instance, England have won more silvers than India and have total tally of 117, but have 2 fewer Golds than India. Hence India is 2nd and England is 3rd. Any logic?

    ReplyDelete
  65. I don't think there is any set reason SS11.

    My guess is that most nations rank gold 1st etc etc.

    It then allows little subsections,so a nation with 5 golds is then separated by silvers won.

    2008 Olympics had every nation (bar one)showing China top because they won most gold medals.Only in one nation's list the USA top on total medals won.Which country produced that one do you think?

    ReplyDelete
  66. it was the dear old yanks SS11.

    Couldn't be seen as coming 2nd to China(not for another5/10 years anyway)

    ReplyDelete
  67. And the same yanks have started outsourcing their IT work to the Chinese.

    IT cos in India already had many to compete within the country itself, now Chinese have come up with cheaper pricing model for offering their services.

    ReplyDelete
  68. adampsb said...

    Jacks you are such a cynic
    ______________________________________

    Not at all Adam....


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    ReplyDelete
  69. jacksofbuxton said...
    Cold up in the Granite City at the moment Colch.

    Are you sure you want to show the citizens of Aberdeen your short comings?
    ------------------------------------

    I'll have you know that I'm hung like a horse Jacks.

    It's just a bit of a shame that the horse is a "My little pony"

    (might have to explain to youngsters like Ngog and Star what my little pony is)

    ReplyDelete
  70. Hmm, don't think I caught that.

    ReplyDelete
  71. No need Colch ... I can even remember shows such as Button Moon being on the second time round :P

    ReplyDelete
  72. Ah Button moon. The good old days.

    Colch I don't think people want to see your little pony, so let's hope Spain win.

    Jacks, I didn't catch what you said there, run it by me again......

    ReplyDelete
  73. Oh and what was that BHB, about policewomen in uniform?

    ReplyDelete
  74. here you go Ngogo,hope you catch it this time...

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    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.

    ReplyDelete
  75. And for those of you unsure about "My Little Pony" it's an inbred pony with a tiny cock.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Afternoon all.

    The captaincy issue is just another sidestory to blind us to the truth that our national team is still crap.

    The whole issue will be forgotten tomorrow anyway when (and I fully expect them to) England win tonight. We'll once again basque in the glow of our own briliance and pats on the back will be dished out to all, by all. Our qualification to the upcoming Euro's will be all but guarenteed and everything will be good in the world again.

    BUT, the real problems will still be there.

    ReplyDelete
  77. The picture (I'm assuming that's what it is) is being blocked Jacks.

    Yeah I heard you say something this time, although it wasn't that clear what you said, so could you say it a bit louder please.....

    ReplyDelete
  78. Yet I could view that site you put up for H2 to basque in? How does that work?

    ReplyDelete
  79. Ngog,it was a picture of a pretty young lady in a US Coppers uniform.

    say it a bit louder?

    OK.


    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.
    PSB are shite 80's synth tat and must never be listened to again by anyone.

    ReplyDelete
  80. blogdignag said...
    trott all home countries count; welsh are twice as foreign as any other foreigner so they cont double, if for no other reson than theyre twice as ugly as normal.

    southern irish also count double because theyre hard to crack how they get those massive families god lone knows maybe its gods immaculate conception thats what they tell their husnads anyway

    London counts as foreign, as do policewomen

    deduct one point for bedding a dutch or american woman because theyre too easy
    ------

    Damn it Bloggy, I had a great score until that last line, I'm now on minus 243.

    ReplyDelete
  81. Why Did You Ngog Rafa said...

    Yet I could view that site you put up for H2 to basque in? How does that work?
    ___________________________________-
    No idea Ngogo,just hope you liked the picture.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Cheers buddy. Heard it that time.

    Adam, did you hear?

    ReplyDelete
  83. i also liked basque separate tits, good enough to ETA your lunch off

    ReplyDelete
  84. gawd wots gone wrong with me ive just been browsing jacks lingerie catalogue

    ReplyDelete
  85. y "jacks lingerie catalogue" i dont mean to imply that its the lingerie that jacks wears.

    jacks is more into rubber bondage gear.

    ReplyDelete
  86. with that mention of rubber im BOOOINNGGing off

    ReplyDelete
  87. you beat me to the punchline that time, jacks

    ReplyDelete
  88. just noticed the time stamp haha

    ReplyDelete
  89. opera browser, best browser by a million miles

    ReplyDelete
  90. ive just had my brain removed and replaced by a clockwork mouse

    ReplyDelete
  91. Scotland U21s lose 2-1 to Iceland...

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/scotland/9085409.stm

    3 great goals to watch,especially the Scottish equaliser.

    ReplyDelete
  92. by which i dont mean the clockwork mouse removed and replaced my brain eg with another brain

    ReplyDelete
  93. Peter Lim, the Singapore-based businessman who has submitted a fresh bid to buy Liverpool, made his money partly through Manchester United-themed bars.
    Full Story: the Times (subscription)

    ----
    Wow, the guy who owned Hooters?

    ReplyDelete
  94. blogdignag said...

    ive just had my brain removed and replaced by a clockwork mouse
    _____________________________

    At the third stroke,it will be quarter past cheese...

    ReplyDelete
  95. blogdignag said...

    opera browser, best browser by a million miles
    ____________________________________

    It must be in mourning today then for Dame Joan Sutherland.

    ReplyDelete
  96. does the porridge wog score with his sporan, jacks? or does it in off off the bck of his kilt?

    ReplyDelete
  97. blogdignag said...

    does the porridge wog score with his sporan, jacks? or does it in off off the bck of his kilt?
    __________________________________________

    No,he deep fries it.

    (In fairness to McJocko,it's a great goal.Straight from the restart)

    ReplyDelete
  98. http://www.thisisstaffordshire.co.uk/portvalenews

    Mickey A claims Vale players can't handle being top of the tree.

    I think I'd find that a worry blogidy.

    ReplyDelete
  99. to be fair its pretty unaccostomed position but he migth have a point there, jacks

    ReplyDelete
  100. Well he'd better sort out their nose bleeds,otherwise there will be mutiny on the streets of Burslem and Tunstall.

    ReplyDelete
  101. I love coppers - well that one in the pic anyway

    And Jacks nice Basqeu seperatist link - come on lads - who didnt use the useful facility to focus on a part of the pic - the money shot is it called?

    Ive got a £2 bet on Turkey, England, Denwark and Spain to win - actually its a roll-over from last night as started 5game accumulatro with a win for Swindon - wins £11 if it comes off!!!!!

    Wow

    Anyone going to Yarm tonight - dont forget you wont get parked - the fair's in town - pikeys everywhere

    ReplyDelete
  102. And Turkey are getting beat with 20mins left - following footy hurts emotionally - betting on footy hurts financially!!!

    ReplyDelete
  103. So its England, the self proclaimed world super power in football, host of the world's 'best' league, land of the over 40,000 association football clubs against Montenegro.

    Total population 300,000.

    I think its fair.

    ReplyDelete
  104. 'ello fbh,

    hows up north?

    Arent you gald you went to uni before the current proposals come into effect?

    I for one couldnt have afforded to attend uni if the current criterion applied at the time.

    reason to think about permanantly settling in the Fatherland.

    At least, guarantee education and health insurance for my yet unborn kid (that i know of) irrespective of my financial circumstances.

    fuckerz the lot of the rich inbred bastards.

    ReplyDelete
  105. Agreed Spit - the only real life chance I had wasfree access to education - without whihc I would have ended up in the Army (not bad just not for me) or in a shit job - and the Lib Dems hypocrites are going along with it!!!

    ReplyDelete
  106. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMYCxqbdVeg

    Go to 1min 30secs to see a great goal (Tarmo Kink - i.e. Boro)

    ReplyDelete
  107. Ze Germans are playing the make beleif glorious nation of kazakhstan.

    didnt know they were in europe.

    ReplyDelete
  108. If the Germans had their way Spits they would be :)

    ReplyDelete
  109. Kazakhstan will briefly be in Europe when they play Germany in Kaiserslauten next March..

    ReplyDelete
  110. Advert at Wembley for the new England kit:

    "The new Fabric of England"

    Looks like the same old SHIrT to me!

    ReplyDelete
  111. "Nivea for men, official England supplier"

    Thank fuck its not Vaseline, then I'd really be worried!

    ReplyDelete
  112. Any chance Nivea could sort Rooney out with some of that fake tan lotion and turn him into Ronaldo (the Brazilian one, not the tosser)

    ReplyDelete
  113. He's already fat enough and ugly enough!

    ReplyDelete
  114. God I've been reading the advertising boards for 45 mins! Was the first half that fucking boring?

    ReplyDelete
  115. O dear Ashley Young, getting booked for diving.

    Learn summat from Gerrard or Rooney.

    ReplyDelete
  116. cue tabloid pic of capllo with pants on his head

    ReplyDelete
  117. antifootball from montenegro and w just dont have the understanding between players to break it down

    shit hit the crossbar

    ReplyDelete
  118. ah well its only a game.

    last chance saloon

    ReplyDelete
  119. now that chilean mine is empty can we use their gear to put rooney glen johnson and swp down there?

    pants

    ReplyDelete
  120. almost a famous evening for the scots. but not quite

    ReplyDelete
  121. Abject england.

    From team selection to execution.

    was there any plan?

    you're in trouble if the wild card you have is called Shit Wart Piss, only because heskey retired.

    btw, if Forgetmenot HAS to be the captain coz don capo said so, could we please pitch in to buy Gerrard an armband on his own? he caould also be allowed to wear his liverpool one if he likes.

    god knows he was shite without it.

    ReplyDelete
  122. not saying the others were basking in glory.

    apart from a couple of runs by A. Johnson and Cole, they were all shite.

    EVERY SINGLE country with ambitions replaced a senior squad member by calling up some promising players from the youth ranks, except for england.

    while technically true, kevin davies (having graduated, and forgotten about his U21 career), at 33 is a depiction of the miserable state of affairs that those running footy in this country find themselves.

    it is of their own making.

    ReplyDelete
  123. Evening all. Looks like England don't yet have the right manager, captain, first XI or subs but when we do we'll be world beaters. Had a few nervous moments in my house this evening as the Scots came back from 2-0 down to 2-2. Not only was my £100 bets at stake but also my dignity if they'd scored again and I had to streak down Union St in Aberdeen. All turned out well in the end with £50 profit on the night even if England did cost me my accumulator by being absolute dogshit.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Evening all.

    Without wishing to Rub salt into old wounds, but i said this fecking italian was a heap of shit when he was 1st appointed! hes not interested in England! specially after the plank has already decided to quit anyways.

    i can draw some comfort in the knowledge that I am not making judgements in hinesight or indeed after the events.

    I said from day one the guy is totally useless and should have been apointed in the 1st place.

    he's week,lacks courage and is hardly his " own man " contrary to what others tried to fool others into thinking.

    The headlines in tomoorows papers should read as follows;

    SACK THE FUCKING USELESS ITALIAN

    cant wait for Mcnuttys take on this utter failure of a manager/coach and of course Team.

    PS: Rooney should still be " vice " captian the guy was born for the role.

    ReplyDelete
  125. he should have been told to F Off after the debarcle that was the WC.

    as for the excuse it would have " cost to much "
    rubbish, Cameron and Clegg could rob a few more poor folks and give the money to the FA to send him packing back to the swiss fecking alps and hopefully he slips of the Matterhorn and fractures his national health glasses.

    ReplyDelete
  126. I was in the Dungheap this evening watching Oranje making the Swedes look like a bunch of turnips so I only got to see the highlights of the England game. Well, that was 22 seconds of my life I'll never get back.

    ReplyDelete
  127. This was the team that played lastnight:

    England: Hart, Glen Johnson, Ferdinand, Lescott, Ashley Cole, Adam Johnson, Gerrard, Barry, Young, Rooney, Crouch. Subs: Foster, Warnock, Cahill, Wright-Phillips, Wilshere, Downing, Davies.

    That subs bench says so much about what sort of state England are in. Yes there's a few 'injuries' that will have cleared up by the weekend, but there's not enough depth to exclude SWP, Downing, Warnock, Barry or even Davies? WTF?

    ReplyDelete
  128. Utter. Crap.

    Oh well, at least we finished the game, unlike Italy v Serbia.

    ReplyDelete
  129. The first task for the Chilean miners after their release, is to visit Anfield and teach Roy Hodgson how to get out of a fucking big hole before Christmas

    ReplyDelete
  130. we need someone to chnge this culture of crapness. id rather be losing with hope for the future than this endless sense of hopeless underchievement

    at least play wilshere

    ReplyDelete
  131. crowd trouble in england too, star

    man city have cut man u ticket allocation because of persistent problems with the man u fans.....

    they keep standing up

    times have changed

    ReplyDelete
  132. lets not forget montenegro were missing there one star player

    so were we. rooney continues to play like he doesnt want to be there.

    ReplyDelete
  133. last point. ow useless was barry??

    ReplyDelete
  134. blogdignag said...
    lets not forget montenegro were missing there one star player

    so were we.
    ---------------------------------------------
    Don't worry blog - Fat Frank will be back soon.

    ReplyDelete
  135. What's worse than ants in your pants?


















































    Uncles.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Well the big game last night ended as a draw.

    Thankfully Buxton won 5-4 on penalties to progress to the final qualifying round of the FA Cup.Away at (not Mick)Fleetwood.

    Go Bucks.

    ReplyDelete
  137. Go Buck yourself Jacks.

    Can't believe DG3 says that Capello should be sacked. I believe the old saying is that you "can't polish a turd" and despite furious rubbing Capello has proved it to be true with the pile of shite that wore the white shirt last night. I know that SWP shouldn't be anywhere near an England shirt (unless it's in SportsDirect) but does anyone think that there were really any other options that Capello could've used last night?

    Oh and morning all.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Morning Colch.

    I absolutely agree with you.(Nurse?more medicine for Mr Booth please)

    The squad chosen last night was the best available.We aren't as good as our media lead us to believe.There is no divine right for England to win every game they play.

    To improve the national side is a 10/15 year plan.Improve coaching at youth level,stop bringing in average foreign players which should be linked to a more sensible price for English players(Milner £24m,Van der Vaart £8m.Go compare)

    ReplyDelete
  139. Go compare?

    You should rename yourself JacksofBoston.

    ReplyDelete
  140. To be honest Noel(not that you'll have seen them)I prefer the moneysupermarket ads with Omid Djalili.

    ReplyDelete
  141. Aaaaaaahhh. Thought the Americanisms were creeping into the Staffordshire dialect.

    ReplyDelete
  142. No Noel,duck.

    No Americanisms in North Staffordshire.

    You get me?

    ReplyDelete
  143. Morning all.

    England didnt win. Hehehhe.

    Engrossed in test match. Catch y'all later.

    ReplyDelete
  144. It's all over bar the shouting now SS11.

    Pujara got a few.Nice to see him given a chance at no.3.

    ReplyDelete
  145. Morning.

    What a load of shite. 90 minute of my life I will never get back.

    ReplyDelete
  146. That's ok Ngog you can afford 90 minutes of your life at your age. it's Jacks I feel sorry for. Imagine being 75 like he is and losing 90 minutes of your life watching that shit.

    ReplyDelete
  147. Valid point Colch. Jacks must be devastated.

    ReplyDelete
  148. FOOTBALL:Verdict in interim High Court hearing into the ownership of Liverpool due at 1000 BST.

    ReplyDelete
  149. Whichever way it goes the side that loses will appeal and it will drag on for another week or two past the deadline set by RBS. Then it's all down to what RBS decide to do.

    ReplyDelete
  150. ColchesterFC said...

    That's ok Ngog you can afford 90 minutes of your life at your age. it's Jacks I feel sorry for. Imagine being 75 like he is and losing 90 minutes of your life watching that shit.
    _____________________________________

    75?

    How dare you.

    I'm not 75 for another 4 months.

    Cheeky young whippersnappers.

    ReplyDelete
  151. 9 year deduction from Jacks of his real age Ngog

    ReplyDelete
  152. From BBC Sport website

    FOOTBALL:High Court rules against Liverpool owners George Gillett and Tom Hicks

    ReplyDelete
  153. ColchesterFC said...

    9 year deduction from Jacks of his real age Ngog
    ____________________________________

    I don't think so.

    I'd lose my free tv license,winter heating allownance,free bus pass and the ability to dribble food and make remarks about women's breasts and get away with it.

    I'm 84 you know.

    ReplyDelete
  154. jacksofbuxton said...
    It's all over bar the shouting now SS11.

    Pujara got a few.Nice to see him given a chance at no.3.
    --------
    Yeah, I told ya he's a damn good player. It feels heavenly to say we beat Aussies 2-0.

    ReplyDelete
  155. hopefully we'll say the same in a few months time SS11.

    Australia now fall below England in the test rankings.

    tee hee

    ReplyDelete
  156. Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has received a treble boost ahead of Saturday's match against Birmingham, with captain Cesc Fabregas, forward Nicklas Bendtner and winger Theo Walcott declaring themselves fit. (Daily Express)
    ----------
    All good things happen at same time.

    ReplyDelete
  157. Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has received a treble boost ahead of Saturday's match against Birmingham, with captain Cesc Fabregas, forward Nicklas Bendtner and winger Theo Walcott declaring themselves fit. (Daily Express)
    -------------------------
    Surely that's just a double boost, and Bendtner is fit.

    ReplyDelete
  158. RE: L'pool owners. The deadline set to clear the debts is 1st November. That gives them extra 15 days to hear the 3rd bid made by Peter Lim.

    ReplyDelete
  159. Noel, we need to entertain crowd, feed this blog with few comments as well. Bendtner is a recipe for that.

    ReplyDelete
  160. Number counting. School homework, Ngog?

    ReplyDelete
  161. Just working out the collective age of 3 members of the regulars.....

    ReplyDelete
  162. SS11, puzzle for you. No googling it.

    5,5,5 and 1.

    Make 24 with those four numbers above, only use each number once and you can only use +-x/.

    ReplyDelete
  163. Quote from Fabio "Should've gone to specsavers" Capello

    "I think we are a good team but their keeper played well. This is football."

    No he didn't Fabio. He only made a couple of saves in the match. We were rubbish as usual.

    ReplyDelete
  164. First Algeria and now Montenegro! How come we always get the tough draws

    ---------

    dont forget macedonia, robbo, 0-0 last time we didnt qualify

    ReplyDelete
  165. Ngog,

    1111111 x 1111111 = ___________ ? (without using calculator)

    ReplyDelete
  166. I haven't seen that one for a while SS11.Still,when you get to my age....

    It's a palindromic number.

    12345678987654321

    ReplyDelete
  167. Partly correct. There are only seven 1's. So the answer is -

    1234567654321

    ReplyDelete
  168. You can eventually make a palindromic number with any number until 196!

    ie 21 + 12 = 33
    or 59 + 95 = 154, 154 + 451 = 605, 605 + 506 = 1111

    ReplyDelete
  169. i know 59009 spells boobs upside down on a calculator

    ReplyDelete
  170. Ngog - do you know that is you turn tht upside down it spells "BOOBS" - I laughed :)

    ReplyDelete
  171. Ye u did :)

    Them Chilean miners - bloody attention seekers me thinks :)

    ReplyDelete
  172. Followingborohurts said...
    Them Chilean miners - bloody attention seekers me thinks :)
    --------------------------------------

    I totally agree FBH. Sitting in the hole doing fuck all for several months. Playing off Peter Crouch, Rooney has been doing that for far longer than those Chilean miners.

    ReplyDelete
  173. this blog is starting to feel like that Chilean mine as they take the miners out

    ReplyDelete
  174. Afternoon all.

    Synth music, politics and now mathes, this is getting as tedious as an England game....


    Well, maybe not quiet that bad.

    ReplyDelete